by Kim Pritekel
Either way, goodnight.
March 20 - Denny Dirisio’s Diary:
Man, that’s high! Today I walked across the Royal Gorge Bridge in Canon City, Colorado. It’s the tallest extension bridge in the world, at 1,053 feet. When you’re standing on those wooden planks, which I swear will break in half at any second! you can’t help but look down, seeing the itty bitty Arkansas River below, like really far below, and think morbid thoughts.
Apparently the bridge is quite the suicide spot for folks in Fremont County, or not even in the county. Some guy told me that a few years back a guy from England jumped off the bridge. Turned out he was wanted in Oklahoma for child molestation charges. Poof! He was gone, leaving his girlfriend standing there, stunned to turn around and see he was gone.
Canon City is an interesting place. I’ve been here for about three weeks. Small town, twenty thousand or so. Kind of creeped out, however, as I sit here in Mr. Ed’s- local greasy spoon. This place was the headquarters for the KKK years back. Lovely. It sure has some beautiful cathedrals, though. The one with the copper roof is gorgeous, especially when the sun hits it just right - Oh, another creep-o-meter fact- this town hosts like nine prisons! What the hell?! Think I may have to pull up stakes.
The other day I went into the prison museum, which was the old women’s prison. The cells are all still there, though each cell tells a different historical fact about a specific inmate or lynching or something. The museum is right next to Territorial Correctional Facility, which is the oldest prison in the state, and still very much in use. It was strange hearing the men talking and laughing, or the radio of a guard, when you’re at the prison museum. I keep expecting a scene from Shawshank Redemption or Bad Boys with Sean Penn, looking at those high, stucco walls, the towers, all of it. I wonder if my license plates came from there?
And what the hell is it with these western states, where it takes an entire day just to get out of the state? And where are the trees?! It’s beautiful here, but wow, so different. The dirt, rocks, and - holy shit! That was an actual tumbleweed! I thought those were just in old John Wayne movies! How crazy is that? Joni would never believe me. Wish I’d gotten a picture of it.
I’m sitting here looking at a map of this great country as I sip my very strong coffee, deciding where I want to go next. I’ve been moving a pretty general westerly route. Maybe I should shoot up north, check out Idaho, or maybe even Washington state. Hmmmm. California?
* * *
Carrie Tillman glanced up, not appreciative of the interruption. “Yes, Tom?”
“I brought this for you to look at, annnnd,” her assistant drawled, tossing the first test copy onto her desk, then leaning on the VP’s desk, waiting until she looked up at him again. “I’ve got an incredible idea.”
“Do you?” Carrie said, leaning back in her chair, taking the novel in hand. She examined the cover, running a finger over the raised letters f Rachel Holt’s name.
“I do.” The assistant grinned, flopping down in the chair across from his boss. “You are going to love this!”
* * *
Will stood in the corner, champagne flute twisting in his fingers. He couldn’t take his eyes off Dean, who was involved in an animated discussion with one of the partners in Will’s architectural firm.
“He’s changed,” a voice said from his left. Will hummed an agreement then turned to see Martin Budd, an attorney who worked in another part of Will’s building, also watching Dean. The only difference was, Martin’s nose was slightly wrinkled and a busy salt and pepper brow was raised in disdain. Will was surprised. He and Dean had spent many dinner parties with Martin and his wife. Confused, he turned to the older man, arms crossed over his suited chest.
“What do you mean by that, Martin?”
“What? Well, look at him! He leaves here a well respected attorney with one of the most prestigious firms in the city, a man on the rise in his career. And now look at him,” again, that look of disapproval. “He looks like a clown in that red jacket, and what happened to him on that island, Will? He comes back some sort of liberal tree-hugger.”
Will felt Martin’s comments hit him in the gut. He’d sensed that perhaps their friends weren’t approving of Dean’s choices and new attitude since returning, but no one had said a thing to him. He wasn’t sure what to say, instead left standing there, hand clutching the crystal flute in a steel grip.
“Listen, Will, I didn’t mean to upset-”
“Enjoy your evening, Martin.” Will handed the stunned attorney his glass and headed over to Dean. Grabbing his arm to get his attention. “Are you ready to go?”
Dean was stunned, looking around to see if there was someone around chasing his partner. Looking back into Will’s handsome face. “Uh, sure. I guess.”
“Excuse us,” Will said to the small group Dean had been talking to, and grabbed Dean’s hand, weaving their way through the crowd until they hit the cool, April night air.
“Will, where’s the fire?” Dean gushed, trying to keep up. He’d never seen the architect like that before, and was getting worried. Will didn’t answer, instead holding the door of the taxi open for Dean, then climbing in behind him. Dean remained silent, glancing over at his partner from time to time, Will staring out at the traffic they passed on their way home.
The architect stood out on the balcony off their bedroom, sipping from his beer. Suit jacket thrown over the armchair it the living room, and tie loosened, he leaned on the railing, looking down at the city below and around him. Martin had hit a nerve with him that he couldn’t shake. He hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself, but Dean’s behavior and drastic change in career had also been making Will wonder. So much had changed since last summer, when Dean had returned to him.
