He pulled back without even looking at me.
Fear turned my blood to ice water, and I watched him turn toward the door and walk away without so much as a word or glance. He was just going to step out of my life like nothing had happened between us. This was because I’d screwed up. Because Benji told my secret. Because I’d been too much of a coward to tell him myself.
This mess was all my fault, and I knew it. Still, I had to try to fix this, so I bolted after him, struggling to keep up with his long, swinging stride.
“Noah…” I called after him, but he didn’t stop or slow down. “Can we talk about this?” I darted in front of him and walked backward so I could look him in the face.
He refused to look at me. Instead, he stared over my head, his eyes narrowed, and his expression cold and unreadable.
“Can you please give me a chance to explain?” I needed comfort, love, and warmth to help me through the pain and humiliation of what just transpired, but judging by the chill in his icy eyes, I wasn’t going to get that from him.
I slowed down, and he walked around me. My heart broke into tiny sharp shards inside my chest. Little blades of glass that cut me until I was sure I’d bleed out.
I watched him go, then followed him to his truck. “Noah, I care about you. I would never try to make you think it was your baby. I wasn’t out to trick you.”
That seemed to strike a nerve because he turned to me, his expression so dead, a shudder ran through me. “Oh, no?” All the warmth left his voice. “You weren’t out to trick me?”
I shook my head.
Anger filled his eyes, and I gasped as he took a step closer. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.
My natural instinct was to jump back and protect myself.
“Do you think I’d hurt you?”
“Not physically,” I said with every bit of raw honesty I possessed.
He hesitated, his gaze wandering over our surroundings before coming back to me. “You slept with me.” His low growl of a voice hurt me more than yelling ever could have. “You told me you wanted to be with me, that you wanted to give us another go. I trusted you, but you were lying the whole time, and now you’re afraid I will hurt you? Maybe we were never a good match, after all.”
Every word cut deeper, and the pain flowed freely from each slice.
“I’m sorry.” My eyes filled with fresh tears, and I impatiently blinked them back. I didn’t want to freaking cry.
“I should have figured it out when you didn’t ask me to wear a condom. I just stupidly thought you were on birth control. Then there was the morning sickness…” he hesitated, likely running through everything in his mind.
“I’m sorry. I planned to tell you today after lunch. I swear.”
He stared at me, then snorted. “Convenient. Did it cross your mind that it would be too little, too late?”
It had.
As if he knew there was nothing I could say, he took another step closer, lowering his voice again. “I’m starting to think I dodged a bullet, and maybe I should thank Benji.”
He cut me to the bone with those words. Tears flowed freely down my face to dot my shirt.
“Are you breaking up with me?” I whispered, needing to hear him say it. Needing the final nail in the coffin that our relationship would be buried in.
He snorted. “Do you need me to be the bad guy here? Fine. Yes. We’re through.”
It wasn’t that I needed him to be the villain. I just needed to know so I could move on with my life and know there was nothing left between us. I needed that confirmation so I wouldn’t wonder what if at night.
“I’m not blaming you because I know I did this.” My heart ached, and I turned to walk toward the road, blindly heading toward home. Desperate to get there, I picked up the pace.
“I’ll give you a ride. I’m not an asshole.”
Despite Noah’s words behind me, I didn’t want to get in a truck with him. I didn’t want the silent, painful, awkward ride home with his scent in my nostrils and memories of how happy we’d been on the way to the diner versus how painful leaving had become.
Ignoring him because I knew I couldn’t speak; I continued my trek. A moment later, his truck roared to life, and he pulled beside me. “Let me give you a ride home,” he said from the rolled-down window.
I shook my head. “No, thanks.” I turned off the road and took a shortcut between buildings so he couldn’t follow me. I knew this all had the potential to blow up in my face, but I never expected it to go this badly.
Cutting across the grass, I headed for the footbridge to cross the creek as footfalls warned me that someone was coming up on me fast. I flinched as Noah caught up with me. I stopped walking. “Look, I know I screwed up. You don’t have to walk me home. I’ll be safe.” I couldn’t look at him for fear the floodgates would open again.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His quiet voice sent a bolt of pain lancing through my already broken heart.
“I didn’t tell anyone. Not even my mom. Just leave me alone, Noah. I won’t bother you anymore.” With that, I turned toward home.
Chapter Twenty-One
Noah
I glanced at my phone as the ringtone played. It was Mom—again. With the tip of my index finger, I touched the red icon before rolling onto my back and staring at the ceiling.
I’d called into work because I was sick of the lies, the bullshit, and of losing Kandra every time I thought things were going well. The look in her eyes as she told me she wouldn’t bother me anymore stuck in my brain. The sheen of tears and the redness in her face haunted me.
Shouldn’t I feel furious? She lied to me.
My phone buzzed, notifying me of the hundredth voicemail from Mom.
I turned onto my side and stared at the wall without really seeing it.
Everyone had been trying to get hold of me. Quinn and Mom were neck and neck for the most calls, and I’d been surprised when even Bayden reached out, but I hadn’t answered any of them. I sent Quinn a text to let him know I was okay and to leave me alone.
