He typed and erased several before settling on Thinking of you. As always.
Feeling better already, he pushed send and smiled to himself.
Not even half a second later, he heard a ping coming from the seat where Lacy usually sat. He glanced over and saw her phone sitting there. Well, that was awfully coincidental—her phone pinging just as he’d sent his message.
It was a coincidence … right?
Of course it was. But just to totally drive the impossible idea out of his mind, he entered another message to LoveCoda. I’d love to hear from you anytime.
Again, Lacy’s phone pinged.
Eli nearly dropped his own cell, catching it before it clamored to the floor. His pulse quickened, somewhat from the near drop, but mostly from the realization that was washing over him like a bucket of ice water.
No. Freaking. Way. I’m imagining this.
He looked back at Lacy’s phone. Then back at the girl-who-just-might-but-couldn’t-possibly-be-the-girl-of-his-dreams. She had her eyes closed now, her head swaying to the music only she—and Jax—heard. His stomach tightened. If Lacy really was LoveCoda, then what was the whole Jax thing about?
Nope, nope. He was jumping too far ahead. One step at a time. It was ridiculous that the two pings could have been coincidental, but it was just as ridiculous that Lacy could be LoveCoda. He had to be sure.
He raked his teeth across this lower lip as he tried to come up with one more message to send Love. Finally he had one. xxx
Another ping from Lacy’s phone.
Eli shot up from his seat. He had no plans for going anywhere—he hadn’t even intended to stand. Just, his energy, his excitement, his pure and utter shock drove him up.
Lou peeked at him from underneath half-closed eyelids. “Problem, kid?”
“Uh, no. I just really wanted an apple.” Eli headed straight to the cooler, kicking himself. Apple? Seriously? He already knew Lou didn’t generally buy apples.
Eli was already at the cooler, so he didn’t need the confirmation, but Lou gave it anyway. “I don’t think I got any apples. Didn’t know anyone wanted them. I can add them for next time, though.”
“No problem,” Eli said. “I’ll take a string cheese.” And a peek at the phone on Lacy’s seat. He grabbed a plastic-encased piece of mozzarella and slowly ripped it open while simultaneously leaning forward to check out Lacy’s cell.
Unfortunately, her cell was facedown. Dammit.
He snuck one more glance back at Lacy who had her eyes open now was talking with Jax who, appeared to be only half listening while he played around on his phone, and another at Lou, who had gone back to his dozing. Quick—he’d do it quick and no one would see. Eli bent down and snatched Lacy’s phone. He turned it over and swiped his hand across the screen, praying it wasn’t locked. It wasn’t.
And there they were—three notifications from her SoWriAn app.
All from FolxNotDead27.
Holy hell.
Lacy was LoveCoda.
LoveCoda was Lacy.
The revelation sent sparks of fire to every nerve ending in Eli’s body. There were things to process about this, definitely, but his initial reaction was ecstatic elation.
“Is that my phone?”
Funny thing about ecstatic elation—it made it easy to block out the surrounding environment. Eli hadn’t heard Lacy coming back to her seat until she was standing there looking at him holding her cell with a look of wary confusion.
“Yeah, it is.” Tell her! You have to tell her!
But he couldn’t tell her. Not here. Not like this. “I think you got a message. I was just going to take it back to you.”
“Oh.” Her expression eased as she took the device from Eli’s outstretched hand. “Thanks.” She slid her finger across the screen then read her messages while she stood there. Her brow furrowed for a moment. She glanced back to Jax—Eli followed her gaze to find his bandmate still buried in his phone. Then he followed her gaze back to her phone. She read the screen again, and this time she smiled. Brightly.
She sat down in her seat and began typing something into her cell. Which was Eli’s cue to return to his spot. As soon as he sat, his phone, which was on vibrate, buzzed. It was a reply from LoveCoda—from Lacy. Thinking of you too.
His heart somersaulted in his chest, something that Eli had always believed happened only to girls. His eyes shot once again to Lacy. Who was staring intently at Jax. Who was still buried in his phone with something or other.
