“You wouldn’t know this, but the Kaiaru had nearly perfect recall. They almost never forgot anything. Sometimes they had to meditate to remember because they held so many memories, but it was all there, especially for those who had undergone fewer rebirths.” Aikonshi glanced around, nervously. “I had to figure this out on my own, but … Lu Bei does not exist to help Chonda Lu remember. He was created so Chonda Lu could forget.”
“That … that doesn’t make any sense.”
“Why would it, unless you saw it from Lu’s point of view? Let’s assume that at one time Chonda Lu had a plan to be reborn into a new body. That terrified him, by the way.”
A Kaiaru’s human body was immortal in the sense that they would never die of old age, but they could be killed by violent means. A Kaiaru’s soul, however, could be reborn from their kavaru into a volunteer host, wiping the memories and personality from the host, though some texts said traces remained. Still, it was a sacred honor to become a host for anyone of Kaiaru descent, such as the noble lines of the baojendari. A human not of Kaiaru descent couldn’t become a Kaiaru host.
But the rituals were forgotten. No one had needed them for centuries, not in Okoro anyway. The Kaiaru had diminished. Some destroyed. Some lost. Most faded after becoming weary of the world. Chonda Lu himself declared that he did not wish to be reborn if he perished. And since no one knew the ritual, no one could go against his wishes.
The kavaru still contained the power of their souls, but not the identities. That’s how wizards could use the stones to channel magic. For even that, one had to be baojendari. A zaboko or k’chasan could never cast magic because they had no descent from the Kaiaru. This was part of what made most baojendari feel superior to other peoples.
“Why would rebirth scare a Kaiaru?”
“Because that was his original body.”
“Wow! A ten-millennia-old body!”
“Most Kaiaru inhabited dozens over their lifespans. Chonda Lu outlived nearly all the Kaiaru without being reborn. Naturally, the prospect of rebirth fascinated and terrified him.”
“But ultimately, he decided simply to die.”
She shrugged in response.
“But how does Lu Bei figure into that?”
“What if Chonda Lu wanted to be reborn without remembering all the hurts of his past? Without the pain. Loves lost. Enemies slain. Friends betrayed, and betraying. He could tell Lu Bei whatever he wanted of his life before, and I think he could erase anything he wanted from Lu Bei if he chose to.”
“So he planned on … what? Starting over?”
“I think Lu Bei existed in case he had to be reborn. It would give him a chance to start over with the memories he wanted. I think after … the one we wouldn’t tell you about … after her, he wanted to start over. And he’d been through so much. Imagine how many friends and lovers you’d lose over the course of thousands of years. It’s a wonder the Kaiaru went on for as long as they did.”
“So why are you telling me this? What does it have to do with me? Chonda Lu is gone. He left instructions that he was not supposed to be reborn in a new host.”
“Have you ever heard of a Kaiaru Inheritant?”
“What is that?”
She told him. But he didn’t hear it. He awoke and she was sitting next to him. He wasn’t sure he remembered everything she’d told him before he passed out.
“Well, maybe what I told you will help someday. At least you can think about what Lu Bei’s purpose is. Don’t tell him, though. He’ll just get upset and deny it. I tried once. He attacked me. It’s possible he doesn’t know. While it would seem unlikely, who knows what magic Chonda Lu put into that book? We can’t assume that Lu Bei is capable of understanding his own nature.”
Yikes. Best to leave it alone, then.
“Whatever this prophecy about me is, what Lu Bei came back for … there’s not much I can do about it, is there?”
“If you knew … if you could understand it, you’d have a choice. Maybe if I wrote it down.”
“That doesn’t work either. It’s bad, isn’t it, what will happen?”
“Depends on your point of view,” Aikonshi replied. “I just think you should have the freedom to make your own choice. Lu Bei will think it’s a great thing. But the key is, why is it necessary? That’s what worries me. Did Chonda Lu set something in motion out of selfishness, or because he foresaw something terrible coming? Out of curiosity, can you remove your kavaru?”
