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“Sorry, Matt. It’s not your weekend for visitation, and it’s my right to take him. ”
I close the door behind us, and I content myself to look at his collection of toys that he parades before me. I can no longer hear their conversation clearly and for that, I’m glad. It’s painful hearing Matt have to beg on his son’s behalf, probably knowing he’ll never get anywhere with her.
After a few moments, Gabe’s door opens and Matt stands there. He looks resigned, sad, and pissed off all at the same time.
“Hey, little man,” he says quietly. “Let’s get your stuff together. Mom has important stuff she needs to do, and you’ll have to go with her. ”
Gabe immediately starts whining, not that I blame him at all. If I had to go with that bitch versus going to Coney Island, I’d whine too. “No, Daddy… I want to stay here with you. ”
My heart breaks… literally cracks right down the middle, particularly when I see the pain in Matt’s eyes. Kneeling down, he pulls Gabe into a hug. “I know. I want you to stay here, too. But go with Mommy, and I promise that we’ll go to Coney Island next weekend. Okay?”
Gabe grumbles a little but eventually nods his head. I watch while Matt packs his stuff up and leads Gabe back into the living room. Just before he leaves, he turns to me and hugs onto my leg. “Bye, Mac. See you next weekend. ”
I tell him goodbye while I stroke the top of his head, and then Matt leads him back into the living room. I wait a few moments until I hear the apartment door open and close, indicating Marissa is gone.
Seeking out Matt, I find him in the kitchen. He has both palms on the kitchen counter, and his head is hanging low.
“Are you okay?” I ask him hesitantly.
He raises his head, and his eyes are dark and bleak. His generous lips are now flattened in anger. “No, I’m not f**king okay,” he snarls, and his voice is filled with so much hatred and bitterness, I actually flinch. “How can I be okay after that?”
Clasping my hands in nervousness, I can only say, “I’m sorry. ”
He stares at me a long moment. He’s appraising me, looking deep to find something. I’m not sure what he’s seeking, but the desolate look in his eyes never lessens. Pushing away from the counter, he stalks up to me.
Slipping his hand into my hair and palming the back of my head, his voice is harsh and guttural. “Do you see, Mac?”
“See what?” I whisper.
“Do you see why I am the way I am?”
“Because of Marissa?”
“Yes… it’s all because of her. ”
Matt just stares at me, his eyes flicking between mine. His face is hard and unyielding. Gone is the humor and easy sensibility. My stomach drops when I realize that Matt hasn’t let go of his bitterness. But how could he… if he has to deal with that constantly from his ex-wife?
He may have opened up to me a bit, but when it boils down to it, he has his heart firmly protected.
Do I have the fortitude to break through those barriers? I think I might.
Bringing my hands up, I stroke his cheeks. Standing on my tiptoes, I bring my lips to his and press in. At first he doesn’t respond, so I slip my tongue out and lick at his lips. With a slight groan, he opens up and my tongue plunges in.
I feel desperate, because I see that Matt has the potential to slip away from me. I have a whole new appreciation for the efforts he has been taking to give me the relationship I wanted. He has been majorly damaged, and this is painful for him. His risk to open up and let me in is far greater than I had ever imagined or gave him credit for. It would be so easy for him to give up, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure he doesn’t.
“I need you,” I murmur as I pull slightly away from the kiss to caress my lips along his neck.
He groans again, my words fueling his desire. His hands pull and tear at my clothes, and mine do the same to him. The desperation with which we are clawing to get at each other is different for both of us. I don’t want to lose Matt, and I’m trying to get closer to him. Matt wants to forget what just happened with Marissa and lose himself in the haze of sex.
In a matter of seconds, Matt has me on the living room floor and he’s driving into me. His entry is painful and pleasurable all at once, but my body quickly accepts him because it knows him. It knows he belongs.
Matt takes me roughly, which is not unknown to me. We’ve had plenty of hot, rough, and fast sex before. It’s like the rush of a drug… or at least how I imagine it would be. If this is what he needs to purge Marissa’s actions from his mind, then I’ll give it to him.
Over and over again.
He drives me towards a blistering orgasm, and I’m still shuddering when he follows me with a quiet moan. My arms come around his back and pull him even tighter to me.
I wait for it…
For him to whisper my name in reverence like he always does.
But I’m met with nothing but silence.
Reparation Page 6
