Whatever combination of desire and caring he had fantasized about finding again with Perri, the reality of now made those fantasies pale. She threw him so off balance with her honesty and generous nature. She had been big-eyed, long-legged and coltish as a teenager. Now, a woman moved erotically under his hands.
She trembled as those hands boldly journeyed down and around the globes of her bottom. Fingers lightly drummed on her flesh, at her hips, around the protruding bones; up and down the outside of her thighs. Then again over her buttocks. She yielded to the wall in what seemed a caress. She could no longer support herself on her arms.
“Open your legs for me,” he demanded in a whisper. Determined fingers made their way toward the inside of her thighs from the back. Perri complied.
Matt had a notion of playing with her until she whimpered. She was whimpering now, her hips slowly grinding against him in a rhythmic appeal. He had intended to make her wait. He hadn’t intended to find himself so close to the border where his own reason completely dissolved.
He pulled her against him, away from the wall and held her with one arm. Her breasts rested on his forearm and his erection cradled against her buttocks. Perri moaned as his hand found its way over her belly, between her sensitive inner thighs, into the presence of her heat.
He could feel that enticing warmth just out of his reach. He tortured himself with restraint, then moved his fingers to slowly drum against her moist folds. When Matt slowly ground his hips against her buttocks, Perri didn’t melt. She ignited. His touch became more determined, less playful. Her climax was swift and hard. The way she cried out his name ripped into him.
He quickly turned her around to face him, and the electric jolt of his naked chest against her breasts almost buckled his knees. His mouth assaulted hers. Judgment had fled, as he picked her up and moved quickly to the bed.
Matt jerked back the covers and settled Perri down. She watched his boots hit the floor and the accompanying swift struggle with his jeans. She knew as he followed her onto the bed, nudging his way between her legs and filling her eager mouth with his tongue, her body knew. There was no room for thought. It was Matt her body responded to so freely, yet it was a man’s body she now cradled. A man’s strength, a man’s hands, mouth and hunger taking possession. This was not the young Matt who had first claimed her for his own.
Matt tore himself free of the kiss to look at her. Then with slow deliberation, he kissed his way down her body as it glowed in the low light. His mouth was so gentle, the slight stubble of his beard only tickled her. Matt’s underlying power remained fully mastered and contained. The careful approach, coupled with his awareness of his own strength made her melt all over again with desire. Her back slowly arched as his tongue searched out the little bud of nerves concealed within her damp curls. She writhed against the gentle lashing and tried desperately to bring him ever closer.
Perri gave out with a protesting moan when he finally pulled back to look at her. Matt smiled at the sound. She looked breathtaking, wanton. She’d always been beautiful to him. And he had let her go.
His hand slowly and heavily followed the same path his lips had taken from her throat, over her aroused breasts. She moaned again when he paused to roll her nipple between his fingers before his hand continued its journey down between her thighs. A world of memory and regret resided in the heavy stroke.
His fingers rested gently against her sleek folds. Matt stopped there, watching her in the low light. Perri gasped and deliberately moved against his hand. She was so hot and so very wet. The feel of how much she wanted him, how ready she was for his entry made him grit his teeth.
“Matt,” she pleaded, reaching for him.
He leaned forward to kiss her breast, taking her deeply into his mouth, as he eased his fingers deep inside her damp sheath. He moved his lips to her mouth, his tongue taking possession, as they both reveled in the well-remembered sensation of his flesh on hers. He had meant his kisses to soothe them both, but the scent that was so uniquely hers finally undid the last of his restraint.
Hoping to slow himself down, he pulled back to his knees. Matt took a deep, hissing breath when he felt a soft, slender hand close around him. His hips pumped involuntarily before he could pull her hand away and drape her legs over his arms. He paused to look at her. His gaze moved from the damp folds that called him to join his body with hers up to her eyes.
Perri found the sensation of being so open and vulnerable to this man highly erotic. “Please, Matt,” she whispered, “now.”
