Nevada considered what he was telling her. “She must have known what she was getting into when she married him. This sort of life shouldn’t have been that much of a surprise to her,” she reasoned. “Maybe your parents had other issues. Things you didn’t know about.”
Linc’s head swung back and forth in disbelief. “Nothing should have made her walk away from here and never look back.”
Nevada’s eyes widened. “Marina told me that your mother remarried shortly after Randolf’s death and that she tried to get you to go back east with her. You didn’t want to go?”
“No. I was a teenager by then. This ranch had been my home for all my life. My cousins were like my own siblings. I didn’t want to leave my home or family. From the time I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to do what my father and my uncle did. I wanted to be a cowboy, a rancher with lots of horses that everyone would prize and want to own. If I’d gone away with her to some city, I would have dried up and withered away or turned into a rebellious juvenile delinquent.”
Nevada tended to agree. Linc was not the sort of man who’d be content to look up at street lamps rather than a sky full of stars.
“I can understand why you stayed,” Nevada said softly. “This is where you felt at home. And that’s something I’ve always wanted. Something I’ve always dreamed about having. A real home with a family that laughed and loved and stuck together through hard times.”
Anguish filled his green eyes. “I’m sorry you’ve never had that, Nevada. I wish I could be the man to give it all to you. But I don’t have it in me and it would be disastrous for both of us if I tried.”
Instead of arguing that point, Nevada asked, “How long has it been since you’ve heard from your mother?”
He let out a sound that was somewhere between a bitter laugh and a snort. “More than twenty years. She was pretty upset that I stayed behind here on the ranch, and for several months I received a few letters and some phone calls from her. But then suddenly they all stopped and that was it. None of us ever heard from Darla Ketchum Carlton again.”
“How odd.”
“Hell, it was more than odd. It was downright mean,” he said, then with a heavy sigh, he got up from his seat beside her and began to walk listlessly around the bedroom. “But then I guess I wasn’t a very good son. At least, not to her. I stayed here with Aunt Amelia and Uncle Tucker. They became my parents and she was left out. Maybe I’m the person who’s always been wrong here, Nevada. I don’t know. That’s why—” He paused and looked at her with sad regret. “It’s best I always live alone. It’s best that I not try to make any woman happy. Especially you.”
Chapter Twelve
For the remainder of the day, Nevada couldn’t decide what to do. It was apparent that she couldn’t sway Linc’s way of thinking. At least, she couldn’t sway him with talk. Except for when she changed his bandages and choked down the supper Marina brought to them, he avoided her completely. And by that evening, she’d decided that she’d been stupid to believe he cared for her in a special way. Obviously he didn’t. And there wasn’t any use of her throwing herself at him. She wanted his love, but not that way.
That night when she helped Linc out of his clothes, she kept her touch as impersonal as possible and hurried through the task without ever meeting his gaze. Later, she went to bed feeling like a cold, empty shell and as she lay beneath the light cover all she could think about was Linc lying next to her and how right it had felt to give herself to him.
Nevada tossed and turned for several hours and was finally about to drift off to sleep, when a sound from Linc’s room caused her to sit straight up in the bed.
Had he yelled or cried out?
Quickly, she jumped out of bed and ignoring her robe, hurried across the hallway to the open doorway of his bedroom. The faint night lights running along the baseboards in the hallway were enough to allow her to see the outline of his body in bed and fear struck her as she watched him thrash fitfully back and forth upon the mattress.
“Linc.” His name whispered from her lips as she hurried to the bedside.
As she leaned over him, she could hear him muttering names and something about stopping the flames.
“Linc, wake up!” She shook his shoulder once, then twice before the thrashing finally stopped and he stared up at her through glazed eyes.
“Nevada? What—are you doing?”
She sat down on the edge of the bed. “You cried out in your sleep. You must have been having a nightmare. Are you okay now?”
