The Heart of Mine

by Amanda Bennett

  I was overwhelmed with the events of today and yesterday. My life was beginning to get beyond complicated, and I could feel myself getting to the edge of never. Everything inside of me was tellin' me to jump. To just let go and let everyone else deal with the consequences, but I couldn't. I wouldn't in a million years ever put Kayla through that. She deserved me at my best and damn it if I wasn't willing to prove that to her.

  As I lay there on my bed, staring aimlessly at the ceiling, Joey's words from early kept invading my thoughts. They were haunting me, taunting me to do something I knew I would instantly regret, only because I knew that my actions had the power to take away everything of importance to me. I clicked the home button on my phone, illuminating the screen, so I could see what time it was.

  Unfortunately, it was only ten o'clock at night. I let out a loud sigh just as I heard a small knock at my door. Everything inside of me wanted it to be Kayla. I imagined runnin' to my door, swinging it open wide and pullin' her up and into my embrace. I could feel her skin against mine, wiling me to undress her amazing little body to take full advantage of what was mine.

  To my dismay, it was my gran. She looked tattered and worn down, and my heart jumped into my throat. My throat that was now constricting and dry. Her look was full of worry and I was at a loss for words to comfort her.

  I pulled her into my arms and gave her a small squeeze. "What is it, Gran?"

  I could feel her sobs making her body tremble. "He's gone, Madi. What in the world am I supposed to do without him? He was my world, my everything, and now I have nothing."

  "That's where you're wrong, Gran. You have me. You will always have me."

  I bent down, scooping my gran in my arms, before carrying her off to bed. By the time we reached her doorway, she was fast asleep in my arms. I placed a small kiss against her tear-streaked cheek and placed her on top of her mattress, pulling the comforter up and over her.

  There was nothin' I wouldn't do for this little old lady in front of me. I would go to the ends of the earth for her. Hell, I would die for her, if it meant she would be safe and happy. As I stood there looking down at the only woman who had ever loved me unconditionally and without question, I vowed to keep the one man away from her that could hurt her more than anything else in this world.

  I could instantly feel my anger rush through my veins with a force that I wasn't used to. I slowly backed out of the room, closing the door behind me. I tried to go back to my room, I honestly did, but there was somethin' I had to do.

  I snatched my keys off of the table and ran like hell out to my truck. Before I had time to talk myself outta it, I pressed my foot to the floor, pushing the truck faster with every passing mile. I was vaguely aware of my surroundings, when I pulled into the parking lot of the local bar. I was underage and knew it was highly unlikely that I would be able to get in, but I had to try. Someone sat behind those doors that had the potential to ruin everything I have.

  I slipped my keys and phone into my front pocket before makin' my way up to the side entrance. Relief washed over me, as I caught sight of Bryan manning the door. I made my way up to him just as the last person waiting in line made their way inside. Bryan's hard look quickly turned soft as I approached him, and I could only assume that Glenn had told him what had happened. I stuck my hand out as I got closer, but Bryan pulled me into a deep manly hug instead.

  "I'm so sorry, bro."

  "Thanks, man. Hey I have a huge favor to ask of you. I know we aren't close or anything, but I need to get inside for a minute. I promise I won't cause any problems, I just need to see if someone I know is here."

  "Bro, you know I would love to help you, but if you guys aren't playin' it's real hard for me to do that."

  "It's a matter of life and death. And not my life, Kayla's." Yeah, I played the Kayla card. I knew how much he cared for my girl and knowing that, made it easy for me to play him. "Alright, you've got ten minutes."

  "Thanks, Bryan."

  "Sure thing, man."

  I slapped my hand down on Bryan's shoulder as I entered the bar in a show of appreciation. I quickly did a once over of everyone in front of the stage before makin' my way over to the bar area. The band that was playin' tonight was gearing up to go on stage, so I had to move quickly. As soon as the lights went down, there was no way in hell I would be able to spot him.

