“We’re doing my bat mitzvah at Wendy’s?” Jamie burst into tears. “I hate you! That’s not fair! Stacie got to have a real party. I hate you so much!” She ran to her room.
But mostly what Mindy did not need now was an e-mail from Artie saying he’d finally heard from Waspy and the bank was sorry, but not only were they denying the loan application, they were raising the rates on the current loan due to late payments, and Artie should let him know if he needed the names of some reputable liquidators.
Mindy grabbed a roll of toilet paper and cried into the balled-up mess. Without the bank’s funding they were screwed, what with Jamie’s bat mitzvah on the horizon, not to mention another child to support (possibly two), one of whom would be college-bound if it killed Artie, which it would likely have to, as the only way they could afford Aaron’s tuition was if a life insurance policy paid the way.
“Why is everybody cryin’?” Ricky shook Mindy’s shoulder. “You’re cryin’ and Jamie’s cryin’ and Stacie’s cryin’. Did somebody die?”
“No, sweetie.” She hugged him. “Nobody died. It’s just girl stuff. Why don’t you get your shoes and come with me when I get Rebecca? Then we’ll stop at Bagel Boss. How’s that?”
“Yeah. Yeah!” He clapped his hands. “Can we get egg sandwiches, too?”
“Sure.” Mindy grabbed her pocketbook. “If we’re goin’ down, it’s not going to be on an empty stomach.”
Though Mindy hadn’t worked in nearly two weeks, she dreaded walking into the office. Despite her best efforts to conceal her red eyes, clearly she’d been crying and the girls would want an explanation. But unlike the imaginary conversation she’d had with Alanna Decker’s mom on the drive over, ‘none of your goddamn business’ would not fly.
Most of these women had been together since Stan went into private practice; they were family to each other, sharing all their simchas and sorrows and there was no such thing as a secret. You could beg all you wanted for a personal matter not to be discussed, but word would always get out, and even Stan would be in on it, though he swore he wasn’t interested.
In today’s little drama, however, he wasn’t the observer but the subject. Apparently he’d come in this morning and told Edna he was leaving at noon and to refer their patients to the team of covering doctors until further notice, though he offered no explanation why.
So although the girls were polite and told Mindy they wanted to hear all about the cruise, in truth the only thing they wanted details on was what was up with Stan and Rhoda.
“What in God’s name happened?” Edna barely let Mindy get her jacket off.
“What do you mean?” Mindy fumbled with her car keys.
“Oh, come on. We know something went wrong on the cruise. He’s flying to Florida and she hasn’t stopped calling.”
“It’s no big deal.” Mindy coughed. “He’s meeting an old army buddy to play golf.”
“Right. And I’m leaving for Nantucket to sell my granddaughter’s Girl Scout cookies. Come on! In ten years here, he’s never taken this much time off.”
“I wonder if Rhoda found out about Sydell?” Nurse Diana checked a patient file.
“I don’t think so,” Edna said. “That was years ago. I heard she died.”
“Sydell?” Mindy looked up. “Who’s Sydell?”
Edna and Diana looked at each other. “Nobody.”
“No, come on. That’s not fair.”
“Well, give a little, get a little.” Edna smiled.
“Fine. They had a little misunderstanding on the cruise but they’re working it out.”
“That had to be one helluva little misunderstanding if he’s leaving town and she’s asking all these questions about the bookkeeping records.”
“Mindy get in here.” Stan motioned her inside.
Damn. Like I want to get dragged into yet another marital rift. But at least the lovely scenic view of the azalea bushes which could be seen from the guest chair would give her a focal point, like when she was in labor and needed a distraction from the pain.
“I’m putting you in charge this week.” He scribbled notes on a pad. “As I’m sure you’ve already heard in great detail, I’m taking the rest of the week off.”
“Putting me in charge of what? Edna is the office manager.”
