by Alice Raine
‘Of course, you can, and this is lovely, but if you want to talk about anything you know I’ll always listen.’
Sasha hid her initial response by taking a gulp of her wine, but then she put the glass down and her shoulders slumped a little as she relaxed her guard. I was one of the few people who she would do this around, and as frustrating as she could be with her aggressive defensiveness, I was always grateful that she would let me in. Even if she often made me work for it.
‘You always manage to read me so well,’ she murmured quietly before placing her glass down and looking up at me with a sad expression.
‘Yeah, well, we’re buds, that’s what I’m supposed to do.’ Shifting my seat closer, I gave her a playful nudge with my shoulder. ‘So, what’s with the face? I’m going to take a shot in the dark and guess that it’s Marcus related.’
She snorted out a dry chuckle and nodded. ‘He definitely wants more than just one night!’ she blurted with no other preamble.
‘So, you’ve finally sat down and spoken to him?’
She nodded and curled her lip in irritation. ‘Yeah, just now at the club, but it was pointless. I’ve never met a man like him before. Most of them jump at the idea of casual sex!’
I chuckled, because surely having a man as handsome as Marcus Price wanting more with you than a quick, easy lay would be a good thing to most girls, just not my stubborn bestie. ‘I think it’s actually really sweet. It shows how much he respects you.’
‘Pfft.’ Sasha made a dismissive noise in the back of her throat. ‘I don’t want his respect, I want a fuck!’ she exclaimed, but almost as soon as the brash words were out of her mouth her shoulders slumped again. I could see how torn she was. She was fighting with her own long-held beliefs and considering going against them, and for someone as dogged as Sasha that was probably scaring the shit out of her.
‘Hey, this is me, Sasha, you don’t need to put on a front with me.’
Pulling in a long breath, she nodded, and started to chew on a fingernail. ‘Sorry. You’re right…’ She took a deep breath and finally the real Sasha emerged from behind the defensive walls that she kept built so high. ‘It is sweet that he wants more and won’t just sleep with me. It’s kinda traditional, I guess.’
Nodding, I smiled, glad that my original views of Marcus as a good guy hadn’t turned out to be incorrect. ‘He’s a really nice guy, Sasha.’
Her eyes closed briefly, and she gave a small nod. ‘I know. He’s nice, and decent, and I’m so bloody attracted to him… but I’m just… I don’t want to get hurt, Rob.’
The strain in her voice was almost too much to take, and I slid a supportive arm around her shoulder, shocked when she suddenly turned and buried herself in my arms for a full-on hug. Locking her in a cuddle, I gave her back a reassuring stroke and tried to think what the heck I could say to make her feel better.
‘The pain when I lost my parents…’ She spoke into my shoulder, and even though her words were soft I heard the agony in each and every one of them. ‘I can’t go through heartbreak like that again. It terrifies me.’
My heart clenched for her and I squeezed her even tighter until she let out a teary giggle in my arms and pushed back. ‘You’re a good hugger, but enough with the sympathy squeeze, I can hardly breathe.’
Sasha on the verge of tears was not a familiar sight. She hardly ever allowed herself to cry, and seeing the glassiness in her eyes now made it clear to me just how much of a big deal her feelings for Marcus were. This was more than a crush or a craving for a one-night stand. She liked him, a lot.
Reaching up, I used my thumb to wipe away a lone tear that was making its way down her cheek. ‘I totally understand, and I can’t give you any guarantees that something between you and Marcus would last forever, but surely if you’re getting yourself this worked up about it, it might be worth taking a risk?’
Sasha immediately shook her head, but the action wasn’t strong or determined and I took it as a show of her indecision. Pressing on with my argument, I took her hand and squeezed. ‘You say you won’t risk anything in case you get hurt, but from the pained look on your face you’re already hurting as it is.’
