Saying the words aloud, talking about my mother, it isn’t easy for me. The mere mention of her has been taboo from the day after her funeral and onward.
My brother Mauro didn’t mind. He was already numb to this life, to death, by the time she was gone. He was thirteen when she was taken. He’d already seen so much of this life that he was a shell of a boy, a mold of my father.
“You look like her,” Benicio rasps.
Jerking my head, I widen my eyes. “How do you know? My father destroyed every photograph of her.”
I watch, my mouth parted as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. He slowly makes his way toward me, and it’s when he’s standing directly in front of me that I realize it’s not a piece of paper, it’s a photograph.
He extends his hand and I reach for it, careful to only touch the edge. Bringing it in front of me, I look down at the picture and gasp.
It’s her. She’s exactly as I remember. Though my memories of her are fuzzy, this brings them back to life with just a glance. She’s beautiful, her smile wide and her makeup perfect, just like always.
“Where did you find this?” I ask, not looking up from the picture, too afraid that if I do, it will disappear again.
Benicio extends his hand and runs his fingers down my hair. “In a file. It’s not important, but I wanted you to keep this. If you need this space as your escape, then you can have it. Just know that your bedroom is mine. You sleep beside me. I want your things moved in there. But if this is where you need to breathe, then I’m okay with that.”
Tearing my eyes from the picture, I look up at him in surprise. “Why?” I ask.
He shakes his head once. “I’m a bastard, but I’m not your father. I do want to make you happy while you’re here with me.”
His words are ominous, but I can read between them. He wants me happy until he has to marry another woman and build a real life with her.
But then I remember what he said in his office. “You hate me though,” I whisper.
He snorts, his lips twitching. “It would be a hell of a lot easier if I did, passerotta.”
“Why?”
“Then I wouldn’t give a flying fuck if you had your space. I’d tie you up in my room, fuck you when I wanted, use you when I wanted and not give a single damn if you smiled. If you were happy, sad, pissed off or if you came on my dick when it was inside of you.”
I can’t help myself, I let out a small giggle at his words. He slowly sinks to his knees in front of me. I turn around so that we’re facing one another. Benicio’s hands wrap around the outsides of my thighs and he squeezes me gently.
“Thank you for the picture, Benny, I appreciate it.”
He looks up at me, his eyes focused on my own. “I’m still pissed at the way shit went down back then. I’m pissed, but I’m angrier at the man who was supposed to protect you and never did, instead he used you for his gain. I wish that I could kill him myself, all over again,” he growls.
Lifting my hand, I cup his cheek. “I wish that I could watch,” I admit. “But in order for us to move on in life, we can’t live in the past, Benny. You’re still there, still angry with me over what happened. I’ll never forgive myself and I don’t expect you to forgive me. But please, if we’re going to cohabitate then we need to move on from that.”
He nods, turning his head as he presses a kiss against my palm. “Okay, babe. Let’s forget that shit, have a nice dinner and then go to bed.”
He turns his head to face me, and I watch as a smirk plays on his lips at the mention of bed. “How are your marks?” he asks as he stands to his feet and offers his palm to me.
Taking his offered palm, I wince. “Still a bit painful, but no longer swollen,” I admit.
“Good. You’re going to have to tell me what it is you like at that BDSM club. I want to make sure you’re getting everything that you need from me.”
I freeze in my spot. My eyes widen and my breathing starts coming out in pants. He turns to face me, tilting his head to the side. He expects me to answer him. Truly answer him.
“Benicio,” I exhale.
His lips twitch, he takes a step toward me and I hold my breath as he lifts his hand to wrap his fingers around the side of my neck.
I press my lips together and breathe in and out of my nose as I watch him. His thumb starts slowly sliding up and down the center of my throat, his eyes focused only on mine, nowhere else.
“I want to make you feel good, Nicci. If you need to be tied up, spanked, whatever it is, trust me it’s not a hardship for me to give that to you.”
Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply before I let it out of my mouth. “Restrained. But I’ve never, not during sex, just generally restrained. Usually, the shibari ropes suspended from a couple of hooks in the ceiling.”
There’s a moment of silence, so I chance opening my eyes and what I see makes my breath hitch. Benicio’s nostrils are flared and his eyes are wide.
“Fuck,” he breathes. “I want to restrain you, but I’m not going to just let you hang there, then untie you and we’re done. I’m going to restrain you and give you pleasure, baby. You’re going to get it all from me and you’re going to see how good it can feel to just feel. You need that, yeah?”
His thumb is rubbing slow circles up and down the center of my throat. My entire body breaks out in goosebumps as I stare into his dark blue gaze.
“Yeah,” he breathes.
He lowers his head and his lips touch mine, his free hand slides around my hip and he squeezes. “Yeah, my passerotta needs that, doesn’t she?” he murmurs against my lips.
“Please.”
Chapter Fifteen
NICOLA
Dinner consumed. A delicious steak, potato, and green salad meal from one of the local restaurants in the area. I don’t complain that Benicio didn’t take me out.
I know that he won’t. As far as the rest of the famiglia is concerned, I don’t exist, and I definitely do not exist as a woman on his arm.
He would have some things to answer for if we were ever seen in public together. However, I can’t deny that it still hurts. He wants me in his bed, living beside him, allowing him inside of me, but only as a dirty secret.
It seems that’s all I’ll ever be to anyone.
A secret.
Dirty.
Hidden away from the world.
Used for my body and nothing else.
I should just ask him to send me to Gavino’s casino to work as a call girl when he’s finished with me. Freedom is an illusion that I was just kidding myself with. I will never break free of the chains that I was born into. Not ever.
“Go and take a shower. Get ready for bed. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Do not put any clothes on,” Benicio orders.
I don’t even blink at his words. Nodding, I stand to my feet, my food now feeling like a lead weight in my belly.
Why can’t I move on from this feeling of perpetual helplessness?
I am strong. Inside and out, I have a strength that I know is larger than most people’s and yet, I feel like my spine is so weak that I can barely hold myself upright.
“Benicio?” I ask, turning around to face him. I surprise myself by calling his name and I blink, unsure that I actually said it aloud, until he turns his head over his shoulder to look back at me.
“Nicola?”
Licking my dry lips, I plant my feet, inhaling a deep breath. “When this is done. When you are finished with me, will you send me to Gavino?”
His head jerks. He stands and spins around to face me so quickly that I’m caught off guard. I take a step back, my high heels wobbling as I try to steady myself at his abrupt movements. I suck in a breath, holding it as I wait for his response.
The red creeps up his neck and cheeks, his telltale sign that he is angry. He tilts his head to the side, those deep blue eyes, glittering and almost black as he watches me.
“You want that?” he asks, but it sounds more like a demand.
/> Taking a step toward him, I lift my hand and place my palm against his shirt. His chest is warm beneath the fabric, and I know that the rest of him is too, he’s always so much warmer than me, it’s comforting.
“What I want is freedom, but I’ve just been fooling myself that I could actually have that. So, yes, I would like to be one of Gavino’s call girls. I’ve heard that he treats them well. They’re given good accommodations and receive more than a fair wage for their services,” I whisper.
Benicio lifts his hand, his fingers roughly grabbing ahold of the back of my neck before he pulls me against his body. I slam against him, my hands trapped between us, my eyes lifted to focus on his.
“No man touches you, Nicci. I wasn’t fucking joking when I said that. You want your freedom? You’ll have it, as much of it as I can give you, I promised that. You’re mine and you’ll stay that way.”
I wince at his words. I know them for what they are. He wants me to be his whore. “Are you asking me to be your comáre?” I ask.
He tilts his head to the side, his fingers flexing in my skin, his lips twitching into a small smile. “I’m not asking you anything,” he coos.
