by Michael Fry
CHAPTER 30
‘I know the work Nick showed doesn’t lead to the correct answer,’ said Dr Daniels, sitting across from me at her desk.
Perfect Phil nodded perfectly as he stood at the door next to Mr Wickler.
I said, ‘But I put down the right answer. It was the answer in my HEAD!’
Perfect Phil folded his perfect arms and looked perfectly serious.
‘I didn’t cheat!’ I said.
‘I’m Nick’s maths teacher,’ said Mr Wickler. ‘And I was the examiner for his BASS test. Nick can be stubborn and difficult and more than a little annoying, but he didn’t and doesn’t cheat.’
Dr Daniels added, ‘In fact, he’s never been accused of cheating.’
Whoa. I was going to have to rethink my whole Adults’ Heads Are Filled with Cheese Dust Theory.
Perfect Phil nodded slowly.
Mr Wickler continued, ‘This is a bright, capable kid who just doesn’t happen to fit in to some sort of tidy standardised world.’
Dr Daniels stood up. ‘Nick has a visual-spatial learning disorder. His brain doesn’t work like yours and mine. Does it really matter how he got the right answer as long as he got it?’
Perfect Phil looked at Dr Daniels, then at Mr Wickler, then at me. Then Perfect Phil flashed his perfect smile. ‘Thank you for your time, everyone.’
Perfect Phil said, ‘I’ll get back to you with a decision—’
Everyone’s phones went off at once. Dr Daniels said, ‘We have a situation with the Schoolseum.’
CHAPTER 31
I said to Memaw, ‘Where’s Bob?’
She said, ‘One second he was checking my scalp for fleas, and the next …’
Bob was sitting on top of Maria Olmera’s 1/3,000 scale model of Krakatoa – a volcano whose eruption in 1883 was heard three thousand miles away.
‘Did you bring his monkey treats?’ I said.
Memaw patted her purse. ‘Right here.’
I said, ‘Good. Use them to try to get him down.’
Molly, Becky, Simone and Karl walked up. Molly said, ‘Is this part of your plan?’
Is it?
I searched the room. I saw Molly’s potato-powered mobile phone charger and Karl’s Stanley-powered toothbrush, and then finally, what I was looking for. …
‘That’s MY Taj Mahal,’ I said. ‘She stole my idea. Are you kidding me?’
‘What?’ said Molly.
‘Never mind,’ I said. ‘Yes, of course this is all part of my plan. Now—’
Molly interrupted. ‘Before we hear your plan, Karl has something to say.’
Karl cleared his throat. ‘It’s wrong to trick your friends into thinking their pet sea monkeys can sing “Frère Jacques”.’
I said, ‘You’re right. I’m sorry, Karl.’
‘You can make it up to me,’ said Karl, ‘by coming over for a playdate where we can sing it together.’
I said, ‘Only little kids have playdates, Karl.’
‘DO IT!’ said Molly, Becky and Simone all at once.
‘Every Saturday for two months,’ said Karl.
‘Fine,’ I said. ‘Now here’s my plan.’
Karl raised his hand.
I said, ‘Yes, Karl.’
‘The Beret-Cam can’t record directly to a flash drive.’
‘I know that and you know that, but Alice doesn’t know that.’
‘Ohhhhhhh,’ said Karl.
‘Bob wanna treat?’ said Memaw as she held out her hand at the base of the volcano. Bob jumped down, grabbed the treat, and then scampered right back to the top.
I said, ‘We need to do this now, while everyone is distracted.’
We all started walking toward Alice. I said, ‘Yup, that was us!’
‘You mean it was you who let the python out of the cage during the science fair?’ said Becky.
‘We rigged the cage to open remotely. Isn’t that right, Molly?’
‘Yes, Nick, that’s RIGHT! And don’t forget all those chalk drawings we did on the sidewalks,’ said Molly.
Simone said, ‘YOU did all those? I mean, except for the one I did.’
