by Cole, R. D.
“Chanda.” I kiss her cheek when she turns her attention away from me and back to the group. “I’ll be right back.” Walking outside to face the winter chill, I answer. “Hello.”
“Mason?” Her voice sounds strained and people are in the background laughing loudly and making it difficult to hear her.
“Yeah, Chanda?”
“Can you come get me? Please?” She sniffles and I hate when any girl cries. “My ride left me.”
“Well, I’m kind of at Jazz’s with a bunch of friends … and I’ve been drinking.”
“Oh.” She starts to really cry and talking becomes difficult, but I can still make out some of what she says. “I’d call a cab but he left with my purse.”
Well shit! I exhale and rub my hands through my hair. “Okay, tell me where you’re at and Jazz and I will come pick you up.”
She tells me and I hate the idea already. This part of town is rough and why she’s down there, I’ll never know. Actually, it’s probably because of some lowlife guy, but who she dates is none of my concern. She’s not the girl I knew back in middle school and high school anymore. She’s been different since she came back almost a year ago. Even though she’s always been wild and free it’s more intense now. I guess you could say she’s more reckless and selfish, always lying to her dad, asking for money or stealing it, and flirting with older men in suits trying to find her ticket out.
Well that’s what she said when I confronted her one night.
I was taking our trash out this past summer and watched a car pull in that really didn’t belong in my apartment complex. It wasn’t the worst place to live, but BMWs, Audis, and Mercedes usually didn’t come around. Suspicious, I watched and saw Chanda get out of an all black Mercedes with chrome detailing. When the guy drove off I saw someone that looked to be in his late sixties or so and dressed for business in an expensive looking suit. I hated that someone I consider a friend, or used to anyway, would sell herself for money. I had to say something.
Shaking my head, I go back inside and to Jazz’s warmth. It’s fucking cold out and I hate getting her out this late at night. Maybe Jax can come with me and drive. I think he’s only had one beer, unlike the rest of us.
Jazz scoots over and I notice how she stays there instead of cuddling next to me like usual. Nudging her with my elbow, I get her attention. Her eyes look tired with dark circles under them. I’m immediately worried.
“You okay?”
“Yes.”
Okay! She’s obviously upset. Short answers are her way of simmering under her pretty skin. I need to make this better.
“Sorry about that. Her ride left her and took her purse.” I wait for her to look at me before I continue. “I need to go get her.”
She pales before her cheeks turn red. Her eyes narrow and I know she’s pissed. It’s scary and cute at the same time. Should I hold her or run for cover? Instead, I’ll sit here and watch. “So you’re leaving? To go get her? But you’re drunk.”
Her shout grabs everyone’s attention and I feel eyes on me but ignore them the best I can. “I wasn’t going to drive. I was going to get someone to drive me. And yes, I was going to go get her but planned on coming back after I dropped her off. I can’t leave her stranded. She’s off Decatur Street and you know that’s not the safest part of Mobile.” She stands and places her hands on her hips.
Jax cuts in before she can argue. “He’s right, Jazz. That part of town is definitely not safe for anyone.” He looks at me and stands. “I’ll drive you, but I need to go grab my keys.” He pulls Tru up from her seat and gives her a kiss. I watch as Hero stands on alert and can already see his protectiveness of her.
Standing up, I grab Jazz. I kiss her nose and hold her tight against my chest. When her arms return the embrace I feel my heart slow down. I’m not afraid to admit that I was scared to death of losing her over something so stupid like Chanda. The last thing I need is for her to think something might happen between us. Tipping her chin up with my finger, I kiss her lips once, twice, and then a third time before I tell her I love her and pull away. She never says it back and that’s okay with me. For now.
I have a “come to Jesus” meeting with myself after they leave to go pick up Chanda. My anger over the situation disappears and a new anger forms. I feel angry with myself for being the same selfish person that I usually am. Just because I wanted to keep Mason close and because it’s another girl, I let jealousy overtake me. After he leaves I lock myself in my room and think of Mason and how he’s not like Oliver. He’s not with someone else and cheating. He’s a good guy helping a friend out in their time of need. Just because she has a va-jayjay doesn’t mean he shouldn’t still be a friend and help her out, even if she was a bitch in the beginning.
