“What the hell do you think you’re doing!” Henry bellows at Conor. But Conor doesn’t meet his eye. He meets no one’s eye. He stands up straight with his back towards everyone, tucking his cock back into his jeans. He turns around as he zips them up.
“Dad, calm down,” he says calmly.
“Calm down? You’re fucking your new stepsister in your stepmother’s kitchen!”
“She’s not my stepsister,” Conor reasons.
“Are you an animal?” Henry continues to bellow. “You shameless, spineless….” Unable to finish his sentence, he rushes towards his son, but Mom pulls him back, one of her hands still clasped to her mouth.
“Carrie,” she whispers. I dare to look up at her and see her staring at me with the same shocked expression. “How could you…?”
As if I’m a little girl again, I feel tears welling up in my eyes, my throat choked by the growing lump.
“With due respect, Elaine, she's an adult. We both are,” Conor continues calmly, as if we’re talking about the weather.
“She’s a virgin!” Mom spits at him. “At least, she was! Until you got your dirty paws on her!”
“Mom,” I protest. But Elaine interrupts me.
“This is not what I wanted for you! And with your step brother too! Oh god, oh god,” she shrieks, growing hysterical.
“Can everyone stop calling us siblings? We met before we knew you two,” explains Conor, still cool as a cucumber.
“That still doesn't excuse this… act! And in Elaine’s kitchen!” Henry yells, gesticulating around him. “It’s utterly disrespectful.”
The tears are rolling down my face now.
“Mom,” I splutter. But Elaine raises her hand, stopping me.
“I can’t even look at you,” she hisses, turning away. And my tears come in a sudden flood. Sobbing, I run out of the kitchen and bolt up the stairs to my room, like the child I’ve just been reduced to.
Sitting on my bed, I let my body be rocked by my sobs. I can hear a moment of continued yelling by Henry, and then, from outside, the revving of an engine. I rush to the window and watch with a sinking heart as Conor’s car pulls out and drives away. Tears run down my face because I know that I’m watching him drive out of my life.
Chapter Twelve
Conor
Fuck. I’m such an asshole. This is all my fault. I press my foot down on the gas and speed down the highway, away from Riverbend and towards my refuge in the city. I’ve gone from ending things with Carrie to suddenly needing the woman desperately. And all in less than a day. How did things get so off course?
I recall how she stood there, helpless, as Dad and Elaine judged us. Her full lips pressed together in shame, tears running down her beautiful face, her innocent eyes flooding with regret. And all because of me. All because I couldn't control myself. I just had to test her. Shit, I just had to test myself, and now look what’s happened.
What have you proven, Conor? I press my foot down even harder on the accelerator, speeding past the cars in the lanes next to mine. That you want her? That you’re willing to humiliate yourself, Carrie, Dad, and Elaine? And for what, may I ask?
Maybe Dad’s right. Maybe I am an animal. Some type of deviant, incited by Carrie and her milky body. But that’s not it. It’s the girl’s personality too. Her gentle, innocent ways. Her brown, long-lashed doe-eyes and sweetly pouting mouth. She’s untouched, unlike the bleached blondes I've become used to. That purity, that eagerness, that honesty. It’s the exact combination in a woman that I’ve been looking for.
At least, now I'm finally able to admit it to myself. And with a sinking feeling, I realize that what I feel for Carrie is more than just lust. It’s something much deeper and sincere, something that tugs at the very core of who I am.
Because I’ve felt lust before. I’ve been attracted to women of all shapes and sizes, but I’ve never felt this savage need to fuck and claim a goddess like this, all the while with this urge to protect her. This empire Dad speaks of, these millions he wants to secure? What are they worth if I’ve got nothing to come home to? What if my life’s a fucking void, filled with visits to sex clubs and meaningless trysts with bottle blondes?
After all, business success is what Dad wants that for me. And I understand why. He grew up poor, and worked hard to make sure I’d be successful. But no more. This is my life to live, and I’m not gonna let some sixty-five year old dictator call the shots. I spot the nearest exit and do a quick u-turn, heading back to Riverbend.
It’s only nine p.m., but the windows in Elaine’s house are dark, and Dad’s car is gone. He must have gone home. I pull the car back out and start driving to his mansion in another part of Riverbend, where I grew up. I don’t relish returning there, even though my childhood was a fairly happy one, because the idea of confronting him in the same rooms where he so carefully planned my whole life will make it all the harder to get him to listen. But I have to. My plan is to sit him down with a glass of his favorite whiskey, and tell him why I can’t marry Clarissa. Or anyone else’s daughter for that matter.
My head spins. I have to apologize for my thoughtless actions and explain how I feel about Carrie. After what happened in the kitchen, he deserves to know the truth.
With a stab of anxiety I wonder whether Dad is capable of disowning me, and I wonder whether all this is worth it. But then I imagine myself ten years from now at some garden party with Clarissa at my arm, beautiful but empty, and reality becomes crystal clear. As I turn into Dad’s driveway, I know I’m making the right decision.
