by Avery James
She grabbed the rearview mirror and tilted it toward herself. She looked at her reflection. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her eyelids were swollen from crying. As she tried to form some sound to tell herself it was going to be ok, she burst into tears again. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the wheel as hot tears rolled down her cheeks. She pressed her hand over her stomach, and thought of how much simpler things would have been if she hadn't gotten pregnant, if she had simply said no to the whole idea of marriage from the start.
Charlotte had been drifting without purpose, and now that she was back in her childhood neighborhood, her purpose finally came to her. She'd be the best mother she could be. She didn't care if Jack was scared or if he didn't want to be in her child's life. She was going to raise her baby in a loving home. After all, love was the only thing that mattered, and it was the one thing no amount of money or power or prestige could buy. She would love this child with all her heart.
She'd call Jack in the morning and let him know where she had gone. She'd let him know that it was ok for him to be unsure about what this meant for the two of them and that she wouldn't hold it against him. She'd find a way to get the car back up to Boston, and she'd stay with her parents for a while.
Charlotte reached forward and turned the key in the ignition. She was almost home.
"Home," she said to herself, smiling for the first time in too long a drive.
She was going to raise her child in a loving home. She was going to provide stability and support and love. Even if Jack Coburn never wanted to be a father, Charlotte would make sure his child grew up knowing the blessing of a loving parent.
When she got to her parents' house, she parked the car on the street and walked as quietly as she could up the stairs. The Crowleys hadn't changed their locks since Charlotte was in high school, and she still kept a spare. The floorboards in the house were as creaky as ever, but Charlotte's parents had always been heavy sleepers.
She crawled into her twin bed and her body finally felt able to relax. The springs in the old mattress dug into her back, and the frame creaked as she rolled over and wrapped the blankets around herself, but it was a familiar feeling, like she belonged here.
Charlotte looked out the window into the night. Jack was out there somewhere. Was he mad at her? Was he relieved she had left? She was sure he had been one of the people trying to call her all night. She shouldn't have ignored the phone for so long, she knew, but she couldn't handle talking to him just yet. She had let herself think that he was the man she dreamt of, the one who could give her everything, even though he had told her from the start how wrong he would be. She needed a someone who wanted to start a family with her. She wanted someone who believed in love.
Charlotte's eyes fell on the bookshelf against the wall. The silver lettering glowed in the moonlight on the spine of Pride and Prejudice. She buried her face in the blankets and tried not to cry as she drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 33
Charlotte woke to a soft knock on the door. For a brief moment as she drifted between sleep and consciousness, she wondered where she was.
"Honey, is everything alright?" her mother asked from the hall. "Your father and I weren't expecting you. We were quite confused this morning when we saw Jack's car. Don't tell me the two of you slept on the tiny bed in your room."
"I'm fine," Charlotte mumbled as she rolled over in her narrow bed.
She knew she wasn't fine, but she didn't want to go through everything with her mother, not while she was still half-asleep. The bed creaked beneath her as she sat up, and she wondered how she had been able to sleep through the night at all.
"Jack's in Boston," she added.
"I'm coming in," her mother said. Ellen stepped into the room, took one look at Charlotte's mascara-stained cheeks and her wrinkled dress and rushed over to the bed. "Honey, what happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Charlotte said.
She felt like a little kid trying to hide her problems from her mother. She wanted to pull all the curtains shut and wallow alone in darkness and silence. She felt sick to her stomach. She didn't know if it was morning sickness or exhaustion or the feeling of her heart breaking inside her chest, but she felt dizzy and anxious and upset.
She couldn't bear the thought of getting out of bed, and she just wanted to bury her face in her pillow. She wanted to snap her fingers and go back to the way everything had been before she fell in love with Jack, before he fell in love with her and was too stubborn and afraid to admit it, before she had messed everything up by doing the one thing that could have sabotaged their relationship. Jack didn't think he was ready to be a father, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to be a mother on her own.
Charlotte looked up at her mother. "I'm sorry I didn't call."
"You know you're always welcome here," Ellen said. She sat down on the edge of the bed. "If you need to talk or anything at all, you know your father and I are here for you."
"Thanks, Mom," Charlotte said. She felt a surge of emotion almost like pressure behind her eyes.
"It's good to feel needed sometimes," Ellen said. "You girls are so grown up, and now that you're jet-setting and campaigning all the time, I feel like you're slipping away from me. So if you want to show up in the middle of the night, you don't have to explain a thing. Just let us know, and we'll make sure your bed is ready. If that husband of yours decides to follow you here, we'll set up the sleeper in the den. I remember when you and your sister were both so little that you could lie on opposite ends of this bed, and I could fit between you and read you a bedtime story."
"Mom," Charlotte said. She couldn't take it any longer. If her mother reminisced for another second, Charlotte was going to burst into tears all over again. "I'm pregnant."
Ellen jumped up from the bed. "I'm going to be a grandmother? Oh honey, that's wonderful! Why are you so upset about it?"
