It was the first time that Jessica had detected a chink in Lady Grace’s iron-clad armour. She smiled again. ‘I’d like that, thank you. But if I’m getting the sack …’
‘What nonsense. Of course you are not getting the sack. I won’t allow it. Lucas is overtired. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.’
Jessica went downstairs with a lighter step. Lady Grace was actually on her side. It was amazing. But it didn’t change the situation. Lucas would get rid of her because she was not available as wife material. Fraser had said she was spoken for. She was no longer in the meat market. She had been surgically removed.
Jessica had not eaten. Nor had Lucas. She put a variety of cheeses and biscuits, celery, olives and chutney, on a tray and carried it through to the library. Lucas was sprawled in an armchair, eyes closed, the television twitching with goodies and baddies chasing each other, but no one was watching. She turned it off. He didn’t move. Dead to the world.
The storm was still clashing with the universe outside, rain pouring down the windows, lightning and thunder in dangerous pursuit. Thunder still made her jump. She knew it was coming but never expected it.
No one had drawn the curtains and she stood watching the turmoil in the garden. Lady Grace’s roses were being flattened. Leaves were torn from trees and scattered to the four winds. Branches were strewn over the drive. She hoped Lucas had put his posh car away. The Austin was safely in a garage.
Fraser would not come out to Upon Hall in this weather. Thank goodness for a small mercy. He only liked driving when conditions were good. Once he had made her drive home from a dinner party when it was snowing heavily. He’d pretended he’d had too much to drink but Jessica knew that he hadn’t. It had been a nightmare journey, snow clogging the wipers, and one she would never wish to repeat.
‘The Porsche is OK,’ said a languorous voice from the armchair. Lucas was reading her thoughts again. ‘I put it away in the stables. My first thought.’
‘Good, I was wondering if it was still outside. It’s a dreadful storm. I’ve brought you some cheese for supper,’ said Jessica. ‘I don’t suppose you have eaten.’
‘Is this the Last Supper before I am crucified?’ he asked, eyes still closed.
‘Don’t be silly,’ said Jessica. ‘I’m not a vindictive person. But I wish you’d let me explain before you jumped to conclusions.’
She sat down opposite Lucas, not looking at him. She could not bear to see that accusing look on his face again. There were biscuits to butter and top with cheese, as if he were another helpless child. She put chutney on the mild cheese, nothing on the strong Stilton. There were sticks to spear the olives and celery.
‘When do you want me to leave?’ she asked. ‘I can pack quite quickly. There won’t be any trains at this time of night, but I could leave first thing tomorrow morning, catch the first train. I won’t be any trouble. I’ll order a taxi.’
Lucas leaned forward and took her hands, removed the butter knife and laid it down. He looked down at her, his eyes smiling with some secret memory.
‘I don’t want you to leave, Jessica. I don’t want you to go. How are you ever going to forgive me? How am I ever going to explain my stupidity? I’ve done you a great injustice and you have behaved with the utmost dignity and carried on with your work. Anyone else would have flounced out in a rage and sued me in court.’
Jessica felt the warmth of his hands. She did not understand what was going on. This was another nightmare like stepping into Alice in Wonderland, she was shooting down chutes, changing size. Now she was very small, very small indeed.
Lucas was actually smiling, an apologetic smile of sorts, as if he had forgotten how to do it naturally.
‘I don’t understand,’ she said. ‘Fraser told you a pack of lies today and you believed him. You were furious. You didn’t give me a chance to explain. Now you are saying something totally different.’
‘I was mad with rage. I was consumed with jealousy. This man said you were engaged to him, promised long ago. How could I know what was true? He sounded so plausible. You had worked in the same hospital. You refused my offer of marriage. Perhaps it was because you were already engaged to him. How could I know what was the truth?’
‘Do you really want to know what happened with Fraser and me? I’ll tell you all about it. It’s something I’ve been trying to forget and since I have been here at Upton Hall, I have managed to forget because I have been happy.’
‘You’ve been happy at Upton Hall?’