Will was torn. The Dean he saw now was the Dean he’d fallen in love with almost fifteen years ago- loving, carefree and true to himself. Will had always been the sensible one, the one to keep Dean’s wild whims under wraps. Then somewhere along the way, Dean had bought into the world they’d found themselves in, a world of high-priced living and pomp and pretension. Eventually all that Dean had been had died, leaving an ambitious, pompous ass in its stead. Will was swimming in the same waters with the same high-powered sharks, so hadn’t seen the beach for the grains of sand. Now, Dean had returned to his true self, the man who loved the law and it could do for people, and who loved to enjoy life, and Will was still stuck in that world of surface judgments and expensive expectations.
Martin had made Will see something within himself that night that made the architect very uncomfortable. Had he been responsible for the same judgments against Dean? Had he supported him as much as he should, in his decision to change his life?
“You okay?” Dean asked, stepping up beside the architect, wrapping chilled fingers around his coffee mug. Will was silent for a long time. “Something happened at the party, didn’t it?” Will nodded, looking down at his hands, still wrapped around the nearly empty beer bottle. “Tell me.”
Will tossed it around his brain, not sure whether to say anything or not. Looking into Dean’s concerned eyes, he diced to be honest. “People are talking. About you.”
“Okay. And what are they saying?”
“They don’t agree with what you’re doing. Your work with WorldWin, they don’t understand the drastic changes in you.” Will tipped the bottle back, draining the rest of the liquid.
“Okay,” Dean let that sink in, trying to keep his own emotions out of it. Despite the fact he didn’t agree anymore with the life he’d been leading before the crash, he had still once considered those people his friends, and it hurt. But what mattered the most, and what bothered him the most, was Will. Very little bothered the architect as he was obviously bothered tonight. “And what do you think?”
“I think I don’t understand you, either.” He held up a hand to forestall anything Dean might say, so he could explain. “What I mean by that is, how do you turn your back on all that you know? Knew? How can you look
these guys in the face and raise your head high, saying you don’t give a damn what they think? I don’t understand.”
“Will, while on that island, everything was stripped from me- Gucci, Prada, 5th Avenue, all of it. It was gone,” he snapped his fingers, “just like that. I had to watch my fine, expensive clothing deteriorate, my belt and other things used for simple implements of survival. I had to find that good conversation and company meant more to me than some silly, pretentious party, where what you were wearing or the deal you’d made that week, meant whether you were the guest of honor or not. I hate to simplify things, but basically I was living with the salt of the earth over there, the bare necessities to live with and eat, and you know what one thing out of that huge closet I missed?” Will shook his head. “Not one thing. Nothing. The only thing I missed on that island was you. All of this,” Dean waved his arm out over the city. “It’s an illusion, Will. If you lost your job tomorrow, and we had to get ourselves a hovel in Queens, which one of those bastards would be there for us? To help us?”
“None of them,” Will supplied. Dean nodded.
“That’s right. Not a single one. My priorities have changed, honey. All we have is this one shot at life, and if we blow it on the stupid things, well,” Dean shrugged, “at the end of the day, we haven’t really lived at all. So you ask me, how doesn’t it bother me, how do I turn my back on the life I knew. It’s easy, Will. None of it matters. The only thing that matters is you, and what you think of me. But even if,” Dean swallowed, not even wanting to think of what he’d say next, but knowing it needed to be said. “if you didn’t approve, it would hurt like hell, but even then, I won’t change who I am, not anymore, not for anyone. I learned that I need to be true to myself first. The world can be damned.”
Will felt himself falling in love with Dean all over again. He took the shorter man in his arms, sighing in contented relief. “Let’s go to bed.” As they headed inside, they heard the ringing of the phone.
* * *
“Luke, run that into my bedroom,” Pam called out, noting her grandson running past the kitchen, arms loaded with a quilt that was almost as big as he was.
“Okay, grandma!” he called from further into the house.
Pam smiled. After talking late into the night over the Christmas holiday, Pam and Tracy had decided it would be best if the veterinarian- newly licensed in Montana, got her own space. She’d bought a pre-fabricated house and had it built on Tracy’s property. This way she was close enough for Luke, who had become a grandma’s boy, to spend time back and forth between the two houses if he wished, as well as for Pam and Tracy to see each other on a regular basis without being on top of each other.
Looking around the spacious three-bedroom, Pam couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride. The modular was more space than she’d ever had all to herself. The apartment back in New York had been tiny, but it was what she’d always had, so hadn’t seemed out of the ordinary. Now, she felt like she could have Luke and all his friends play a game of football in her living room!
“Grandma, can I stay over tonight?” Luke asked, suddenly standing next to his grandmother, who was making some finishing touches on her paintjob in the kitchen.
“Of course you can, sweetie. You need to ask your mom though, okay?” The boy nodded vigorously, then was gone like a shot. Pam chuckled. Returning to the detail work near the counter, she couldn’t help but smile at what her life had become. She never, ever thought she’d be happy in the open, cold spaces of Montana, so far from what she’d known her whole life. But now, she had her own three-bedroom home, and twelve hundred square feet all to herself. She had a relationship with her daughter, the likes of which she hadn’t had since Tracy had been in her early teens. And, most importantly, she had her grandson, who she thanked God every day for. He made her life so much better, almost as though she were given a second chance with him to do right what’s she’d done wring with Tracy. She adored the boy, and would are say he felt the same about her. Hearing his sweet little voice telling her he loved her, or asking if he could stay the night brightened her whole day.