Karl raised his hand again.
I said, ‘Karl, you don’t have to raise your hand.’
‘What about that time milk shot out of my nose at lunch and everybody laughed?’ asked Karl. ‘Did you do that, too?’
I whispered, ‘That wasn’t us.’ Then louder: ‘But we did send you that invitation to join MLEZ, RIGHT?’
‘Oh, sorry,’ Karl whispered. Then louder: ‘That was YOU?’
‘YES!’ I said. ‘THAT was—’
‘US!’ yelled Alice. ‘NOT YOU! US!’
Alice turned beet red. So red, you could really see her. Dr Daniels was right. She should wear more colour.
‘You’re LYING!’ said Alice. ‘You didn’t do anything! I did EVERYTHING!’
I said, ‘You?’
‘I mean WE! We did everything! We cleared the way, we ran interference, and we crawled around in dirty air ducts ripping up our favourite pairs of jeans! We didn’t take any credit, no one fed us scones, and no one ever invited us over to play Twister with their sea monkeys! NOT ONCE!’
Alice glared at me. ‘I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to get me to confess. But no one’s going to believe you. Because no one believes a sweet, shy, really-hard-to-see girl like me could do ANY of that.’
On the other side of the room Memaw begged, ‘Please, Bob. Please come to Memaw, Bob.’
‘They may not believe us,’ I said as I reached under Karl’s beret, ‘but they’ll believe this flash drive that just recorded everything you said with Karl’s Beret-Cam.’
Alice stared at the flash drive. ‘That’s not possible.’
I smiled. ‘It’s all ov—’
‘That’s the last treat, Bob!’ yelled Memaw. ‘I’ve had it! Get down NOW!’
That’s when I learned that, from a distance, a flash drive looks a lot like a monkey treat.
‘Now what?’ said Molly.
Mr Dupree marched up to the Krakatoa display and said, ‘I know how to get him down.’
He nodded to Maria. Maria nodded back. Then …
Karl and I were the first to dig out from under the pile of potatoes, sunflower seeds and volcano guts.
Karl pointed. ‘Stanley’s flying out the window.’
I looked at Karl. Karl looked at me.
CHAPTER 32
‘Come on, Stanley!’ pleaded Karl.
She was holding a bag of sunflower seeds from her … her … MY Taj Mahal.
‘No!’ yelled Karl. ‘They give Stanley gas!’
Alice didn’t listen. She threw a handful of sunflower seeds at Stanley. They landed short. She tried again. And again. And again.
‘Ignore her, Stanley,’ said Karl. ‘I’ve got fresh lemon bars at home.’
I said, ‘Boost me up and I’ll grab him.’
‘Be careful,’ said Karl. ‘Stanley bites when he’s feeling anxious.’
‘Terrific.’
I stepped into Karl’s cupped hands. I pulled myself up just as a few seeds landed between me and the rocket. I picked one up and looked at Stanley.
Stanley would have to drop the flash drive to take the seed. When he did, I’d grab the drive.
The easiest Kapezki.
I pushed Karl off me, expecting to see Alice long gone. But she was standing just a few yards away, staring at Molly, Simone, and Becky running toward her.
‘Stop her!’ I yelled. ‘She’s got the flash drive!’
Alice turned to run in the opposite direction. But her path was blocked that way too.
There was only one place for her to go …
Alice sprinted toward the storm sewer and disappeared inside just as Molly, Simone and Becky arrived.
Molly said, ‘What happened?’
Karl stared at Stanley eating sunflower seeds on the ground. ‘You’re sleeping alone tonight.’
Molly turned to the storm sewer. ‘I’
m not going in there.’
I leaned down and petted Arnold. ‘Arnold and I will get her. Won’t we, boy?’
I swear Arnold looked like he shrugged.
‘You can’t go in there by yourself,’ said Becky.