He looked around him as though he wasn’t quite sure where they were. “Yeah. I think so.” He touched his upper arm to his forehead and it came away wet. “I guess I got hot. I’m sweating.”
“You were saying something about flames and names that I suppose belong to some of your horses. Junie and Angel.”
He nodded, then allowed his head to fall tiredly back against the pillow. “They’re two of my best mares. They were the last ones I pulled from the fire. We’d just made it out of the barn when the roof collapsed.”
Nevada’s heart ached to comfort him and before she could stop herself she reached out and placed her hand on his damp brow. “Try not to think about it now,” she murmured gently. “Can I get you something? Do something for you?”
She could see him closing himself off from her as he turned his eyes away and stared at the wall.
“No. Not unless you can cut these damn bandages off,” he said gruffly. “Maybe then you could get back to your own life and I can get back to mine.”
Nevada’s heart was heavy and numb as she slowly rose from the bedside. “Sorry. I wish I could. I wish you’d never been burned and I had never agreed to help a friend,” she said in a stricken voice, then turned and hurried out of the room.
The next morning when she entered the kitchen, she discovered Linc had already eaten breakfast without her and somehow he’d managed to button his jeans. As for his shirt, it was the first time she’d ever seen him in only a T-shirt and he looked almost naked to her, but she didn’t make any comment about it. Nor did she scold him for putting enough pressure on his fingers to button his jeans. She knew why he was doing it and she knew right then and there that their days together were over.
After she’d downed a few bites of toast and jelly, she went to her room and called Victoria’s office. The moment the other woman heard Nevada’s voice, she quickly asked, “What’s wrong? Has Linc hurt himself?”
“No. It’s nothing like that. I called to see if you were going to be in your office all morning. I’d like to come by and talk to you. It’s very important.”
“You mean you’re going to leave Linc there by himself? You’re on the phone with me now, Nevada. Can’t we talk like this?”
Even though she was enclosed in her room, she glanced around to make sure Linc wasn’t eavesdropping. “I’d rather not. It’s too personal.”
Victoria let out a long sigh. “Oh dear, this sounds bad.”
It was bad, Nevada thought, sadly. She’d never felt such anguish in her whole life. “I’ll tell you about it when I get there,” Nevada told her. “Give me about an hour. If you’re in with a patient, I’ll wait in your office.”
“All right,” Victoria agreed, and Nevada quickly said good-bye.
Once she’d hung up the telephone, she quickly packed all her things and left the cases sitting neatly on the bed. She wasn’t going to carry them through the house and show Linc her intentions until she’d had a chance to talk with Victoria first. The woman had hired her for this job and she was the person who deserved an explanation.
Minutes later, she told Linc she had to drive into town on business. As she headed her little car down the mountain, she tried not to think that it would be one of the last times she would ever see this wild, beautiful place. Would she ever stop thinking of it as home?
At the clinic she found Victoria engaged with a patient, so she went to the doctor’s office to wait. It wasn’t long before Victoria hurried into the
room. She took hold of Nevada by both shoulders.
“All right. What’s happened? You want to quit, don’t you? I could hear it in your voice.”
Dropping her head, Nevada swung it back and forth. “I’m sorry, Victoria. I realize that doesn’t mean much. But there are circumstances that—well, I just can’t stay under the same roof with Linc anymore. He doesn’t want me there. And I feel very awkward, to say the least.”
Her face puckered with confusion, Victoria released her hold on Nevada and crossed the room to the leather chair behind her desk. As she sank into it and crossed her legs, she repeated, “Doesn’t want you there? I thought you two were getting along fine.”
Nevada could feel a deep blush warming her face. “We were. But things have changed.”
Victoria propped her elbows on the desk and studied Nevada with deep concern. “Really? What sort of things? Did Linc get mad about something? Or did you?”
Nevada massaged her aching forehead with shaky fingers. “This is difficult to explain.”
