“Anyway, I’m sorry I’m late. We had an appointment that ran over,” Jacob said as he began counting his reps. Benjamin started to lift, and I watched him as I kept my attention halfway on Jacob, as well.
“Appointment?” I asked.
“A routine doctor’s appointment. Annabelle said I could tell you, but I don’t know if a gym is the best place to tell you.”
I quickly latched on to the bar as Benjamin pushed it at me. I settled it into the brackets, and then we all stared at Jacob.
“Is something wrong with my little sister?” I asked, my voice a growl.
Everybody had stopped moving, their weights either hanging loose at their sides or on the floor.
Jacob looked at us and blinked before letting out a breath. “Annabelle’s fine,” he said, an odd smile on his face. “Your fucking genes seem to have pulled through.” He growled.
I looked at Benjamin, and then at Archer before I threw back my head and laughed. “Twins? Are you fucking kidding me? You’re having twins?” I asked, a smile breaking out across my face.
“Two heartbeats. And not just one of the heartbeats being hers. What the hell am I going to do with two kids?” Jacob asked, his voice going a little high-pitched.
Archer let out a whoop and then threw himself at Jacob. “Aww, you knocked up my sister with twins. It was meant to be. She is a twin, after all.”
He kissed Jacob’s cheek with a loud, smacking kiss.
Marc let out a sigh before pulling his boyfriend off Jacob. “Okay, let the man breathe. Let’s not make out with him in public.”
“So I should do it in private?” he asked, and Marc narrowed his eyes before rolling them.
Archer blushed and then shrugged. “Sorry, I’m just excited. Two babies. Two new souls out in the world that you’ll have to mold into decent human beings, take care of, watch, and make sure they are fed and cared for and loved and know how to do Common Core math and all of that. And, oh my God, I think I’m having a panic attack,” Archer said, clutching at his chest.
Lee just snorted, giving Jacob a fist bump.
Colton winced. “Twins. That’s a lot,” he said. “I mean, I’m really excited for you,” Paige’s boyfriend added. “Kids sound like a big deal. I should probably just shut up if I’m sitting here with my girlfriend’s brothers and friends, as I’m kind of freaking myself out over the fact that you’re having twins.”
“No, I’m freaking out with you,” Jacob said. “Welcome to my freak-out party. Annabelle is all about lists, and I’m pretty sure she and Paige have a planner set for each baby at this point. Each baby. I didn’t know that existed in plural until just now.”
I went up to him and hugged him hard, slapping him on the back. “I’m damn proud of you. Well, that’s a really weird thing to say about my brother-in-law. So, how about…don’t worry about anything. Your babies will have tons of aunts and uncles. They’ll never want for anything.”
Jacob swallowed hard. “I’m just really glad that my mom knows. She was the first person we told,” he said, his throat working as he swallowed hard. “Enough of that, because if I keep going, I’m going to cry like a baby. And, apparently, we already have enough babies. And we’re at a gym. We’re supposed to be all manly and growly and full of sweat.”
“That’s a lovely image,” Lee said, shaking his head. “And I’m so sorry that my sweet Annabelle didn’t wait for me like I asked. I understand. If she must go to someone, I suppose it’s okay that it’s you.”
“You really do like walking on that tightrope, don’t you?” Benjamin asked softly before hugging Jacob hard. “You’re going to be a good father. Annabelle’s going to be a great mother. And we are all going to figure out how to be aunts and uncles together. Thankfully, we have two of them, that way, we can share the attention equally rather than putting it all on one sad and unsuspecting child. There are a lot of us Montgomerys. We could scare the poor thing,” Benjamin teased.
“I’m glad that I could give you a two-for-one deal.” Jacob shook his head as he studied the room. “I’m really not into this.”
I laughed. “You mean working out or having a baby? Because I’m pretty sure you are kind of on the path for one of those things already.”
Jacob’s cheeks reddened. “I meant working out. I drove all the way here, but I’m afraid if I sit here, I’ll end up dropping a weight on my foot or falling off the treadmill while doing cardio or something.”