“I’ve tried many times. Can’t get anywhere.”
“I thought as much. Doesn’t that seem odd to you?”
“It does, but if I think on it too long, my brain goes all fuzzy.”
“Figures. There will be signs that the time is coming. Maybe you will get a choice. It would be unlike the Chonda Lu I knew not to present you with a choice. He did for me.”
“Are you happy with your choice?”
“I have killed many monsters. I have saved hundreds from the fate I suffered. I do not regret it, not now. But at times I have. Such is life.” She patted him on the shoulder. “We’d best get back. Just remember what I said.”
He pondered what she’d said and Lu Bei’s purpose. It seemed important to her to tell him, but he didn’t really understand why.
When they got back Lu Bei glanced at him and frowned, then he went back to telling his story.
* * *
While Aikonshi readied their mounts, Hakamoro pulled Awasa aside.
“Look, this business you’re getting into. You’re not going to make it. I’ve seen you in a fight. This life … it isn’t for you. It will only end in pain or death. Go home. Where you belong.”
“I can’t,” she said with as much energy as she’d said or done anything since the battle.
“Perhaps we could escort you home, or hire someone trustworthy who could—”
“I have to keep going,” she muttered.
“It’s no use,” Turesobei said. “She won’t listen to reason.”
Hakamoro turned to Enashoma. “The same goes for you. I know you can handle yourself decently enough, but you don’t have the training or strength you need for all this.”
“I appreciate the advice. I know you mean well. But if it kills me …” She shrugged. “At least I’ll really have lived first.”
Aikonshi stepped over and kissed Enashoma on the forehead. Enashoma was a little creeped out.
“Bless you then, my dear.”
“I wish the both of you well,” Turesobei said.
“The same to you,” replied Hakamoro. “I think you will need luck more than the two of us.”
“Good luck, Turesobei,” said Aikonshi with a half bow. “To all of you. Not you, book. I’m not sad to say goodbye to you again.”
He was pretty sure she was teasing Lu Bei. She cared more than she let on. Lu Bei was the same. They were like most siblings that way.
Her eyes lingered on the kavaru. She mounted and began to ride, Hakamoro beside her.
Lu Bei shouted at her. “One last thing!”
She stopped. “Go on.”
“As he was passing … Master said he’d never forget the night of the orange blossoms.”
Aikonshi didn’t move — didn’t turn her head. After a few minutes, she nodded and rode away.
Chapter Thirty-Five
The sun peeked over the horizon, illuminating wisps of low-lying clouds. Turesobei got up and read the letter from Iniru again. He decided to let the others sleep a few minutes more.
Steam puffed from the nostrils of the denekon into the crisp air. Turesobei rubbed his palms together and stamped his feet. It wouldn’t be this cold yet in Ekaran, but the highlands of Tikaso Province were at a higher elevation.
“Ladies, let's make sure we’re all doing okay.”
He lifted a denekon foot. The scaly bottoms of denekon feet were tough, but could sometimes get cut or infected. They’d been riding them hard for a week. The three front claws, the bottom pad, and the thick back claw all looked good.
He checked the others. No problems.
Shoma walked up, stretching. Her hair was tucked into a tangled, messy braid. Her riding clothes were mud-stained. She had a smudge of red dirt, or maybe blood, on her neck. What would their mother think? What was she thinking now? She’d never forgive either of them. Especially him for letting Shoma go.
“Need any help?” she asked.
“I’m finished.” He rubbed the spot on her neck. Just dirt. “You doing okay?”
“I’m … good. Really.”
“Liar. You got taken prisoner by monsters and almost died. You were in another battle. Got clocked on the head.” He smiled. “Told you it would be dangerous, didn’t I?”
“Yes, yes. You were right. Of course.” She patted her denekon on the head. “I knew it would be, once we got to Iniru. Just didn’t expect spies and monsters along the way.”
He checked his saddle straps. “The lair’s going to be worse.”
“I’m not backing out.”
