I see Wes tensing up and grab his arm. "Don't engage him. It's what he wants."
Wes nods and goes around to open my door. As he goes to the driver's side, I hear Hunter say something but I can't make out the words.
"What did he say?" I ask Wes as we're driving away.
"Nothing."
"He said something. I heard him."
"Just forget it. I'm not going to waste time talking about Hunter. We're on a date."
"Can you believe we've dated for over two months now?"
He smiles at me. "And I've loved every minute."
I smile back. "Me too."
It's taken a while to get to this point but I'm finally at a place where I can just be with Wes and not worry about the future. To be honest, I still worry about the future but I shove those worries to the back of my brain when I'm with Wes. If I didn't, we wouldn't be as close as we are now. That's the part that worries me; how close he and I have become. Wes is always telling me to live in the moment so that's what I've been trying to do but the more time we spend together, the deeper my feelings get, and I'm afraid how much it'll hurt if we break up. Or when we break up because I know it'll happen. I just don't know when. Just like with my eyes, I'm left wondering and waiting for something bad to happen.
Speaking of my eyes, they haven't gotten any worse. The doctor said the changes could be really slow, meaning I wouldn't lose my vision for a really long time, but it's hard to say for sure until we find my parents. It's been almost two months since we started the search and so far, we've heard nothing.
That day when I told my mom I wanted to find my parents, she started crying. They weren't sad tears. They were tears of joy. She wants me to have the best possible future and she thinks that'll only happen if I know what lies ahead in terms of my vision. She believes I could have a great future no matter what but she knows the uncertainty has me putting everything on hold. I haven't been able to move forward, and if it weren't for Wes convincing me to do so, I don't think I would've agreed to look for my parents.
"Dad, I'm home," Wes calls out as we go in his house. I love his house. It's a total bachelor pad, meaning they don't have any decorative items to make it look nice, but it still feels warm and inviting because I'm here with Wes, and his dad is always really nice to me.
"In the living room," his dad yells back.
When we get to the living room, we see a woman sitting next to Wes' dad. She looks to be around his age, with curly blond hair and glasses.
"This is Ann," Tom says, standing up, a wide grin on his face. "Ann, this is my son, Wesley, and his girlfriend, Luna."
"Nice to meet you both." She stands up and shakes our hands. "Luna is such a beautiful name," she says to me.
"Thank you."
"Beautiful name for a beautiful girl," Wes says, putting his arm around me. It used to embarrass me when he said that stuff but now I like it.
"Ann is new at the university," Tom says. "She's a professor in the biology department. We were just discussing her research."
I assumed Ann was his date but I guess she's just a co-worker.
"Your father said you're a computer genius," Ann says to Wes.
"I don't know if I'm a genius but I seem to have a talent for it."
"He's been programming since he was just a young boy," Tom says, beaming with pride.
"You should see the games he's developed," I say. "They're amazing."
"And what are you interested in, Luna?" Ann asks. "Do you know what you want to study in college?"
"I haven't decided yet."
I'm still not planning to go to college but I am going to take the entrance exams. I wasn't going to but Wes convinced me otherwise, saying that taking the test doesn't mean I have to go to college. It just gives me the option.
"We should get going," Tom says to Ann. He looks at Wes. "We're going to dinner, then a concert at the university."
"Sounds good. Have fun."
We wait for them to leave, then go in the kitchen to get a snack.
"Are they on a date?" I ask. "Or just friends?"
"It's definitely a date. Didn't you see the googly eyes they were giving each other?"
"Googly eyes?" I laugh. "I'm pretty sure nobody our age has ever used those words."
"Then I'm happy to be the first. Speaking of words, I have something for you." He closes the fridge and walks past me.
"Where are you going?"
"To my room. Come on."
We usually don't go to his room. There's a bed in there and he knows I'm not ready for what could happen in that bed so we avoid it.
"Do you need to show me something?"
"I'm giving you something. It's not much and I was going to wait but I want to give it to you now."
A gift? Why is he giving me a gift?
Before we get to his room, he stops and says, "Give me a minute and then you can go in."
"Um, okay."
I wait outside the door, then he comes out into the hall. "Go ahead."
"You're not going in with me?"
"Nope. Just go in and look down at the floor."
"Why? What are you up to?"
"Just do it." He gives me a quick kiss, then nudges me toward the door. I open it up and see a laminated notecard on the floor. There's a whole series of them that lead to his desk.
I pick up the first one and read it. Smitten. (verb) To be strongly attracted to.
I smile. Ever since we've met, we do this thing where we come up with words that aren't used much and then discuss them. Most people would think it's nerdy but we're both nerds so it works for us.
The next card reads, Infatuated. (verb) To have a passion for.
Card three reads, Besotted. (verb) Another word for infatuated (but way cooler) Example: The computer geek was besotted with the beautiful girl with the beautiful name from the moment he laid eyes on her.
I read it again and smile.
The next card reads, Moonstruck. (adjective) Having difficulty thinking or taking action because of the state of being in love.