But oh shit, someone’s here. As I walk into the designer kitchen, I see Dad and Elaine sipping coffee at the oak high table, and stop in my tracks. Dad’s jaw tightens as he sees me. He’s still angry, of course.
“Henry,” I begin in a calm voice. “I need to speak to you.”
“I don’t know what you could possibly have to say,” he growls.
“I want to apologize. I owe you an explanation,” I try, keeping my voice neutral.
“Why don’t I leave you boys to talk,” says Elaine, rising from her chair. “It’s about time I go home and have a talk with my own daughter anyways,” she adds, sighing. She goes over to Dad and they hug, but I notice they don’t kiss. Then she takes her bag and she’s gone.
I take a deep breath and join Dad at the table, ready to get an ass-whupping. But this time, I’m not going to back down because it’s my life at stake … and I want Carrie in it.
Chapter Thirteen
Carrie
I stand in the shower, still sobbing, the hot water mingling with my tears. I saw Mom and Henry get into his car and drive away shortly after Conor left. She didn’t tell me where they were going, and I didn’t bother to ask. I cried some more, then picked myself up and decided to shower it all away, letting the memories wash down the drain in the hopes I would be feel refreshed and renewed.
But I’ve been standing here for about ten minutes now, and I only feel worse. Mom will have a fit when she sees the water bill. I don’t care. I won’t ever be able to look her in the eye again anyways. My chest heaves, and I realize I haven't even reached for the soap yet.
As I grab the bottle of liquid soap, I make a conscious effort to stop sobbing. My sharp inhalations of breath are causing me to snort the suds, and as much as I feel like disappearing right now, I figure death by poisoning is probably a little too dramatic.
It helps. As I turn off the tap I feel my sobs subside a little, and with pitiful hiccups, I towel myself dry.
Back in my room and dressed in my PJs, I resolve to go back to college early and start packing my bags. I don’t know when Mom will be back, but I don’t want to be here when she does. I know she hates me for what I did, and frankly, there are no excuses. I had sex with a man in her kitchen while she and her fiancé waited outside. Even worse, I was having sex with my future stepbrother and loving every second of it, accepting his dick in me eagerly while moaning up a storm.
So what is there to say? Eve
n if I did tell Elaine the truth, it would be too humiliating. I wonder vaguely whether she will go on with the wedding plans, but the thought of her calling it off because of me makes me feel terrible, so I just swallow heavily and focus on packing. Fall semester is still two weeks away, but I’ll be able to hang out in my dorm until then. The thought of spending some time away from Riverbend and the memories of the last few weeks is almost irresistible.
My bags packed and my mind made up, I suddenly find myself exhausted and sitting in the dark. The sun went down without my noticing and I haven't turned on any lights yet. Mom and Henry aren't back yet, and I’m surrounded by a peaceful quiet. Suddenly overcome by a wave of exhaustion, my chest hurting from the violent crying, I decide to have a good night’s sleep before I leave tomorrow. And yet despite all that’s happened, it’s Conor’s handsome face that floats before my eyes before I fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.
As exhausted as I am, I wake up only an hour later to the sound of the kitchen door opening downstairs. With a surge of hope, I wonder whether it’s Conor come back for me, but then I realize I’m being silly. It’s over. I’ll never see him again except for family events, where I’ll be expected to treat him as a stepbrother. And that’s if I haven’t ruined Mom’s wedding plans already.
As the painful memories of yesterday come flooding into my brain, I will myself back to sleep and into a blissful forgetfulness.
But there’s a knock on my bedroom door.
“Carrie? Are you in there?” comes Elaine’s muffled voice. She doesn't sound angry. I sit up in bed.
“Come in,” I say, my voice croaky from the crying. The door opens, and Mom’s silhouette is outlined against the light behind her. I can’t read her face. She, of course, can see mine perfectly.
“Oh Carrie, sweetie, have you been crying?” she asks kindly, coming over to sit on the side of my bed. “Your face is all swollen,” she adds, switching on the bedside light. “And your eyes are all red!”
I shrug listlessly.
“Mom… listen…,” I start, but the tears start welling up in my eyes again and I need a moment to regain my composure. Elaine is patient. She’s ready to hear what I have to say.
“I’m s-so sorry about what we did in the kitchen,” I manage before forcing myself to meet Elaine’s eyes. “I didn’t want you to find out like that but we got so caught up in the moment,” I continue pitifully. “It was thoughtless and disgusting, and you don’t have to worry about it ever happening again.”
“Carrie, I know you,” says my mom quietly. “For you to do something this extreme, it must have been quite something. So let’s start at the beginning. Where did you meet Conor?”
“At someone’s house,” I feel my face flush. “It was just supposed to be a regular party, but when the door opened,” my voice trailed off, face flushing. Oh god, this was so embarrassing.
Elaine looks at me curiously.
“What was it about the party?” she asks. “Believe it or not, once upon a time I was young too, so I’ve been to some wild parties in the past.”
I swallowed heavily, still unable to meet her eyes.
“But not like this,” was my humiliated murmur. “Mom, it was a sex party.”
Elaine’s speechless for a moment, trying to process. But then she nods although her chin’s quivering.