Sasha swallowed, and it sounded as if she had been trying to choke down a tennis ball. ‘I know you’re right, Robyn.’ From her expression, she clearly knew that she could potentially be missing out on something good with Marcus, but I could still hear the “but” hanging in the tone of her voice, before she even said it. ‘But that doesn’t make it any easier for me to accept these feelings, or act upon them.’
I didn’t have a clue what to say to help her out, so I topped up our glasses and gave her another supportive hug. I guessed for someone like Sasha with her strongly built defences it would be difficult for her to change her ways, if not impossible.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Sasha
Taking a deep breath, I sidled up to Marcus, but even though he must have sensed me right beside him he continued to stare rigidly forwards. It was a week on from our last chat, and I didn’t know what to say to him yet, so I casually bumped my shoulder into his in way of greeting which made him glance towards me, and then I flashed him a nervous, almost shy smile.
“Shy” wasn’t a word that could usually be associated with me – brash, loud, rude, or confident would be more fitting, but shy? No. Which showed how monumentally this guy was affecting me.
He nodded in greeting but seemed to be intent on remaining silent, so I pulled in a deep breath and then just came out with it. ‘Hey. Can we maybe go somewhere quieter for a drink, or something?’
Marcus finally gave me his full attention and swivelled on his stool to look at me with a confused frown. ‘Is everything OK?’
‘Yeah. I’d… I’d just like to talk to you about… well…’ A lump of nerves the size of a watermelon suddenly clogged my throat, but I forced myself to carry on. ‘About us.’
Us. That final word seemed to drop like a bomb into the otherwise calm air and settled heavily on my chest as Marcus simply contemplated me for several seconds and then let out a deep sigh.
‘I’m not sure we have much else to say, Sasha. It’s clear that our outlooks just don’t match.’ He took a swig of his beer and gave a shrug which seemed to be forced and not as casual as the gesture usually was. ‘Maybe we’re better leaving things as they are? We’ve coped so far.’
His eyes flickered with a myriad of emotions that matched how I felt – lust, pain, hurt, hope – so even though his words were basically a great big knock-back I wasn’t going to let them stop me.
Sucking up my courage, I decided to whisper my confession and get it out in the open. ‘But I’m not coping, Marcus. That’s the whole problem.’ I ran a hand through my hair, feeling horribly exposed but knowing that I had to open myself up if I stood any chance of persuading him to give things a try. ‘I… I can’t stop thinking about you,’ I admitted, my voice dry with the stress of the conversation.
A moment of silence fell between us and then Marcus closed his eyes and briefly lowered his head.
‘Same,’ he agreed, his voice hoarse. Opening his eyes again, he picked his head up and stared at me with such intensity that I almost lost my breath.
‘You’re on my mind constantly.’ He raised a hand toward me as if he were going to cup my cheek, but then withdrew as if having second thoughts and instead gripped his beer bottle with both hands. ‘I still wouldn’t want just one night, though.’
He was holding himself back because he thought I was still just after sex. I could totally understand that. I had been adamant about only doing one-night stands up until now, and I was going to have to say some very unfamiliar words in just a few seconds.
I drew in a deep breath, still shocked that I was about to utter the sentence on the tip of my tongue and then I opened my mouth and let it spill out. ‘I know. I want to try for more.’
For a few seconds Marcus stared at me with wide eyes as if I’d just sprouted ears all over my scalp, but
then, recovering his composure, he tilted his head and frowned. ‘You’re sure?’
‘I am,’ I replied, before I could let my inner fears overwhelm me.
‘And this isn’t just a ruse to get me into bed so you can have your one night of fun?’ he asked, one eyebrow raised high. The look he gave me was laced with amusement but full of curiosity and hope.
I let out a coughed laugh, slightly offended by his question but amused by his bluntness. ‘Christ, Marcus, no. I know I put on a brash front but I’m not that much of a bitch.’
Marcus relaxed his shoulders slightly and offered me a small apologetic smile. ‘I know you aren’t. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.’ A heavy silence fell between us, broken when he huffed out a breath. ‘I’m not an easy guy to be with, Sasha. Like I said when we kissed, I have rules that we would have to stick to.’