My heart skips a beat. Is he saying what I think he's saying?
I pick up the last card. Love. (noun) A romantic feeling. An emotional attachment. An intense feeling of affection for someone. What I feel for Luna.
Shocked, I drop the card, then reach down and pick it up and read the last line again. He loves me? Wes loves me?
Looking down at the floor, I see an arrow pointing to his desk. I go around it and see his laptop screen is flashing with red and white hearts and in the middle are the words, I love you, Luna.
"What do you think?" I hear Wes ask. I look up and see him standing across from me.
"This is the best gift anyone's ever given me." I wipe away the tear that managed to fall from my eye.
He comes around the desk and turns me toward him. "I wasn't sure how to tell you. I've never said that to anyone and I was scared to death to do it. So I took the coward's way out and wrote it down."
"Why were you afraid?"
"I wasn't sure how you'd react if I told you. I didn't want you to freak out and break up with me."
"I'm not breaking up with you."
"Then I can finally say it. I love you, Luna."
"I love you too." I said the words back to him without even thinking. I didn't need to. In my heart, I know I love Wes. I don't even know when it happened. I just know that I love him.
"You really love me?" he asks.
"I do."
He brings me into his arms and hugs me. "I'm so glad you said that. I honestly thought you were going to freak out and leave."
"Why would you think that?"
"Because when we first met, you kept talking about us not lasting more than a few weeks. It was like you were determined to make that happen. It scared me when you'd say that because I kept falling for you and I knew it would hurt like hell if you broke up with me. But I didn't care. It was worth risking getting hurt to be with you for whatever time we had together."
/> "I only said that because I was scared. It's not because I didn't want to keep dating you."
"I know, but I thought your fears might override what you really wanted. I kept trying to prove to you this wasn't just a high school crush—that it's so much more than that—but I wasn't sure I was getting through to you." He kisses my forehead. "But I guess I did."
My heart is overflowing with love for him right now. He's such a great guy, and the notecards he made me were so sweet. I wish I had something for him too.
"Oh!" I pull away from him. "I just remembered!"
"Remembered what?"
I get my phone out and find the image. "I was going to give this to you for our three month anniversary but I'm just going to give it to you now."
"You got me something?"
"Actually I made it."
"What is it?"
"Hold on." I attach it to an email and click send. "Okay, check your inbox."
He sits down at his desk and clicks on the mail icon, then finds my email.
"Download the attachment," I say.
He does and the image appears. It's an image of Wes and Bigfoot posing in the woods. It has a white frame around it like old photos used to have and it's stamped with a date. Stella helped me make it. She's really good with photo software.
Wes laughs. "I love it. It's perfect! Now everyone will finally believe me."
"I know, right? They'll never doubt you again."
He remains in his desk chair but pulls me between his legs and looks up at me. "I hope you never doubt me."
"About Bigfoot? I can't. You have proof now." I point to the laptop screen.
"I don't mean about that. I mean about us. I hope you don't doubt how much I care about you. How much I love you. How serious I am when I say I want us to still be together after high school."
"I don't doubt you."
"You sure? Because sometimes I'm pretty sure you do."
"Maybe sometimes, but like I said before, it's only because I'm scared."
"Then when you're scared, let's talk about it. I don't want your fears coming between us, okay?"
I nod.
He pulls me onto his lap and kisses me. I kiss him back, and move so that I'm straddling him. He groans in a way that says he likes what I'm doing. I move closer, pressing myself against him.
He tips his head back and takes a deep breath as he stares up at the ceiling. "We need to stop this, or at least not do this in the bedroom."
I laugh. "Okay, we'll go. Just let me grab the notecards you made. I'm keeping those forever."
We continue our date night with pizza and a movie. That's all I thought we'd do tonight but then he surprised me with those cards.
And now I know he loves me. Wes loves me!
This has been the best night of my life.
Chapter Twenty-Six
When Wes drops me off at my house it's almost midnight. My parents are always asleep by eleven so I walk inside as quietly as I can so I don't wake them up.
"Luna," I hear my dad say.
I look over and see him sitting on the couch. My mom is sitting next to him.
"Why are you guys still awake?"
"Honey, come sit down." My mom pats the open couch cushion that's next to her.
"What's going on?" I ask, sitting in the chair across from them. "Am I in trouble?"
"No, honey," my dad says. "We just need to talk to you."
My stomach knots. Something's wrong.
"What do you need to talk to me about?"
I start to wonder if something happened to one of my grandparents or someone else in our family. My parents are being so serious, it feels like someone died.
My mom looks at my dad.
"Is someone sick?" I ask. "Is it Grandma?"
My grandmother on my mom's side had a stroke a few years ago. Since then, she's been doing okay but it's possible something happened.
"Grandma's fine, honey," my mom says.
"Then what is it? Just tell me."
My dad clears his throat. "It's about your parents. Your birth parents. We found them."
For a brief moment it's like time is frozen as I process what he said. They found my parents. That means they know what's going to happen to me. Or maybe they don't know. Maybe they just found them and that's all they know.
