Love Struck

by Laurelin McGee

  Not yet, she told herself. But really the words were Folx’s. She knew it was what he’d tell her. Not yet. Don’t give up yet.

  For that matter, Lance would have said the same thing. He’d never failed to be supportive and not in the “little gestures” way, but in the big ways. He was the guy who lugged all her equipment from gig to gig and hand-sold copies of her first CD to everyone he knew. He knew when she had a good song before she did, and he’d make sure she finished it. His faith in her was endless.

  God, Lance … I feel like I’m cheating on you. But you left. You left me.

  Sometimes she missed him so so much.

  But now there was Folx, singing the same sentiments Lance would have. He made her truly believe he wouldn’t give up on her either.

  Still, it was with a heavy heart that she hefted the strap of her guitar case on her shoulder and turned to leave the studio.

  “Oh, my God, Lacy! You’re still here!”

  Kat’s shrill voice cut into Lacy’s backside from down the hall. She closed her eyes momentarily, praying for the strength to turn around and face her sometimes friend with a smile. Her prayers were half answered—she found the energy to turn around, but she couldn’t manage anything more than a tight line of her lips. At least she wasn’t scowling.

  Lacy didn’t even have to say anything. Kat closed the distance between them in five bouncy steps, sort of like a real-life Tigger, and threw her arms around Lacy.

  Crap, Lacy thought through an inhale of patchouli. Now what?

  Kat leaned back, her hands still on Lacy’s shoulders. “Guess what. You’ll never guess though, so I’m just telling you. OMG you won’t believe it. And you’re going to love me so hard. Ah! I can’t believe this is happening!”

  “What, Kat? Just spit it out.” She was not in the mood for exuberance. Did her coworker just land another gig she’d wanted?

  “Remember the Blue Hills? Remember Wes, the drummer?”

  Lacy could honestly say she didn’t remember the drummer, but she certainly remembered the Blue Hills. “Of course. They were hot. I mean, their music was hot.”

  “Well, they just left on a two-month tour of the Northeast, and their opening act had to cancel because he had a twerking incident. That look you’re giving me is exactly the expression I had too. But we’ve all seen those YouTube vids, and this guy is apparently almost sixty but wanted to be cool and tried it at a show, which is weirdest because his music is ultra folk and doesn’t lend itself to twerking at all, but anyway he injured his back. Both his disc—and his pants—slipped, ensuring the end of his music career for the time being at least, and hopefully the end of his twerking career forever.

  “Anyway, again. That means no opening act and they’re looking for someone last minute, and a few weeks ago I gave Wes your CD that you burned last year and he gave it to his manager and Wes just called me and they want you and that’s so amazing that I can hardly contain myself so congratulations and you’re welcome!”

  Lacy was pretty sure that Kat hadn’t breathed once during her monologue. For that matter, neither had she. Did Kat just say she’d gotten her a two-month gig? “Um, what?”

  “I booked you a tour. If you want it. With the Blue Hills.” Thank God, Kat slowed her speech this time.

  “Oh, my God.” Lacy was shaking. “Oh, my God, oh, my God.” And she was talking like Kat and now she was even hugging Kat, patchouli and all. Lacy pushed aside her guilt at being so resentful, promised herself she’d stop being pissy that Kat had never suffered like she had. The girl had just given her the greatest gift ever.

  “Can you be ready by one tomorrow? Wes said they’d send a car to take you to Worchester to meet them, but I told them not to bother. I’ll totally take you. They’ll reimburse me, of course. Sound check is at three. You’d go on tomorrow night.”

  “Oh, my God.” Lacy took a deep breath. She’d been lacking in words lately, but she certainly could do better than repeating the same trite phrase over and over. After one more calming inhale and exhale, she opened her mouth to say yes.

  Then she remembered her responsibilities.

  But before she could bring them up, Kat said, “Don’t worry about the studio. I can cover all your shifts.”

  “Are you sure?” Because that would be … awesome.

  “Am I sure?” Kat’s eyes went wide with unbelief. “Yes, I’m sure. It’s not like we’re getting that many hours anyway. Win-win situation here.”