‘This is my mess,’ I said. ‘I’ll clean it up. Besides, you guys need to get back to the Schoolseum and stall for me. I need time to deal with Alice, and I don’t need Mr Dupree or Dr Daniels looking for me.’
‘You sure?’ said Molly.
‘I’ll be fine. C’mon, it’s not like I’m going in there after her. I can talk her out.’
They took off back towards the school.
I looked at Arnold as he licked my hand. If only he were scarier. I looked at Rat Cave. If only it were less scary.
I had no idea how I was going to talk Alice out, but then the answer suddenly hit me.
In the face. A drop of water hit me in the face. Then another. Then another and another.
Alice wasn’t in Rat Cave anymore. She was in a storm sewer that was soon going to be a RIVER! She needed to get out of there. NOW!
I splashed toward the entrance and past an upturned shopping cart as puddles started to form.
No response. I tried again. ‘ALICE! CAN YOU—’
‘GO AWAY!’ yelled Alice.
I yelled, ‘It’s raining! It’s not safe in there!’
‘You’re lying!’ said Alice.
I looked down. The puddles were merging into a small stream. ‘Alice, I’m seriously not lying!’
Alice cried, ‘I’m not coming out!’
I looked down again. The water had risen to cover the bottom of the storm drain. I yelled, ‘LOOK DOWN AT YOUR FEET, ALICE!’
Nothing.
We were out of time. I had to call for help. I reached for my phone.
‘I’m coming out!’ yelled Alice.
Thank goodness.
‘Ah!’ cried Alice. ‘My foot! It’s stuck!’
I waded in after her. Arnold followed. I stopped. ‘Arnold, STAY!’
Arnold barked and suddenly he didn’t look like a drowned rat; he looked like that dog Jack from Memaw’s show – the one who’s always saving Brandon from abandoned clothes dryers.
It was raining. I was squinting.
I thought, Hmm … maybe …
Arnold’s ears pinned back. He barked. Then he took off!
‘HELP!’ yelled Alice.
I waded in after her. The water was now up to my shins and flowing fast. With just the dim light from the entrance I couldn’t see very far. What I could see was a mess of rubbish, cracked concrete, exposed rusting metal bars – and about fifteen feet in – Alice.
She looked scared.
I put my hands in the water and found her foot stuck in a crack in the ground.
Alice grabbed the bar with one hand.
I said, ‘Both hands!’
Alice opened her other hand. Inside was the flash drive.
‘Get rid of it!’ I shouted.
‘So that you can come back and get it and show everyone? No way!’
‘There’s nothing on it anyway!’
‘What?’
‘DO IT!’
Alice dropped the drive and grabbed the bar with both hands.
‘On three!’ I said. ‘One … two …’
We were off our feet and floating quickly toward the main storm drain. Ahead was the exit. And the …
We had one chance to grab the cart as we passed or else get carried off down the main channel.
‘Hug my neck!’ I yelled.
‘What? Why?’ said Alice.
‘JUST DO IT!’ I cried.
She threw her arms around my neck. We were closing fast on the cart. Too quickly. I reached out my hand and …
We pulled ourselves out of the rushing water and onto the trolley.
‘Get on my shoulders and pull yourself out!’
‘What about you?’
‘I’m okay here,’ I lied. ‘You can get help!’
She climbed onto my shoulders. I could see the water continuing to rise.
If I could get on my feet, Alice would be high enough. I placed one foot in position. Then the other, and …
The last thing I saw as I went under was Alice lifting herself up onto the bank. The current pulled me under. I tumbled and rolled until I finally hit the bottom. I got my feet under me and pushed hard.
I’d travelled about thirty feet from the storm sewer. I threw my arms around, reaching for anything to grab, when all of sudden, there she was. …
CHAPTER 33
Mr Dupree watched Doris float out of sight.
‘She’s gone,’ I said.
‘But you’re not,’ said Mr. Dupree. ‘I’ll make that trade any day.’
‘Why did you even bring her?’ I asked.