  I slid past a few people pressed up against the bar, when I caught sight of his dirty blonde hair sticking up in every direction. I had never seen him before, but Joey was pretty descriptive with his description of him earlier. When he turned and I caught sight of his face, it took every ounce of control inside of me not to go runnin' over the top of people and tables to get to him.

  I stood, stuck in place when I felt a hand clasp down onto my shoulder. I turned quickly, ready for a fight if that's what it came down to. I cocked my fist back ready to unleash as I caught sight of Bryan's tall frame in front of me. I dropped my fist and followed him as he led me through the crowd and out the side entrance.

  "Thanks Bryan. I owe you."

  "No worries, man. Take care of that girl and tell her I say hi."

  "Will do."

  I shook his hand and made my way out to my truck. Life just got ten times more complicated than I could've imagined. I started my truck and intentionally squealed the tires as I took off in the direction of my house.

  Chapter 4

  Kayla

  I squinted my eyes as the rising sun came shining through my bedroom window. I knew I had only gotten maybe three hours of sleep, which explained the exhaustion I felt. My eyes were dry and burning as I lay staring into the direct sunlight. I could feel my hand resting against my flat stomach and I swiftly brought it out from under the covers. As I turned onto my other side, I came face to face with my best friend staring in my direction.

  "Well good mornin' sunshine." I whispered in her direction.

  "Good morning. When were you going to tell me Kay?"

  My mouth instantly went dry. "What are you talkin' about?"

  "Don't play dumb with me. I saw the test in the bathroom trash can."

  A million different emotions ran through me before I could find my voice to respond. "I..I.."

  "I swear to god, if you try to lie to me right now, I will beat your Texan ass."

  "I was going to tell you, I swear I was. I found out yesterday before the funeral and well...it just didn't seem like the right time."

  "I get it."

  I lay there staring directly into my best friend's curious eyes. I wanted to tell her more than anything yesterday, and I had every intention in doing so, but part of me didn't want to believe it was true.

  "Look, I haven't told Madison, and I'm not exactly sure when I will. With everything that's happened, I just need it to be the right time, you know?"

  "Is it his?"

  Her voice was no louder than a whisper and I found myself short of breath as I let her question sink in. When I didn't answer right away, Cami pushed my arm gently.

  "Um.." I sat up against my headboard counting in my head. I wasn't sure how far along I was and that was what would determine whose it was. I hadn't even factored in what had happened with Wren.

  Oh my god, what if it was his? I wasn't even sure how Madison would react knowing he was going to be a father, but I really didn't know how he would react if I said the baby wasn't his. Cami must've sensed my horror, because she was quickly sitting next to me with her arm draped over my shoulders.

  "Honey, I didn't mean to scare you. I was just curious. Just breathe, we will figure it out. I promise."

  "Cami, what if it is Wren's? What if I lose Madison?" My head dropped into my hands as tears rolled down my fingers.

  "Oh love, you know Madison would never leave you because of something like that. I'm sure everything will be just fine. Now stop crying and let's get you some breakfast. That baby needs to eat and so do you. You haven't eaten anything since yesterday morning."

  I nodded in agreement and s
lid out from under my covers.

  "I'm going to take a quick shower and then I'll meet you downstairs."

  "Okay." I could feel her questioning gaze on me as I turned to walk into the bathroom.

  I closed the door behind me and turned on the shower as hot as it would allow. I waited for the thick steam to engulf the room before I entered the shower. I let the scalding hot droplets of water fall over me, mixing with my salty tears. After I washed my hair and body, I let my naked trembling body slide down the cool tile wall. The steam was so thick, I was finding it hard to breathe, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave the confines of my hot shower.

  My knees were tucked tightly into my body with my head resting on the top of my knees and arms. I let the water run over my skin, pushing my hair over my face making it stick to my slick skin. I wasn't sure how long I had been in there, but just as the water started running cold, I felt a pair of strong arms slide under my knees and with one swift motion, pull me up and into an even stronger chest. I knew instantly it was Madison, but I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my face into the crook of his neck.