"I had a fight with Jack, and I didn't know where else to go."
"What happened?"
"I didn't tell him about the baby until last night, and he got upset."
"About the baby or about the not telling?" Ellen sat down again next to Charlotte, pulling her close.
"It's complicated."
"I've got time."
"He has a screwed-up relationship with his family and doesn't think he'd be a good father," Charlotte said. The rest of the story poured out of her as she tried to keep from crying all over again. "That and he has some very understandable trust issues, and I was the only person in the world he truly trusted, like deep down in his soul trusted, and I violated that trust by not telling him I was pregnant.
"I didn't want to upset him, and I wanted to buy some time before I figured out what to say, but I did everything the wrong way. I hid the truth from him after demanding he be completely upfront with me about everything. And then I told him, and he was furious with me for not telling him and for waiting until five minutes before he had to give the biggest speech of his life, and I didn't know what to do, so I left. He has every right to hate me."
"Calm down, honey. I'm sure he doesn't hate you," Ellen said.
"We got in a fight right before he went on stage to accept the nomination. I put him in an impossible situation. It was the one thing he said he feared. The one thing, Mom." Charlotte let her head fall against her mother's shoulder.
Ellen ran her fingers through Charlotte's hair, massaging her scalp slowly the way she used to when she was home sick from school. "Honey, if having a child with the woman he loves is his biggest fear in life, then he has a pretty good life. Just because you got in a fight doesn't mean it's over. Just because he's afraid doesn't mean he won't rise to the occasion and do the right thing. He's your husband. He might need a few days to wrap his head around the idea that he's going to be a father, but he's a good man, and he loves you, and the two of you will make this work. This is the kind of thing that happens when people rush into a marriage. You haven't been together long enough to know that a
few fights aren't the end of the world."
As her mother spoke, Charlotte realized that Jack wasn't the only person she had kept secrets from.
"It was a marriage of convenience," Charlotte said. "It was supposed to be temporary, but we fell in love. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. We were supposed to get married and then get a divorce after the general election in the fall. I was out of work, and debt was piling up, and I didn't know what I was going to do with my life, and then there was Jack, and he was charming and handsome, and he had these maddeningly blue eyes, and he tried to act like he was tough, but I could tell there was so much more to him, and now I'm just going on, and I want you to know I'm sorry."
Ellen rubbed Charlotte's back in slow circles when Charlotte finally had to take a breath.
"Mom?" Charlotte said. "I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't, and I had hoped from the start that it would turn into something more, and it did, but now I don't know what to do."
"Do you love him?" Ellen asked.
"Of course."
"Does he love you?"
"Yes. At least I thought he loved me. I think he hates me now."
"Nonsense. Forget about your fight. Forget about the election and the marriage and all of it. Does he love you?"
"Yes."
"Then nothing else matters. Now, I'm not going to let you endanger the health of my grandchild by not eating. I'm going to go get you some breakfast. I'll bring it up in a few." Ellen gave Charlotte a hug and kissed her on the forehead as she stood to leave. "Trust yourself, dear."
Charlotte lay back in bed and listened to the sounds of the house. She could hear the faint sound of a radio and the even fainter sound of her mother singing. At one point, she thought she heard the phone ringing. A few minutes later, Ellen returned with a tray of food. There was cereal, eggs and bacon, crepes with fresh fruit and nuts on the side along with a tall glass of orange juice. It looked like she had cleared out half the fridge to make the meal.
"Mom I'm not going to eat all of that," Charlotte said.
"Well, maybe you can share some food with your guest on the way."
The phone call, Charlotte thought. Jack found me. "I don't want to see anyone right now."
Ellen smiled and looked down at her daughter's stomach. "I meant your new addition," she said.
"Oh, right." Charlotte picked up a fork and tried to decide what to eat.
"There's also someone for you on the phone," Ellen added. "I'll save you the suspense. It's Callie."
"Tell her I'll call her back later."
"She seemed to think it was imperative that she talk to you as soon as possible."
As Charlotte picked at each of the items of the tray, her mother retrieved the phone. Charlotte was not looking forward to this conversation. She thought she knew what Callie was going to say, something about the hard part being over and Jack being in the home stretch, but Charlotte couldn't have been more wrong.
"Are you ok?"
"What? Yeah, I'm fine," Charlotte lied.
"I'm driving over to you right now. It sounds like you and I are long overdue for some friend time," Callie said. "What's going on?"
"Jack and I had a fight. I don't really want to talk about it right now. How did you know I was here?"
"Jack called. He's worried sick about you."
"Some way of showing it," Charlotte said.
"You don't know, do you?" Callie asked. "Go turn on a TV."
"Why? Is it that big of a story that I wasn't on stage with my husband?"
"That's not the story. Just get to a TV. You need to see for yourself."
Chapter 34
Charlotte stared at the TV in disbelief, watching an image of Jack climbing into a private plane. She turned up the volume as a commentator talked over footage of the plane taking off.