“I know who I employ, but you’re family. I trust you will see to it that my patients are properly referred, and that under no circumstances are you or anyone to mention my personal affairs. Furthermore, you are to make sure that Rhoda does not set foot inside my office and if she tries to push you around then—”
“Wait, wait, wait…You can’t honestly expect me to show Rhoda the door, Dad.”
“Don’t ‘Dad’ me…I’m counting on you to keep things from getting out of control here, and when I get back, there are going to be big changes. Rhoda and I are going our separate ways.”
“Separate ways…You can’t be serious. Wait, have you told Artie and Ira?”
“No. When you speak to Arthur later, you can mention it. And tell him to call Ira. I have to finish packing. What time is it?” He checked his watch. “Oy, the limo will be here soon.”
“Whoa. Hold on! You expect me to be the one to tell your child, oh by the way, your father is leaving your mother?”
“He’s not a child, he’s a grown man with a family. He knows all about meshuggener wives.”
“Hey! I resent that! If anything, I’m the sanest one in the bunch.”
“Yeah, right,” he snorted. “Every month I feel like you joined some crazy cult.”
“Oh my God! You should hear yourself, acting all innocent.”
“Did I ask for your opinion?” he said, glaring at her. “Now if you don’t want to talk to Arthur about this, fine. I’ll call him from the airport myself, but let me know now if you are prepared to carry out your duties this week.”
“Yes, I am planning to do my job, I’m just not planning to do yours. If you have issues to work out with Rhoda, you are not putting me in the middle of them. Besides, where is your sense of responsibility here? Do you honestly believe the grass is greener over at Facelift Barbie’s?”
“The nerve of you!” Stan’s temples danced to the beat. “Take that back!”
“No! I can’t stand it anymore. I’m just so tired of listening to men blaming their wives for their unhappiness without owning up to their own failings!”
“Other men are not my problem. And since when do you come to Rhoda’s defense? You can’t stand the crazy bitch!”
“I’m not defending her. It’s that I can’t stand watching people who think it’s okay to turn their backs on the family they’re supposed to love and protect. Look at Aaron and what it’s done to him, having a mother and a stepfather and an uncle who cared more about their stupid drug habits than taking care of him. And then there’s my next-door neighbor. He’s been lying to his wife for years and thinks it’s no big deal.”
“I have never lied or cheated on Rhoda, so don’t throw me into THAT pot!”
“Oh, really? You’ve never cheated? What about Sydell?”
“SYDELL? Where are you getting your information? From those blabbermouths?” He pointed. “If you’re listening to them, you’re crazier than I thought.”
“Fine. Then who is she?”
“Sydell Baumgarten was an eighty-seven-year-old Alzheimer’s patient who used to call me six times a day, and that’s when she wasn’t driving over here to tell me how much I reminded her of her son Alan, who died, only he wasn’t dead, he was a bankruptcy lawyer in Westchester!”
“Oh.”
“I don’t even know how she got here half the time, but whenever she showed up, she was wearing underwear over her pants.”
“Sorry.” Mindy looked down. I am going to kill you, Edna.
“So be careful before you start making accusations! You know what my life with Rhoda has been like—a living hell! And if I’ve decided I’ve had enough, I don’t need your or anyone else’s permission to c
all it quits.”
“Okay, okay…do whatever you want. Just…you know, try to consider your grandchildren’s feelings when you break the news to them. They’re going to be so crushed.”
“I will handle this with the great care and sensitivity that I handle everything else.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.”
Sixteen
When had marriage become as disposable as a lighter? Good for a few thousand flicks, then discard it for the promise of a bright new spark? After seeing the ease with which Richard and Stan could walk away from their wives with zero interest in rekindling the flame, Mindy felt guilty for not reminding Artie she was grateful he was such a devoted husband and father (even if their future was going up in smoke).