  “Wow. Just … wow.” Lacy’s mind raced. Could she really do this? On such short notice? She had a couple of gigs scattered through the next month but nothing she couldn’t easily cancel. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, after all. Touring with a band as up-and-coming as the Blue Hills could make her own career. And living and breathing music again—gah, she needed that like peanut butter needed jelly. Really, there was almost nothing that would be worth her not taking the job.

  Except.

  Dammit.

  Andy.

  Andy had made it clear that Lacy was the only thing getting her through the wedding plans. Of course she didn’t really need Lacy, but she wasn’t so sure her sister realized that. And if she didn’t, and Lacy left, then Andy would be pissed and her whole wedding would be ruined.

  Or maybe Lacy was just used to feeling like Andy needed her. But did she really? There had been a time when she had. When she was out of a job and out of a home. But now she had an amazing job and a man she loved and, actually, Andy was doing just fine.

  And if anyone would understand that this tour was an amazing opportunity, it would be Andy. She had been Lacy’s biggest fan since her first ukulele at age three, rocking out to “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”

  “Well?” Kat prodded. “Don’t leave me hanging!”

  “Yes,” Lacy said with as much excitement and thrill and trepidation as when she’d said the same word to Lance. “I’ll do it. Thank you, Kat!”

  After a phone call with the Blue Hills’ manager to work out details and another twenty minutes of squealing and celebrating with Kat, Lacy left for home to pack. She was so excited that she almost splurged and took a cab. Then she remembered that would only get her to her apartment sooner … and to Andy. So she decided to take the train.

  She needed time to decide how to break the news.

  * * *

  “No way,” Andy said from the doorway, her worried look overtaking her features. “No. You’re not going. You aren’t ready.”

  “What, are you my mother?” After a half bottle of wine and three of her favorite truffles, Lacy had thought Andy would be more amiable to the idea of her going on tour. Her old tricks had seemingly lost their effect. Damn Tim and his strong-arm (strong-drink?) ways. He’d ruined all other methods of persuasion.

  So there would be no persuasion. She understood. It hadn’t been that long since Andy had been able to stop reminding Lacy to do basic things, like shower.

  So she’d just have to show her.

  A ping from her open Internet browser distracted her and she stopped there on her way to her closet, hoping it was Folx It was nearly midnight, but he’d told her he would be on later than usual for the next while. She knew he was touring. It felt right that they were both touring at the same time.

  Hey, you.

  It was him. With an uncontainable smile, Lacy typed, Hey! I have good news!

  “No, I’m not your mother,” Andy said, coming into the bedroom. “But apparently I’m the voice of reason at the moment.”

  The smile disappeared from Lacy’s face. How could she convince her sister that a hint of Old Lacy was finally pushing through, when she’d been so poorly pretending the same for so long?

  Another ping. News? What kind of news?

  God, she wanted to tell him. Tell him all of it. Especially with Andy being so overprotective. Lacy needed Folx’s support. But the silly site rules said she couldn’t. They’d already crossed the line when he admitted to being on tour. Then a million more lines when
they disclosed their ages and agreed to hook up in the future. She needed a contingency plan for that. Later.

  Love?

  He was still waiting for her response. She decided to be vague. I booked a gig. Like, a big gig. Like, a career-changing gig.

  !!!! I’m so excited for you that I can’t convey it in simple text. Congrats, Love. You deserve this.

  “Are you even listening to me? This is not a good idea.”

  Lacy stood up from her computer screen and faced her sister, hands on her hips. Her sister-thing was kicking in, and even though she completely understood why Andy was opposed, she felt like a little kid getting a talking-to. “Why? What’s not a good idea about this? Tell me.”

  “Everything! It’s last minute. You’ve never been on tour. How can you possibly be ready? You don’t even know these people. A band full of men? No women? What if one of them tries to … I dunno, have his way with you? You know what they say about those rock star types.”

  “Jesus, are you for real? Raped?” Lacy was beginning to think the wine had been a bad idea. Instead of calming her sister, it had only made her more creative with her reasoning.