“You should be doing leg day,” Archer added again as Marc squeezed him to his side.
“Behave,” Marc chided, and Archer rolled his eyes.
“How about we go get a beer?” Benjamin asked, grinning.
Jacob nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah. A beer. Annabelle’s off with the girls—I’m sure all of them, and her mother. I think they’ve tried to get my mom to come out with them, but she had a tough day today,” he said quickly, gliding over the words. I knew he didn’t want any of us asking why—and we wouldn’t.
We all knew Jacob’s mother, adored her, and knew that her prognosis was getting worse. We weren’t going to talk about it. Today would be a good day. A good day because my little sister was having twins. Jesus Christ, it felt like just yesterday that I was watching my mom put pigtails in her hair.
I shook my head. “Let’s get that beer.”
“Riggs’?” Jacob asked.
I nodded. “Where else?”
“Too bad Clay’s not going,” Lee said.
Colton snorted. “Did Riggs and Clay ever date?” he asked.
I held up my hands. “Since he works for me, I’m not going to ask. Clay doesn’t mind the flirting, and I’m pretty sure he flirts back. I’m going to stop talking about it.”
Everybody laughed, and we headed to get ready. Our workout had been cut short, but for the best reasons. We’d head to Riggs’, get a drink, and then I’d go home—and not sleep. My chest ached, and I rubbed it as I headed to my car. Had I worked out too hard? I didn’t think so. I didn’t know, but everything was tight, and I felt like I had pins and needles across my skin.
I was probably just losing my mind.
I drove towards Riggs’, the drive not too far, thankfully, and pulled in beside Benjamin. I was the last to arrive. I wasn’t sure how, but somehow, we were all getting out around the same time.
“You doing okay?” Benjamin asked.
I nodded. “Yes, why?”
“No reason, just asking,” Benjamin said, frowning.
I rubbed at my chest again, and his gaze went to the movement.
Lee came up to us, frowning. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”
Lee narrowed his eyes. “Nothing’s wrong with me. You keep rubbing your chest.”
“Are we going in?” Archer asked, rocking back on his feet. He leaned in to Marc as Colton and Jacob came up to us, as well.
“I’m fine, guys. Come on, let’s go in.”
The sound of a shot rang out, sharp. It echoed through my body, pulsated within my chest and through my brain. I ducked, dropping to my knees, and all I could do was hear my blood rushing through my veins, my heart beating too fast. Metal coated my tongue, and I tried to breathe, clutching at my chest. Suddenly, there were hands on me, pulling at me, and I couldn’t breathe. They wouldn’t stop. They were coming at me.
“No!”
I punched at them, trying to get away. My chest hurt like something was sitting on it. There was a fucking elephant on my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. I gulped for air, trying to do anything, something.
I looked up to see Benjamin’s wide eyes. Lee cursed and cradled my head. The others looked at me, either kneeling around me or standing, shouting.
What the fuck was going on? Why couldn’t I breathe? Was someone shooting? The guys needed to get down.
I pulled at Benjamin. “Stop. The bullets. Get down. Don’t let them get you.” I was gasping out the words now, and they didn’t make any sense. Lee kept cursing.<
br />
“What’s going on?” Archer asked, shaking as he held my hand.
My pulse raced, and I looked around at them, then swallowed hard. “Fuck,” I muttered.
“Your fucking brother was involved in a shooting a couple of months ago. We lost Brian, a guy we knew from college. He died, and Beckett was there. And he wouldn’t let me tell you. Now, he’s having a fucking panic attack because a car backfired.” I looked at Lee, my eyes wide as I tried to figure out what the hell was going on. “Don’t get mad at me. You should have told them. Shouldn’t have made me keep the secret. Fuck you, Beckett. Dear God, your pupils are pinpricks, and you’re hurting. It’s clear. What the fuck, man?”
He started to pace, running his hands through his hair as Archer looked down at me, still squeezing my hand. “You were shot?”