‘Really happy. Even your mother and I have agreed to disagree. I love Lily and Daniel, they are super children.’ Jessica nearly said and I love you, but she held back. His name might be stitched to her heart but he need never know.
‘Tell me about this Fraser Burton person.’ Lucas took a cheese-topped biscuit and crunched on it. ‘This is good. There was only days’ old shepherds pie in the canteen today.’ He was not drinking malt whiskey but another bottle of New Zealand white from the vineyard called Oyster Bay. There was only one wine glass beside him. He held it to Jessica’s lips and she took a sip. It slipped down like silky nectar. ‘Tell me, Willdo, tell me all your secrets, please. I want to know everything. Don’t leave out a word.’
Jessica did not know where to start. She had tried so hard to forget.
‘It was when I started my nursing training. I was very young and inexperienced. I’d never had a proper home or family since my parents died, shunted around between relatives who didn’t really want me. So I became a student nurse who hadn’t been anywhere or done anything, or lived in London, let alone have a serious boyfriend. My future career was nursing and I was working hard. It is hard work and I was studious. There’s a lot to learn. But I loved it. I knew I had made the right choice. Then Fraser appeared, a young, handsome doctor who had been everywhere, done everything. He was so smooth, so charming. He bowled me over and he liked that. I was a young and adoring slave, ready for the picking.’
‘And growing into a very beautiful woman,’ said Lucas.
‘We went out, on and off, for two years, mostly hospital parties and pubs. Not regular dating. Fraser was always going away to some conference or medical faculty. Sometimes I wouldn’t see him for weeks. It was an endless round of engagements. He was important and climbing the medical ladder fast. I was totally out of my mind, bowled over by his attention. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I thought I was in heaven and he was the angel Gabriel.’
‘So what happened?’ Lucas asked, putting the wine glass to her lips again. She took another sip. She began to like New Zealand. ‘You must tell me everything, Jessica.’
‘We were going to the Balearics for a weekend in the sun. It was the first time that he’d asked me to go away with him. I was ecstatic, innocently thought that this was it; we were finally going to be a romantic item. I bought loads of holiday clothes. There was also a big party in a posh hotel for some top consultant who was retiring. Fraser had invited me to go with him. Wear something special, he said, it’s very important. You’ll meet lots of people. So I went out and bought this red dress.’
‘You would look wonderful in red.’
Jessica paused. It was still so painful even with Lucas feeding her wine and listening to every word. She remembered every moment of getting ready for this important party. This was Alice land again. The Red Queen was about to arrive.
‘It was a lovely soft silk dress that cost far more than I could afford on a nurse’s salary. I went to the party on my own as Fraser, for some reason, couldn’t pick me up. I went by taxi to the big hotel. There were so many people wandering about, I was completely lost. The reception was being held in the ballroom. I remember the chandeliers, all sparkling lights, the mirrored walls. Waiters wandering around with trays of champagne and wine. Then I saw Fraser and went over to him. He was standing with a woman, a sleek brunette who was also wearing a red dress. She was lovely. But her dress was couture. Mine was best Monsoon.’
‘What happe
ned?’
‘I went over to Fraser, pleased and relieved to see him. There were a lot of people milling around and I was feeling more than a bit nervous. He brushed away my hand, hardly looking at me and turned to the elegant woman beside him. He drew her closely to his side.
“Let me introduce you to my fiancée, Dr Amanda Morgan”, he said flamboyantly. Then he turned her and kissed this woman in front of everyone. In front of me. Can you imagine how I felt? “And this is Jessica Harlow”, he went on, laughing, “one of the student nurses who thinks the sun shines out of my arse. She never leaves me alone. Follows me around like a pet puppy”.’
‘There was a stunned silence and then Dr Amanda Morgan, the sleek, elegant brunette, for no good reason, pretended to trip and her drink, whatever it was, went over my dress. “Down, doggy, down”, she said, in a spiteful voice and turned away, laughing. As she turned away, her bag, a beaded evening bag, caught in the folds of my beautiful dress and tore the silk. The dress was ruined. The evening was ruined. I was shattered. She was his fiancée?’