Life was good. Pam turned when Luke burst through the front door.
“Grandma, mom says you have a phone call at our house.”
“Okay, honey.” Pam laid her hand on the boy’s shoulder, walking back across the large yard to Tracy’s house.
* * *
“Welcome to Lone Pine, California,” Denny read, her van passing by on its way down 395. The highway stretched out into what looked to be a small town, sprawling about six blocks in one direction and five in the other. Tiny! She had to admit, it was a nice change from the craziness that was Los Angeles. “What the hell?” Denny glanced in her rearview mirror to make sure she’d seen what she thought she’d seen. An anatomically correct horse stood sentinel on a place called Lloyd’s Shoe Store. Chuckling, she kept driving, slowing to take in her surroundings. She pulled off into Dow Villa Motel parking lot, opting to give her van a break for the day. The engine had been overheating lately, and Denny didn’t want to push it.
Walking into the office, she was greeted by the smiling face of the woman behind the counter.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
Denny noticed her nametag said her name was Dani. “Yeah, I need a room for the night.”
“Alright.”
Denny looked around the small area as the woman did what she needed to do, noticing a couple framed pictures of John Wayne. “What’s with pictures of the Duke?” she asked, leaning against the counter.
“Back in the 40s and 50s, a lot of westerns were made around here. This is where John Wayne stayed when he was in town,” Dani explained.
“No kidding? Hmm.” Denny handed over the requested amount of money, taking her room key and directions to it in exchange. “Any good places to eat?”
“Yeah. We’ve got the Mt. Whitney diner down that way, Lauten’s that way,” she offered pointing, “or Bo-Bo’s Bonanza over there.”
Denny stared at the woman, making sure she was actually serious. Not a crack of a smile. “Alright. Thank you.” With a smile, Denny shrugged her overnight bag higher onto her shoulder and headed in the direction the woman had told her the room would be.
The small room was like any of the other hundred hotel and motels Denny had stayed in throughout the winter. The single bed was covered in the typical motel-ware, TV bolted to the long dresser, and the small bathroom with a flickering light bulb. Reaching up, she screwed it in a little tighter, ridding the small space of the disco feel.
Denny was tired, she was very, very tired. Tired of driving and sitting for hours on end, tired of living out of a suitcase and cooler on the front seat. She was tired of being alone, and felt ready to start rejoining the human race once more. The heavy burden of loss and grief had slowly lifted over the months she’d been traveling, and for the first time since boarding 1049, Denny felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and like her whole self was on the other side. Maybe it was time to find a place to put down some roots, to start over.
* * *
“Hey, sweetie. How was your day?” Gloria asked, wiping down one of the tables at the diner.
“Hey, mom. It was good.” She gave her mother a quick kiss on the cheek then sat down in a nearby booth. Like magic, a Coke and piece of apple pie appeared before the girl. “Ohhhh, you are all that is good and holy!”
Gloria chuckled. “I don’t know about that, but just for saying it, I’ll put a dollop of ice cream on top.” Returning with the promised treat, Gloria slid in the booth across from her daughter. “How’re classes going?”
Mia shrugged, unzipping her backpack and bringing out her biology text. “Good. I kicked butt on the test last week. We got our grades back today.”
“Figured you would. You studied long enough.” With a quick squeeze to the girl’s hand, Gloria got to her feet and back to work.
Mia chewed happily on her dessert, tapping a pencil against the Formica table.
She had started the spring semester at Bronx Community College for the spring semester and loved it. It had been the smartest move she’d ever made. The semester would be over in less than a month and a half, and she had aced all her classes thus far. She couldn’t be happier. Her mother had gone back to work at the diner she’d been working at when Mia had returned. Gloria insisted on paying for at least part, if not all, of Mia’s tuition at the community college, not wanting the girl to start out her life with bills.
Grabbing for the workbook that went with the class, Mia stopped, unzipping a side pocket to retrieve the cell phone her mother had given her when Gloria got a new one.
“Hello?” She listened to the voice at the other end, eyes growing wide.
* * *
“Run!” Michael was on his feet, cheering along with his daughter, both laughing as Conrad fell ass over appetite, landing on his back. The boy held onto the ball, his friends gathering around him, helping the fourteen year old to his feet.
“Oh man, that was funny,” Jennifer chuckled, leaning back on her hands. Her boyfriend, Toby sat on one side, her father on the other.
“Kid needs to grow into those boats on the end of his legs,” Michael chuckled. He couldn’t believe his youngest would be fifteen that summer, Jennifer almost finished with high school. It was almost May, and the days were definitely heating up, indicative of the summer that was on its way.
“Dad, your phone’s ringing,” Jenny said, glancing back to their truck, parked at the curb of the park. The mechanic groaned slightly as he got to his feet, hurrying over to the open drivers side door, snatching the small phone from the car charger.