Well, that did it. The weight of the years that had kept them apart vanished as he slowly entered her. She was so hot and so very wet. She smiled when they began to move together in a rhythm as old as the earth; as easy with each other as if it were yesterday when they had last joined. Holding her legs, he watched the effect his body had on hers. He wanted to see her eyes as he moved within her.
Matt shook under the effort it took to keep from cutting loose. He wanted her with him. He finally broke his hold on her legs and rested his weight onto his arms. She immediately wrapped her legs around him, holding him close. “Look at me,” he demended through clenched teeth. She immediately complied.
The sight of him, his body slick with sweat and so fierce, took her breath away. He made her frantic to give him anything he wanted. He looked so dazzling above her as he thrust into her. There wasn’t a wasted move between them.
Perri assumed she would regret this night. She chose to accept any regrets with the certainty of how much more she would regret this night never happening. The heat burst within them as they both caught fire in a sudden, hot rush toward fulfillment
Matt cried out her name as he felt tiny, feminine muscles ripple around him. He collapsed onto her, burying his face at the base of her neck; his short supply of tears falling undetected into the thick, velvety mass of her hair.
The night wind was picking up; he could hear it swirling through the trees out back. To Matt, the long, lonesome sound was both soothing and familiar. He automatically offered up a silent prayer for rain, while he felt himself restored to the present. As the old house adjusted to the return of the night wind, it occurred to him that what he had missed for years had now been restored.
Making love to other women, having sex, had always been every possible combination of tender, funny, affectionate, hot or raunchy. But with no one else had he experienced anything like this. With Perri, he felt himself depart from his own separate spirit to join on a deeper level than the physical. With Perri, it was somehow more intimate. He sighed contentedly and lay still, listening to the house and the wind. And then, he heard the “click.”
Matt frowned, puzzled. It had almost sounded to him as if someone had thrown the light switch, pitching the room into darkness. But nothing had changed. Light still spilled over them from the hallway and the adjoining bathroom. He had hit the switch himself shortly after entering her room.
Suddenly, he understood. It was Perri. The sound hadn’t been audible. But it had come from her, from that deeper level. She had departed from him. All of that vibrant passion had withdrawn, vanished as if it had never been. Dammit, he thought sadly. They were still joined and she’d managed to run from him. He wasn’t having it.
Matt raised up onto his arms and looked at her, ready to bring her back to him any way he could. But instead, she took his breath away.
Her lips were swollen and red, her eyes so dilated, they almost matched his own for darkness. It wasn’t the face of a starry-eyed girl, safe in the arms of her first love. It was the face of a woman who, try as she might to fight it, was bound to him on that deeper leveL
He grinned at her as something deep inside him relaxed. “You regret it already, don’t you?” Matt nipped at her chin in a manner a little too slow and knowing to be considered playful.
“This doesn’t settle anything, Ransom,” she declared, trying to avoid the caress. Tiny, internal muscles squeezed involuntarily around him.
He laughed sof
tly when she couldn’t quite refrain from arching into him. His teeth tugged on her earlobe. “I don’t know, hon,” he answered. “I feel fairly well settled in some very significant ways, myself.” His mouth moved to her already budding nipple and beyond. As Matt slid down her body to place openmouthed kisses on the undersides of her breasts, the stubble of his beard rasped her skin just enough to bring pleasure.
Did her body have to betray her right now? Perri restlessly adjusted her legs. She had a point to make, if she could just keep in mind what it was. If he would cut it out, she could think of how to phrase what she had to say.
“Maybe you’re right,” Perri announced reasonably. “Maybe this does settle something. Now that we’ve gotten the sex out of the way, maybe we can manage to talk to each other. To work together,” she added. The thought brightened her mood. “Now maybe we can talk some things through.”
