Dearest Bethany,
My name is Andrew Briar Williams – feel free to call my Andy. I know this may seem strange to you – planning to marry a man you don’t even know – but I promise you that I will do my best to make you feel comfortable. You’re probably wondering what kind of man agrees to sign off on something like this. I’m going to be honest with you. This wasn’t my original intention; it was my parents’ idea. They thought it was time for me to settle down and leave my young bachelor days behind. At first I had thought the idea was utterly ridiculous but recently, I’ve decided to open up and put myself out there. Although I don’t particularly like how we’re being matched up, I am adamant to make us work. I want this to be a proper marriage. Ask me anything and I will not hesitate to answer honestly and to the best of my ability. I want you to know me as I’m eager to get to know you. What’s your favorite season; who do you look up to; why do you get up in the morning; there are so many questions I want to ask you but so very little time.
Please, just give me a shot. I admit, the circumstances are strange, but I am willing to love you unconditionally. Even if you are not looking for a lover, how about putting your trust in a friend? We can start off slow. I am willing to try if you are.
Sincerely,
Andrew
I read the letter over and over. And, after the fifth time, I read it once more. I didn’t know what to say; hell, I didn’t know what to think. How could he, above all people, feel the same way that I do? He was the one who was extending his hand for the sake of this marriage yet here he is telling me that it wasn’t his original intention. What changed his mind, I wondered. However, wondering wasn’t enough. I had to know. So, I grabbed a piece of paper, stole a fresh quill from Mama’s room, and took a seat at my writing desk.
Sitting there, I felt a spark ignite at my center. I couldn’t tell anyone what I truly thought about being married this soon; mama wouldn’t listen, Papa wouldn’t want to hear it, and Ethan was to still too little to fully understand. It occurred to me that I should tell this Andrew guy how I felt and hopefully, I could nip the problem at its bud, before it gets any bigger. I didn’t need any more time to think; the words flowed naturally.
Dear Andrew,
Hello, my name is Bethany Abigale Stainton. My family refers to me as Beth but if we are being perfectly honest here, I prefer Bethany. I don’t particularly like nicknames so you can probably gather that I won’t be calling you ‘Andy’ either. Let me start off by getting this out of the way as I know my mother would plan to strangle me if I didn’t. It’s been nice to get acquainted with you. I’d like to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to write a letter to little old me. I know you didn’t have to. And, if you really want honesty, I wouldn’t care if you didn’t. It wouldn’t change my mind about this whole situation. Growing up, I was taught to believe in myself and chase after my dreams no matter what. I never worried about having a husband because I didn’t need one, nor did I want one. I was told that if it was meant to be, love would find me; not the other way around. I’m not interested in your proposal. The advertisement was my parents’ idea, not mine. I’m truly sorry for wasting your time. I do however have one question; if you at first shared my views, then why on earth did you change your mind?
I’m here begging that you don’t force me to go against what I truly believe because God knows that you could if you wanted to. You said that you’re willing to try if I am but what if I’m not? Then what?
Sincerely,
Bethany
And that was that. Neatly tucking the letter into the envelope, I felt a sudden weight being lifted off my chest. I had given that poor man a piece of my mind. It would leave him dumbfounded but it was for the best. Now, all I needed to do was deliver the letter before anyone, including myself, had the chance to stop me. So, I immediately tore down the stairs, threw open the front door, and made a break for the mailbox. When I got back, Mama was sitting on the living room couch, waiting for me.
“Where did you go, honey?” Her words were cold and firm.
“Well,” I swallowed hard, “I finished reading Andrew’s letter and decided that it was time to send him one back.”
“Wow, dear, I’m impressed.” A look of relief washed over her face. “Just wait, you’ll make a beautiful bride.”