What the ever-living hell?
Seriously, Eli was overwhelmed. And confused. And still ecstatic. He didn’t even know where to begin with his jumble of thoughts. Because, holy shit, Lacy was LoveCoda.
Lacy is LoveCoda.
In his wildest fantasies, his online soul mate was also the cute singer who’d brightened the last few weeks of his life, but never in a million years did he actually believe there was any reality in it. This was like winning the lottery. Or getting a major recording deal.
No, this was even better than that. This was finding that the girl that he very nearly loved online was the woman that he totally loved in real life.
Yes, loved.
He could say it now that there wasn’t the guilt involved.
Hey! No more guilt! And no more isolating his memories of Lacy to just Baltimore. He could love her everywhere now.
But … but … God, there were other parts of this that were more confusing. He wiped his hand over his face. For one, Lacy had jumped Eli while she had Folx waiting on the side. Did that bother him?
No, that was fine. Mostly it was fine because he’d been the one benefitting. He wasn’t sure that he’d feel the same if she’d jumped someone else. And he’d done the same. They had too much of a natural connection. One they couldn’t ignore. Though they’d both tried. He because he wanted to be faithful to LoveCoda, and her because she’d wanted …
Well, now here was the weird part. She said she’d wanted Jax. And she’d started spending all her time with him. Yet, online she’d been even more committed than ever. Was she two-timing? Or—
Another realization burst through. All of Lacy’s stories belonged to Love and vice versa. Love had lost her fiancé. Lacy was blocked on her songwriting. Love had said she’d written something finally. And that she thought orgasms might help her writing. Jesus, that was after he’d had sex with Lacy. Had he inspired her?
He paused to let himself feel proud about that idea.
Then he was back to sorting out the facts. Such as, why hadn’t Lacy recognized any Blue Hills songs? She’d workshopped more than one of his lyrics. She knew the words inside and out. She’d never heard the melodies, though. Could she possibly have not listened during any of their performances? That didn’t seem like her.
And how the hell did her fling with Jax fit into this whole thing?
Unless … unless she did recognize the Blue Hills songs. And, what if, like everyone else, she assumed they’d been written by Jax? Was that jumping to conclusions?
He thought about how she’d said she had a connection with Jax that she couldn’t explain. Yet, come to think of it, she hadn’t really spent time with him at that point. Then he thought about how she looked at her messages just minutes ago—Folx’s messages—then how she’d glanced back toward Jax.
He wasn’t jumping to conclusions. He was standing smack dab in the middle of the most likely possibility. Lacy thought Jax was Folx.
Oh, no, God.
He wanted to stand up again. Needed to pace. Needed to move over to Lacy’s seat and say, Here I am; it’s me. Wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her finally without the guilt and with all the emotion he’d been saving for LoveCoda. He wanted to make her his once and for all.
But all the buts …
But the bus wasn’t a great place for a reveal. But they needed privacy. But what if she wasn’t happy that he was Folx?
And what about Jax? Despite all his raging irritations, Jax was the only brother he
had. The one he never had. The kind you didn’t leave, regardless of whether they’d saved you or you’d saved them, because in the end it all tangled into a platonic love that wouldn’t fade anyway.
Besides, the bus was pulling into their venue in DC. Which was good. Load in would settle some of his restless energy. And after that …
After that, he’d find Lacy and he’d tell her … everything.
Chapter Twenty-One
“I got the amps plugged in and the wireless mike is on the charger. Anything else?” Eli tapped his foot impatiently while he waited for Sammy’s response. Load in had never taken so long. Every time he thought he was about finished, the roadie had another chore for him. Like she was looking for stuff for him to do. He knew it wasn’t really the case, but it sure felt like it.
And where the hell was everybody else?
Or, more specifically, where were Lacy and Jax? Jax always bagged off early at load in. He wasn’t fond of physical work. But Lacy usually stayed the course. He figured she was probably in the bathroom or something, but then he noticed her guitar was missing from its stand. So she was tuning it. Or running through a song or something somewhere.
