A Place in the Sun
Page 16
“But she needs to know God’s not at all like what she thinks.”
“All in good time, Corrie,” said Pa. “God can’t be rushed in what he’s about with people. Look at me. Sometimes it takes a good long while for him to break through the outer layers people have got up all around them. And from what I know about Katie, I reckon she’s got a few for him to break.”
“That doesn’t sound too pleasant,” I said.
Rev. Rutledge went to stand next to Pa. A look of deep concern filled his face.
“Pleasantness isn’t always what the Lord is after, Corrie,” he said. “His purposes are beyond what someone feels—whether they’re happy or sad on a given day. He’s after hearts and lives he can get inside of and possess more than he’s after making a person happy.”
Almeda let out a sigh. “I think we need to pray for our dear Katie,” she said softly, then looked up at Pa.
He nodded, then sat down and immediately started to pray. I’d never heard Pa pray for another person like that. He seemed totally unconcerned about everybody else in the room listening. And everybody joined in silently, I could tell, even though only Pa and Almeda and Rev. Rutledge actually prayed out loud.
“Lord, we ask you to take care of Nick and Katie, and to calm Katie down so she can see how it really is with all of us.”
“Oh, yes, God,” Almeda went on. “And let her see how it is with our Father. Let her see that you love her, and that our lives are deeper and richer because we live them with you.”
A short silence followed, then the minister prayed.
“Heavenly Father, we join together in asking for your touch to be upon Nick and Katie and their small family—right now, even as we pray. Give Nick the words to say to soothe and comfort his dear wife. And we pray that in your own way and time, you would draw Katie and open her heart to the influences of your life and love.”
“Give us opportunities to show her that love, Lord,” added Almeda. “Let your Spirit flow out from us to her. Help Katie to know that we do love her.”
“Amen,” said Rev. Rutledge.
As the room fell silent, gradually some of the others began getting ready to go. The mood of the wonderful Christmas we’d spent together was broken, and no one seemed inclined to try to be jovial any longer.
Hermon Stansberry got up and slowly put on his coat. Little Wolf and Lame Pony got up also and gathered their hats and coats.
“I suppose we ought to be heading back to town as well,” said Rev. Rutledge, smiling toward Miss Stansberry. “But we will be in prayer for the situation here.”
“Thank you, Avery,” said Pa, shaking his hand. “And thanks for being part of our Christmas.”
“Thank you, Drummond,” rejoined Miss Stansberry.
“Oh, and we are so happy for the two of you!” added Almeda.
The minister and schoolteacher smiled. Almeda gave them each a big hug, and Pa led them to the door. In another few moments only our family was left inside, and everything was quiet. It had been a wonderful Christmas, but suddenly none of us felt very much of the Christmas spirit. Nobody said anything as we slowly gathered around the fire. Katie was weighing heavily on our hearts.
A few minutes later, Uncle Nick came back through the door.
“Well, I apologize to you all for what happened,” he said with a sigh, taking off his hat and plopping down in a chair.
“Think nothing of it, Nick,” said Pa. “It wasn’t your fault. Just one of those things.”
“I didn’t make it any better by trying to shush her up. I shoulda just kept my mouth shut. But it’s done now. I just wish I coulda said something to the others, though I did see the minister and Harriet outside.”
“I’ll go talk to Little Wolf and his father tomorrow if you’d like,” said Zack.
“Would you, boy?” said Uncle Nick. “I’d be obliged to you if you did. You give them my apologies. That’d mean a lot to me.”
“Sure, Uncle Nick.”
Uncle Nick sighed again. He was really looking sad and downcast, more than I’d ever seen him.
“It’s going to work itself right in the end, Nick,” said Almeda after a bit, reaching out and laying a hand on his arm. “This is often the way God works. The storm has to come to clear the sky, and the rain falls to bring life. God is at work in your wife, Nick.”
“I don’t know how you can figure that, Almeda. She hates any mention of God. Didn’t you hear what she said—she was sitting here stewing and fretting and getting more and more annoyed at all our talk.”
“Those are only surface reactions, Nick. Down inside, God’s Spirit is moving, making her think, and—I believe with all my heart—drawing her. The more people resist and argue against God, and the more they dislike hearing Christians talk about the way their lives are with God, the more they are actually being drawn by God. The resistance is a natural human tendency when we feel change in the wind blowing toward us.”
“Hmm, I reckon I see what you mean,” replied Uncle Nick slowly. “Though I can’t say as I could picture Katie ever having anything good to say about religion. She can’t stand any mention of it. I sure ain’t no religious kind of guy, but I got my beliefs like anyone else, though my father’d probably be surprised to hear me say so! But alongside Katie you’d think I was a preacher. Why, just last week she got mad ’cause I tried to teach little Erich to pray before we ate. It was just a harmless little prayer, but she wouldn’t have a bit of it.”
“Her time will come, Nick. Everyone’s time comes eventually. We all have to face God personally and decide what we’re going to do with him. I don’t think that time’s come yet for your wife. She sounds so much like I was before I gave my life to the Lord.”
“You?” said Uncle Nick, glancing over at Almeda with a surprised look on his face.
