by Lauren Dane
* * *
Hannah woke up from a very deep sleep. She reached out to find Julian’s space empty. Vincenz had worked on the encryption for hours until he’d dropped into bed to get a few hours’ kip. She’d given him a massage until he’d finally fallen asleep and then curled into him, safe and warm.
But it was so late and Julian was gone. Careful not to wake Vincenz, she rolled from bed and pulled a shirt and pants on and stepped into shoes.
There’d been three small storms earlier that day and the air still felt jittery. That it was jittery for a reason totally made sense to her in ways she couldn’t understand.
The house was quiet as she made her way outside to stand and look up into the star-filled sky.
She was sure Julian was off doing his secret spy business, and she’d been the one to tell him to go and not worry about her. She hoped he was all right and sleeping, maybe even dreaming of her on some far-off ’Verse.
That’s when she turned to go back inside and saw him off in the distance. She knew it was him without seeing his face or his features. Knew the way he held himself, the way he walked. And he walked with anger.
So she found herself moving to him, wanting to fix whatever it was that’d made him this way.
“Julian?”
He spun, hands fisted, mouth set in a grim line. “Oh, beautiful Hannah, are you a dream?”
Not worrying about those fists, she embraced him, hugging tight. “No, I’m real. And here. I missed you today.”
He set himself away from her. “I’m not fit company right now. You should go back inside. You shouldn’t be out here alone.”
“I’m not alone. I’m with you. Tell me.”
“No. Go inside and let me be, Hannah.”
“Oh, I see. You can push me and poke around in my head and with my emotions to help me get over something, but I’m not allowed to do the same for you?”
Eyes narrowed, he huffed out a frustrated breath. “This isn’t the same and I don’t need to go over it.”
“It’s difficult, you know. To compete with the ghost of a woman you won’t talk about.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what? You are in every part of me. Poking. Demanding. I give to you. But there’s a part of you I can’t get to because it belongs to Marame and you won’t even discuss her with me.”
“It wasn’t that way. You know it. I can’t believe you’re jealous of a dead woman.”
“I can’t believe it either, but it exists just the same.”
“I’m fucking another man and you don’t care about that, but you’re going to throw a fit over a dead woman I never touched romantically. That’s beneath you.”
She tried not to let him see how much that hurt. Knew he did it to keep her back.
“A fit? Is that what this is? I suppose I must have misunderstood the meaning of the word all these years. I can throw one if you like. Maybe that’s what you need. As for you fucking another man, I know Vincenz. I see the love you two have. You let me share in. But Marame—”
He spun. “Stop saying her name!”
That hurt more than the slap he’d made just moments before. “Why?”
“Just leave me the fuck alone, okay? She and I had something special and I won’t apologize for it. You don’t need it to have other parts of me. When you back off and want to be left alone, I leave you alone.”
She shook her head. “Balderdash. You poke and poke and poke. I’d never ask you to apologize for loving someone. Share with me, damn you.”
“She’s dead. There’s nothing to share other than that. Now go back inside, Hannah; I’m not feeling romantic and I’m not the man to give you soft words. Not tonight.”
“Did I ask you for soft words, Julian? Have I ever asked you for anything you didn’t offer first? I’m asking you now. I’m asking you to share with me. You say I’m important to you and how you want me around in your life. Tell me about her.”
“Go back to bed. I’ll be in shortly.”
She stood, watching him. Aching for the pain she knew he felt and for whatever reason didn’t want to share.
“Go! I can’t deal with fixing you right now.” He turned his back on her.
She jerked back, tears coming so easily she didn’t have much time to be amazed by it. That, after he’d told her just that morning that she didn’t need to be fixed. After he’d scolded her for saying it of herself.
She turned and walked back toward the house. She knew he hadn’t meant to hurt her. Knew he most likely hadn’t meant it either. But he’d used one of her fears to hurt her and she didn’t care to be around him for a while.