Whatever she was doing, he wanted to be there.
Sammy finished surveying his work. “This looks good. I think Wes might need some help with the drums. Check with him.”
God, he couldn’t take this anymore. “Sure. I’ll do that.” He started toward the drummer’s set, but kept his eye on Sammy. As soon as her back was turned, he darted off the stage—which was really just an unoccupied corner of The Night Owl—and slipped down the hallway to the back rooms. He found the restrooms, a supply closet, and the manager’s office with no sign of Lacy. Opening another closed door, he found stairs to the roof. He began to shut it when he heard her.
Her voice floated down the stairwell like an angel. She was singing. Something beautiful. Something new—new to him anyway. He took the stairs two at a time and then paused to look out through the half-open door at the top. She was sitting on a rise just ahead of him, guitar in her lap. Lucky. LoveCoda always called her guitar Lucky. How surreal to realize the strums he heard every night came from that instrument he’d come to admire virtually.
How surreal that the woman he’d become so close to online was the woman he so adored.
He stayed at the door, listening to her song. Taking it in. Not wanting to interrupt. He savored each note that spun out of her mouth—was it a new song? She hadn’t played it on tour, and it was too good to have not been included in her set. Which meant she’d written something new. She’d broken through her block and this time finished a whole piece. He didn’t think he could be more filled before that moment, but he was, pride layering onto the incredible wealth of emotions bursting through him.
The chorus came around again, and he moved with the melody, burned with the words.
I’m going to lose you
Lose you inside of me
I’m going to break you
Remake you as part of me
It was incredible how it spoke exactly to the way he felt about her. He’d been so struck by this woman—so hit over the head with love. There were so many pieces of her he’d already accepted as part of himself. Things LoveCoda said, the way she encouraged him and bolstered him, the connection he saw in Lacy’s eyes, the way she clung to him when he buried himself inside of her. Both sides of the woman that he knew were completely inside of him. The song was perfect.
She was perfect.
When she finished, he let the last notes settle around him. Then he began to push the door open.
He was stopped by the sound of clapping.
Jax moved into his line of vision. “That was incredible, Lacypants. You were right—your music is good.”
Eli’s stomach dropped. So she shared her song with him. It doesn’t mean anything. She thinks he’s you.
Lacy met Jax’s applause with genuine astonishment. “Really? You really liked it?”
“Liked it? I loved it. I have a couple suggestions, of course. Like, you could cut the leading bridges. They’re kind of out of place. And then, you could layer the chorus with a choir.”
Screw Jax with a bagpipe; he was so ridiculously full of himself. The bridges weren’t out of place—they were a colorful contrast to the pattern of the verses. And the chorus was gorgeous in its starkness.
Eli would tell that to her as soon as he got a chance. Wouldn’t let her change a single thing.
Thankfully Lacy seemed reluctant to accept the notes. “Yeah, yeah. Some good ideas. I’ll keep them in mind.” But then she said, “I’m so glad you liked it though. Because … because it’s for you.”
Now it was Eli’s heart that dropped. Lacy had written a song … for Jax?
“For me?” Jax’s surprise echoed Eli’s.
But it was probably really for Folx. She wrote it for Folx whom she thought was Jax.
Except then Lacy lowered her gaze to her shoes, and said, “Yeah. I wrote it this morning. It’s about you and me. It’s about last night.”
Eli’s heart dropped further, if it were even possible. Last night—what had happened between them, exactly?
“I’m so glad last night meant as much to you as it did to me.”
Was there more than their night out on the town? After Eli had left the hallway, had Jax gone to her room?
“Oh, it did.”
They could have hooked up earlier even. Eli knew as well as anyone how unnecessary a bed was. How unnecessary night was.
“And that you inspired me … well, this is embarrassing, but I’ve been having trouble writing lately. But you’ve helped me break through that. In ways you can’t even imagine.”