I eventually cry myself into a fitful sleep but wake up a few hours later. My jelly belly thinks my bladder is either a trampoline or tumbling mat. I notice a heavy weight on me when I try to move, so I turn and see a sleeping Mason with parted lips a tousled hair. He’s so sexy and cute all at the same time—practically perfect. Scooting out from under him, I hurry in the bathroom, desperate to get back to his warmth. I strip down first and enjoy waking him up without words, only actions.
The next morning we wake and I’m all smiles, but when I think of my behavior the night before it falls. “I’m sorry.” I kiss his slightly stubbled cheek and repeat myself. “I’m so sorry for being selfish last night and wanting you all to myself. But honestly, I think Chanda still has a thing for you and the thought of you and her together had me jealous and paranoid.”
He leans to his side and props up on his elbow while watching my every move. I love how his dark hair falls against his forehead and over one eyebrow. When he smirks I feel my insides quiver again. “I like you jealous. It means you like me.”
Lying back down on my back I turn my head and face him. “Of course I like you.” I touch his nose. “You make me laugh and you look good on my pink duvet.” He kisses my finger once it reaches his lips.
“What else do you like about me?” He’s playful this morning and I love it. All is forgiven.
I tap my finger to my chin and stare at the ceiling. “Hmmm. Well you do make killer French toast.”
He climbs on top of me and straddles my naked body. Nuzzling my neck, he whispers, “Anything else?” Shivers race from my neck down to my toes as a laugh erupts from me because it tickles.
“Nope. Nothing. I think that’s it.”
He sits up smiling and looks at my body while holding my arms above my head. Man, I’m glad I shaved. “Nothing, huh?”
My laughter dies as his green eyes start to smolder. To know that he gets turned on and heated from my scarred chest is something I never thought I’d experience with anyone. Beautiful is what this sweet man makes me feel. I love how he caresses my body during sex or when we’re just sitting on the couch. I love how he devotes his life to those he cares about and is willing to give a few dollars to the homeless. I love him.
“I love you, Mason.” The words slip out without trying. My soul needs him to know how he makes me feel, how much he means to me. Us.
His stare reaches my eyes and he smiles with so much love that it’s a moment I will remember for the rest of my days. I know I’ll never love someone as much as him and hope one day I’m worthy of him. He bends down and catches me in a sweet kiss before his mouth travels to my baby bump. He repeats his words of love, and I feel a river of happiness flow through me that has me glowing from deep within.
It’s so stinking hot for March. I’m sweating every second. A pool sounds wonderful but the apartment still has theirs locked up. I had asked them if I could use it but the guy in the office said it was still too cold. Douche bags. Don’t they know I’m hot? Can’t they see my sweaty face and damp clothes? So instead of swimming to cool down, I settle for summer clothing to keep my temperature down from these damn hormonal changes. When I walked into the dentist office last week in shorts everyone looked at me like I lost my
mind. Who cares if everyone else in Mobile is still wearing sweaters and jackets? Not me, that’s for damn sure! After I slide on my blue and white flip-flops that match my Maxi dress perfectly, I head out the door. I have another appointment and Mason is meeting me there after his class.
Classes for me are light and only on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. I plan on taking the summer off, and honestly I doubt I’ll come back. College isn’t really my thing and as far as the experience goes, I think I’ve had enough. Sleeping with one’s professor is experience enough in my book.
Dropping out has been on my mind since I felt the baby kick for the first time. That caused the reality of the situation to really sink in, and I kind of had a mini freak out about having a person inside me. If you really think about it, it’s pretty weird.