  I heard him turn the water off with his other hand and grab a towel from below the sink, before gently tucking it around my body. Seconds later, I found myself being set down on my bed. I tugged at the edges of the towel, before I finally looked up under hooded eyes.

  "Hey there pretty girl. You wanna tell me what's goin' on?"

  "Not really." My voice came out gravely and strained from cryin' so much.

  "Okay, do you think you will want to anytime soon?"

  I shook my head just as the second wave of tears came crashing down over me. I'm sure it was the mix of my hormones and the thought of bein' pregnant with my rapist's baby, but I felt out of control and on edge. I needed to tell Madison, lord knows I wanted to, but I wasn't even sure that I was one hundred percent pregnant. In that instant, I made the decision to wait to tell him, until I went to see a doctor. There was no sense in worryin' about something that may not be true.

  Madison's arm settled on top of my shoulders and I nestled my cold wet body against his. "Do you want to tell me what Joey said to you last night?"

  "Not really." He countered. I knew that would be his answer, but it still didn't make the frustration I felt dissipate.

  I just shook my head and pushed myself off of the bed to get dressed. I clutched my things to my chest along with the towel, as I made my way past him and back into the bathroom. "I thought we were going to be honest with each other?" I said just as I closed the door.

  I knew I was being a hypocrite, given the fact that I still hadn't told him about the baby, but he was hiding something as well and that made me want to not tell him even more. I knew how childish I was being, but now I had someone else to worry about beside myself. There was no way I was going to let him think he could get away with keeping secrets from me, no matter how big or small they may be.

  When I emerged from the bathroom, Madison was no longer in my room. I assumed he made his way downstairs to hang with Cami while I got dressed, but when I made it down to the kitchen, Cami sat by herself at the table.

  "Where's Madison?"

  "He left. Didn't say a word, just left out the back door. Your grandparents are gone too. Said they had some errands to run in town and that they would be back later this afternoon."

  "I guess it's just me and you then, huh?"

  "Um.. Yeah about that. I kind of made plans with Glenn. Is that okay?"

  Seriously? Was everybody just going to ignore me today? "Yeah hun, that's fine. I'll find something to do."

  "Okay, I'll see ya later today." She gave me a quick hug, and then cleared her plate from the table before leaving.

  I grabbed myself a cup of coffee and settled in at the table. I grabbed my cell phone from the opposite side and decided now was as good a time as any to make an appointment. I called our family doctor and amazingly enough, the nurse said she just had someone cancel, and if I could get down there in twenty minutes they could see me today.

  I finished my cup of coffee, grabbed my purse and keys and made my way out to my truck. I was five minutes away from the doctor's office when I felt my phone vibrate in my front pocket. I checked the caller ID and hit ignore as Madison's face lit up my screen. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him after his disappearing act and I needed to keep myself composed before I saw the doctor.

  I pulled into the parking lot a few minutes later and just as I was signing in, my phone vibrated again. I knew who it was, so without looking at the screen, I turned it off. I would call him when I was done.

  I sat down in one of the chairs in the far corner next to a petite pregnant lady and her daughter. The little girl looked up at me from under long black lashes and I gave her a small smile. Her face lit up when I did this and she waved her small little hand. I watched this little girl as she quickly jumped down from her chair, making her way over to the pile of toys on the other side of her mom.

  She was the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. Her hair was long and curly and sat just above her waistband. Below her bangs, sat a pair of the most piercing blue eyes and a small button nose. She looked up at me just then and gave me a full heart warming smile. In that instant, I knew that no matter who the father was, I would embrace motherhood to the best of my abilities. I hadn't known this morning, or ever, but I wanted this more than anything.

