The Loneliest Girl in the Universe

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The Loneliest Girl in the Universe Page 9

by Lauren James


  DAYS UNTIL THE ETERNITY ARRIVES:

  233

  From: The Eternity Sent: 12/08/2066

  To: The Infinity Received: 07/07/2067

  Hey Romy,

  All I’ve been thinking about recently is the UPR. I feel tied up in knots about them.

  I can hardly bear to think about what the war has done to my home.

  Right now I just want to find some peace. I feel scattered in a million different directions, trying to make sure I’m good enough to do my job properly, trying to work out how to deal with the UPR – not just for myself but for you too.

  I don’t want to give you bad advice. I know you’re probably going through exactly the same thing as me. Don’t you give up on me, Romy, not yet. I’m coming – just hold on a little longer. It will be easier when we’re together.

  Urgh. It’s messing me up, talking about this. I don’t want every message I send you to be just about the UPR. I’d hate to stop having proper conversations because of them.

  J x

  DAYS UNTIL THE ETERNITY ARRIVES:

  227

  I wake up to an emergency alarm blaring from the computer. A memory of my mother flashes across my mind: her kneeling down to look me in the eye when I was just a toddler.

  “Now, Romy,” she said. “What do you do if you hear the emergency alarms?”

  “Find you and Daddy?” I said.

  She shook her head. “No. You find the nearest oxygen mask. You put it on, and wait for us to find you. Don’t do anything until you’ve got your mask on.”

  Remembering her words, I reach under my bunk, opening the panel that contains an oxygen mask. I pull it on, breathing in deeply, and tug the canister over my shoulder. I run to the helm to read the message on the new UPR software, already panicking.

  SYSTEM FAILURE IN EMBRYO STORAGE SYSTEM 12(c)

  AUTO-DEFROST WILL COMMENCE IN 5 … 4 … 3 …

  The freezers in the gene bank have crashed. If I don’t do something, the embryos are going to start defrosting. They’ll be destroyed.

  Barely breathing, I run down the corridor to the gene bank and reboot the system. The computer slowly powers back up. Every second it takes to load, the warmer the embryos get. I urge it to go faster.

  An eternity later, the system comes back online and the error message has gone away. I scan the subsystem for issues, but it comes back clean. I think – I hope – that the problem has been fixed.

  The embryos might have been destroyed. Hundreds of potential lives could have been lost.

  Pacing back and forth down the corridor, I try to process how this could have happened. This is making me wonder whether there have been failures happening in hardware all over the ship. I need to start running analysis tests. Now.

  DAYS UNTIL THE ETERNITY ARRIVES:

  221

  From: The Infinity Sent: 19/07/2067

  To: The Eternity Predicted date of receipt: 08/09/2067

  J,

  I have done nothing productive today, just worried about the ship, and about the war, and about staying alive long enough to reach the new planet, and about every other thing I can come up with.

  I’ve had some issues with the ship recently – equipment crashing, computers malfunctioning, that sort of thing. I can’t tell whether it’s because the new software has a few operating bugs while it settles in or whether it’s just because the ship is so old. I don’t know which I would prefer.

  I can barely sleep any more, because as soon as I go to bed, my brain decides it needs to sort through every single issue the ship has had in all the time I’ve been alone and go over them in endless detail until it’s 6 a.m. and all I’ve done for the last eight hours is stare at the ceiling and panic over things that happened five years ago. It’s great.

  I hope you’re coping a little better now than you were when you sent your last messages. I’m thinking of you.

  R x

  DAYS UNTIL THE ETERNITY ARRIVES:

  203

  The new software thinks that something needs replacing in the air-conditioning units. It has a much finer sensitivity than the old software, and it thinks there’s been a 0.5 per cent decrease in efficiency of oxygen recycling over the last quarter. If something is broken then we could run out of oxygen before we reach Earth II.