Matt’s response to such statements was to draw her breast deeply into his mouth, in a caress that would have been too rough before. “Out of the way?” he asked as he continued to tease and nuzzle her tender skin. “I do appreciate the way your breasts have grown up, darlin’.” His tongue lightly skipped over her nipple.
As Perri gasped, Matt moved back up and cradled her jaw in his broad hands. “But that just took the edge off,” he declared. “Honey, I haven’t had nearly enough of you for you to be thinking that the sex is ‘out of the way.’ And—” he grinned “—you haven’t had nearly enough of me.”
His tongue swept the automatic and immediate protest from her mouth. Perri could feel herself losing all reason. He didn’t demand. He didn’t have to. Matt naturally commanded a response from her. She was getting intoxicated just on the taste of him. It felt as if her bones were melting; as if he could mold her into anything he wanted.
How could there be even more wild heat between them? She just didn’t get it. Perri had felt sanity return only moments ago. She had even managed to achieve some distance; distance that had given her a precious and necessary grip on her heart.
Then, all he had to do was take one little love bite and she’d melted all over again. Her hips ground wantonly in a move impossible to stop. “You insufferable, egotistical jerk,” she said, glaring at him when his mouth finally released hers.
He didn’t take offense. Didn’t bother to deny it. “Yeah, but I’m your insufferable, egotistical jerk.”
“Are you, Matt?”
That put a momentary halt on him. Matt humbly searched her face for a long time before he spoke. “I’m your husband,” he reminded her. “Do you really want to talk about anything else right now?”
She was abruptly aware of just how heavy and full he’d become. Just as abruptly, all the fight went out of her, as the desire between them compounded with each successive moment. She paused, considering him just as he was considering her.
The light played over his face, highlighting the hard angles just enough for her to see an unexpected appeal in his dark eyes. “No,” Perri stated without artifice, as she moved to wrap her legs around his waist. “No, I don’t.”
“Such a sad face,” he said tenderly. “Well, if you’re so determined to regret this night, then I’d better give you something to regret. Don’t you think, hon?” Matt kissed her urgently as his mood switched away from the tenderness of the moment before.
He was determined to maintain that deeper connection with her and build on it. Determined to build a new life for both of them. If it took him awhile to get her to stay with him in that deeper region, well, they had all night, he reasoned. He had no intention of wasting a moment of it.
“I’d better see to it you’ve got something worth regretting, then,” he said again. In one quick move, he drove himself into her. “Do you regret this, Perri?” he asked, moving inside her. Forcefully. “Or this? Or this?”
Each thrust brought her back to him, until she was ready to splinter and reform on that deeper level. There were no defenses she could build or maintain against him. He wasn’t rough with her, he was purposeful. “Do you regret how I can make you feel, Perri?” His intention was clear. “Tell me!” he commanded. “Do I feel like something you should regret?” Rough palms cupped her bottom and held her even more tightly to him.
On a low, reckless moan, Perri’s nails scored down his back. She pulled him even deeper into her in a silent demand. Taking him as he was taking her. Her mouth went in search of his. Her tongue probed delicately at first, and then with red-hot determination. She wanted all of him and she wanted him now. The demand was as plainly stated as if it had been voiced. He had managed to reach her on a level too deep for anything less than honesty.
Matt broke the kiss, smiling over her little moan of protest. “You’re close to desperate for me to finish it, aren’t you?” he asked. “Aren’t you?” He watched her eyes glaze as she tightened around him. “Do you regret that, Perri? I’ll just bet you do. Would you regret my loving you?” he whispered.
The last query was voiced so softly, she wasn’t certain it was real. Each stroke went deeper within her than she would have thought possible. He was touching her in a way that was far more intimate than the physical. Matt kept consuming her, steady and strong, long after she caught fire beneath him.
The drive to Spirit Lake occurred in silence. Matt hadn’t looked at her since they’d climbed into the pickup. When he’d started the engine, the radio had played Mary Chapin Carpenter singing “Hometown GirL” Matt had quickly turned it off. This was hard enough.