But she didn’t want to get in bed either, she realized as she stood just outside the door to the bedchamber. Didn’t want to smell him on the sheets. She looked down at the shirt she wore, his shirt.
Chapter 22
Vincenz awoke and found her gone. The bed was cool in the Hannah-shaped space between them, so she’d been up awhile. Julian hadn’t returned yet either, apparently. He needed kava and some food and to check in on the program to see what had unraveled in the few hours since he’d gone to bed. He noted the folded-up shirt on Julian’s pillow. The one Hannah wore so often.
It was as he was pulling his trousers on that Julian came in. His gaze swept the room and the bed and then locked on the shirt.
“Fuck.”
Alarmed, Vincenz grabbed a shirt of his own. “What?”
He picked up the shirt and buried his face in it. “Where is she?”
“What did you do, Julian?” His heart pounded.
“I said … I think I hurt her feelings.”
Vincenz tipped his chin toward the shirt. “You think? Because that’s more than a sulk. She’s not prone to them anyway.”
He opened the door and stalked out. The kitchen was full of people already, but none of them were Hannah.
“Have you seen Hannah?” Vincenz asked Piper, who handed him a mug of kava and he wanted to kiss her in thanks. But Andrei would frown on such liberties so he contented himself with a thank-you.
Piper smiled his way. “She was up when I came out. Working on the comm. She left you a note I think.”
“Where is she?” Julian repeated.
Andrei raised a brow at Julian’s tone. “Why?”
“Because we don’t know where she is and we’d like to.”
“You want to explain why you’re giving me attitude, Julian?” Andrei leaned back against the counter as everyone else scattered.
“He’s worried about her, silly.” Piper patted his arm. “And perhaps he’s done an incredibly male thing and made her upset and now that he’s ready to make amends he’s pissy she’s not available for that.”
“She talked to you.” Julian nearly growled the words.
“Enough.”
“What the fuck is going on?” Vincenz rounded on Julian.
“She came upon me when I was in a mood. Poked and pushed. I told her to leave me be.”
Vincenz kept looking at him.
“I wasn’t as gentle with her as I could have been.”
“I’m going to assume you mean verbally.”
Julian’s features darkened. “Of course! Do you think I’d use my fists on a woman? Any woman, much less our woman?”
“No. I don’t.”
Piper sighed heavily. “She didn’t give me any specifics other than you’d been short with her and said some things she was trying to not be bothered by. I assured her that men were sometimes dreadfully stupid and said things they didn’t mean or even believe but that hurt anyway because they knew us so well. And then I told her if you were worthy, you’d get your groveling pants on and give her the begging she deserved.”
Vincenz shook his head. “What. Did. You. Say?”
Andrei and Piper made to leave the room. “She went out with some of the others to the greenhouses. There’s a rather large group so she’s fine,” Andrei said as they left.
“I don’t want to talk about it.
” Julian sulked.
“Too fucking bad.”
But he wanted to punch Julian in the face when the whole story came out.
“I’m stunned, Julian. I really am.” He needed to find her. That she hadn’t come back to bed, that she’d left the house to go elsewhere, that she’d given up that shirt made him anxious.
“I didn’t mean it. I just needed some time alone. I don’t have her to talk to anymore—Marame, I mean. I don’t know how to …” Julian held up the shirt and shook his head.
“I need to find her. You don’t. Let me deal with her alone. Then you can grovel. First I want to look at her note.” He found it resting on the keyboard.
Looks like sectors A–F are now decrypted. I set the new program to piggyback on yours to double the data spread. Looks like references to cities and people you may be able to get a lock on the location from. I took the liberty of creating a data collector for the names and locations, at least those that appear to be. Not perfect, but a start. —Hannah
He looked down at the screen and saw the same three names over and over.
“Caelinus. The lab where my father is doing the research is on Caelinus.” He turned to Julian. “Get planning. I’m going out to find her and bring her back.”