“Nevada, I don’t have a clue what this is about, but you’ve been a nurse long enough to know that patients can be difficult. I’m sure Linc’s been a bear at times. But if anyone can deal with it, you can.”
Nevada let out a long, pent-up breath. “Well, after Jess called and told him about the fire being arson things changed.”
“Oh.” Victoria leaned wearily back in the leather chair. “That’s not surprising. The fire was a very personal thing for him. Those mares are his life and now he learns that someone targeted them and him. I’m sure the news cut his legs out from under him.”
Closing her eyes, Nevada said in a low, strained voice, “Yes. He was upset. He came to my bedroom to tell me about it. And—”
She paused not knowing how to go on, then she opened her eyes to see Victoria smiling at her.
“And he kissed you,” she said happily.
Groaning now, Nevada shook her head. “Oh Victoria, I wish it had only been a kiss. We—we made love. And now things are just terrible between us. It couldn’t be more awful. That’s why I’m here—to tell you that I can’t stay with Linc any longer. It’s just too painful. He doesn’t want me there.”
Without uttering a word, Victoria rose from the chair and came around the desk to put a comforting arm around Nevada’s shoulder.
“Oh honey, no wonder you look so miserable. You must be broken-hearted.”
Nevada’s eyes grew watery as she looked up at Victoria’s concerned face. “I never knew anything could hurt this bad, Victoria. I’ve fallen in love with Linc. But he doesn’t want any sort of relationship with me.”
Patting her shoulder, Victoria said, “I’m not surprised. Linc has always wanted to be on his own. But I am very disappointed. You’re exactly what he needs in his life. Did he say why he didn’t want things to develop between you?”
Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, Nevada told her, “To put it simply, he doesn’t want to go through what his parents went through. Apparently they had a shaky marriage.”
“Well, from what Mother told me, Randolf was very possessive and Darla wanted her space. Then there were rumors that Randolf played around and that must have eaten away at her heart.”
Nevada’s eyes widened at this bit of information. “Does Linc know that?”
Victoria shook her head. “I don’t think so. He adored his father. Mother only told me this in total secrecy. And that was long after Randolf had died and Darla had left.” Her expression turned earnest. “You won’t tell him this, will you, Nevada? I mean, maybe some people would think he ought know the truth of things. But that was so long ago and his mother deserted him. Why pile more heartache on top of that?”
Nevada could see the other woman’s reasoning. Yet the idea that Linc didn’t know the true facts about his parents’ relationship made her chances to have a future with the man practically nil. He was always going to have bitter memories of his mother unless the woman reappeared and explained herself.
“No. I won’t tell him. In fact, I won’t be telling him anything, except good-bye,” she said.
“Oh Nevada,” Victoria wailed. “Can’t you go back and try to mend fences? At least for another week. By then he ought to be getting his bandages off completely and he’ll be able to take care of himself. Right now he needs you.”
“Hah!” Nevada said bitterly. “The man doesn’t need anyone. Especially me.”
“You know that isn’t true. He desperately needs your love. He just doesn’t know it yet.”
Feeling cornered and confused, Nevada jumped to her feet. “I’m going back to the ranch, loading my bags in the car and leaving. You can’t change my mind about this, Victoria. I feel badly that I can’t finish my end of the bargain. But under circumstances like this I’d hoped you would understand.”
Victoria rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. “Oh Nevada, of course I understand. I just wish things could be different. All the way around.”
Nevada leaned forward and placed a grateful kiss on Victoria’s cheek. “So do I,” she whispered tearfully and then turned and hurried out of the office before Victoria could see her break down in sobs.
She drove slowly back to the ranch in hopes the long drive through the countryside would help her pull herself together before she had to face Linc again.
When she arrived, she was thankful not to see him as she hurried to her room to make sure she had everything packed before she carried her bags out to her car.
She was entering the living room, a bag clutched in both hands when Linc stepped out from the kitchen doorway. The moment he spotted her he froze and even from several feet away she could see his eyes narrow.
