by Steven Pajak
“They grow corn, gourds, tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, pumpkins, squash, onions, lettuce, green beans, peas, blackberries, okra and something called Job’s tears…I have no idea what that is. They also raise some sort of red hens that produce brown eggs. How long has it been since you’ve had eggs for breakfast?”
From his bag he retrieved jars filled with purple and red jellies. He said, “Megan also cans some of the best jams and jellies I’ve ever tasted. She and Sarah bake fresh bread so thick and soft and crusty all at the same time.”
Brian scooped up some of the jars of varying sizes and shapes and started to walk around the table. He placed jars in front of each person as he talked, providing them with proof and not just words or promises.
“The Finnegan clan is eleven strong, two generations of farmers who immigrated to the United States thirty years ago,” Brian said as he laid a jar of what appeared to be strawberry jam in front of Sam. “They’ve farmed their land successfully for three decades and they just want to live to farm it another thirty. Ethan, Megan, Ian, Maureen, Liam, James and Jenna are good people. I lived with them for more than a month. I trust them completely.”
Picking up a jar of green beans that Brian placed in front of him and turning it between his palms, Ray said, “You’ve made a good show of what they can give to us, but you still haven’t said what they want from us.”
Nodding his head and sitting back in his seat, Brian addressed the council again. “There is no ominous secret here. The Finnegan’s have agreed to give us food and shelter for as long as we want it. And all they want in return is that we help them work the land and provide protection for the land and their family. They help us and we help them. And together we’re stronger; together we have a better chance to survive.”
“You said this farm was how far away?” Al asked.
“Seventeen miles.”
Al nodded his head. “I thought that’s what you said. Look, I’m all for being able to feed my family. They obviously have the kind of food we can only dream of having. And they may be nice people that just want to help. But in case you haven’t noticed, we’ve got a lot of folks who aren’t ready for travel, especially that distance in this weather.”
Ray growled, “I’m not an invalid. I can make the trip.”
“I wasn’t just talking about you,” Al blanched. “Paul has a dying kidney—“
“Jesus Christ, Al!” Sam blurted out.
“What? I’m just saying the truth here. And what about the children? Seventeen miles is a long ways away, especially for the kids. The weather is bad enough but what happens if we get attacked by those things out there?”
“As much as it pains me to say, I agree with Al,” Stanley said, standing up. He put his glasses on the bridge of his nose and looked at us primly. “If they go out there on a long trek, in this weather, with those physically unprepared for the journey, as well as children, they’d die out there.”
“There are dangers in making this trip, yes,” Sam said. “But we have to weigh them against the dangers we face if we stay here. Yes, we are relatively safe from the outside behind our walls, but without food and supplies, the walls will become a tomb surrounding our dead bodies. I’ve crunched the numbers and done the math. If we continue consuming food at our current rate which is already at half rations, we have less than two months.”
Sounds of shock and surprise rose up around the table. Although deep down each man and woman in this room knew that our supplies were diminishing, they obviously never realized how close to we were to the brink of disaster.
Stanley spoke again, taking the opportunity to rehash his ideas from yesterday’s meeting. “Why not just make the peace with Providence and see if they are open to trade? If they’re in as bad a shape as we are, maybe they’re ready for help.”
Kat responded, “There will be no peace with Providence, we all know that. Sometimes the taste of bad blood just stays with you no matter the circumstances. Besides, we have nothing to offer.”
“There has to be some other way,” Stanley said.
“What do you suggest?” Kat asked. “Providence controls all roads in or out to our east. There’s nothing but cold dead fields and forest preserve to our north. Beyond that railroad tracks and more open field. There’s nothing that way for us.”
The room was quiet again as we all considered the arguments on both sides. After a moment, Sam asked, “Matt, what should we do?”
“This is not my decision to make alone, Sam.”
“Okay, but before I make a decision, I want to know your thoughts. I’m sure we all do.”
“I do,” Kat agreed.
“Me, too,” said Paul.
“You’re the boss,” Ray said. “I don’t care about what the rest of these fools have to say anyway. You’ve kept me alive this long so I’m with you, whatever you decide.”
“Well, I know this is going to be hard for some of you to hear because, although we’ve been through a lot and lost a lot, most of you still feel safe behind these walls.
“We kept Providence at bay; hell, we kicked their asses and sent them running with their tails between their legs. We’ve kept those creatures out mostly and when the infection made it inside our walls we survived that, too.
“We carry on behind our walls with our lives and daily routines, the moans out there are just background noise to us now. But it’s no longer the infected outside our walls that threaten us right now. Those same walls that keep the bad things out have also trapped us.”
I paused a moment and pulled myself out of my seat. I was full of nervous energy now. It was time to be leader, time to take the burden of the many on my shoulders and carry the weight without complaint.