As soon as Stan’s limo pulled away, she ran to her car to call him, thereby preventing Edna and the others from listening in as they always did. Unfortunately, Artie’s phone went right to voice mail:
Hey it’s me. Just wanted to say I love you, you’re the best, and we’ll get through this together. Also, it’s not exactly cheeseburgers in paradise here either. Your dad is on his way to Florida and your mom is freaking. Oh, and Stacie became a woman this morning, but trust me, it wasn’t as much fun as watching her take her first steps. Call me. Love you. Bye.
Mindy looked at the time to try to figure out where he might be this early in the morning. Aaron’s school perhaps? Planned Parenthood? She’d wait another few minutes in case he got back to her and meanwhile, maybe she’d call Dana to fill her in. Not that she was easily reachable. On weekdays she was either at the gym, tending to her herb garden, or crusading for wind energy.
Even if they did speak, Dana would likely claim to have no interest in her in-laws’ marital problems, unless, of course, it resulted in them deciding to sell their Great Neck estate and disposing of their valuable antiques, which the family knew she’d had her eye on for years.
In fact, just the thought of hearing Dana’s whiny voice made Mindy reach for the Coffee Nips she kept hidden in a seat pocket. Nothing better than passing the time with her good friend Mr. Sugar.
She closed her eyes, letting her mind go into a random free fall, and what came to mind were conversations she’d had with her father about historic figures who weren’t all that honorable. How he loved to snitch on famous people who were known for their great achievements, but whose private lives were tainted with scandal.
One story she never forgot was about Albert Einstein, a habitual philanderer who had an affair with his cousin Elsa, then married her and began an adulterous affair with his best friend’s niece. Was this the real basis of his theory of relativity? Was Mindy thinking about this because of the events of the past few days? Duh, as her kids would say.
She was about to head back inside when she spotted a familiar car pull into the parking lot. Not that there weren’t a lot of people who drove silver Infinitys. But only one would have the vanity plate, RHODAROUND.
Rhoda was not expecting to see Mindy jump out of her car and clutched her bag to her bosom. “Oh, for God’s sake! I thought you were a mugger!”
“Sorry. I was just about to go back in…Don’t you have a lunch date and a root canal?”
“I canceled them. What were you doing outside?”
“Trying to reach Artie. I didn’t want everyone listening in. Why are you here?”
“What? Now I need an engraved invitation to come by my husband’s office?”
“Rhoda, Stan already left.”
“Good. I don’t want to see the son of a bitch. I’m here to get all the family photos. I’ll be damned if his patients are going to think, how nice, he’s such a wonderful family man!”
“Thank God. I thought maybe you were planning to take the books to show a lawyer.”
“What if I was? According to her, it’s still marital property.”
“You already spoke to an attorney?”
“The best of the best!” She waved her finger. “My cousin Doris’s neighbor Adelle used this crazy broad in the city and got the whole kit and caboodle right down to the dog!”
“Hold on. Hold on. Dad had one little silly encounter. Aren’t you overreacting?”
“Who’s overreacting? Am I the one running down to Florida like a little Romeo?”
“I’m not defending him, but the two of you really need to talk. Maybe just listen to what he wants.”
“Me listen to him? Oh no. No, no. He’s gonna listen to what I want! How about a little respect, a little understanding—AND—the biggest goddamn apology of his life?”
“Did you ever think that maybe that’s what he wants, too?”
“What do I have to apologize for? I didn’t do anything wrong…. And you have some nerve butting in like this. How about if I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it!”
Mindy gulped. After years of seesawing between ignoring Rhoda and killing herself to receive the tiniest praise, she had never interfered with her mother-in-law’s handling of her affairs, as she’d made it clear that the only ones permitted to speak this candidly were her sons, and only if they chose their words carefully.
But now as she studied Rhoda’s once regal frame, a countess embodied by rings the size of golf balls, she wasn’t feeling intimidated. This wasn’t the tough-talking it’s-my-way-or-the-highway matriarch, but a vanquished wife whose dark roots revealed grays of sadness under the bright morning sun; an aging wife whose small, sunken eyes were shadows of confusion.
