I ignored Jude and went back to glaring at Trent. I was embarrassed by his behavior and I knew I’d have a lot of explaining to do, because Jude would want to know what was going on between Trent and I. I’d do my best to avoid that conversation for as long as possible. I didn’t want to go into details with Jude about my past with Trenton.
“And you’re the one that acts like you hate me, then I kiss you, and it’s obvious you do want me,” Trent countered, referring to the night after we shopped for groceries. “You can keep denying this as long as you want, but as long as your body continues reacting to me, I’ll keep coming back.”
“You kissed him?” Jude asked, dipping three fries in ranch. Of course, out of all of that the only part Jude noticed included kissing.
“He kissed me,” I argued, glaring daggers at the two guys. “And it hardly was a kiss at all.”
“Whatever you need to tell yourself to feel better,” Trent smirked in my direction. “Can I have some of those?” He asked Jude, pointing to the fries.
“Sure, as long as you promise not to kill me and cut me up into tiny pieces,” Jude shrugged, sliding the plate closer to where Trent and I sat. I guessed they were best friends forever now thanks to the magical bond of cheese fries. “Now, tell me about this kiss,” Jude probed Trent for answers.
“There’s nothing to tell,” I spoke up before Trent could open his big fat mouth.
“It was a simple kiss goodnight,” Trent shrugged, taking a fry as he talked over me.
“You naughty girl. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Jude winked.
“Why would I tell you?” I muttered under my breath. “You’re a guy. Besides, it wasn’t worth talking about.”
“Burn,” Jude coughed, eyeing Trent warily in case he decided to jump across the table and strangle him.
“Well, then,” Trenton turned to face me, a challenge glimmering in his blue eyes, “I guess I’ll have to give you something to talk about then.”
“Huh?”
In a lightning fast move, he grabbed my face between his large hands and pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was demanding and forceful, but somehow still passionate. It was the kind of combination that left your world spinning. I found my traitorous body responding to the feel of his tongue against my lips. I felt insecure and unsure what to do. I hadn’t been with anyone since Trenton and that had been five years ago, so I was clearly out of practice. I found that my body seemed to know what to do though, despite my lack of knowledge. I grasped his sweatshirt between my fingers, curling the fabric into my fist. His tongue flicked against mine and a soft moan escaped me. My mind had gone completely blank and all I could do was feel. My lips followed his in a passionate dance.
Cold water flicked against my face and I pulled away from Trent. We both wiped our faces and looked in the direction the water had come from. Jude sat there grinning, wiping his hands on a napkin. “Y’all looked like you needed a cold shower. Seeing as how we’re a little low on showers at the moment,” he looked around the restaurant, “I thought this would suffice,” he pointed to his glass of water.
My cheeks flamed. I couldn’t believe I’d just let Trent kiss me like we were making a porno in the middle of a restaurant.
I pushed Trent’s shoulders and he looked down at me. “What?”
“Get out,” I pushed him harder.
“I’m not leaving.” He refused to budge and he wasn’t a little guy, so I was making no headway with my efforts to dump him on the floor.
“I need to go to the bathroom.”
That got him to move. As soon as I was free, I ran to the bathrooms. I didn’t want either of them to see me upset.
I turned the water on, lightly splashing my face. I counted to ten in my head—but it did nothing to calm me down. Trenton was the only person that had the ability to mess with my emotions. Normally, I was calm, cool, and collected. Trenton Wentworth turned me into some weepy, weak, little girl. I prided myself on being strong and not needing anyone. But being around Trent made me question what it would be like to have someone. Well, not someone. The only person I could ever see myself with was Trent. I knew it would be unfair to let myself be with him, even if it was only for a little while. Once upon a time he’d told me he loved me, and I knew I could never return that emotion. The only people I loved were Tristan and Ivy. I knew they’d never leave me, but Trent? He would, eventually. Like all other guys, he’d get bored and move onto another plaything. I couldn’t allow myself to get attached.
Oh, who was I kidding? I was already attached. I’d belonged to Trenton since I was sixteen years old.