“You’re telling me that I’m going to be your kept whore?”
He snorts, dipping his chin, his mouth hovering above mine. I can feel his breath against my lips. So close, yet so far away. “If that’s how you want to think of yourself, then…”
“What if I don’t want to be that?”
He hums, his lips touching mine in a barely there brush. “I don’t know that you have a choice, Nicci. I’m not willing to share you, not now that I have you all to myself.”
“You’re not fair,” I whimper. “You know how I feel about you, how I’ve always felt about you. What you want, it’s only going to break my heart when you have to marry and have a family with someone else.”
His hand shifts from my neck, sliding down my spine until he grabs a handful of my ass and squeezes me roughly, pulling my hips against his hard length.
I moan at the feel of the hardness beneath his slacks. I want him inside of me again. Last night wasn’t enough. I missed him.
As much as I want to say that I don’t want him, don’t crave him, it would be a lie because I do. But to be his comáre, I think that’s something that even I can’t bear.
“You know how this world works, Nicci. Don’t pretend that I have some sort of choice in this. You know that I don’t. You also know that a life as mine is better than you could ever have working for Gavino. You want a family with me? You got it. You want your own house? You got it. Whatever you want, Nicci.”
“Except marriage,” I whisper.
He growls. “Don’t test me.”
“I’m just trying to make sense of all of this,” I say.
Jerking out of his grasp, I take a couple steps away from him. I need to breathe, need to think about what he’s saying to me—what he’s offering me.
“There’s no sense to make, Nicola,” he snaps. “You don’t have much of a fucking choice.”
Lifting my head, I jut my chin up and look down my nose at him. “I’ll be naked and, in your bed, as soon as I finish my shower, Master.”
“Stop that shit,” he barks. “What I’m offering you isn’t any kind of punishment, Nicola, and you know that.”
“I’m very grateful, Benicio,” I lie.
He shakes his head once, aware of my lie, but thankfully doesn’t say anything. Turning away from him, I walk toward his bedroom. Once it was my father’s, my mother wasn’t even allowed in this space, and now I’ll be staying here every night.
My father would roll in his grave, if he was in one, that I am going to be staying in this space every single night, and that is the only thing that makes me smile as I strip out of my clothes and start the shower.
BENICIO
I hear the water to the shower turn off and only then do I make my way toward the bedroom. I’ve given her some space, some time to think. I’m sure that my words pissed her off, but she knows them to be true.
She can’t be my wife, not until Gavino approves it and I don’t think that he ever would. She can, however, be my comáre—my mistress.
I’m probably a bastard for not giving her a choice in the matter, but I can’t let her slip through my fingers again, and I refuse to let her be a whore. If she’s mine, that’s one thing, but she’s not going to be one of Gavino’s call girls. No way in fuck.
I’ll take care of her for the rest of her life. Give her everything that she’s deserved all these years. A home, a family, peace. It won’t be perfect, I can’t offer her that, but it will be real.
The longer I’m here in this home, with her around me, the more I realize that I never really hated her. I hated that she wasn’t stronger, but she was eighteen.
How can I really blame her?
Making my way into the bedroom, I stop in my tracks at the sight of her. Nicola is lying on the bed, her legs spread and her eyes staring straight up at the ceiling.
I doubt she even notices that the light fixture was recently changed. She’s not seeing anything. She’s being a little fucking brat and I can’t help but smirk at the thought of restraining her.
Walking into my closet, I walk over to where my ties are displayed neatly. Until I can get some proper restraints, these will have to do.
I can’t deny that I’m overly excited at the idea that this is what Nicola likes. I never pegged her for someone into any kind of kink at all, but it’s a nice fucking surprise is what it is.
Making my way back into the bedroom, I unbutton my shirt after I toss the ties on the bed. Then, I remove my cufflinks, rolling my sleeves up my forearms, before I push them up to my elbows. Toeing off my shoes, I pull my socks off and toss them to the side of the room.