  Even though I know it’s urgent, I don’t want to do it. The air-conditioning units are in the room next to the sick bay. Just the thought of going there makes me dizzy. I’ve avoided that area of the ship for years.

  But the computer tells me that I need to.

  I wonder if it can wait until J gets here so he can do it for me. He’s not that far away, after all. We’d only lose a few weeks’ worth of recycled oxygen in that time. But that might be a few weeks’ breathing time that we’ll desperately need one day.

  I walk down the corridor towards the air-conditioning room, pressed against the opposite wall, as far away from the entrance to the sick bay as I can get.

  As I approach it, I can’t stop myself from breaking into a run. I catch a blurred glimpse of the door as I sprint past, just enough to see that it’s still half-open, the way it was left all those years ago.

  I slam my fist against the button to open the door of the air-conditioning room, keeping my eyes fixed firmly ahead. It seems to slide open far more slowly than any of the other doors. Diving inside, I lean against the wall and gasp for breath. I made it.

  As soon as I start paying attention, my relief disappears abruptly. Because I can hear movement.

  There’s something in the room with me.

  Whatever is causing the air-conditioners to lose efficiency is moving. I can hear a low grinding below the quiet hum of the fans, subtle enough that I almost think I’m imagining it.

  I brush the thought away and take a step towards the fans. But before my foot hits the floor, every single light shuts off, leaving me in pitch-blackness.

  Every muscle in my body freezes.

  I can’t breathe. I can’t think.

  I can’t be here, not now, not in a power cut.

  My mind immediately goes to the sick bay, to the torpor pods, to the astronauts, and a scream bursts from my throat, shrill and short. I throw myself backwards against the wall, jarring my shoulder.

  But pressed against the safety of the wall, I can focus. I can almost imagine I’d be able to see anything that tries to lunge at me from the darkness.

  My mouth tastes of vomit. There are glowing remnants of light darting across my eyelids in the blackness.

  Why did the power cut have to happen now, when I’m so near the sick bay?

  I’m sure I can hear someone coming. The low grinding sound has shifted into the echo of footsteps, progressing down the corridor in a steady, unhurried march. An army of astronauts, coming for me.

  Why aren’t the lights coming back on? How long does it take for the computer to reboot the subsystem, to—

  As suddenly as they flickered off, the lights return. I twist around, checking all sides.

  I’m completely alone. Of course.

  I breathe again, for the first time in what feels like hours. There’s a horrible tightness in my chest, halfway to a panic attack. I force it away, blowing air into my lungs.

  I’m being ridiculous. It was just a power cut. It only lasted a few seconds.

  Everything in me wants to bolt, but I force myself to stay still. I won’t let this hysterical fear get the better of me.

  I listen. I wait.

  There it is. The creaking. I didn’t imagine it.

  I turn my head from side to side, trying to locate the sound. I take a step closer to the fans on the far wall. There – on the right-hand side, low, near the ground.

  I crouch. I listen.

  The noise is coming from inside the panel. Before I open it, I can’t resist looking behind me, just to double-check that nothing is sneaking up on me. Even though I know I’m alone; I’m always alone.

  I ease open the panel, wincing at the high-pitched squea
k.

  To my relief – and a slight, surprising disappointment – the problem is obvious. One of the screws holding the cooling fan in place has come loose, and the corner of the fan is vibrating slightly as it turns. Its low humming noise echoes through the room.

  I twist it back into place. The humming stops. Silence reigns once more. And I start preparing myself to walk back past the sick bay.

  DAYS UNTIL THE ETERNITY ARRIVES:

  172

  From: The Eternity Sent: 19/02/2067

  To: The Infinity Received: 06/09/2067

  Attachment: Nuclear-Worksheet-134.pdf [330 KB]

  Good morning Romy!

  What are you up to today? I’m planning to do some weight training, and then I’m going to lounge around eating snacks for the rest of the day, and undo all my hard work.