Just driving out to the lake brought back too many memories. Perri reminded herself that there was no point now in feeling any embarrassment for some of the things she had let him do in his pickup. She would have let him do anything he’d wanted. She had loved him so much. Nor was there any sense to this awkwardness she felt over their wedding night. It had happened.
Matt turned off and parked in the shade of a tree on Gannie’s land. Saying nothing, he scooted out from under the wheel. He gently stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers, before drawing her soft weight against him. Taking her hand, he played lightly with her palm.
Matt carefully but inexorably pulled her a little closer to him. He hadn’t let her retreat completely after that night Heartbeats in unison, they watched the skiers for a time, each with their own private thoughts.
Before now, she had never reflected much upon the obligation of an inheritance. Even when Ganme had mentioned some vague details about leaving Perri and Matt the responsibility of the project, Perri hadn’t really understood. If Gannie hadn’t exacted such conditions concerning the estate, what would she have done? Be miserable, Perri thought. I’d probably feel obliged to sell and it would kill me.
“Come on,” Matt said, opening the door to the pickup and helping her out. For a time they just wandered over the property, with no clue as to what Gannie might have had in mind.
It was nothing special. Nor was it a sorry piece of land. The property sat above Spirit Lake doing nothing interesting; doing nothing to inspire a brainstorm regarding its use.
Finally Matt spoke. “No matter what happens, Perri,” he said. “No matter how it all turns out, I’m your partner in this. I can take care of the land. I can protect and add to the property. And I can take care of and protect you. I will provide for you,” he vowed solemnly, “and I won’t mistreat you.”
If I could still love you, I would, he thought, turning his gaze toward the deep-blue water. His six months with Perri might be all the living instead of being deadened he’d ever have. Matt just didn’t have the energy, the “need to fight” in order to regain the power to feeL
But he felt the need to pledge his support to Perri; to make some sort of promise that might lay a foundation for trust. It was the best he could do to further his own redemption.
“Thank you for that. I want it to matter, Matt,” she said as she walked into his open arms. “I want what we do here to matter, at least a little.”
I want it to matter, even if I don’t, Perri r
eflected as she turned her head to watch the skiers. Even if their marriage didn’t matter to him like it did to her. Even if she didn’t really matter to Matt, something Perri did, some action she took, would matter. If only to Gannie.
“Let’s go home, Matt,” she said as he hugged her to him. “Thank you for pledging to take care of me.” It meant something.
He ached for her. He wanted to say more. And yet the bottom fell out every time he tried to take the next step. He just didn’t have it in him.
No, maybe that wasn’t honest. He may have had it in him. But Matt Ransom had no way left to seize what might still be there. In order to rebuild that charred and ruined bridge, he reckoned he’d need heart. And he just didn’t have the heart.
“Okay, we’ll go home,” Matt said cupping her chin in his hand. “I want you, hon. I need you. Feel like moving into my room tonight?” he inquired lightly. “If not, I seem to recall that once upon a time you were rather partial to my pickup.”
They smiled at each other. A woman who couldn’t stop loving and running; and a man who hadn’t learned that standing still froze his feelings.
“Not yet, Matt,” Perri said, blushing. “I need just a little more time.”
Matt paused to hold her before helping her into the cab of the pickup.
An understanding, sensitive Matt Ransom. It’s almost too good to be true, Perri thought as he kissed her and started for home. Later she would see the whole thing as just part of his strategy to get her to live with him without so much fuss.
Nausea. Nausea had never claimed her whole body before. Nausea had never caused all of her senses to hum like this. This was different. It had never before affected her hearing or her vision, flooding her until she felt light-headed.
What was going on? Why this sudden fatigue? The fatigue must be why I’m so nauseous, she reasoned. Perri pulled the car over by the bridge across the tracks and brought both hands to her clammy cheeks. Her swollen breasts stung. She was so tired.
The Bridal Promise Page 7