‘What did you do?’ Lucas was quite still, listening.
‘I hardly remember. I believe I ran down the stairs, out onto the street, a bit like Cinderella at midnight. No coach waiting. It was cold and windy. I got home somehow, in another taxi. Cried all the way.’
Lucas caught his breath, ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath.
‘Do you believe me?’ she asked.
‘Of course I believe you,’ said Lucas. ‘You’ve always told me the truth. I know that now.’
‘But today, Fraser arrived at your hospital, and said he was looking for me.’
‘He wasn’t looking for you. He was checking on a private patient, who had been moved to us, and someone in the staffroom happened to tell him about Lady Grace and my children and the wonderful nurse from London, from the same hospital, who was looking after them. When he discovered your name, he sought me out. It was not pleasant, I can tell you. He said you were engaged to him, that you had disappeared without a trace, that he had been looking for you for months, and that he feared for your sanity.’
Jessica shook her head, began to weep. ‘All lies. He made it all up. Clever people can be cruel.’
‘I know that now. But I didn’t then. In minutes he destroyed all my dreams of you becoming my wife. It seemed to make sense of why you were always turning me down. It became obvious. You couldn’t marry me if you were already engaged to someone else.’
‘I’m not engaged to anyone and certainly not to Fraser. I hate him. It took me months to get over that humiliation in front of everyone. The word raced round the hospital like a flu epidemic. Other nurses used to come up to me on the ward and ask me where was the sun shining from today? It was horrible. It took me ages to get over it. Only work helped. So, how did you find out the truth about Fraser? What made you change your mind?’
Lucas stretched out in the chair, suddenly bone weary. ‘My registrar phoned me half an hour ago. He said that he overheard Fraser asking one of the nurses out for a late dinner and saying that he would drive her home. He said that his wife was at their flat in London and she wouldn’t mind. They had a very open marriage.’
‘His wife? The woman who ruined my dress?’
‘I have no idea, Jessica, who she is. It doesn’t matter, does it? He is married apparently but it didn’t stop him trying to make a dinner date with one of my nurses. She has been warned and has politely declined the offer.’
‘A lucky escape.’
Jessica sat back, regaining her composure, a warmth flowing through her veins. ‘I think I’ll fetch another glass. Is that all right? I’d like some more of your lovely wine.’
‘And I’ll open another bottle. You deserve my best wine. Recuperation. You had a rough time with this bastard. I hope he doesn’t come to my hospital again or he could find himself cornered in the car park on a dark night. Fortunately his patient is recovering and will be moved back to London tomorrow. We need the bed.’
‘Thank you, Lucas. And thank you for believing me. I’ve never talked about it before. I couldn’t. It was too humiliating.’
‘Subject closed,’ said Lucas, opening another bottle of wine. ‘We shall never mention it again. I’m getting better at this opening lark.’
‘It’s all the practice,’ said Jessica, breathing in the perfume of love, almost silent with delight.
‘You’re leading me down a slippery path,’ he grinned. ‘And talking about slippery paths. I hear you worked a miracle today. You got Lady Grace into a proper swimming pool. That was amazing.’
‘She enjoyed it, eventually. Even if she did not approve of my method of finding someone who would let us use their pool.’
‘Typical. She’ll always manage to find something wrong. It’s her occupation. If a guardian angel came to visit she’d complain about the draught from his wings. And the kids?’
‘They loved it, both of them. It was perfect for Daniel, the quietness, the space, no people about. Daniel can already swim a bit, as you know, and Lily took to it straight away, splashing about with arm-bands on. And we can go again, which is wonderful. Lady Grace met an old friend, Arthur Hopkins, from her Brighton swimming club days. It was quite a touching reunion.’
‘She used to swim a lot. I believe at one point, years ago, she was considering training to swim across the Channel. She took it very seriously.’
‘So what happened to put her off? What made her stop swimming, and so abruptly? There must have been a reason.’