“What is this?” he asked.
“I think you can figure it out,” she said dully. “Your nurse is leaving. You can tear off your bandages—do whatever—I just won’t be around to see it.”
He crossed the room to where she stood and stared down at her. “What are you doing? You’ve been here a little more than a week and you’re already sick of it?”
His questions caused her to wince. “Don’t lay all of that on me, Linc. You know why I’m leaving. And don’t act so offended. This is what you want. With me gone, you can breathe a sigh of relief. You won’t be tempted to crawl back in bed with me.”
His nostrils flared as his gaze searched her face. “Maybe it is for the best,” he said flatly. “We sure as hell don’t need to keep going on like this.”
“I agree,” she told him, then with her heart aching, she put on the best professional face she could summon. “Good-bye, Linc. I wish you good luck with your hands and your horses. And I hope whoever tried to hurt you will be caught and punished quickly.”
No one could ever hurt him as much as she was doing at this moment, Linc thought. But he understood that her leaving was the best thing, the right thing to do for both of them. He wasn’t husband material and Nevada was a woman who deserved a real family. Not a sexual liaison now and then.
Feeling like a wooden statue, he reached out to take her arms. “I’m sorry about this, Nevada. I never set out to hurt you. I hope you’ll find another man— someone you can really love.”
She pulled away from him. “Really? You like the idea of another man making love to me the way you made love to me?”
Her questions left him sick inside and for a moment he wanted nothing more than to jerk her into his arms and brand her lips with his. But he couldn’t touch her in that way now. If he did, the two of them would only wind up in bed again and if that were to happen he would totally and truly be a lost man.
“Good-bye, Nevada,” he said thickly, then turned and walked away before the pain in his heart begged her to stay.
A little more than a week later, Nevada was in the tiny room where all the medicine for the clinic was stored. She was searching through a small refrigerator for a certain antibiotic and not having any luck when Victoria entered the room.
“I’m sorry, Victoria. It’s
not here. I thought we’d ordered it about a month ago. I’ll have Joyce look up all the order sheets. Is there a close substitute we can give the patient?”
“Yes.” The doctor reached around Nevada’s shoulder and picked up a bottle from the refrigerator shelf. “Give him ten cc’s of this and make sure you note it on his chart. I’m going to examining room two and see what I can do for Mrs. Parkins.”
“She said she vomited for two hours this morning,” Nevada said. “What do you think is wrong with her?”
“Betcha ten dollars she’s pregnant,” Victoria said with a wink. “And I’d win. I’ve already read the pregnancy test.”
Nevada stared at her in surprise. “Mrs. Parkins! She’s forty-two years old!”
Victoria threw a hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. “Nevada! You’re a good nurse. You know that any woman whose equipment is in working order is capable of becoming pregnant, no matter what her age.”
“Dear God, she’s going to be shocked,” Nevada muttered.
“Probably. But she’ll be happy even more,” Victoria said with a smile. “And speaking of happy, how long is it going to be before I see a smile on your face again? You’ve been going around here looking like you gave yourself a birthday party and nobody came.”
Nevada cast her a wry look. “I’m trying, Victoria. I’ve been telling myself that Linc Ketchum isn’t worth this misery I’m going through. But my heart just doesn’t seem to be hearing my words of wisdom.”
Victoria sighed with regret. “I know, honey. Before Jess and I got things ironed out, I wasn’t fit to be around.”
“Yes, but Jess loved you. And both of you did iron out your differences. There’s no hope of that with me and Linc.”
“I wouldn’t say that, Nevada. Not yet. Ross says Linc hasn’t been acting like himself at all. That can only mean that he’s fretting over you,” Victoria reasoned.
While shoving a needle into the bottle of antibiotic Nevada did her best to ignore Victoria’s suggestion. There wasn’t any point in giving herself any false hope.
Taming a Dark Horse Page 15