I didn’t want to talk. My brothers knew everything. The whole damn town knew everything. Benji had made sure to make a scene in front of Dottie, the town gossip. For such a sweet old lady, she sure didn’t know when to keep things to herself. Maybe it wasn’t just her, perhaps everyone else who’d been there had been whispering too.
The whole situation was humiliating.
Why hadn’t she just told me? Why hide it? I didn’t want to think Benji could ever be right about anything, but what if he was? What if she planned to pin it on me? I might have married her and given her the rest of my life. Would I ever have found out if not for Benji?
She told me she planned to come clean at the end of our date, and she seemed genuine. Maybe that was her attempt at damage control?
My phone buzzed again, and I picked it up.
Quinn texted.
Mom’s worried about you, and she might call the cops if you don’t talk to her.
It’s not illegal to be sick. I texted back.
His reply was nearly instant.
But Mom can call in a wellness check to the sheriff’s office. Imagine how Bayden will act if Miranda has to come to your place while you’re all vulnerable. She won’t be able to resist you, and he’ll kick your ass.
Not interested in engaging, I put the phone down, but it buzzed again.
Rolling my head to the side, I stared at it but couldn’t make out the text at the angle I was at, so a second later, I grabbed it.
Don’t underestimate the rebound. I could hear the sarcasm in his text.
Don’t you have work to do?
Nope. He replied.
I groaned. When Quinn was on something like this, he never stopped. There was no getting rid of him now. I’d be better off putting my phone on silent or hiding it in my truck for some peace.
Rolling over again, I stared out the window and wondered what to do next. It was eight a.m., and I tried to sleep in but didn’t have mu
ch luck with everyone’s texts and my mind full of Kandra and her most recent betrayal.
I stood up and grabbed a change of clothes. Might as well grab a shower and pretend to be a functioning human being.
Ten minutes later, I stepped out, clean, and ready to try the next option. Maybe breakfast would help. Once I was dressed, I walked toward my kitchen as a knock at the door vibrated through my home. Did Mom actually call the cops for a wellness check?
Adjusting my eye at the peephole, I glanced out into the sunny brightness, and Quinn’s face came into view. I considered silently sneaking back to the kitchen and ignoring him.
“I know you’re home. Let me in, or I’m coming through the window.” His voice made me cringe.
Of course, he knew about the busted kitchen window. I could bluff and claim I’d fixed it, but he’d know I was lying if he called me on it. I could be an ass, but I was never a liar.
I reluctantly opened the front door and let him in. He opened his mouth, and I lifted a hand. “Don’t.”
“What would Dad have done?”
I wanted to slam the door in his face. “That’s how you’re going to lead?”
He shrugged and stepped inside. “I’ve already been talking about it in my head with him for two hours. Sorry if you’re behind.” He closed the door, and I headed for the kitchen to make breakfast, but he wasn’t done talking.
“Dad was the kind of guy that taught us to take care of the people we love.”
He was right, but he was a douche for bringing Dad into this. I got coffee brewing and turned to face him.
“You’re the one that’s most like Dad. You stand for the same things he did. Is this the man you want to be? The man that gets your panties in a twist and hides at home when you find out the woman you love is pregnant?” His earnest tone took some of the sting out of his words.
“Careful,” I warned him.
“This isn’t you. You’re not petty or selfish. You’re not the type to run when the going gets tough.” He lifted his shoulders as his eyes met mine. “That’s not how Dad raised you. It’s not how he raised any of us.”
“Why aren’t you at work?” I didn’t want to answer his questions, because I didn’t know how to respond. Would Dad be disappointed in me?
“I took a personal day.” He watched me closely. “You love her, don’t you?”
As the smell of coffee flowed through my kitchen, I scanned the room. Taking in the stainless steel appliances, the dark granite countertops, the modern black table and chairs, I sighed. “It doesn’t matter if I love Kandra because she hid her pregnancy from me.”
“From you, or everybody?” His gentle tone as he took a seat at the table made me hesitate.
“What’s the difference?” Did it matter if she hid it from everyone or just from me? Would I feel any better knowing she kept it to herself?
Something about that line of thinking had me shifting uncomfortably. What would Dad have told me? Probably that there are all sorts of reasons people do things.
What reason could be good enough to hide a pregnancy from the guy you’re dating?
She told me she hadn’t even told her mother. When I closed my eyes, I saw the horror on her face as Benji outed her news publicly … she’d been humiliated and scared. Scared. Was fear her reason?
“The difference is intent.” Quinn had never sounded more like Dad in all his life. “Was her intent to hurt you, or was her intent to protect her privacy?”
He was making far too much sense, especially knowing what I knew about her. Kandra was a private person and often suffered in silence. “She hasn’t even told her mom she’s pregnant.”
Quinn’s eyes widened. “And you’re still worried this was some nefarious plot against you? Did you ask her why she didn’t tell anyone?”
I nodded, then amended the action with words. “I asked her why she didn’t tell me.”
He shook his head. “You can’t make this about you. Did you know the first trimester is the trickiest?” He shrugged. “That’s what I read today when I googled why people don’t tell others they are pregnant. That thing they call the internet is a marvelous resource. If you have any intention to fix this, then it has to be about her.”