“Not saying you should. Though I wish you would. Things happen out in the wilderness. I would’ve preferred bandits over Gawo scouts and kippukagi. We hit a run of bad luck.”
“Good thing you had us along, though, right?”
“Sure.” No. He had almost lost her. If something happened to Shoma, he’d never forgive himself. “There’s a bit of shock that goes along with all this. But you’ll get over it.”
“It’s weird, I feel …”
“Excited and terrified?”
“Yes. I could have died. But I was also … I — I had an adventure. I’ve never really experienced true excitement before. I’d say it was the greatest thing ever, but I keep waking up from nightmares with my heart racing.”
“You’ll get better. I did. It’s in our blood.”
“Father lived like this all the time?”
“I think he went out of his way for it. He was addicted to the feeling. Don’t ever let yourself get that way.”
* * *
Awasa’s feistiness returned in the form of endless complaints about riding, lack of rest, and food. No one would talk to her. Turesobei felt sorry for Shoma, since Awasa sat right behind her all day, complaining.
Shoma and Zaiporo discussed Aikonshi and Hakamoro endlessly.
“I could become a monster hunter,” Zaiporo said. “I’d have to train a lot and really dedicate myself. I wonder if they’d take me on as an apprentice.”
“It would be dangerous work,” Turesobei told him. “Like Hakamoro said, you’d need an edge. White-steel, magic, some sort of power. Hakamoro’s got his feral strength and the spear, and Aikonshi has her heightened speed, senses, and vampirism.”
“And those shadow tendrils,” Enashoma said. “She is so cool. If I was like her I’d never have to fear anything.”
Awasa huffed. “She’s a demon. Someone should banish her to Torment. Hakamoro’s no better.”
Enashoma glared back over her shoulder. “Don’t you ever think before opening your stupid mouth? Someone should send you to Torment. Put you out of your misery.”
“Oh, really? Why don’t you?”
“Don’t tempt me.”
“You know, you’re talking all big now, but when we get back, I’m telling someone about your little affair with a zaboko boy.”
Turesobei couldn’t see Zaiporo’s expression behind him, but he felt him tense and go stiff. Lu Bei hopped out of Turesobei’s pack. That was the last ingredient they needed in this crazy recipe. He ordered the fetch back to book form, and Lu Bei did so, complaining all the way.
Enashoma stopped her mount and jumped down.
“I’m not going back, you stupid cow! And Zaiporo’s just … a friend. My best friend.” She grabbed Awasa by the leg and dragged her down off the mount. “And I’m sick of you. We’re all sick of you.”
Shoma pinned Awasa to the ground and punched her. Zaiporo leapt in and pulled Shoma away. Turesobei stepped between them.
Awasa stood, her lip bleeding, a bruise swelling on her cheek. “Guess you’re going to take her side, huh?”
Turesobei rubbed his forehead. He didn’t need this headache. They were only a day out from the monolith.
Awasa stormed off into the woods.
Turesobei spun around. “Shoma! That was uncalled for.”
“Are you kidding? She had it coming. You know she did.”
“Well … you shouldn’t have hit her. You can’t hit someone just because you’re angry with them. That’s not a good way to solve a problem.”
“She’s an unsolvable problem.”
He started to reply, but Zaiporo shook his head. “Better go find Awasa.” He then mouthed silently: “I’ll calm her down.”
Turesobei picked his way through the woods. She was nowhere in sight; she must have run. He called out Lu Bei.
“Find her. Do not engage her. That’s an order.”
“Yes, master.”
Lu Bei returned a few minutes later. “You’d best hurry. I think she might throw herself off a cliff.”
Torment’s flames! He ran and found her standing at the edge of a cliff, overlooking a rocky stream fifty feet down. She was sobbing.
He whispered to Lu Bei, “Hide behind that boulder. If she jumps, catch her.”
“I can’t bear that much weight.”
He placed the spell of the strength of three men on Lu Bei. The fetch sneaked up behind the boulder.
Turesobei approached carefully. “It’s going to be okay, Awasa.”