It was the week after the Chanda rescue and I was with Mason and Grace at Tru’s. We just finished dinner and were watching American Idol when this chick comes on and screeches like a fudged up bird. It was so loud my child jumps inside of me for the first time. At least that’s what I say caused it. While big bird was screaming on TV, I started screaming for real which caused everyone to start screaming. Poor Grace. I didn’t mean to freak her out, but shit, I was freaked out myself. So much so, I couldn’t calm down to tell anyone what was happening. So I finally just grabbed Mason’s hand and held it against me to show him. Mister cool and confident just smiled and kissed me. This calmed me down because he obviously doesn’t think I’m about to be ripped open like in the movie Alien. Unlike me, he didn’t have a lunatic moment that caused a hilarious riot for my whole family. Even Ryan found it funny and he’s picked on me every time I see him. I warned him the next time I’d kick him in the balls. He finally got the hint after I actually did it. Since then almost everyone wants to feel, everyone but Tru that is. I asked her after it happened, and she just said it was too soon, but I found out shortly after, that Brian’s birthday was a few weeks away. I could tell she was happy for me but sad for herself and wanted to be alone. So we left and I called Jax letting him know what had happened. He immediately left practice and headed home.
After I pull into the Doctor’s office, I look around for Mason. I don’t see his truck so I head in and do the usual sign-in and waiting game. After I take my seat, I place my hand on my stomach and feel the flutters that my princess causes against my palm. It still kind of freaks me out.
“How far along are you?”
Looking up I see a woman in her early thirties, maybe mid thirties. She’s dressed in nothing but a designer soft green pant suit with black trim. Her hair and eyes are brown, and she’s wearing square framed black glasses. She’s pretty, but she could be a knock out with my help and some contacts. “Six and half months.”
“Wow, you’re tiny for being so far along. When I was that far with my last two I was double in size.” She laughs. “Do you know the sex yet or are you going to be surprised?”
“Oh no! This girl here has to know what the nursery will be decorated in. And it’s all pink.” The things Mason has done to the nursery are beautiful. He and Ryan painted it with pink and white vertical stripes on all walls but one. It will eventually be painted with some mural of princesses and castles. Mason won’t allow me to do it or even help so I’m getting Cory. I warned her there better not be a green, wrinkled Yoda face or I’m going to coochie punch her. She just laughed like I wasn’t serious, but I am totally serious.
“How lovely!” She smiles big and I can tell she’s a genuine person. Some of my parents’ acquaintances are so fake it makes me gag when they come around. “I have two girls already and honestly, I want another.” She pats her small tummy. “However, my soon to be ex-husband wants a boy. Since he’s a cheating bastard, he doesn’t really get a vote.” She looks up surprised by her outburst, and I can’t help but laugh. “I am so sorry. I really shouldn’t have said that. Anyway, back to the subject. I don’t think I can handle a boy though. I’m like you when it comes to pink.”
We continue to talk and she tells me that she’s only fourteen weeks pregnant and her daughters are nine and six in age. Complete opposites from each other too. The younger of the two is a huge tomboy while the older is a prima donna. We don’t mention the ex again and I’m glad. I feel as though it’s still a fresh wound. Soon, I feel the couch dip beside me and look to see a smiling Mason beside me.
“It’s about time.” I lean in and kiss his cheek.
That’s not good enough however. He gives my new friend and the whole doctor’s office a show with a heated kiss that has me wishing we were alone. My toes curl and my body shifts in his direction desperate to get closer. He pulls away before I can climb in his lap and a whine erupts from me. Of course he only laughs at me.
“How are my girls today?” One hand is around my shoulders while the other goes to my belly and she kicks immediately. It’s like she knows him as her daddy even though he’s not by blood.
“Well, she’s great and her mommy is wonderful now.” Remembering my manners, I turn ready to introduce Mason to my new friend who I’ve just met and have yet to learn her name. Before my eyes meet hers my world stops and my blood turns to ice. I feel sick and disgusting all at once and desperately want to wash myself clean. Sitting beside her is her soon to be ex-husband and my ex-lover.
Ollie.
I’m frozen as he stares at me while the cold blood rushes in my head and my breathing stops. I thought that seeing him was enough to have me freaked out, but when Mason stands up and shakes his hand while smiling like my world didn’t just turn into a huge clusterfuck, I start to see spots in my eyes. Everyone’s voices are drowned out by the pounding and rushing in my brain.