Almeda laughed. “You should have heard me back then! You wouldn’t have even known me. I was pretty bitter about God myself.”
“Bitter?” I said. I couldn’t imagine Almeda being bitter about anything.
“I had plenty to be bitter about—in my thinking, at least. My life hadn’t been easy, and I took it out on God. So I know what Katie’s going through.”
“That’s what I asked before,” I said. “Don’t you think it would help Katie if she knew that?”
“And your father’s answer shows what a wise man he is, Corrie,” replied Almeda with an affectionate smile. “It’s all about time, Corrie—God’s time. God wants every single person to know about him. But he’s got to get a person ready so that he can hear the good news properly when that time does come. Some people’s ears are so plugged up with wrong and distorted notions about God that even if Jesus himself were to appear to them and tell them about his Father, they still wouldn’t hear, wouldn’t be able to receive it. They would hear the words, but their minds and hearts would be so mixed up they might turn and walk away from the very Giver of Life himself.”
“I know that’s right,” said Uncle Nick, “’cause I was like that when I was young. Such a fool hothead I was! And now things are making more sense to me than they ever did, things I recollect my father telling me, and my Ma, things I learned in church. But I don’t understand why it’s gotta be that way. Is it just growing older?”
Almeda glanced in Pa’s direction, seeing if he wanted to reply.
“Don’t look at me, woman,” he said laughing. “I’m still too new at this myself to know what to tell him. You’re the philosopher here. You’ve been at this Christian life longer than any of the rest of us. So since Avery’s on his way back to town with his wife-to-be, I reckon you’re the most qualified. You just speak on!”
Almeda laughed.
“You married a long-winded woman, is that what you’re trying to say, Drummond Hollister? Who, if she can’t be a politician, will keep on being a woman-preacher!”
“You said it, not me!”
We all laughed, and it felt good after the tension and uneasiness following Katie’s outburst.
“Growing older’s part of it, Nick,” she said after a moment. “But not the most important part. Circumstances have a great deal to do with it. Through circumstances God gets us to a place where we’re ready to listen and really hear his voice. You see, we hear with our hearts, not our ears. And our hearts have to be ready. It’s exactly what Drummond said when you were gone with Katie. It takes a long time for God to break through the outer layers so he can get inside us. He uses the events of our lives to break down the layers of our resistance. Then, when the time is right, he comes and shows himself. If we have been listening and paying attention, and if our heart is open at that time, then we are able to receive his love, and say yes to him.”
“Like you and me chasing around the country, getting into trouble, making fools of ourselves,” said Pa. “Who knows but that God was using all that to get us ready for this time now when we’re listening to him a mite better than back then.”
“Sometimes it takes a crisis, a real moment of heartbreak, before our inner ears—our hearts I should say—are unplugged enough to hear God’s voice. For you, Drummond, I suppose it was that moment when you learned your wife was dead and you were standing staring at your five children. Suddenly all you’d run away from came back upon you in an instant.”
“You’re right there,” said Pa. He had a faraway, thoughtful gaze in his eyes. “All the layers of toughness I had tried to surround myself with all those years just started to break and crumble away in that moment.”
“So that God’s life could begin to come in,” added Almeda. “Do you see what I mean, Nick? Circumstances. For Corrie,” she went on, glancing at me with a smile, “there was her mother dying in the desert and her feeling of aloneness. Out of that pain, God was able to enter into her life in a greater way.”
“What about me? There ain’t been no great big thing like that for me. You saying I’ve still gotta face some awful thing before God’s gonna be able to do anything with me?”
“Not at all. It doesn’t work that way for everyone. God can also come into lives slowly, a little at a time. The more a person listens to him, the more he or she becomes open to God’s influences. It’s different with everyone. But sometimes it takes a crisis, some major change in outward circumstances, to open a person’s heart to be able to listen. And judging from Katie’s agitation and hostility right now toward spiritual things, I have the feeling God is speaking more and more loudly to her. I hope she will listen. I hope and pray she doesn’t have to be broken by circumstances any more than she already has been. But I do have the sense that God is speaking to her and that she is trying to resist.”
“Well I hope it don’t take too long for him to get through,” sighed Uncle Nick. “I don’t know how much more I can take of her being so irritable.”
“Have patience. Besides, she’s carrying your child.”
“I know, and I do all I can for her. But sometimes she can be the most ornery woman!”
Almeda laughed softly, then became very thoughtful. “I will talk to her, Nick. I’ve been praying for an opportunity. Perhaps this is it.”
“I’d be mighty obliged, Almeda,” said Nick.
“All in God’s time. You just join me in prayer for the right opportunity.”
Chapter 34
Praying for Katie
We didn’t see Katie or Uncle Nick much the whole week after Christmas. Katie kept to herself in their house up across the creek. No more was said by anyone about what had happened, but it was obvious she was avoiding us. From Uncle Nick’s behavior it was clear he still felt mighty bad about what had happened. And from the look on his face it didn’t seem that things were so well between him and Katie either. He’d walk down to our place most evenings, and although he didn’t say much, his face said plenty. He loved Katie, I could tell that, but when she got in one of her moods, he didn’t know how to help. Eventually it started to bother him that she wouldn’t pay any attention to what he tried to say or do. And of course none of the rest of us were too anxious to get involved. Katie had made it plenty clear what she thought.