Moving carefully so as not to freak him out, I reached down and placed my hand on top of his, prompting his eyes to widen and then lock with mine.
My heart was thundering, and I was overly hot, but as soon as we touched, sparks tingled and danced across my skin and from his small inhale I could only assume that he felt the connection between us ignite, too. ‘You mean no touching except for holding hands, those rules?’ I whispered.
Marcus looked down at where my hand was resting on his and nodded slowly. ‘Yeah.’
He made no move to join our hands properly, so neither did I; I just left my hand resting on his and enjoyed the sensation of heat flowing between our skin. Being in contact with him had relaxed me somehow, and now I felt completely content. The connection between us really was insane; it was like our bodies were already linked, drawn to the other as if they were matching pairs.
‘Why are they so important to you?’ I asked softly, knowing that I was probably pushing my luck, but wanting to find out nonetheless.
Marcus swallowed hard and then carefully turned his hand. Our skin slid together, tingles rushing up my arm as it did so, and he settled our hands so we were connected palm to palm. After flashing me another heavy, lust-laden look, he slid his fingers between mine so they were intertwined. It was a small move, but it suddenly felt so much more intimate and a sigh feathered across my lips as my skin continued to heat and sizzle from the contact. From the way Marcus gave my hand a squeeze I’d place money on the fact that he was feeling it, too.
‘It’s a long story. I will tell you… eventually.’ He sighed, his smile forced. ‘But not now. It’s not a fun story and I don’t want to spoil the evening with it.’
We seemed to be making progress, and even though his hand had tensed from this subject I decided to push just a fraction more. ‘Did someone hurt you in the past?’
Marcus’s expression darkened and turned grim at my guess, his eyes becoming half lidded as he turned his face away from me. From his reaction I could only assume I’d hit the nail on the head.
The grasp on my hand that had been gentle a second ago tightened as he drew in several shallow breaths in an attempt to control himself. Guilt rushed over me at his panicked reaction, and I started to wonder if he had been hit in the past? Abused, perhaps? People always thought of domestic violence as the woman getting hurt, but it could easily go both ways.
‘This is just how I need it to be with a woman, OK? No touching, no staying over, no romantic lie-ins.’ He let out a sigh and opened his fingers before tugging his hand away from mine. ‘You deserve better than that.’
I took his words to mean “you deserve better than me”. My entire body felt chilled from the loss of his touch, and so, with a determined frown, I reached over and grabbed his hand again, linking our fingers and increasing my grip so he couldn’t push me away.
‘What if I don’t care about all of that?’ I pulled his hand into my lap and placed my other hand on top, capturing him. ‘What if I want to try anyway?’
Marcus’s jaw was tense as he stared at our hands, his frown deepening until he had two perfectly parallel lines of worry creasing his forehead in between his eyebrows. I desperately wanted to reach up and soothe them with my fingertip, but I didn’t dare move. He looked completely torn, but he had begun to run his thumb gently back and forth across the side of my knuckles, and this tiny gesture of affection pushed me on. ‘I have my own issues with relationships, Marcus. I’m not exactly going to be the easiest person to be with either.’
He took a long, slow sip of his beer as he considered my words. Finally, he placed the bottle down and stared at me. ‘So just to clarify again, even with whatever issues it is you have, you still want to try something proper between us?’
This whole conversation was just as hard for me as it seemed for Marcus, and I had to draw in a deep breath before I could speak. ‘Yes.’
‘And my rules… you’re OK with those?’
If things between us in bed were anywhere near as hot as the kiss we’d shared in the club, then I was more than OK with it. Who cared if he liked a little restraint? I’d certainly enjoyed the way he’d captured my hands and kissed me, so there really wasn’t an issue. Perhaps once we learned to trust each other more he might relax his no touching rule anyway.
I nodded slowly and clearly and increased my grip on his hand. I wanted to lean in to his body and kiss him or reach up and slide a hand around his neck to feel how soft the hair at his nape was, but I knew that would immediately go against his ground rules, so I held back, hoping that he would make the first move for us.