I feel my daughter kick several times, so I take a much needed breath. Hurting her is not in the cards for me, so I try to smooth my features and produce a pleasant smile. I look at Mason and the wife. I refuse to make eye contact with that piece of shit for fear of him seeing the truth. However, fate has a different plan.
“Jasmine. How are you? I noticed you dropped my class last semester right before midterms. You were so good I really wish you wouldn’t have left.” He sticks his hand out for me to shake and like an idiot I do. I’ll do anything to keep the truth from Mason and have him look at me with disappointment. I feel his finger rub across my palm and my stomach rolls.
I quickly pull away before I vomit. “I learned it wasn’t for me. Life happened and I have other things to worry about.”
My name is called so I say goodbye to his wife. She stares at me with a look of comprehension in her brown eyes and I have a feeling she knows. I hate it. This woman did nothing to me and I ruined her marriage. I tore her home apart because I fell for her husband’s lies. And now her family is suffering the consequences.
Needless to say the appointment is short and quiet, full of yes and no answers with awkward moments. Mason has been nothing but quiet, and I feel as though a red A is displayed on my body somewhere. He only kisses my cheek before he leaves and I want to cry but know it will do no good. He shouldn’t want to be with me and won’t once he’s discovered what I’ve done to that poor family. Just because I love him doesn’t mean I’m worthy of him. I’m tying him down and holding him back from a real family. I’m being selfish. Again. I leave the doctor’s office and head home with torment running through my mind. Even my usual remedy of Blake Shelton and a candy bar doesn’t brighten my mood or take away my worry. Mason said he had to go meet Chanda to get Grace. Lucky for her I feel like being alone so the thought of him around Chanda doesn’t bother me as much as usual. The girl might be civil around me, but we are far from friends.
Today’s bizarre encounter has given me a headache. Instead of studying like I need to for this semester’s midterms, I crash on my couch. Or at least try too. Before I know it a loud banging breaks through the silence. It continues and I realize it’s coming from my door. Bastards!
Opening it before looking in the peephole, I’m surprised when I’m shoved aside a
nd Ollie walks in. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Oh don’t be so damn dramatic, Jasmine. You know why I’m here.” He takes off his sport coat and lays it across my couch like he’s home from work and does this every day. The nerve of this asshat.
My mind is still groggy from my almost nap so I’m trying to take it all in, but when I look at him standing in my apartment, I know it’s real. I see the lust cloud his eyes as he takes in my cleavage that has developed with pregnancy. The memories of us that surface are unwanted and feel wrong. He needs to leave. I straighten my shoulders and roll my eyes.
“Sorry, bud, but I have absolutely no idea, and besides, you’re definitely not welcome here or anywhere else around me.”
I’m filled with Bravado and anger, but we both know I’m too small and pregnant to make him leave with force. Jax isn’t, but he’s at baseball practice. Tru might be but she has enough drama in her past and I’m not willing add to it. Besides, the asshole in front of me won’t lay a finger on me. Or at least I hope not.
“I’ll leave after I get some damn answers.” He walks in the kitchen and looks in my fridge. What the hell! “The beer in the fridge better not be yours.” He sits at the bar and takes a sip of his water. “So tell me. When is my son or daughter due? And why the fuck didn’t you call me?”
My breath falters and heartbeat picks up. I refuse to say anything. There is absolutely no way he could know the truth. Mason acted like the devoted father and boyfriend the whole time we were in front of them. “I have no idea. Ask your wife. I think she’s three months or so along.”
“Jasmine … Jasmine … Jasmine.” He sighs while shaking his head and looking at me like I’m a child, like he always did. “Do really think I’m a fool? I know for a fact that child is mine.” He finishes his water before he stands up and walks toward me. “You’re lying. It’s written all over you and your behavior.” I’m backed into the door and his body becomes flush with mine—no more tingles or heat like before, only cold fear and disgust. He reaches up to touch my lips but I quickly turn my face away so his hand makes contact with my cheek instead. “You were so into me all those months ago that there is absolutely no fucking way you spread those warm thighs for anyone else.” Clicking his tongue, he backs away and grabs his jacket off the couch. I exhale with relief and open the door, ready for him to leave.