"No one is sure where the congressman is heading, but his short statement this morning did nothing to quell speculation. Where is Jack Coburn?" As the commentator continued, the screen showed a recorded video of Jack at the airfield, reading a statement from a wrinkled piece of paper. "This is really just a shocking turn of events. The congressman was viewed by many as a lock to win the election in the fall, and a viable candidate for higher office in the future."
The newscast cut back to the anchor. "Is it safe to say that this could be the end of the Coburn political dynasty?" he asked.
"It's still too early to say anything definitive, but sources close to the campaign say the congressman and his wife were having a heated argument before he made his unexpected announcement last night. No one is sure where she is."
"Truly a bizarre turn of events," the anchor said. "Let's hear his statement from this morning again."
Charlotte listened to Jack's words. His voice sounded broken as he started, and he looked like he hadn't slept.
"I want to repeat my gratitude for everyone who was part of my campaign, but I have to focus on my family. I can't serve the public if I can't even take care of those closest to me. That's all I can say at this time."
"Callie, what is going on?" Charlotte asked. Family. Was he talking about her or was he still trying to protect his father's secret?
"You don't know?" Callie said. "Jack dropped out of the race last night. Every cable news channel in the country is looking for you at the moment. I suspect half of them are already set up outside your parents' house right now."
He's talking about me, she thought. He has to be talking about me, about me and our unborn child. This has nothing to do with his secrets or the rest of his family. He dropped out of the race for me. She didn't know whether to be moved by his actions or to feel sick for causing him to abandon his ambitions. If he had done all of this for her, where was he?
Charlotte walked over to the window and pulled the curtain aside. Sure enough, the street was choked with vans, and reporters were standing at the base of her lawn. "Callie, why would he drop out?"
"You tell me," Callie said.
"I told him about the pregnancy last night. We fought," Charlotte said. "I thought he hated me."
"Are you camera-ready?" Callie asked.
"Why would that matter?" Charlotte asked. She wiped at her cheeks.
"Stay inside," Callie instructed her. "I'm only about twenty minutes away. We'll get you through this. Remember, this is what I do."
"Ok," Charlotte said. She went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face and clean herself up a little. No matter how hard she tried to clear her head, she couldn't. She pulled her hair back into a bun. If he had dropped out of the race for me, where the hell is he?
She turned her attention back to the TV, and a rush of ice flowed through her veins. That was her street. The news crews weren't just staking her out just in case. They were broadcasting. The camera zoomed in on Jack's car parked in the driveway. Charlotte turned the TV off and tossed the remote down. Outside, more TV crews were arriving.
Through the window, she watched as the throng of reporters started moving up the driveway, surrounding a car. The crowd was so thick that Charlotte could barely see the car or its driver. Callie must have sped the entire way over to make such good time. The reporters were using her arrival as an excuse to rush up the driveway. Soon, the crowd was moving up towards the house. Charlotte could hear them shouting and jockeying for position.
Enough was enough. She wasn't going to let them do this. She marched up to the front door and stepped outside. The crowd went silent and the cameras turned toward her.
Charlotte watched as a hand reached between two reporters, pushing them apart. She saw Jack's face as he pushed through the opening and raced up the walkway toward her. She could see the tears in the corners of his eyes. He sprinted up the steps and wrapped his arms around her, spinning her in the air as he kissed her. His lips were warm, and she could taste the salt of his tears, or maybe they were hers, she didn't know.
A wave of emotion swept through her body as he kissed her again. It felt so good to be in his arms. She felt
so safe, so loved, so right. For a moment, Charlotte forgot about the reporters and the election and everything else, and she melted into Jack's arms, into the warmth of his kisses. She wanted to lose herself in his love, to give herself to it completely.
"Charlotte, I thought I'd lost you," Jack said. "I thought I'd pushed you away. I've been sick to my stomach since I found out you were gone."
"I thought I'd lost you, too," Charlotte said. "I'm so sorry. I panicked and I just left and I didn't know how to make things right."
"Everything is right now," Jack said. He tightened his hug and kissed her again. Each kiss bloomed like a flower against her lips.
"Ahem," Ellen called from the door, "would you two like to come inside, maybe out of view of the country?"
"There's something I have to say first," Jack said. "Charlotte, as long as I was in office, working fifteen hours a day, I couldn't be the man you deserve. I couldn't be the father our child deserves. Last night, I was so mad at you for not telling me. But the moment I stepped out on that stage, surrounded by supporters and friends, I knew nothing else mattered. The only person I wanted by my side was you.
"Without you, I felt hollow and weak, and alone. I knew I'd never be happy unless I could be completely yours, and I could never be completely yours unless I gave up my family's dreams of power and prestige. I'm in this marriage because I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"Jack," Charlotte said, "inside. We can talk about this inside where there aren't a few dozen cameras pointed at us."
They made their way back to the kitchen and sat down. Jack held onto Charlotte's hand and wouldn't let go.