“Fuckall if you think I’m going to sit back here while you go find her.”
“Didn’t bother you for the however many hours in between when you told her you didn’t have time to fix her until you came into the house.”
Julian set his jaw. “I watched her to be sure she got back inside safely. Assumed it was to you. I won’t let you make me feel bad for being human.”
Vincenz sighed and pulled Julian to him, hugging him. “No, you shouldn’t have to.”
“I made a mess. You need to let me clean it up.”
Vincenz kissed Julian’s temple. “She’s out there. Upset. Without you or me, and you want me to wait around while you go find her? When she may not even want you to find her?” He paused. “I’m sorry, that was shitty. It’s just a stupid fight and it won’t be the last, I’m sure. She’s coming into herself now, finding a space between how she was before and what she’ll be in the future. She’s a strong woman, bedroom manner aside.”
Julian put his forehead to Vincenz’s. “I was wrong. I hurt her.”
“You were and you did. You have to let go, you know. Marame is dead but that doesn’t mean you can’t ever talk about her, or share her with people. Of course Hannah was curious. She saw you hurting and wanted to make it better.”
But before anything else could be said, Vincenz heard her laughter on the breeze.
“She’s coming.” Julian kissed the corner of Vincenz’s mouth.
The back door opened and she came through with several other people. Her hair had been covered with a bright red scarf and she wore a sweater she’d brought with her. Nothing from either of them and the sight of it cut to his heart, though he had no reason to be so sad about it. She was still there, had worked, left him a note; there was nothing amiss.
One of Arch’s grandsons—the boy was maybe twenty or twenty-one standard—gazed at her adoringly, and he wasn’t the only one. Julian growled but Vincenz elbowed him in the side. “No.”
He moved to her, drawn by the light she carried within. “I was just coming to find you,” he said, entering the room where she’d already started washing up and cleaning the vegetables and fruit she’d brought back.
She looked up and smiled at him. Though it showed to her eyes, he saw the sadness there too.
“I’ve been in the greenhouses. When I meet Taryn I’m going to have to tell him how magnificent they were.”
“Andrei helped too,” Piper said as she came in from outside. “He rigged the cisterns so that we could water the plants. Without having to carry the water all the time and without having to ration it so tightly because we had a dedicated cistern for the greenhouses, our output grew.”
“We preserve things, put them by for the leaner times.” Her adoring fan said, never taking his gaze from her face, except to sneak peeks at her breasts. Vincenz didn’t blame him, but the boy needed to remember his manners.
“Do you have the time to go over the results of the tests you were running?” Vincenz held his hand out.
She took it and the anxiety he’d been choking on for a while eased back. “I’d forgotten about that. Did you get my note?”
“I did and I think we’ve got some answers.”
She turned back to the crew she’d come in with. “I’ve got to get back to work. Thank you for letting me tag along today.”
He walked with her, slow and easy. Again realizing just how much he needed to touch her. Funny the things she’d brought to his life. Before her, before Julian even, he wasn’t touched. Not every day. He’d had lovers, but no one like either of them. Now this woman would sit with him, her feet in his lap or her head on his shoulder. Touch seemed so integral when it was someone he loved doing it.
“I didn’t want to wake you so after I set the new program up I decided I needed some time outside.”
He put his arm around her waist. “I know about the fight with Julian.”
She stiffened as she caught sight of him standing near the area she’d set up as her workspace. Vincenz noted that Julian had put out the sound dampeners the day before and that they were all functional. Which was good given the discussion they were about to have.
“Oh. Well. So the situation with the program. You said you found some answers?”
Oh, so she was like that when she was mad? Ouch. He made a mental note of it, not wanting to be on the receiving end. Not when she was normally so sweet and affectionate.
“Come walk with me, Hannah. Vin has to set up some travel plans.” Julian wasn’t going to let her push him back either. Good.
“I’ve done quite a bit of walking today, thank you. I don’t need help. Or fixing.”