I smiled. It was all too good. Everything was about to go up in flames and she had no idea. I was finally going to put a stop to her selfish little plan. That night, I couldn’t sleep. I was too excited to see her reaction. Unfortunately, it was like that for six nights in a row. A week passed before I had gotten a reply. His answer was a total wake up call. It sent a rip through my stupid idea of a solution, leaving me to pick up the pieces.
Dearest Bethany,
Call me whatever you like but let’s backtrack a bit. Please don’t act like you know me as I don’t intend to do the same. The whole point of my letter was for us to get to know each other but there is no room for that with preconceived judgements. I’m not here to force you into anything. I understand your concerns and I actually admire the fact that you’re a strong, independent woman. Your mother had mentioned that the idea to post the advertisement wasn’t originally yours which was one of the reasons I had decided to reach out to you; to let you know that I can relate to the unbreakable force of overbearing parents. It’s hard to say no to them but I’ll assure you that doing so just once will change the entire game.
Despite what I have said, I’m not ready to let you go so easily. Let’s make a deal. How about you spend the Christmas Holidays with me and family, here, in America? I know it may seem like a big step which is why I am promising you that nothing between us is for certain. After, we meet and we spend some time getting to know each other, that’s when the other shoe will drop. You can decide whether or not to stay with me so we can announce our upcoming marriage or you may return home and continue on with your everyday life. Don’t worry about what your parents will have to say; let me handle everything. All I’m asking is that you do me a favor and give us some time. Deal?
Sincerely,
Andrew
I was both shocked and pissed at the same time. He wasn’t supposed to be trying this hard; he was supposed to give up the minute that letter arrived on his doorstep. Now, there was no way out; I had to go to America. However, as closed minded as it sounds, I’m not going to give him a chance. The letter I sent him clearly stated that I did not want a husband and I sure as hell don’t need one. So there is no way on earth that I will ever agree to stay with him.
“Watchya got there?” Papa strolled into the Kitchen.
“Andrew,” I moaned, “he sent another letter.”
Papa shifted uncomfortably from his left to right foot, “That must be a good sign.”
“He wants me to come to America,” I replied dryly.
“Don’t sound so upset. It means he likes you.” Papa’s eyes dropped to the floor, “I mean, who wouldn’t?”. It was obvious that Papa wasn’t exactly happy with Mama’s idea. Either having a mail order bride for a daughter wasn’t sitting well with him or he was afraid that his little girl was growing up too fast. Whatever the reason was, I tried my best to use it to my advantage.
“Papa, you obviously don’t want this for me.” I rolled my eyes.
“What makes you say that?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Oh please, I can see those gears turning in your head all the way from the barn.” I tapped the corner of my eye, “So, why are you letting Mama do this to me?”
“Beth, baby,” he smiled, “you make it sound like she’s sending you to war.”
“She might as well be. This guy is a stuck up, overly-praised, city boy.” I huffed, “Putting me on that boat would be the same as shipping off a soldier.”
“Wait, how do you even know that?” he tossed aside my sarcasm, “How do you know that he’s as terrible as you described?”
“From the letter.” I waved the envelope in fro
nt of his face.
“You can’t tell that much from less than a hundred words.” Papa shook his head in disapproval, “You don’t know him, Beth; you’ve got to get to know him. Let him in and give him a chance. This trip will be good for you, I promise.”
“So I get the feeling that you’re not going to let me say no.” My shoulders slumped.
“Beth, I just want you to be happy.” Papa whispered, just loud enough for me to hear.
“I’m happy with the way things are right now.” I replied, matter-of-factly.
“No, Beth. No, you’re not.” He began to fidget with his hands. “Every morning, you disappear into that barn and you don’t come out ‘till dark. If you were truly happy, you wouldn’t need to escape.”
I froze. Could he really see right through me? My eyebrows furrowed. He was right; I wasn’t happy. Not here, not with my life. Lately, it didn’t feel like I was doing much of anything. All I’d been doing these past couple of years was eating, breathing, and sleeping. Nothing more, nothing less. It didn’t feel like I was living at all; I was existing. A sudden pain shot through my chest. Papa must have noticed because he broke the silence.