‘There’s more you should know…’ Marcus started to speak again, but with the sexual tension growing between us with every passing second, I couldn’t hold myself back.
‘It won’t matter, Marcus. I want to be with you.’
Once I’d made my declaration, I simply sat back and waited for my words to sink in.
Marcus
‘It won’t matter, Marcus. I want to be with you.’
She wanted to be with me. My eyes fluttered shut for a second as I absorbed her words – the ones I’d wanted to hear Sasha say for months now – and then, on instinct, I shifted closer to seize her other hand and move them both behind her so I was holding them firmly against the base of her spine. Our faces were just centimetres apart now and her breath hitched at our sudden closeness. The sexy little gasp that escaped her lips was such a turn-on that sparks ignited across my body, heating my skin and raising my pulse until it was thundering in my ears.
She was so fucking beautiful that I couldn’t stop staring at her. I was instantly hard, my dick pushing uncomfortably against my jeans, so I gave in to the pressure and leaned forwards, grinding my hips against hers. Sasha groaned, pressing her stomach forwards keenly and making it obvious that she was just as affected as me. Her eyes were wide and desire-filled, and her lips damp and still parted in shock, and I couldn’t help but imagine she might make that exact same expression later when I was thrusting up between her legs for the first time.
My brain conjured up erotic images in my mind; ones of Sasha naked and laid out on my bed, her arms and legs fastened to the bedposts so that she was open and ready for me, her gorgeous hair cascading across the pillows, and her eyes begging me to come closer.
A hoarse groan rose in my throat and my cock lurched desperately, throbbing with need. I wanted to savour the moment and take my time, but I was so turned on that I couldn’t resist leaning in and capturing her mouth with mine. Her parted lips meant I could slide my tongue straight inside and deepen the kiss, something which Sasha seemed to appreciate, because she kissed me back fiercely and arched her back so that her breasts were now pressed against my chest.
‘Marcus… please. I want you.’
Christ, the sound of her begging nearly undid me. I was so desperate for her that I nearly gave in to her soft demands and dragged her to a darkened corner where it would have been easy to rip her dress off and fuck her right here in the club, but at the last second, I pulled myself up short.
This was about more than just sex. At least it could be, if I could just
get my raging hard-on under control.
Pulling back, I gazed down at her as she tried to suck in some steadying breaths. Her cheeks were flushed, eyes wide and wild, and mouth reddened from our kisses. She looked sexy as fuck, but as much as I wanted to fuck her right here, right now, I knew that we shouldn’t rush into a hasty shag.
This was Sasha; I had lusted after her for months, but as well as the physical attraction I felt, I wanted to get to know her properly, too. The girl behind the mask that she put on in public for everyone else.
I wanted her in my life, not just my bed. Besides, I wanted our first time to be special. Private. Not some quick cheap fuck in a kink club.
I dragged my lips from hers and grinned as I took in her needy expression, and then placed another kiss on her lips before leaning back. ‘Hold that thought for just a little longer.’
As much as I wanted to trust Sasha when she said she was now willing to try more, I was going to need a little proof of her changed mind-set, so I released her hands and took a deep breath. ‘Let’s do this properly… You wanna go somewhere quieter to talk? Maybe I could cook you some dinner? We can get to know each other a little more.’
Sasha gave me a rueful smile and peeled her body back away from mine. ‘Sorry. I guess old habits die hard.’ Running her hands through her hair to flatten it after our passionate encounter, she took a second to steady herself and then nodded, smiling up at me with a look that was almost shy. ‘Dinner would be lovely, thank you.’
Shyness wasn’t an expression I’d ever seen on her before, but she looked so sweet and hopeful that it was almost like Sasha had been replaced by a different version of herself, one who was willing to try something with me, even though we’d both admitted to having issues. I was so excited by this turn of events that I couldn’t help but grin down at her.