And how odd. It was the second time this week she felt sympathy for a woman for whom she’d previously felt nothing but contempt. But in spite of the reprimand, Mindy would be nice.
“Look, I’m sorry if I’m overstepping my bounds, but I am still family to you and—oh, hold on.” She looked at her cell. “Oh, thank God, it’s Artie. You go in and tell the girls that everything is fine and I’ll tell him what’s going on to see what he thinks.”
To Mindy’s surprise, Rhoda nodded her approval. To her son she would listen.
“Where are you?” Mindy didn’t even say hello. “What did you find out? I was up all last night worrying about this baby, and then I must have fallen asleep and had this dream that you bought a house in Portland without asking, you didn’t do that, did you? And then you wouldn’t believe what’s going on with Beth and Richard and your parents. I told your mom I’d ask your advice about—”
“Stop. One thing at a time. No wonder your computer always freezes. Let’s take it from the top. Rainbow is six weeks pregnant, but she told Aaron he’s not the father.”
“Oh, thank God.”
“Yeah, it’s like I thought. It’s that guy John’s, but then it’s like you said, too. Aaron wanted it to be his. He actually accused Rainbow of lying because he’s only seventeen, but no matter what, he plans to help support her.”
“Support her how? With rebate offers?”
“I don’t know…he’s a mess. He was sobbing in my arms last night because he wanted to be the father and I’m standing there thinking, what is wrong with him? He has no education, no home, no means of earning a living. I wouldn’t have wanted to be dealing with this at his age.”
“Yes, but think about it. You didn’t just lose your mother. Maybe all this emotion about the baby has nothing to do with the baby. Maybe it’s a delayed reaction to losing the only family he knew. How he could he not be a mess inside? His parents are dead, his uncle is dead…. Other than you, he has no one to call family. No wonder he wants one of his own.”
“Wow, that psych degree comes in handy every once in a while.”
“Not that it ever solves anything…When are you coming back?”
“That’s why I called. We caught a flight this morning and are on a layover now. We land at LaGaurdia at two.”
“Wait. You got Aaron to come back with you?”
“You’d be very proud of me. I told him that if he was going to be a father, the first thing he had to learn was how to be loving but firm.”
“Impressive…You ough
t to try that at home. Anyway, don’t hang up yet. I have to fill you in on your parents.”
“No, please. I’ve got enough on my plate, and you’re better at this stuff than me anyway. Whatever you do is fine.”
“Really? It’s okay to tell your mom to hire that divorce attorney she saw?”
“Oh, jeez. She met with a divorce attorney? No, of course, don’t let her do that. Do you want her walking off with half of our inheritance, also called your retirement fund?”
“No.”
“Then you must stop her or smite her.”
“Smite her?” Mindy giggled. “Should I run over to Target to see what’s new in the sword department?”
Real time was one of those modern day terms that had taken on multiple meanings, the most important of which was that it reminded us to live in the moment. Forget harboring old resentments or dreaming of tomorrow’s redemption. Nothing was better than seizing the day.
In that spirit of here and now, Mindy ended her call with Artie and told Rhoda to come back outside. “I just had an idea and I want you to hear me out before you say no. Artie and Aaron are on their way back from Portland. I’m going to have to pick them up at two, so what if we drive back to your house first, I’ll book you a flight, you pack a bag, and then come with me to the airport so you can fly to Florida, too.”
“Me go to Florida? I can’t do that. My hair needs a wash and blow.”
Clean or dirty, your beehive always looks the same. “You look fine.”
Rhoda stared. This was crazy talk. She was a sixty-seven-year-old grandmother who did not jump on planes, let alone to go plead with a husband who was acting like an ass. “Nothing doing! Rhoda Sherman does not chase men!”
“Look. I know you’re a very proud person,” Mindy said, “but so is Stan. Maybe that’s why he paid attention to that other woman. It was just nice to hear someone say, ‘you’re a sweet, interesting man. I like you.’”
Dear Neighbor, Drop Dead Page 17