“Baby, are you okay?” He had a concerned look on his face.
“I-I’m fine.” I stuttered before bursting into tears.
“Oh, Beth” Papa threw his arms around me, “I’m sorry, we should’ve told you earlier.”
I buried my face in his chest. He had no idea what he was going on with me but it didn’t matter at the moment. I just needed someone to hold me, just for a little while.
There were two men waiting for me at the docking station. They were both tall but one was clearly muscular than the other; he looked like he was around my age. It was one hundred percent Andrew. His jaw line looked as if it had been carved out of stone. I watched as it moved in a slow grind wondering what type of reaction I’d give him; polite or pissed. Then, I noticed his wide chest and thick robust arms. They were undeniably sexy. I imagined curling myself up into them; the thought made me want to swoon and puke at the same time. My eyes were practically drawn to his full lips. Their light rosy tone was like a magnet, pulling in every girl in sight. I watched the tip of his tongue peak out to moisten them. This was going to be harder than I thought.
Then the real kicker came in. He had on a brown leather cowboy hat with a jacket and a pair of boots to match. At first, I felt offended. Was he dressed like that to make fun of me? Walking up to him, I was ready to tell him off but he beat me to the punch line.
“Sorry I look like a mess. I had some last minute work to finish before coming to pick you up.” Andrew smiled and then gestured to the other man, “This is my younger brother, Tom. He was so eager to meet you that I had to bring him with me.”
I opened my mouth to say something but quickly shut it. Was this some sort of joke? He was nothing like I’d expected. My vision involved a man in a tailored suit. This here, standing in front of me, was a cowboy; the exact opposite.
“Oh.” I forced the words out, “Hello, Tom.”
“Is everything, okay?” He asked, clearly picking up on my sudden shock.
“Yes, everything’s fine.” I reassured him, “I figured… I just… I thought you were city folk is all.”
“Well, isn’t that a coincidence.” he chuckled as he pointed at my overalls, “We thought the same thing about you.”
Andrew intertwined his hands in mine and led me down the road to a green station wagon.
“Don’t worry about a thing.” He said, “You’re going to love it here.”
The first couple of days in Andrew’s house could be considered some of the most awkward days of my life. His family was so nice that they almost seemed false. They acted as make-shift maids wanting to carry out my every need. When I offered to help out around the barn, they were over-the-moon but refused my request, saying it would be absurd to make their ‘guest of honor’ do chores. They were really sweet but despite their greatest efforts, I felt so out of place in his home. To make it worse, at first, Andrew and I didn’t converse much. He was always busy working at the barn or he made excuses to go into town to see his friends. It was obvious he didn’t want me here as much as I didn’t want to be there. It occurred to me that maybe he hadn’t been the one to write the letters. Maybe his parents had done it just like mine had and put that ad in the newspaper. The thought should have brought about relief but it just made me angry. I had come all this way and that man was wasting my time.
The fourth night came around and I had already begun to consider leaving. Unfortunately, Andrew came to his senses around the same time. That night, he invited me out to dinner. I would’ve been slightly thrilled had he not brought me into a dusty, beat-up pub. God, this boy just kept on surprising me. I stuck close to him as we weaved our way through a cluster of tables. The joint was full of old drunks, most of which seemed to know Andrew on a personal level. Even as we took a seat at the bar, the owner came out to greet us with a huge smile on his face.
"Brother!" Andrew hollered at the man. He threw his arms around him, bringing him in for a quick hug, "How've you been?"
"Not bad, chief. What about you? Got another leading lady on your arm, I see." The man nodded in my direction.
"One can only hope." Andrew smiled at me, "Edward, this is Bethany. Bethany, this is Edward."