I pushed at them, trying to sit up. “You’re going to stay the fuck down. You’re going to lay here and tell me what happened,” Benjamin growled.
I shoved at him again, then Colton, of all people, was there, pushing my hair back from my face. “Breathe.”
“I’m in Riggs’ parking lot. Anyone can come around and see us.”
Colton shook his head. “They’re not going to. Just catch your breath.”
“You had a panic attack?” Archer asked. “What happened?”
I met Lee’s gaze and saw sadness. Because I had fucked up. “I was at the shooting at Rocky’s.”
“You were there?” Benjamin whispered. “And you didn’t tell us?”
Cold seeped through me, even as my cheeks warmed. “I didn’t know how. It was stupid. I know I should have. That’s how I got hurt. And Lee was the last person I called. I didn’t have an emergency contact in my phone like I should have. So, they called Lee, and he came and picked me up from the hospital.”
“How did you get hurt?” Archer asked, his voice low.
“A shelf fell on me of all things. I pushed some lady out of the way. I don’t remember much else. I think I blocked it out. I remember the blood. They shot Brian. I didn’t really know how to tell you guys that I was there. I’m fine. I just fucked up.”
They looked at me then, and I knew I had fucked up. I didn’t know words would help. I just looked at them, and they shook their heads. I let out a breath, knowing I needed to do something, say something. Only there wasn’t anything to say.
Chapter 10
Beckett
* * *
“I know that you’re allowed to have secrets...” Benjamin’s voice trailed off as we sat on my couch. Archer paced in front of us, a frown on his face.
Lee, Jacob, Marc, and Colton had gone home, and I wasn’t sure where I stood with them. I didn’t know what to say. Or, honestly, what I should have said before I freaked out in a bar parking lot.
Jacob would tell Annabelle, and the rest of the Montgomerys would know soon. And then they would come at me, asking questions, wanting answers. And I wouldn’t have them. Because there really was no excuse. There was literally no excuse for me not telling them what had happened. And yet, I couldn’t.
Because I was an idiot.
“I thought I was going to die,” I said, my voice low.
Archer stopped pacing, his face pale. “And you lost Brian?”
My throat tightened. “Yes. He died right in front of me. Benjamin, do you remember him? He was in a couple of classes with you, too, I think. Back in college.”
Benjamin shook his head, a frown marring his face. “No, actually, I don’t remember him. You had more friends in common with Lee than me. Just like I have a few friends that weren’t really part of our relationship.” He let out a breath, and I rubbed my head, feeling as though I’d fucked up royally. And I had. And I had no idea how to fix it.
“I… I can’t believe all of this happened and we didn’t know,” Archer rasped. “I… I don’t think I can be upset that you kept it to yourself because we all have secrets, but damn it. I wish I’d have been there for you. I wish you’d have let me be there for you.”
It felt as though Archer was just twisting the knife deep inside my heart, and I had no one to blame but myself.
My twin cleared his throat. “I get how our family is, Beckett. One person finds out, and then the rest do, and then it’s overwhelming, and you can’t breathe. And, honestly, I should hate you for not telling me, for hiding something so big in your life that you’re having a fucking panic attack about it. You freaked out, and you needed time to figure things out. I won’t say I’m not hurt, but I get it.”
I let out a breath and looked down at my hands. “You say you get it, but I don’t.”
Archer sat on the table in front of us. “Why didn’t you tell us? Why do you think you didn’t?”
“Because, at first, it was too much. Then I was keeping a secret and couldn’t break my silence. And then it rolled in on itself and I couldn’t breathe.”
Benjamin tilted his head, studying my face. “And because you needed to figure out what happened with you and Lee, who happens to be a part of it. Once you let the Montgomerys know, they know everything. And if I got the timing right, it was soon after we found out that Annabelle was pregnant. Therefore, soon after the wedding, and when we were trying to figure out exactly how our parents handle us at the job.”