"When?" I ask. "When did you find them?"
"A few days ago."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"We wanted to know more about them before we spoke with them."
"You talked to them?"
"Yes," my dad says.
"Why would you do that without telling me?"
"Luna, we discussed this. You told us if we ever found them that you didn't want to talk to them. You asked us to do it for you."
"Yes, but I wanted to know it was happening."
"Your mother and I thought it would be best if we didn't tell you. We weren't sure how the conversation would go. We knew almost nothing about these people. When we adopted you, the agency didn't give us much information."
"What are you saying? You thought they might be bad? Like be drug dealers or be in prison or something?"
"That's not what I'm saying. We were just trying to protect you."
I don't know if I should be angry they didn't tell me or not. I decide to just accept it. I can't do anything about it now.
"So how did it go?" I ask.
"Fine," my dad says. "We talked for about ten minutes."
"Where are they? Where do they live?"
"In a small town in New Mexico. They're originally from Wisconsin but moved to New Mexico for a job years ago and never left."
"Are they still together? Do they have other kids?"
"They're still married but they don't have other children."
"Do they work? Do you know what they do for a living?"
I keep avoiding the question I need to ask. I'm afraid to find out. Part of me was hoping we'd never find my birth parents so I wouldn't have to know. Now that we have the answer, I'm thinking I'd rather stick with the uncertainty. But it's too late now. My parents know and they're about to tell me.
"They didn't mention their jobs."
My mom threads her hand with my dad's. She looks like she's about to cry.
"Mom, what's wrong?"
She shakes her head. "Nothing's wrong. Everything's going to be fine." She wipes a tear off her face.
"What is it?" I ask my dad. "What did they say? Are they blind?"
Now I just want answers. I've put off knowing long enough. I just want it to be over with.
My dad lets out a sigh. "Your mother lost her vision two years ago."
"Completely?"
"Yes."
"How old was she?"
"She was 36 at the time."
Thirty-six? That's young. My doctor told me a lot of people with this condition have at least partial vision well into their forties and fifties, some even longer than that. And some never go completely blind. But my parents weren't that lucky, which means I won't be either.
"What about my father?" I ask. "Is he blind too?"
My parents exchange a look, then my dad says, "He lost his sight when he was..." my dad pauses, "...24."
Holy crap! Twenty-four? I'm 16. In eight years, I could be blind!
My dad continues. "When your father lost his vision, your mother was four months pregnant. They didn't think they could care for you. Your mother was convinced she'd lose her vision within a year or two of you being born and she didn't think they could raise a child if they were both blind."
So that's the reason they gave me up. We all assumed that but we didn't know for sure until now. I guess it makes sense. How do two blind parents raise a kid? My doctor tells me blind people can do anything—my parents do too—but I don't believe them.
"Is that why they didn't have more kids?"
"They told us they didn't want more children because they knew this was hereditary. They didn't want to pass it on."
"Then why did they have me? Was I an accident? A mistake?"
"Luna." My mom comes over to my chair, kneeling beside it. "You were never a mistake. You were a gift. They weren't planning to get pregnant but when it happened, there was no doubt in their minds that it happened for a reason."
"Which is what? What's the reason? They didn't even want me."
"Honey, of course they wanted you. Giving you up was the hardest decision they've ever made."
"Did they say that?"
She holds my hand. "Not exactly, but as a mother I know it's true. No parent wants to give up their child."
"Did you ask them? Did you ask them if they even considered keeping me?"
"I would never ask them something like that. It's personal. But I know for a fact your parents wanted you to have a good home. A good life."
"Which they couldn't give me themselves because they're blind."
"Luna, that's not true," my dad says. "Your parents were young when they had you and your father had just lost his sight. I think they both panicked. They were afraid they wouldn't be able to care for you without their sight. It was fear driving their decision to give you up. They're not unlike you that way, Luna."
"Meaning what?"
"Letting fear drive your decisions."
"That's not what I'm doing," I say defensively.
"Your decision to skip college? To not explore what career you might want? To not plan for the future? It's because you're afraid. You're afraid you'll do all these things, make all these plans, and then lose your sight. Your fear is holding you back, Luna. It's holding you back from the things you want to do. There's absolutely no reason you can't still do those things."
"You don't know that." I get up from my chair. "It sounds all great and wonderful to say that stuff but it's not true. Go put a blindfold on and try to make a sandwich and see what happens. Or try to pour a glass of milk or find clothes that match. Try it, Dad!" I yell, my anger building. "Try doing those things without being able to see! And then try to give me your lecture about how nothing will change!"
"Honey, your father didn't mean to upset you," my mom says. "The point he was trying to make is that—"
"I don't care what his point was. The reality is I could go blind in less than ten years!"
"Or it could be much longer than that," my mom says. "We need to discuss this with your doctor on Monday. Your parents agreed to share their medical records with him, and when they do, we'll find out more."
The Geek and The Goddess Page 23