  I was wondering if I could ask your help with a physics problem? I know, I know: I’m qualified in all this stuff, so it should be easy. But I’ve lost practice so quickly! It’s been over two years since my training on Earth. No wonder I’m supposed to do regular calculations. My brain needs a workout as much as my body – and right now it’s definitely out of shape.

  I’m a bit stuck with Problem 6(a) on the worksheet I’ve attached. The solution doesn’t make much sense to me. Any chance you know the answer and can help me out? I’d really owe you one.

  Looking forward to receiving the answer (in about eight months’ time!).

  J x

  From: The Infinity Sent: 06/09/2067

  To: The Eternity Predicted date of receipt: 09/10/2067

  Attachment: Possible-solution.pdf [280 KB]

  J,

  I’ve spent about two hours trying to solve the problem. It’s one I hadn’t seen before, so thanks for sending it over! (I found that way more exciting than I should’ve done. Whoo, someone sent me some new maths to do!)

  Anyway, I think you might have forgotten to take into account the limits on the partial integration. But you’ve got most of the rest of it right. I’ve attached my notes just in case you’re still stuck, though you probably realized your mistake right after you emailed me.

  Sorry for my terrible handwriting – it’s not as neat as yours. (I loved the little doodles in the margin, by the way! Are those people supposed to be us? We look like we’re having the best dance party ever.)

  Thanks again for asking me about this. It was actually kind of an epiphany for me. I’ve been struggling to do physics problems for years – it was like my anxiety formed a block in my brain. When I was doing this one, I kept panicking and wanting to give up as usual. But I knew that I had to work it out for you, so I just forced myself to keep going.

  Hopefully that mental block won’t reappear. I hated that my brain was stopping me from studying.

  R x

  FATED

  by TheLoneliestGirl

  Fandom: Loch & Ness (2042)

  Relationship: Lyra Loch/Jayden Ness

  Tags: NSFW

  Summary: Some people are just destined to be together.

  Author’s note:

  I’m having a really good day.

  Lyra and Jayden didn’t stop to talk. Jayden palmed her jaw and pressed his lips to hers, open-mouthed, pouring all of his emotion into it. Lyra shuddered, and reached one hand to cup his elbow, pressing his hand more firmly against her cheek.

  Groaning into the kiss, J slid his other hand up her waist, fingertips just touching the skin under her shirt.

  She touched the cut of his hip, pulled him against her, flicked his tongue with hers, and suddenly the kiss turned heated. She let out a moan.

  J’s hand withdrew slowly enough to send sparks down her spine.

  “I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long,” Jayden said, nose pressed into her cheekbone. “I haven’t been able to think about anything but speaking to you.”

  He kissed her again, like he couldn’t help it.

  fin.

  DAYS UNTIL THE ETERNITY ARRIVES:

  171

  When I’ve finished writing my latest fic, I reread the story to check for grammar and spelling mistakes. It’s only on the third reread that I notice I wrote J instead of Jayden halfway through: Groaning into the kiss, J slid his other hand up her waist, fingertips just touching the skin under her shirt.

  Now that I’ve seen it written down, I can’t help but picture J instead of Jayden – but he’s kissing me, not Lyra. The image burns into my brain, and I can’t force it away. For a second I think my heart has stopped, and I can’t remember how to set it beating again. I’ve gone hot all over.

  J and me, kissing. His hand brushing along my stomach, up to my chest… I trace the path of his fingers with my own, and my skin lights up, shivers creeping across the flesh, making me gasp.

  J works out. He’s probably strong enough to push me up against a wall, his large hand easily cupping my cheek, his thumb pressing open my mouth. He would touch my bottom lip with just the tip of his tongue and stroke it across the sensitive inner skin, teasing me like the men in romance novels always do to the women they love.

  I close my eyes and picture J pushing a leg between mine. I press the base of my palm between my legs, savouring the thrill that runs through me. Then I quickly pull my hand away. I can’t do this – not to J. Not to the only friend I’ve got. I don’t know how it never occurred to me before, considering I spend every waking hour thinking about him, but … I might have a crush on J.