That hurt Eli the worst. Because it didn’t even matter if Jax and Lacy had done the deed. He obviously meant something to her—meant something big. He’d done for her what Eli hadn’t been able to do. He’d inspired her. He’d helped her break free.
“I’m flattered. Thank you for letting me be your muse.”
Jax’s cockiness irked Eli to no end. But the emotional reaction it stirred in him was nothing compared to the one that followed when Jax took a step closer to the songbird, leaned down, and kissed her.
Eli immediately pulled the door back to its near closed position, unable to watch further, and leaned against the stairwell. He hadn’t watched long enough to figure out what kind of kiss it was—a first kiss, a muse’s kiss. A lover’s kiss. He couldn’t bear to see her lips pressed against another’s. How had he ever thought he could walk away from her? For brief seconds he fought the impulse to walk out, to interrupt the embrace, but that would only stop the moment. It wouldn’t stop the relationship.
There was one thing that would possibly stop the relationship—if he told Lacy that Jax wasn’t Folxnotdead27. And Eli wanted to tell her. Wanted to tell her more than anything, especially now.
But he knew deep in his gut that he wouldn’t. Even as he continued to debate it in his mind, his heart rate had already slowed to long mournful beats. She may have fallen for Jax believing he was the man she connected with online, but it was the man she’d spent last night with that had inspired her song. That was the man she needed. The man who made things happen. Not the one cowering in the sidelines. Not the one hiding in a stairwell.
Eli’s steps were heavy as he descended back to the bar. He’d been on a mission when he went in search for Lacy only a quarter of an hour before. How quickly his plans had changed. He still had things he had to say to her, but now they were very different things. He had words to say to LoveCoda as well. Both could wait a few hours though. Long enough for him to find his voice. Long enough for him to figure out the words to let them both go.
* * *
Lacy was in her blanket fort when her phone dinged. She ignored it. The blanket fort was a sacred place of creativity. She retreated further inside the warm, dark cave of hotel comforters.
A few moments later it dinged again. Unacceptable. She extended an
arm and groped for the offensive device. A flick of her finger turned the ringer off.
She pulled Lucky back onto her lap and resumed strumming. She pushed the pedal to start it looping with her left hand, and moved back to start some fingerpicking. Her eyes closed, and she sang a few bars. No, it should go up at the end. That sounded better.
It was absolutely amazing, how the words were flowing today. Not like a broken dam, just like a fast stream, clear enough to let her dip in and pull out just the right lyrics.
The bus ride to the hotel had been pretty solid too. Jax let her listen to a new singer-songwriter he’d discovered, and it had given her some cool ideas about how to arrange some of the lyrics she had dancing around in her head.
And best of all? Even though she was certain Jax had yet to make the connection between her and her alter ego, he’d sent her a message in the middle of the day. That was not the way they usually did it. Clearly, some of the darkness that had kept him wandering the streets instead of confiding in her online was dissipating. And it was her, Lacy Dawson, who had done it. Between the drinks, the dancing, and the unconditional understanding she’d offered him, she’d broken through. Things were going so well between them, she was tempted to reveal her true identity to him early.
Though that was equal reason not to tell him she was LoveCoda. She wouldn’t want to ruin their budding relationship with unnecessary details. She’d wait until Christmas Eve as planned.
In the meantime, the overwhelming sexual feelings she had for Eli would die naturally. She hoped.
Anyway, it didn’t really seem like Jax was lacking for orgasms. If he was occasionally guilty of dipping in the pool that was the Blue Hills groupies, he also certainly spent enough time alone and with his mirror. Lacy was pretty certain he spent more time satisfying himself than she did.
Then she’d sung him the song, the song she’d written after their connection. And she could see in his eyes that the connection was really mutual. She’d touched him in the same way he’d touched her. And remarkably, it was a pants-on type of touch, even though he’d ended it with a kiss. Who knew you could achieve that level of intimacy without fooling around?
Love Struck Page 22