  She bent to type a quick response to Folx. Thank you. I knew you’d be happy for me. You can’t know how much that means to me.

  Then Lacy crossed to her dresser. “And they aren’t rock stars. They’re alternative folk musicians. Like myself. Which doesn’t make any difference, really, because I’m not going to get forced into anything.”

  Lacy pulled a stack of T-shirts from a drawer, her eye catching on her very neglected vibrator buried underneath. “Besides, at this point, I’m not likely to say no to hot band-sex. If you haven’t noticed, it’s been a while.” Honestly, the thought had only just now crossed her mind. Likely because she was talking to Folx. Also she had those … urges … the last time she’d seen the Blue Hills. So what if something happened with one of those fine musicians? There’d be no complaints from her. She had three months before she met Folx.

  Lacy threw the pile of shirts in her suitcase and brushed past Andy to head toward her jeans drawer.

  “Come on, you don’t mean that. If you’re ready to date again…”

  The irony of her sister’s statement was so hilarious, Lacy almost laughed. “Yeah, you cannot lecture me on that, Miss I Banged My Boss.” It had been only the beginning of the summer when Lacy had a similar conversation with Andy, but their roles had been reversed. Andy hadn’t listened to a word, obviously. So why should Lacy listen now?

  Lacy chose three pairs of jeans, all tight and ripped up like she liked them, and also a couple of skirts before heading back to the suitcase. “And I said nothing about dating. I was talking sex. Release.”

  “I’ll set you up with someone just to … you know.” Andy’s last job had been as a matchmaker, and apparently she thought she was still in the business. “What about the erotic writer guy? Noah. He’s cute.”

  “Noah’s with Jaylene, you know, our neighbor! Do you not pay attention to anything that goes on around here?” She knew Andy was distracted, but really. They’d had Jaylene over for drinks and heard all the yummy details.

  Andy rubbed her fingers across her forehead. “Of course I do. I knew that. I simply had a momentary lapse in memory.” Or she’d been desperate and reaching. “There’s probably someone at Donovan Industries who’d be appropriate.”

  Of course I’m happy for you! Who wouldn’t be? Maybe this is just the inspiration you need, Folx sent.

  “Andy … please.”

  Who wouldn’t be? Her own flesh and blood, that’s who.

  No, that wasn’t fair. Andy was freaked that her little sis was overestimating what she was ready for. Lacy didn’t want to talk about Andy with Folx though. My thoughts exactly.

  “We’re dancing around the point, anyway. Can we get back on topic? It’s a great testament to your talent to book a tour from just your CD. I’m sure you’re flattered and so you aren’t thinking clearly. But trust me, this isn’t what you need. You need to stay here and work on your next album.”

  Lacy turned to her underwear drawer then, so that Andy wouldn’t see how irritated she was with her sister’s condescension. “Not true. I can work on my album on the road like every other touring musician does. You’re the one who needs me here. And you don’t really need me.”

  “I do need you.” Her sister’s voice was somewhat desperate. “But that’s not why I’m against this. It’s bad timing. It’s not safe. I haven’t even met any of these men.”

  “Oh, hell, Andy. Would you just stop?”

  “I will not stop. You are my sister. My baby sister. I know how much you still hurt, every single day, even though you pretend you’re okay. You aren’t okay. Not yet. You will be, but this is too soon. You’re still too fragile.”

  “I’m not fragile, Andy. Not in the least. Why would you even think that? Because my fiancé offed himself a year ago? Because he left me alone to deal with his body and his belongings and this emotional baggage? Yeah, that sucked. But I’m fine. I’ve been fine. In fact, the only thing that has been not fine is all the people who treat me with kid gloves trying to protect me or coddle me. I need to move on. I need to spread wings and all that. This is my chance. Why would you not want that for me?” As soon as it was out, Lacy knew she’d maybe been too harsh.

  Andy stared at her for a moment before bursting into tears. She threw herself down on the half of Lacy’s bed the suitcase wasn’t occupying.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just—sorry. I’m scared.”