  Chapter 5

  Madison

  I slammed my phone down on the kitchen table, startling my gran in the process. I looked in her direction with an apologetic smile. I knew Kayla would be a little pissed that I just left without sayin' anything this mornin', but I didn't expect her to ignore my calls and then turn her phone off.

  After the first two calls went unanswered, I had made my way back to her house, but nobody was around and her truck was gone. How did we get here? Granted yesterday had been a shitty day, but I thoroughly expected us to grow closer, not push each other away.

  "Madison, honey. Give her some space. I'm sure after yesterday she is just feelin' a bit out of sorts. She'll talk to you when she's ready."

  "I know Gran, but things just don't feel right lately and I'm at a loss at what I can do to fix things."

  "Sometimes, you have to let these things sort themselves out. Everything will be okay."

  "Gran are you okay after everything that happened yesterday? I'm so sorry for all of that by the way."

  "Oh honey, I'm fine. And as far as yesterday goes, well I reckon your father deserved what you handed him and more."

  I smiled up at my gran and kissed the palm of her hand. "I'm gonna go out for a little bit, I'll be back before dinner."

  "Take your time honey. I'll be here."

  I grabbed my keys with no direction in mind. Glenn was busy hangin' out with Cami, and Kayla was god knows where. Once again, I found myself alone. I made my way into town, when I noticed Kayla's truck parked in the parking lot next to the only medical building in town. I pulled into the space next to her truck and made my way up the steps to the main entrance. I wasn't exactly sure what I was goin' to do even if I found her, but my feet had an entirely different idea. I glanced at the sign that listed all the offices in the building when my eyes stopped on Dr. Langer's name. It seemed like the only plausible doctor that she could be visiting. The rest were podiatrists and oncologists. I took the stairs two at a time and stopped dead in my tracks as I caught sight of Kayla as she was walking through one of the doors that led back to the rooms. After the door closed behind her, I slipped through the front door and took a seat.

  I glanced around the office wondering what exactly she was doin' here, when my eyes stopped on a brown haired little girl playin' in the corner by who I could only assume to be her mother. I watched her as she sat there putting together a small puzzle, while her mother sat readin' a magazine. Something about this little girl had me drawn to her. I quickly turned in my seat before people started thinkin'
I was some creepy child molester. I glanced at my phone, noting the time, before I grabbed a magazine to keep myself occupied while I waited for Kayla to emerge.

  A little over thirty minutes later, Kayla still hadn't reappeared, so I decided to head back down to my truck. What did I think I was goin' to accomplish by ambushing her at her doctor's office? I started my truck and threw it into reverse just as I saw Kayla walkin' out to her truck. By the time I was backing out, she had already caught sight of my truck, and I knew by the look on her face that she wasn't very happy to see me. I pulled back into the parking space and put my truck in park, before cutting the ignition. She looked as though she had been cryin' and I found myself jumping out of the truck and running to her.

  "Madison, what are you doin' here?" She was most definitely not happy to see me.

  I ran my hands through my hair before placing my cap back on my head. "You weren't home and you weren't answerin' your phone. I swear I didn't follow you. I was just drivin' through town and saw your truck. I wanted to make sure you were okay." I was rambling.

  "Thanks, I think." She let out a small laugh and my body instantly relaxed. I had missed hearing that laugh.

  "You wanna get some lunch?" I prayed she wouldn't say no.

  "Yeah, that would be nice."

  I opened the passenger door and gave her a boost up into the cab. I ran around the back and jumped in beside her. When I realized that she wasn't movin' closer to me, I grabbed her around her waist and pulled her across the bench seat. "That's better."

  She simply smiled and we took off down the street. I pulled into the small diner we almost always went to lately, glancing at her for confirmation that this would do. When she nodded in my direction, I jumped out to retrieve my girl.

  We found a small booth in the back and I let her slide in before me. The waitress came over a second later and we ordered our usual. After the waitress dropped off our drinks, I turned towards Kayla, lifting her chin up so she was looking right at me.