He took off his hat and gave me a short bow, "pleasure to meet your acquaintance, m'lady. I'll have you know, the company you're keeping isn't exactly innocent, either. You should see him Sunday nights after church. He’s one bloody mess, if you ask me."
"Hey!" Andrew jabbed him in the rib cage, "that was only one time. What are you trying to do? Ruin my chances with the girl?”
“Now come on, chief. You know I don’t mean no harm.” Edward replied with a toothy grin.
“Why, what happened on Sunday?” I asked.
Andrew’s smile widened when he realized I was actually interested, “Well, there was a lot city folk in here last week. I’d gotten myself into a bit of an argument with one of them.”
“A bit of an argument? Really.” Edward interrupted, stretching his arms out across the counter. “Is that what you call knocking a man out cold?”
“You did what?!” I gasped. Whipping around to face Andrew, I noticed he had a grim look on his face.
“He was a slave owner.” his voice lowered, “He got what was coming to him.”
“Now,” Edward slapped a hand on Andrew’s back, “before things get too serious, why don’t you get what you came here for? What can I get you?”
“Two sarsaparillas, please.” He replied sliding three dollar bills over the counter.
“It’s on the house, chief.” Edward threw the bills back at him and pulled out two bottles from behind the bar, “It’s the least I can do.” He snapped the caps on both of them and slid one over to each of us. I waited for him to tend to another customer before tapping Andrew’s shoulder.
“Chief? Really?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“There’s a story behind that.” He began to stare off into space.
“Okay.” I said, feeling a little annoyed.
“It’s not like that.” He shook his head, “Most of the men here served with me overseas; they’re veterans.”
“Were you their captain?” I pushed on.
“Yes, and I’d prefer to leave it at that if you don’t mind.” He took a swig from his bottle, “I’m sorry, it’s just… it was a painful experience for me.”
“It’s okay, I understand.” I lifted my drink, ready to take a sip but a sudden thought crossed my mind, “Wait, why did Edward say that you had another lady on your arm?”
“That was a long time ago.” He put the bottle back to his lips, draining half of it in one go.
“Oh…” I felt stupid. Here I was, still judging him. It wasn’t fair. Papa was right; I had to at least get to know him, “well, what was her name.”
“Beatrice; Triss for short. Things bet
ween us were almost perfect. Everything we had was so safe, and secure…” He trailed off. Andrew stared quietly at the bottle in his hand. There was obviously more to the story but I didn’t know whether he wanted to share it with me or not.
“Why are you telling me this?” I asked, suddenly overwhelmed by the silence.
“Because it didn’t work out.” He mumbled, “In your letter, you said you wanted to know what changed my mind. Well, this is it.”
“Wait, so let me get this straight.” I felt a wave of heat rush through my body, “You’re telling me that the reason you want to be with me is because your other relationship didn’t work out.”
“No, that’s not it at all. Just listen, okay?” He wrapped his hand lightly around my arm, “Growing up, Triss was my best friend. She seemed like the best option I could choose. We stayed together for nearly three years but it wasn’t a real relationship. Both of us were together because we were afraid to be with someone different; afraid of getting hurt by someone from the outside. It was a good plan at first but it only took us so far. We became tired of one another.”
“So, that’s why you broke it off?” I encouraged him to keep going, feeling overly-conscience of his skin against mine.
“No, not entirely. In the beginning, we were both too sheltered to say anything.” He let his thumb lightly trace my bicep.
“Then why-” my voice got caught in my throat, “how did it happen?”
“I came home early one day and found my neighbor, Paul, sleeping in my bed.” He studied my face for a reaction.
“Damn that must have been hell.” My eyes widened in response, “how did you take it?”
“I was bitter, at first. I shut myself up in the barn loft for a few weeks.” He intertwined his fingers in mine.
“And after that?” I asked, losing the will to breathe. The feeling of his touch was oddly hypnotic.
“I shipped myself off to war.” He closed his eyes.
[2016] Finding My Cowboy Page 24