Lucas finished up the last of the cheese and biscuits. He liked Stilton. His appetite had returned. He was glad of her company and Jessica looked so relaxed and comfortable, so at home with him in the library. It was as if they had been together for years. The colour had returned to her fair cheeks as if a great burden had been lifted. Her story was out in the open now.
‘No one knows. It happened, whatever it was, when I was a boy, so I never took much notice of what anyone in the family did. Mother was a private person. Father worked the same sort of long hours as I do now. I was always wrapped up in my own pursuits. All I can remember is that one day she came home from Brighton in a terrible state. Wearing clothes on top of her swimming costume, hair still wet, not speaking to anyone. She went straight upstairs to her room and didn’t come down till late the next day.’
‘And she didn’t say anything?’
‘She said nothing. She refused point blank to answer any questions. Dad and I gave up in the end.’
‘How very strange. Something must have happened.’
‘But I did remember something, although at the time it meant nothing to me, as a young boy. As she staggered up the stairs, I could see her ankles. They were torn and bleeding, skin shredded. I thought then that she had fallen on the shingle on Brighton beach, but now I realize that it was something more than a fall and a few scratches. They were quite serious cuts.’
‘Jaws? Maybe there was a shark in the English Channel.’
‘You may well laugh, but who knows what is on the floor of the sea, anywhere? There was a lot of activity along Brighton beach during the war. And there were fifty bombing raids. She could have stepped on some rotting barbed wire, or got caught up in it and panicked. The tides are high.’
‘You may be right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed. I bet the beach was covered in barbed wire in case there was an invasion.’
‘It was worse than that. There were concrete blocks, barbed wire and landmines all along the beach. They were prepared for the worst.’
Jessica finished her glass of wine. She was ready for bed now. It had been an exhausting day, mentally and physically. She wanted to sail in the shallows of ocean sleep.
‘Let’s hope she can put the bad memories behind her now and enjoy swimming in this very luxurious private pool. Lady Grace did about three lengths today, very slowly, but she got there.’
‘Three lengths?’ Lucas pretended to look horrified. ‘Good heavens. The Grand h
ad better get in a few more crates of champagne. We’re going to need them.’
Jessica started clearing the tray to take into the kitchen.
‘What do you mean?’
‘The Grand Hotel, Brighton. Remember? It was a wager we made. I bet you that you couldn’t get Lady Grace to go swimming and you have. So you have won yourself a slap up dinner in the King’s Restaurant at the Grand. I’ll make sure we get a table with a sea view.’
‘Surely that was only a joke?’
Jessica caught sight of the fire in his eyes and she moved away, coming briefly to her senses.
‘You should know by now that I never joke about things that are important,’ he said. Everything stopped, laughter, movement, even time. They stood, looking at each other, wondering if they dare break the spell.
The spell was broken by the smallest sound by the doorway. The door into the library had opened a few inches and they saw Daniel’s face. He did not look fully awake but he had come downstairs in his pyjamas. He was standing in the doorway, stimming, tapping on the door which was his essential coping mechanism. As he moved forward, he continued tapping on his side.
‘Hello, Daniel,’ said Lucas, immediately aware of the stress signal. ‘Is something the matter?’
Jessica put the tray on a side table, and lowered herself down to Daniel’s level. She held out her hand but he did not take it, but went on tapping obsessively.
‘Are you all right?’ she asked.
He nodded, not looking at her.
‘Do you want to tell us something?’
He was struggling. He didn’t know the right words, couldn’t find them, making small movements with his mouth. ‘Floppy Ears,’ he said at last.
‘What’s the matter with Floppy Ears? Has Lily lost him?’
‘Lily,’ he said, with relief.
‘It’s Lily,’ said Lucas immediately. ‘Something’s wrong with Lily.’ He was out of the door and up the stairs in seconds, straight into his daughter’s bedroom. She heard him switch on the main light.
‘Good boy,’ said Jessica. ‘You’re a very good, clever boy to come and tell us. You did the right thing. Now I must go up to Lily. Stay here until I come back.’
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