Julian sighed. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted. Now, is it Caelinus? I saw a name come up a few times and I tried to search for it but didn’t find anything. I don’t know why I felt it was. I just did.”
Vincenz looked back and forth between them and decided to let Julian do his own groveling.
“It is.” He pointed to the screen. “This term here? It’s my father’s tongue; I guess mine too.”
“I thought Imperial was the standard all across the Imperialist Universes?”
“It is. Much like standard is what most of our citizens speak. But Caelinus had her own native tongue. I’m told it’s a derivative of an old Earth language. Anyway, this is the valley the Imperialist palace sits in. No one has referred to it by that name for generations now.”
Her eyes widened. “You mean to tell me his lab is there? In the palace?”
“It makes sense to a certain extent. He’d want it close so he could keep an eye on the progress. It’s certainly the most well-fortified place he’s got. It’s big. The entire compound takes up several hectares.”
“And it’s surrounded by an entire column of Skorpios,” Julian added.
She sniffed. “Oh, good. It’ll be a snap to go and deal with that, then.”
“Don’t talk like you’ll be there.”
Hannah looked at him, her brows high. “Really? So all this talk about how integral I am was just bullshit?”
Vincenz sent a cautious look to Julian, who looked as surprised as Vincenz felt. She rarely used any sort of crude language. Outside their bed chamber anyway.
“Noo. Not that at all. You are integral. But Caelinus isn’t Silesia.”
“Oh. All right then. I had no idea. I’ll just go back to … where would that be exactly? But I’ll just go back there and wait for you to return like a good little woman.” And with that, she spun and stormed out.
“I’m glad she’s mad at you too.”
He whacked the back of Julian’s head. “We can’t let her go on this op. This is beyond dangerous.”
“It’s all beyond danger
ous, Vin. The shit back on Parron. Her facing those labs? Come on. Not to mention that without her we wouldn’t have made it. She’s the one who disabled all that security.”
“I know a way into the palace.”
“If we can only, you know, get to Caelinus.”
“So you’d let her go to get back on her good side?”
“I heard that!” she called out from the other room.
“Fuck.” Vincenz pulled at the ends of his hair, frustrated and freaked out.
“Not with me,” she said loud enough for them to hear.
Vincenz winced. “This is your fault.” He glared at Julian.
“You did just fine on your own. I already apologized.” Julian put his hands up in defense.
Andrei cruised through the room and shook his head at both of them before waving them both outside.
“Really, both of you should be ashamed of yourselves.”
“What? You think I should let her go to the single most dangerous place in all the Known Universes? To get pussy?” Vincenz nearly sputtered it, he was so pissed off.
“Not going there. Yet. No, I mean the way you’ve both handled an angry female. I thought you both far smoother than this.” Andrei pulled a pouch from his inner coat pocket and began to roll a smoke. “Julian, you have a reputation. Is it all fabricated? Have you never calmed a woman down after you’ve made her mad?”
“It would have been fine if Vincenz hadn’t told her she couldn’t go.”
Andrei looked back to Vincenz and shook his head. “I know a few things about high-strung, intense women. You think Piper would take any of the nonsense you two spin to Hannah? And there’s two of you, which means twice the opportunity to fuck up. And twice the opportunity to make up. Gods, boys, have you never experienced make-up sex?”
Vincenz wanted to laugh. He rarely saw this side of Andrei, who was normally incredibly reserved, a man of very few words.
“Oh.” Julian pouted, but because he was Julian, it only made Vincenz want to bite him somewhere good and lick away the sting.
“Here’s what I’m going to do. Piper tells me Hannah loves to swim. She’s logged the coordinates for some heated pools out near the caldera. They’re inside a series of large, open caves so be sure Hannah will be all right with that. It’s a bitch to land, but Julian is totally capable. Don’t break that zipper; it’s Piper’s favorite and unlike you two dolts, I like to keep my woman happy.”