  I’ve set myself up for heartbreak – but I didn’t even know it was happening. I thought I was just happy to have a friend, someone to talk to after everyone on Earth abandoned me. I didn’t realize that I could feel this lust for someone I’ve never even seen.

  I wonder what to do now that I know. Because already I can see that there’s no going back.

  DAYS UNTIL THE ETERNITY ARRIVES:

  162

  From: UPR Sent: 22/12/2065

  To: The Infinity Received: 16/09/2067

  Subject: For Attention of The Infinity

  Commander Silvers,

  Analysis of efficiency of the vessel The Infinity continues. Once new software is running smoothly, please limit water use by ten per cent. Reducing of shower duration by one minute each day will increase resource utilization and minimize energy loss. It will ensure that equipment is operating at its highest power mode for the full duration of The Infinity’s voyage.

  Thank you for all your patience while new orders are being determined. More instructions to arrive in the coming weeks.

  All hail the UPR! May the King live long and vigorously!

  The ingenious methods that the UPR come up with to save more energy always take me by surprise. They’re so obvious that it makes me feel guilty for not thinking of them myself.

  The computer failures around the ship have been getting more and more frequent. The lights seem to go off every other day now, even though I’ve checked everything for faults and found nothing. I’ve started carrying a torch wherever I go.

  I don’t know whether a power shortage or a fault in the circuits and software is causing the computer failures, but I can’t risk doing something that might shut down the freezers or lights again – or, worse, the life-support systems. If that happened, I would probably be dead before I even noticed.

  It makes sense to conserve power like the UPR are suggesting, even if efficiency isn’t the root of the problem. I have to do it. There’s not a doubt in my mind about that. The UPR have been right about everything else so far.

  From: The Eternity Sent: 22/03/2067

  To: The Infinity Received: 16/09/2067

  Romy,

  I’ve been thinking about “Earth food” a lot today. It’s not that I don’t love exploring the universe, but there’s a lot of struggles that come with it. One of them is definitely the messed-up cuisine.

  I know you’ve never had real food, just this terrible dehydrated stuff, but I have. I miss it more than I ever thought I could.

  I would give almost anything
for: pizza, so hot it burns your tongue; a Big Mac with melty plastic cheese and mayonnaise; a bucket of KFC, chicken skin crisped to perfection; a burrito, spilling guacamole and tomato salsa.

  But I’m never going to have any of those again, so I guess I’ll just have to make do with today’s meal, which is apparently … solid oxtail soup. It’s a real challenge.

  From (a very hungry and very frustrated),

  J x

  From: The Infinity Sent: 16/09/2067

  To: The Eternity Predicted date of receipt: 16/10/2067

  J,

  I’m sorry that spaceship cuisine isn’t to your taste. When you arrive, I’ll bake chocolate gateau à la Romy. It will make your taste buds explode in delight. (Don’t get too excited. It’s a recipe I concocted when I was nine, and it’s comprised mainly of chocolate pudding. There aren’t any baking ingredients here either.)

  R x

  The things I tell J are bigger than I ever intend them to be. My words betray me. With every email I’m making myself vulnerable, showing him how much he means to me.

  Ever since I realized how I really feel about him, I’ve become obsessed. I literally can’t stop thinking about us. The idea that we are going to raise the next generation of humans sends electricity tingling down my spine. We’re going to be the Adam and Eve of the new planet. It’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. When I think of J, I think: soulmate and for ever and mine.

  DAYS UNTIL THE ETERNITY ARRIVES:

  156

  I’m chewing on a particularly tough piece of beef in black bean sauce when I feel a sharp twinge in my jaw. I spit the meat into my palm and rub my thumb over the tooth. Pain shoots through my gum, so painful it makes me tear up.

  I’ve been noticing for a while that the tooth aches whenever I drink cold water, but I’ve been ignoring it, in the hope that it will go away on its own. I don’t think it’s going to, though.

 

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