“Okay, it was a sex party,” she concedes, drawing a deep breath. “It’s not what I’d want for my nineteen year-old daughter, but what’s happened has happened.”
I nod miserably.
“I didn’t go crazy or anything like that,” comes my small voice. “It’s just that I met Conor, and we had an instant connection. No one has ever looked at me the way he does. No one like him has ever wanted me like this before.”
Mom takes another deep breath while weighing her thoughts. But then she looks me in the eye and asks, “What makes you think that, sweetheart?”
That’s the opening I’ve been waiting for and my words rush in to fill the void.
“You know how I’ve always felt about my body. But Conor loves it just the way it is. I let him take my virginity that night,” is my embarrassed admission. But then I pick up speed again. “It was so incredible. I was a little intimated by the way he made me feel: scared, even, of the urges he brought out in me because it was all so new.” Gaining momentum and confidence, I continue. “But he’s really the one for me, and then this afternoon, when we arrived at the restaurant, and Henry’s son turned out to be him….”
Mom’s thoughtful, taking another deep breath while looking out in the distance.
“It was weird, wasn’t it, sweetheart?”
“To say the least!” I exclaim. “And he was looking so handsome, and when we got to the house, and he was telling me how much he wanted me …,” I stop, because Mom’s clearing her throat, and I know I’ve said enough. “Let’s say we just got carried away. It was wrong, and I’m sorry. It will be hard, but from now on, I promise that we’ll do step-brotherly things only.” A pang of sadness hits my heart, but I know this is what has to be done. I need to sacrifice for Elaine’s happiness, and it’s worth it. My mom has struggled over the years, and she deserves to find peace and contentment with her new man.
But Elaine’s shaking her head now.
“No, Carrie, it’s alright,” she says slowly. “Henry and I had a long talk tonight. We decided that, if our kids like each other enough to do that in the kitchen, with us in the next room, then it’s probably some real strong connection they’ve got going on.”
I feel my heart flutter in my chest.
“What do you mean?” I ask slowly. “What are you saying?”
Elaine continues while taking a deep breath.
“We’re still on good terms. Henry will always be special to me. But we’ve both been married several times, and you two are young,” she continues. “You have your whole lives ahead of you.”
“Mom?” I ask again. “Where is this going?”
Elaine inhales again before meeting my eyes.
“What I’m saying is that Henry and I have called off the wedding.”
I sit there dumbstruck for a moment. What in the world? This isn’t what I intended to happen!
“Oh no, Mom,” is my sorrowful cry. “Please don’t say that. I feel terrible. I know how hard it is to meet Mr. Right.”
Elaine laughs, squeezing my hand.
“Carrie, you’re a good girl, which is why you deserve this chance with Conor. If you two want to be in a relationship, you should be free to pursue it. It’s okay. This was going to be my fourth marriage and Henry’s fourth as well. We’re both fine with the decision we’ve made.”
I gasp in incredulity.
“Do you really mean this? I mean, are you sure?”
“You have my blessing, sweetie. Both mine and Henry’s,” she smiles at me, and I can see she means it. But then my heart sinks and tears well in my eyes again.
“What’s wrong, Car?” asks Elaine kindly, stroking my head. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”
I bite my lip.
“It is but I just never thought that it would come to this. You deserve to be happy too, Mom. It was hard having me when you were just a teenager, and now that you’ve finally met Prince Charming, I’m the roadblock in the way. I wish it didn’t turn out like this.”
But again, Elaine reassures me.
“Honey, I’m forty years old now, and I can handle it. Henry can handle it too. We have years under our belt, giving us perspective, whereas you’re new to relationships and love. And if this is love, then you have to go for it, and not let old fuddy-duddies like us hold you back. So take the gift, sweetheart. You mean more to me than life itself, and if it’s a relationship with Conor that’s your destiny, then go for it with your heart and mind open.”
I turn wide, trembling eyes to Elaine.
“Do you really mean it, Mom?” I ask in a wavery voice. “It still feels wrong somehow.”
Elaine shakes her head, smil
ing.
“Betting on love is never wrong, and you deserve as much as anyone else. So go,” she urges. “Find what you need. Call Conor and make happiness your number one pursuit in life.”
I embrace Elaine gratefully, a couple wet tears sliding down my cheeks to soak her blouse.
“Thank you, Mom,” is my muffled murmur. “I love you too.”
Elaine’s hand comes up to stroke my head again.
“You’re my baby, Carrie, and you always will be. I only want what’s best for you, even if your current relationship got started in a sex club here in little old Riverbend. So go for it,” she urges again. “Find that which makes you the happiest, and live a wonderful life.”
I smile again, although my mother can’t see. Because who knew that my mom could be so forgiving and open-minded? I’ve always thought of Elaine as “Mom,” with her mom jeans and conservative ways. And yet people never cease to surprise.
So now, the road has been cleared for a real romance with my handsome alpha male. The only question is … am I too late? Will Conor still want me after everything that’s happened?
Chapter Fourteen
Carrie
Small Town Secrets: A Forbidden Romance Page 6