Archer let out a curse. “Plus, Jacob moving out and into Annabelle’s place. Eliza moving out of the home she shared with her husband. Us burying her husband.”
Benjamin continued. “Eliza moving into Jacob’s old place and renting. That whole thing. And then, let’s see, Paige and Colton becoming closer and will they or won’t they get married. Same with Archer and Marc. It’s been a lot in the past year. Of course, we don’t know everything going on with everybody.”
Archer shook his head. “We haven’t been able to spend as much time with each other. I get it. You needed to figure some things out on your own, and you haven’t been able to yet.”
“You know what else you haven’t done during this time?” Benjamin asked, and I shook my head. “You haven’t taken a single vacation day. You haven’t taken any time off. I know the date of the shooting. I know when things changed. I know when Brenna changed.”
My gaze shot up. “What?”
Benjamin, my normally quiet brother, cringed. “I see the way she is with you. She knows you’re hiding something. Just like I did. You were hiding things from us, and while I understand it because I’m a Montgomery and know that we tend to fuck things up, Brenna’s your best friend. You should have told her. Especially if Lee knew, though I’m not going to get into that,” he added quickly as I opened my mouth to say something.
Archer leaned forward. “You need to get out of here. Just take some time off. Talk to someone. Do something. Because we love you, and we’re sorry that you’re hurting. People might get grumpy, but fuck them. Go out, enjoy yourself. Or try to. Just relax. Be. I don’t know, just get out of here for a bit.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused as hell.
“Well, I was talking with Lee, and he has a friend who owns a resort…” Archer began, his voice trailing off.
“You want me to go to a beach right now?” I asked, my voice incredulous.
Archer threw up his hands and began to pace again. “I don’t know. Or to a spa? Or maybe actually, really go to a therapist. Talk to someone. Breathe. I don’t think you should come into work,” he said quickly, and I frowned.
I felt as if I’d been kicked or slapped. I didn’t know which, but maybe I deserved both. “You don’t think I can do my work?”
“You’ve been doing your work just damn fine this past year. You always do. However, you’re not sleeping,” Benjamin whispered.
Archer sat again. “Take some time. Breathe. Because you had a fucking panic attack. And that’s scary.”
Benjamin continued. “I love you. You’re my twin. Take some time. And know we’re always here for you. Promise.”
I looked at them then, wondering if maybe taking a vacation
was the right answer.
Or maybe it was just running away.
I didn’t know, but as things were, I couldn’t even enjoy a celebratory beer with my friends and family because I was stressed out. Maybe I did need to get away. And perhaps I just needed to breathe. Or… I didn’t know what I needed. What I was currently doing clearly wasn’t working. Nothing was.
Chapter 11
Eliza
* * *
I stepped out onto the white sand and slid my toes into the softness, closing my eyes. It was a particularly hot day today, though it was nearing the end of the season. Hurricane season was right around the corner, but for now, it was nice. The sun beat down on my face, and I wouldn’t think about anything but the fresh air and the fact that today, it had been a year. One year since I had lost Marshall.
Only a little over a week since everything had changed.
My life could be etched in stages.
Before I had met Marshall. After I met him. Before I lost him. And after.
And perhaps now was the after I realized I had lost him long before the world took him from me.
Before I got on a plane and headed to the resort a friend of a friend owned, Eli had gotten back to me, and my world shattered.
There would be a private investigator if I needed one, a DNA test if I required it, but Marshall had a daughter. Little Madison, who had Marshall’s eyes. I had seen the proof, and I didn’t need a blood test to know what was in my heart and etched on my soul. There was a little girl with my husband’s face—who wasn’t mine.
Maybe before I found out about his betrayal, I would have been a weeping mess on the anniversary, but I didn’t know how to be anymore. Because, in reality, he had rarely been home when we were together. He had always been on TDY or on tour. He was always gone, his work keeping him far away from me. Video calls and letters and emails had only gone so far.
I had grown into the woman I had become before I lost him, and he hadn’t been around to see it.
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