The strawberry jam in front of me glistened like a ruby as the light of the chandelier reflected off the glass. I picked it up, holding it in front of my face. This was not just a jar of jam I held in my hands, no, this was life. This jar represented all the things that I could not give to these people. Ray said I had kept him alive and that was probably true, but I had battled tangible things that I could strike and kill. Hunger was an unseen enemy over which I had no control.
“I am grateful for the protection this community has offered; not just the walls that surround us, but each and every man, woman and child that lives within and fought right beside me. But…this place can’t keep us forever. We’ve taken all that we can from Randall Oaks and she has nothing left to offer us. If we want to survive, well, we have to realize when it’s time to move on.
“I think what the Finnegan’s have offered us is survival and in turn we can offer them the same. But with that said, this decision is too big for one man to make. In fact, it’s too big for just the people in this room. Everyone has to make their own decisions on this one, I’m afraid.”
There was more discussion after my words, and in the end they all realized we would have to make the journey. No matter the dangers, Randall Oaks would soon be dead. If our community was to survive we had to move. It was time to step out into the world again. But that would be up to the men, women and children of Randall Oaks.
Chapter 9
Hard Decisions
Although after heated discussion the council eventually decided that the community needed to accept the agreement made between Brian and the Finnegans, we also knew that this was a decision in which everyone would need to decide for themselves. We agreed to hold a special meeting that evening to relay the news to the rest of our community. I was relieved when the meeting finally ended without Brian bringing up the fact that we’d been the catalyst in starting the war with Providence.
As the council members dispersed, I took the opportunity to step outside for a few moments. The air was cool, crisp, and refreshing after being cooped up in the confines of the house; it was just what I needed to help me focus. Standing outside, leaning against an awning post and smoking one of Ray’s offered cigarettes, I was glad I quit smoking a long time ago. The cancer sticks were hard to come by
now and struggling to quit cold turkey was one less thing I needed in my life. As I dragged on the smoke, I watched the members of the council as they filed out past me, most of them on their way to perform their duties around the community. It was nice to have them around to deal with much of the day-to-day affairs because I could not be everywhere at once.
When Kat and Sam exited, I crushed my smoke beneath my boot and asked them both if I could speak to them for a moment; I had tasks to assign to each. I asked Kat to check in and see how Ian was doing, but also to let Ravi know about what she missed at the meeting—especially the part about the community meeting tonight. I also asked Kat to then begin spreading the word about the meeting to make sure we had everyone in the room. While Kat made her rounds, I planned to spell whoever was on guard duty at Ravi’s shortly.
Next, I asked Sam to provide me with a complete inventory of all supplies. I wanted to know to the last detail how much food, water, medical supplies, toilet paper, batteries, and any other odds and ends we’d accumulated over the last three months. I wanted her to keep her findings confidential and report only to me when she was done. After she finished her list, I asked her to work with Reverend Reggie to set up the CP for the community meeting.
“Sam it would be great if we could have coffee and some sort of snacks,” I said.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
Before the two women left, I reminded them that we had guests and that I would like for those guests to be seated at the front of the room so it would be easier for introductions.
For a while I watched both women walk down Churchill Street. I smiled when Kat took Sam’s hand, and Sam leaned close into her lover. Watching their public display of affection made me think about Lara and the intimate time we’d shared. Right about now I wished I could feel her warm body snuggled up against me as I breathed in the scent of the strawberry shampoo from her hair.
Making a sound like an old man rising from a chair, I bent low and picked up my axe and bag. From my vantage point at the CP I could see all the way down Churchill. I spotted my house on the left and my eyes followed the curve of the road down to Harper’s Knoll. One of the biggest regrets I felt when I thought of leaving this place was leaving behind the men and women, my friends, who were buried there; and my wife buried under her favorite rose garden.
* * *
At Ravi’s house, I took a few moments to talk with Ravi in the upstairs rooms. Kat had already stopped by, as instructed. Ravi shared with me her concerns about moving Paul and Ray, as well as the younger children. She was concerned about how the weather would affect everyone. I assured her that all of her concerns would be under consideration, but that they had to weigh the concerns with the risk of staying put.
“I understand,” she said. “But I must insist that Paul and Raymond cannot be moved with the rest of the group. Paul is in an advanced state of renal failure and would most certainly die long before we reached your farm.”
“How long can Paul live if he stays here?”
After great consideration, Ravi said, “I think that he can survive another three months, maybe a little longer if he remains here under my care. He still has some prescription medications and there are other things I can do to help extend his life.”
“I have some major concerns about leaving you here,” I said. With Ravi, you could not beat around the bush. You just had to give it to her straight. “As shitty as this sounds, the group needs you more. I have to think about what’s best for all of us.”
Ravi was adamant. “I will stay with Paul and I will not be forced to leave.”
I sighed and decided to take a different approach. “Okay, say you stay, and Paul passes, then what? You’re stuck here at least until spring when we can come back for you.”
“I know the risks.”
“Brian found a place with lots of equipment and supplies. Maybe we can find something that you can use to help prolong Paul’s life at the farm.”