Did I want to fix it? “I can’t live with someone who keeps secrets like this.”
“Did you trust her with everything?” he asked, fixing me with a stare that told me what he was really asking. Initially, I hadn’t told her about Dad’s death. The timing wasn’t right.
I shook my head. “But that’s different.”
He crossed his arms and sat back. “How so?”
“I didn’t want to share. I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me. Things had started out rocky when she first got back to town.”
My words clicked. I had my reasons for not telling her my father had passed away while she was gone. She had her reasons for not telling me she was pregnant when she got back. Maybe they weren’t the same situation, but Dad would have told me to find out the reason first. He’d always been fair, and he said intent meant everything. If her purpose wasn’t to deceive me, but to protect herself, could I be mad at her? Was I the asshole?
“I don’t know how to make this better.” I glanced at Quinn and lifted my shoulders a few inches.
“Start with an apology.” Quinn’s words brought up my hackles, but before I could speak, he held up a hand. The coffee maker sputtered and hissed, a sure signal it was finished, but I made no move for cups as I stared at my brother.
“She needs support. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through right now.” His words weren’t accusatory, but sincere. “Imagine losing your career through no fault of your own, getting knocked up and dumped, then coming home with a secret. Then imagine being publicly humiliated, dumped again, and having a whole town gossiping about you.” His gaze met mine, and I knew he was right. “She didn’t even tell her family.” He stood up and moved toward the cabinet. I watched him grab two mugs and pour the coffee as he gave me the side-eye. “And you made it all about you.”
He shook his head and put the mug on the counter. The steel-gray stoneware clinked on the granite, the small sound like a gunshot, and I recoiled. As he filled the second cup, I tried to face the guilt flooding me.
“What would Dad have done?”
He glanced at me. “Well, he wouldn’t have broken up with her.”
“Thanks.” At least he was helpful.
“I think, if it were Mom, he would have done anything to win her back, no matter what it took.” Quinn shrugged.
“I don’t know how to win her back.” I screwed up. In truth, I didn’t really give a damn if she was pregnant. The only part of it that bothered me was the secrecy. If I removed my hurt feelings and looked at things objectively, I realized it wasn’t about me. It was just like Quinn had said, but I wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of saying he was right.
Quinn put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a serious stare. “I wish I could help, but I’m shit with women, and this seems like it needs more than flowers, chocolate, or a card.” He tilted his head. “Maybe flowers, chocolate, and a card could help. Is there a ‘sorry I’m an asshole’ card?”
His dumb schemes gave me an idea. “I think I know what to do,” I said.
“Oh, great, if you’re going with my idea, you’re totally doomed.” He picked up one of the coffee mugs and took a sip. A second later, he pulled the cup away and hissed air between his front teeth. “This shit’s hot.”
“It’s coffee.”
I wasn’t going to go with flowers, chocolate, or a card. I had a better idea, a crazy idea, but a better one than his. Maybe she wouldn’t want me back, and if that were true, I’d leave her be, but I hoped there was still a chance to fix what I’d broken.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Kandra
With a small smile at the little nursery, I absentmindedly rubbed my flat belly while thinking about the crib I ordered. It would arrive in a few weeks, and I couldn’
t wait.
Now that my secret was out, I figured I might as well start getting ready. Although the room was mostly blank, I could envision it all set up. There was a cute comforter online that I’d come back to again and again. It was decorated with happy little animals. If it made me smile in my darkest hours, then surely it would be pleasant for the baby.
Even with a heavy heart, I was determined to make the best of my situation. While it was humiliating to know that the whole world knew my secret, it was also kind of a relief.
I ran my fingertip along the bookshelf, thinking about Noah. I’d done my best to exile him from my thoughts, but he crept back in more often than I’d like to admit. I wasn’t mad at him, and I didn’t hate him. I was the one who screwed up, and I couldn’t fault him for being upset and breaking things off.
I accepted the facts, but that didn’t mean they stopped hurting.
I blinked back tears as my doorbell rang. With a sigh, I lumbered toward the door. That would be my mother with coffee and likely disappointed words. I put her off for a day but knew I needed to talk to her. With a heavy heart, I opened the front door.
Mom offered me my favorite coffee—but decaf because she’s my mother and there was no way she’d let me drink caffeine while pregnant. I took it with a soft thank you and stepped inside, but not before I saw the sadness in her eyes and the tiny anguished smile tugging the corners of her lips.
I took a sip of my sweet vanilla latte and sat on the couch. She followed and took the cushion beside me. “I don’t have a lot of time,” she said, and I tilted my head at her, surprised.
“I thought it would be better if I kept this short and sweet, anyway.”
She put her hand on mine and leaned in a little closer. “I’m not mad, nor am I disappointed in you. Kandra, I love you. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Oh, Mom. Your last words to me were not to get knocked up. You had dreams for me, and I had them for myself. Yet here I am, back in Cross Creek, broke and pregnant.” I blinked back tears as her eyes locked on mine.
Broken Hart (A Cross Creek Small Town Novel Book 1) Page 13