The bathroom door creaked open and I looked up. In the mirror my eyes connected with Trent’s. My heart raced in my chest, thumping harshly against my ribcage. I didn’t want to, but I did care about him. Maybe it was some silly teenage crush still lingering, or maybe it was just Trent, but I knew if he kept hanging around I wouldn’t be able to ignore the temptation. He was dangerous for me, like a sweet intoxicating drug, and I was too dumb to tell him to leave—not that it would work anyway.
I was sick and tired of fighting my primal desire to own him. I was done denying myself what I wanted, and oh how I wanted Trent. For so long, I’d put everyone else before me, and wasn’t it time I did something that I wanted?
I licked my lips, my breath echoing against the tile walls. Neither of us said anything. We simply stared, chests heaving, waiting for the other to make the first move.
I swallowed thickly and forced myself to turn around and face him.
My eyes connected with his once more and butterflies took up residence in my stomach. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I cleared my throat and tried again, knowing these very words could change my life.
“I want you.”
His eyes flashed with desire and he stalked towards me. I found myself backed against the bathroom counter. He grasped my hips in his large hands and stared down at me. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.”
One hand stayed planted on my hip, while the other tangled in my hair, pulling my face towards his. His lips were against mine again for the second time in a matter of minutes. But this was nothing like the kiss we’d previously shared. While that one had been hot and demanding as he tried to prove a point, this one was a slow boil, simmering in my veins. I found my legs wrapping around his waist and suddenly my back was pressed against the tiled wall and my fingers were wrapped around the silky strands of his dark hair. His tongue twined with mine in a sensual duet. He groaned low in his throat and the sound sent a shiver down my spine. My legs wrapped tighter around his waist and his arousal pressed against me. Holy shit.
He nipped at my bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth and letting it go with a pop. I swore my temperature had risen ten degrees. Sweat broke out across my skin from the heat we were creating.
He dotted kisses down my neck and back up, latching his lips onto mine. I knew I wasn’t just being kissed—I was being devoured—and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying it.
Being kissed like this was an all-consuming thing. I couldn’t think about anything except the feel of his lips on mine and his body pressed against me.
He broke away, panting, and rested his head against the curve of my neck. He stayed where he was, holding me against the wall, with my legs still around his waist.
“Fuck,” he breathed.
“Why’d you stop?” I panted, my fingers curling into his hair.
He pulled his head away from my neck to look at me. “I think it’s pretty obvious that I want you,” he pressed his hips into me and I gasped, “but not here and not like this. You deserve better than a public restroom and I…” He swallowed thickly, his eyes briefly closing. “I deserve to know that you do actually want this. I won’t be able to handle it if you tell me you do and the next day you’re back to ignoring me.”
It hit me then that Trent was actually a pretty sensitive guy. What I had done to
him—what I’d been doing—had hurt him. But I’d been hurt too and my heart was shattered beyond repair. I wanted him, though. That much was true. However, I didn’t think I could give myself to him completely. I had to hope that what I had to offer would be enough for both of us—for now at least, because I knew Trent would eventually find someone better suited for him than me. Besides, I’d never be able to let him in all the way. I couldn’t tell him everything. It was wrong of me to want him for whatever time we could have. We’d both be better off if I spoke up and told him that I couldn’t do this—that I had lied and I didn’t want him. But I couldn’t make myself form those words. Instead, “I do. I want this. I want you,” came tumbling out of my mouth. A huge grin lifted his lips and he kissed me again.
Dread began to fill my stomach. I knew I’d just signed our death sentence, because there was no way my secrets would ever be able to stay buried, and when they surfaced we’d explode like a supernova. After that, it would be the end of Trent and me. No banter, no running from him, no kissing, no nothing, because I would never see him again. He’d remove himself from my life and it would all be over. Despite what I tried to tell myself, I did enjoy Trent’s random popups. Seeing him made me feel alive when I was dead inside. Without those brief moments of aliveness I’d become nothing. I was already nothing, but I’d cease to exist all together.