She didn’t turn. She kept staring down into the ravine. “Everyone hates me, you know.”
“That’s not true.”
“My father barely knows me. He resents me for not being a boy. I’m just a pawn to him. Something to get more glory for the family.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“My mother resents me, too.”
“I’m sure she loves you.”
“She’s changed toward me. I think she’s jealous. Because I’ll be marrying you. I’ll have the higher social position. Or I would have, anyway.”
“Your father’s a powerful man, one of the richest in the clan.”
“It's not the same. And he’s not very exciting. No one likes him. She hates him. Can’t say I blame her.”
“Why don’t you just come back from the ledge?”
“Enashoma and Zaiporo, the fetch, they all hate me. Even you hate me. Admit it.”
“I’m tired of your behavior, yes. But I don’t hate you. No one hates you. We’re tired, we’re stressed, and you keep acting like you’re above everyone else.”
She bent over, sobbing. “I know I’m spoiled. I’m not stupid. But that’s … that’s who I am. I don’t have anything else. I’m a lady and your betrothed. That’s all I’ve got. That’s why I came, because you’re all I’ve got. Don’t you see? Without you, I’ll be in the same position as Enashoma. Auctioned off to the richest man available. I can’t imagine anything else. I have no talents, no skills, no ambition. I was raised to be a wife to a noble, nothing else. And you … you don’t even want me. You want her.”
“Awasa … my life is … complicated. Yes, I love Iniru. But she’s an assassin. We can never be together. Only once I knew she was in danger I … I just couldn’t abandon her. Do you understand?”
“Yes, that much I do understand.” She turned toward him, but didn’t leave the edge. “But you used to love me. You used to adore me. Then you changed.”
“It was a childish crush, Awasa. I grew up.” He took a cautious step forward and reached out a hand. “Besides, until you met Iniru and changed toward me, I always thought you despised me. So no, I don’t … I don’t love you. But you don’t love me either. Admit it.”
“But you’re somebody. You’re important and powerful. I’m … nobody. I’m just … a wife … waiting to be. And if you don’t love me, if you don’t want me, then I’m not even that anymore.”
“Then maybe it’s time to start being somebody. Think of this as a fresh start, a chanc
e to start over and be whoever you want to be. You’re smart, Awasa, and ridiculously persistent. Why don’t you see what you’re made of, okay? I really can’t think of a better time than now to figure yourself out.”
Turesobei stepped forward and took her hand. He pulled her from the precipice. She stepped into his arms and cried on his shoulder.
“You know who I want to be most? I want to be someone strong. I want to be someone you love. But I’m not.”
“If you care about me and if you think somehow we might end up together, then you’ve got to be able to stick through most anything, because my life is never going to be simple, Iniru or not.”
She wiped her eyes and nodded.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Awasa’s feet trudged hesitantly through the forest turf as she followed Turesobei back. She stopped once they were within sight of the trail.
“I can’t — I can’t face them.”
“That’s because confronting people is harder than battling monsters.” It used to terrify him to face Awasa — not even a year ago, though it seemed like ages now. He took her hand. “You can do it.”
She walked out, head down, tears running down her cheeks. Enashoma spun around; Zaiporo looked away.
“I … I’m ….” She looked to Turesobei, and he nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Sobei made you say that,” Shoma snapped.
“He didn’t. Promise. I just want … I’m lost and … I’m sorry. Can we please just start over? I won’t be a pain anymore. I swear.”
Shoma whipped around, glared, and opened her mouth. He knew that expression. Something nasty was about to fire out. He caught her eye and shook his head. She bit back her retort.
“If you mean it … maybe. But I don’t believe you. I think you’re just saying it for Sobei.”
“I’ll prove it.”
“You’ll have to.”
Awasa looked to Zaiporo.
He bit his lip then shrugged. “Whatever.”
“Fine, you’ll see,” she muttered so quietly that only Turesobei heard her.
* * *
Storm Phase Series: Books 1-3 Page 48