‘When Molly told me Alice was in the storm sewer, and it started to rain, I grabbed Doris and some towels.’
‘Wait. Molly? She was supposed to stall. What about Arnold?’
‘Who’s Arnold?’
‘Never mind.’
‘At the end of the day it’s just a plunger, Nick. And besides, I still have the other one.’
‘Other one?’
‘The one you and everyone in Safety Patrol signed? The one you had Alice give me?’
Alice? What?
Mr Dupree said, ‘What I don’t understand is why you made up that whole Emily story instead of telling me you took Doris so you could make sure you found one just like her.’
‘Um … we wanted to surprise you?’
Mr Dupree looked at me.
I said, ‘Were you surprised?’
Mr Dupree pointed behind me. ‘I think someone wants to thank you.’
I turned around.
Alice said, ‘Thanks … um … for, you know …’
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I just … you know, did … you know, what—’
Alice smiled. ‘I know.’
Then we did that awkward stare-at-your-shoes thing for a few seconds.
Finally I said, ‘You gave Mr Dupree the other plunger and signed it from all of us?’
‘Yeah. I didn’t want you to get in trouble for something I did.’
‘But why not tell me that? Why go after the flash drive?’
‘I was going to tell you, but then you were taking all the credit for everything I’d done and then you tried to trick me and then I wasn’t sure you wouldn’t expose me anyway.’
‘You’d done? Expose you?’
Alice took a deep breath. ‘MLEZ is me. Just me. There was no Ethel. I started it. I just took the Emily who kids invented years ago to explain stuff they can’t explain and made it into MLEZ. Now I’m going to end it.’
‘End it?’
‘No boy is worth almost drowning for.’
‘Boy? Wait. Karl?’
Alice blushed. Sort of. It was hard to tell.
I shook my head. ‘KARL?’
Alice smiled. ‘The boy has skills.’
I said, ‘So it was always about Karl.’
‘You heard him in the bathroom. He wants to be up on Humpty Dumpty’s wall. And he should be up there. Because he’s special.’
‘Yeah. I saw you and the others deciding to talk Karl out of MLEZ. I recorded it on my phone.’
‘Recorded it?’
‘But I deleted it. I could never use it. It would have hurt Karl too much. He really likes all of you. I mean, he really, really likes all of you. And now I know why.’
‘Um … why?’
‘The … whole … you know, almost-drowning thing?’
‘Oh. That.’
It was a lot to take in. An invisible girl starts a super-secret club because she wants to give a weird kid a chance to be up on a wall. Then the weird kid’s friends butt in and the invisible girl almost drowns and now the weird kid will …
Alice said, ‘We should probably get back to the Schoolseum.’
‘Wait,’ I said. ‘Karl deserves better.’
‘What
are you saying?’
‘I’m pretty good at doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. And you’re good at doing the right thing for – well, really weird reasons. Together maybe we could try doing the right thing for the right reasons.’
‘Keep MLEZ going?’ asked Alice.
‘Why not? We help Karl get up on that wall. You get to be, you know, near Karl. We all get to help the school. It’s win-win- … win? Wait. I lost track of wins.’
‘A lot of wins.’
‘So?’
Alice nodded. ‘Let’s do it.’
We shook hands then started back toward the school.
CHAPTER 34
Alice and I returned to the Schoolseum to a lot of awkward hugging and to hear Perfect Phil’s decision on my BASS test score. Which didn’t happen right away because Perfect Phil had to torture me first by delaying his decision until after the Schoolseum. Apparently he’s into spud power.
… and cutting-edge tooth-brushing technology …
… and uncooperative mythological mischief-makers.
Finally I watched as Dr Daniels grabbed Perfect Phil and motioned me to join them in the hall. But Perfect Phil shook his head, then grabbed a chair and climbed up. Great. It wasn’t enough to find out I’ve disappointed everyone; I have to find out in front of everyone.