  Lacy shot a longing look at her laptop before snapping it shut and attending to Andy. Perching on the edge of the bed, she rubbed her big sister’s back. This was the way it always seemed to end up with the two of them, with Lacy offering comfort instead of the other way around.

  “Hey. I know. I remember, remember? Wedding planning is terrifying. Like Tim.” That got a little grin out of Andy.

  “I know you remember But I’m not afraid of the wedding planning. I’m not even afraid of crazy Tim. I’m afraid of losing you. If you’re away from me, and off with a bunch of people—guys, no less—that you don’t even know, how will I know you’re okay? You barely talk to me about your feelings as is. Who will you talk to on the road?” She sniffled.

  “I don’t talk because I don’t have anything to say right now. But when I do, you’ll be the first to hear it. And you won’t lose me. I’ll call you every day and you can catch me up on the latest plans. This really is going to be good for me, you know. And good for you too.”

  “How is this supposed to be good for me? These are the last months of my single life. The last days we get to be together.” And there it was. The truth. The real reason Andy had been pulling her to wedding planning meetings and going ballistic about a once-in-a-lifetime career opportunity.

  The revelation pulled at Lacy’s chest. Made her feel closer to Andy than she had in a while. Which was a nice feeling since she hadn’t felt close to anyone lately.

  Nice feeling or not, it left her a little speechless. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

  “Yeah. I do.” Andy reached for a tissue, though her arm wasn’t quite long enough. She wormed her way forward and stretched again. Lacy considered helping, but decided watching was more fun. On the fourth wiggle, she managed to grab one, though the box went toppling to the floor.

  Lacy bit back a laugh. Then she reached a hand out to muss her sister’s hair. “I’m glad you want to spend time with me. I kind of like you too.” She winked. “But trust me—we’ll still get time together after you’re married. It’s not like Blake’s planning on chaining you up in the mansion and never letting you have visitors.” She paused. “Except he is kind of caveman.”

  “He’s not a caveman,” Andy said with a scowl. “Well, mostly he’s not a caveman.”

  Lacy smiled. “He’s a little bit caveman, and he’s perfect for you. But it doesn’t mean he’ll take you away from me. You were mine first.”

  “A
ctually, you were mine first.”

  Usually Lacy hated it when Andy pulled the big-sister card, but this time she let it slide. She let the smile fade from her face and put on her serious expression. The one that was hard to show even to herself. “I know I haven’t been one hundred percent. And I’m really lucky that you’ve been here to help me through that. But I’m better now. I’m getting better, anyway. This tour is the next step. I promise I’ll be okay. Okay?”

  Andy nodded reluctantly. “Okay.”

  She blew her nose loudly and slid off the bed. “I’m still going to miss you though. You have to pinkie swear to call every day. And text sometimes.” She held her fist out, pinkie extended.

  “How about text everyday and call sometimes?”

  “Fine. That.”

  Lacy interlocked her pinkie with her sister’s, and they both kissed their thumbs. “So sworn. Now pick up my tissues, and don’t you dare leave that nasty one lying on the bed. I’m not too mature to give you a wedgie.”

  Her sister managed a weak smile. “You’re really going to do it, huh? Take off to find your fortune and leave me all alone with no one for solace.”

  This time Lacy let her laugh go. “You have Blake, silly. Remember him? Your husband-to-be?”

  “Yes, yes. Of course. Blake. I love Blake. But he’s not a replacement for my sister.” She looked like she might cry again, but then she shook it off. “And he’s not any help when it comes to Tim. Honestly? He came to the initial consult and walked out after five minutes. I found him in the bathroom, cry-laughing afterward. Weirdly, he adores that guy, but he can’t keep a straight face around him. Anyway, I’ll miss you. So don’t wash your blankets so I can come in here and smell them when I get lonely. I’ll cuddle up with them and cry. So when you think of me, just picture me lying on your bed. Throwing all the nasty tissues I want around.”

  “Ew. You’re so gross.”

  Speaking of lying on my bed …