“On your stomach, Nicci,” I demand.
I keep my voice deep and low, my eyes focused on hers and never wavering. I watch as her chest rises and falls with her breath before she slowly breaks eye contact with me and rolls over onto her belly.
Walking toward the end of the bed, I grasp one of the ties in my hand and wrap it around her ankles, tying them tightly together.
“Benny,” she breathes.
I smirk as I reach for her hands, gently placing them at the small of her back and tying them with a different tie. Using my fingertips, I drag them up the center of her spine, watching as her skin breaks out in goosebumps.
My fingertips dance down her spine, down the center of her lower back and through the crack in her ass before they find her pussy. She’s already wet.
“How many times did you come home and make yourself come after a session?” I ask.
I hear her gasp. I stop touching her pussy as I wait for her answer. “Every time,” she reluctantly admits.
“Fuck,” I hiss.
Sliding my fingers through her center, I slip two inside of her and pump them in and out. Without asking, she shifts her hips and rises to her knees for me. Her wet pink pussy lips peek out to greet me and I can’t help but lick my lips at the sight of them.
She tries to widen her legs, but I pull my fingers out of her and gently slap her thigh. “Keep them together,” I demand.
Reaching for the third tie, I wrap it around her upper thighs and tie it firmly around her to keep her legs closed. Her cheek is resting on the bed, her chest pressing against the mattress.
Her ass is in the air and her pink pussy is on display for me. She looks fucking phenomenal.
“Is this enough for today until I get supplies?” I ask, making sure that her needs are being met.
She hums.
Looking around her body, I get a good look at her face. Her eyes are closed and her lips are tipped in a small smile.
“I need you to talk to me, Nicci,” I gently demand.
She clears her throat, her eyes opening slightly and catching mine. “It’s perfect, Benny. I feel, free.”
Nodding my head once, I reach out and pet her hair, tucking some of th
e strands behind her ear. She does look more relaxed than I’ve seen her in weeks. She looks calm, at peace. This is what she craves and what she needs—this is what I will always give her.
Walking back around her, I sink to my knees. I haven’t tasted her, not in two years. The flesh of her ass is almost healed from the cane, luckily Wilson didn’t do too much damage, though the bruising will mar her skin for a while longer, but it’s not raised and raw anymore.
Sliding my hands up the backs of her thighs, I spread her cheeks apart and lean forward, inhaling her sweet clean scent. Nuzzling her pussy, I slide my tongue through her entire center.
“Oh, God,” she moans from above me.
Burying my face in her cunt, I flick my tongue against her clit. She’s already on the edge, the combination of being restrained and the anticipation of what’s to come has her excited. I don’t blame her, my own cock is aching for release.
Reaching down, I squeeze myself above the fabric of my slacks in an attempt to relieve some pressure. It doesn’t work.
Ignoring my own needs, I focus on her, on her clit and her pussy that’s so fucking wet. The evidence of her excitement is beginning to drip down my chin. I grip her ass cheeks tighter, spreading them farther apart as I continue to eat her.
“Benny, oh my God,” she cries as her thighs begin to shake.
I feel her body lock up before her climax floods my tongue. A sense of pride, of accomplishment fills me. I want to give her everything, to make up for everything that will come her way in the future, and if I can give her this, then I know that I can keep her at least satisfied, if nothing else.
Touching my lips to the cheek of her ass, I decide to stay where I am for a moment. Not only does she like being tied up, I have a feeling that she’ll like other things as well. Sliding my tongue up from her pussy, I circle the tight rim of her ass.
“Benny,” she groans as she pushes back against me.
Without needing any more encouragement, I fuck her ass with my tongue. Spreading her cheeks as far as fucking possible, I bury my tongue in her ass.
Becoming his Possession: A Zanetti Famiglia Novel Page 12