After a week and a half, one afternoon Almeda finally said, “Well, it’s been long enough. I’m going up to see Katie. If she’s not ready to see me yet, she ought to be. This isn’t doing anybody any good.”
She packed up some food, asked Becky to carry it up for her, and took a small pot of soup she’d made. The two of them headed for the bridge. We’d been sending things up with Nick, but this was the first visit any of us had paid in person. They were back about in about fifteen minutes. Almeda’s face wore a smile.
“How is she?” I asked.
“The same,” she answered. “Sullen, quiet. I didn’t get a single smile and hardly two words out of her. But it’s an open door, Corrie. Before long, when the time is right, I’m going to sit her down and have a long talk with her. And by then I think she’ll be ready to listen.”
“With the heart?” I said with a smile, recalling our conversation of the other evening.
“Yes,” she smiled back in return. “Katie’s heart is nearer the surface than she lets on. I saw something in her today, Corrie, for the first time since I’ve known her—hunger. Something in her eyes tells me she knows she isn’t as self-sufficient as she wants everybody to think. She is being broken and made ready. I can see it! It’s exciting. The Lord is tilling her soil, making her ready for the moment when he comes to her and says, ‘Katie, it’s time to let me in.’”
“But what about everything she said about God?” asked Becky, who was still standing beside Almeda. “She said she hates it when anybody even mentions him.”
“Oh, but Becky, that’s the best part of all!” replied Almeda. “The closer the Lord gets to a person’s heart, sometimes the more that person resists and shouts and complains. That can take many forms, like Katie’s outburst the other night. It’s just a sign that God is getting ready to take hold of her heart. It’s a sign that circumstances are pressing in closer and closer around her, that thoughts and ideas about God are on her mind, that she is watching and observing all the rest of us, seeing the part God plays in our lives. You see, Katie is aware of all that, aware that we are trying to live in a certain way. She says she hates it because way down deep inside she actually wants God living with her too. She wants him but she doesn’t want him at the same time.”
“How can that be?” said Emily, joining the discussion. The two boys were off with Pa at the mine, and it was special, just the three of us girls talking with Almeda.
“The human heart is a complicated thing, Emily,” said Almeda with a smile. “It finds no difficulty at all in wanting and not wanting the same thing at once. That is especially true of a woman!
She chuckled, obviously thinking something to herself, then laughed outright. “If you doubt that, girls, just ask your Pa!” she said, still laughing. Gradually she got serious again, and then went on.
“It’s also especially true in spiritual things, because just like love, our spiritual beings live in our hearts, not our heads. We both want God and don’t want him. He created us to need him, to hunger for him. Life can never be complete unless we are living in a relationship with God. That’s the only way we can be fulfilled as human beings. The only way. But at the same time, we’ve all got a stubborn streak. And that part of us wants to keep hold of our independence. We want to think we don’t need anyone—God included. We want to think we’re self-sufficient and strong.
“That’s the great conflict down inside all of us—every man or woman, every boy or girl—until the time comes in our lives when we realize we need to walk with God, not independently from him. It’s just like the minister was saying about horses and wagons. And I think Katie’s time is coming, and so the independent part of her is fighting and resisting and complaining and yelling inside.”
“Inside and outside,” added Becky.
We all laughed.
“Yes
, Becky,” said Almeda. “But it’s not any of us she’s angry at. She’s not really even angry at God. It’s just her independence fighting to keep control, while all the time her Father in heaven is drawing her heart closer and closer to his, so that he can pour out his love to her and give her his life.”
“But what if she doesn’t want his life, doesn’t want to be a Christian?” asked Emily.
“Then God may keep bringing circumstances to her that are harder and more painful, until one day she finally comes to the point of realizing happiness and freedom and contentment are not qualities she can have without him.”
“So it’s just a matter of time?” I asked.
Almeda shook her head. “Maybe. But God never forces people to accept him. Katie still has a choice—we must pray that she chooses to accept God instead of rejecting him.”
We were all silent again, thinking about Almeda’s words.
“Can we pray for her now?” said Becky.
“I think that’s a wonderful idea.”
We all bowed our heads and closed our eyes, and softly we prayed for Uncle Nick’s wife. Almeda prayed for an opportunity to speak with her, the rest of us prayed that she would be open to God’s voice and that we’d have chances to do things for her and show her how much we cared about her.
Praying with other people you love always makes you feel closer to them—especially when you are joining together to pray for someone else you love just as much. The rest of the day I found myself thinking about people praying together. I wondered if that was one of the reasons Jesus told us to pray in groups of two or three. In addition to the answers to the prayers, maybe praying itself brings those two or three people closer together.
Our prayers did get answered, although we sure couldn’t have seen ahead of time how it was going to happen. It’s a good thing Almeda told us about God sometimes using painful circumstances. That way, when the time came, at least we were a little more prepared for it.