Ravi shook her head. For the first time, I saw that Ravi was losing her patience. “Paul will not survive the trip. He’ll be dead before you can move your equipment and supplies to the farm to help him. No. I am staying here and that is final.”
Finally, I relented. I hoped that if I gave her time to think about things that she would eventually realize that she was more valuable to the many than to one. I could only hope she would do the right thing. As much as I liked Paul, as much as we all owed our lives to Paul and his inventions, I could not risk the safety of the rest of the members of the community for his sake.
I left Ravi alone and headed downstairs. I was surprised to find Brian and Maureen visiting with Ian. Both brother and sister raised a hand in greeting when I entered and I raised a hand in return. Setting down my bag and axe beside the empty chair where someone should have been sitting watch, I was glad to see that Brian had stepped away from his companions so that we could speak privately.
“Hey, dude, Ian’s looking good. Whatever Ravi gave him knocked down the fever. She thinks that he caught a cold but she’s pretty sure he’s not infected by Mad Swine.”
“That’s good news.”
“Damn right it is. I didn’t know what I was going to tell his father when we got to the farm and Ian wasn’t with us.”
“Slow your roll, bud, that decision hasn’t been made yet.”
“No, but it will. There’s no alternative. They’ll have to see that. They’re not stupid people; they’re just…too comfortable.”
“You have to be prepared for the possibility that they vote to stay. Have you thought about that?”
“No. That’s not going to happen.”
“And if it does? What are you going to do?”
Brian was caught off guard by the question. He really hadn’t considered the idea that the men and women of Randall Oaks would opt to remain behind these walls even knowing that they could not survive the winter.
“I don’t know, dude. I guess I’d have to help Ian and Maureen get back home.”
“And then what?” Brian looked at me. His eyes begged not to force him to have to choose, but I was adamant. “Will you stay with the Finnegan’s?”
“You know staying here is suicide. I can’t believe that you’d let these people go out like that. You wouldn’t.”
“It’s not up to me how a man wants to spend the last days of his life. I won’t force anyone to leave and that’s a promise.”
“All right, fair enough. Every man has a right to decide his fate. But what about you? Would you stay here and choose death or come with me and live?”
“I’ll tell you later,” I said and picked up my gear. “When I figure out the answer.”
* * *
I decided to stop at Lara’s place but she wasn’t home so I took a walk to the outpost and asked the two men on duty if they’d seen Lara. They told me the last they seen her she was taking two of the new folks back to the command post.
Changing direction, I headed over to the CP and entered through the garage. I was quite surprised to find the lights on. I was even more surprised to see that Ray was not sitting at his command module. Instead, his chair was rolled beside his bed on top of which a large green canvas bag sat. Ray was wrapping a power cord around a piece of radio equipment which he placed into the bag.
When I sat down he looked up at me and said, “I don’t care what anyone says, I’m not staying here.”
Instead of responding I watched as Ray wheeled himself back to his desk and started to dismantle another piece of equipment. He unscrewed a coaxial cable and set the piece of equipment into his lap as he rolled the cable into a tight circle, returned to the bed, and shoved the items into the canvas bag.
He looked at me again and said, “You can’t stop me from coming.”
“I wouldn’t try, Ray. Like I said, everyone has to make their own choice.” I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at what he had in the bag so far.
“Damn right.”
“I will tell you that it’
s not going to be a cakewalk. Wheeling that chair through snow is going to be tough. Hauling that bag of equipment is going to make it more so.”
“I can handle it.” He spun his chair around so that he was facing me. “I know what I’m getting myself into. When we get out on the road, I’m on my own. If I fall behind, I don’t expect anyone to fall back with me. But I’m not going to stay here with Paul and rot away in this fucking place. I want a chance as much as anyone else. And if I don’t make it, it won’t be for lack of trying. At least I go out on my own terms.”
I stood up from the bed and looked down at the determined man in front of me. “As long as you know the risks all I have left to say is you might want to lighten your load.” I took a few steps toward the door that would lead into the kitchen of the CP and said, “And think about what you’re going to do with Cody.”
“What does that mean? Cody’s coming with me.”
“I meant think about what will happen to him if you don’t make it.”
* * *
Sam and Reggie were in the kitchen getting things together. Sam rushed me out because she said she didn’t want to spoil the surprise. I told her that I already knew we were having a community meeting, no surprise there. She put her hands over my eyes and pulled me by my arm, leading me out of the kitchen. She said I knew what she meant.
I found Liam and Jenna in the living room watching a DVD on the television. They both stood when I entered but I told them both to sit down and don’t let me interrupt.
In his thick Irish accent Liam said, “We haven’t seen a movie in months.”
“Hey, I understand. Have you seen Lara?”
“Aye. She left about ten minutes ago. Not sure where she got off to, friend.”
I nodded my head. “Thank you, Liam. If you see her can you let her know I’m looking for her?”