It was too late though.
I couldn’t take back my words.
I had sealed our fate and all I could do was enjoy this exhilarating ride until it came to an explosive end.
chapter six
The library door clicked closed behind me. It was late and I knew Tristan and Ivy were starving. I needed to get home and make them dinner. I hoped they both had their homework done so I wouldn’t have to bother with that.
I started down the steps when a dark shadow to my right caught my eye.
I was starting to get scared when the person stepped fully into my line of sight. “Jesus, Trent!” I put a hand to my racing heart. “What are you doing creeping around here at night?”
He bit his lip, his hands shoved into the pockets of his coat. His breath formed foggy clouds in the cold air. “I’m sorry for showing up here like this…although I’d think you’d be used to it by now,” he chuckled, biting his plump bottom lip as he eyed me bashfully. “I needed to see you though.”
“You saw me at the restaurant,” I remarked. I was still shocked that I told him that I wanted him. When we’d returned to the table he’d worn a proud smile and been the happiest I’d seen him in a long time. I still wasn’t sure if it was the best idea to explore whatever this was between us. I felt we’d both end up hurt in the end.
“I needed to see you again,” he repeated, taking a deep breath as his eyes briefly closed.
“Are you okay?” I questioned, my gaze carefully sliding over his body to make sure he wasn’t harmed. “Has something happened?”
“Everything is fine,” he assured me. “I needed…I needed to see you before I went to bed. I have to make sure you’re okay with this…whatever this is,” he ran his fingers through his hair. “I won’t be able to handle it if I wake up tomorrow and you’re back to pretending I don’t exist. I’ve waited five years for you to come back around. I can’t…” He stopped, gritting his teeth like he was unsure if he wanted to continue with what he had to say. “I can’t handle it if all you’re doing is messing with me.”
“Trenton…I…I don’t pretend to know everything and I certainly have no idea where we might be headed,” I swallowed, “but I’m yours.”
His blue eyes flared brightly at my words.
I don’t think he understood how much he owned me. Even at sixteen years old he’d ruined me for anyone else. He was all I knew and all I wanted. No one else could ever compare. I’d been through a lot over the years, and even then I’d known I wasn’t worthy of his love. I could never say the words back to him. I didn’t know what it was to love someone that wasn’t family. Regardless, that didn’t stop my attraction. Although, many times I’d wished it had. Even after our night in the tent, when I’d started ignoring him, every time I saw him I’d been attacked by a major case of the butterflies. Over the years that feeling never went away. Trenton was the only man that was able to tempt me. He was like an intoxicating drug that I couldn’t get enough of. I tried to stay away from him—because he might not know it, but we were bad for each other—but like any addict, I could only stay on the bandwagon so long. I was done being good. I wanted what I wanted, and that was Trent. He obviously wanted me too, so why deny myself anymore? It would end, I knew that, but at least I’d have experienced what it was truly like to be with Trent, and I’d be able to look back at those memories with fondness.
“Say it again,” he breathed, reaching up to run his thumb over my bottom lip.
“I’m yours,” I whispered. For now and forever. “I’m done running. I’m done fighting what I feel,” I spoke passionately. “I’m doing this for me.”
“And what is this, Row?” Trent asked huskily, leaning so close to me that if I moved an inch my lips would be on his. “What are we?”
“I-I don’t know,” I answered honestly, “why does it need a definition? Why can’t we just be…us?”
“Just us,” he mused. “I like the sound of that,” he grinned crookedly.
I liked the sound of it too—almost too much, but I wasn’t telling him that.
“As much as I’d like to stand here and chat, I’ve really got to go,” I told him, already walking away.
He was quick to catch up to me, falling into step beside me. “We can walk and talk.”
“What do you want to talk about?” I adjusted the strap of my purse on my shoulder.
“How about we figure out where we’re going on our first official date?” He suggested, jogging in front of me and turning around to face me as he walked backwards.
“Surprise me,” I rolled my eyes as he began to balance on the edge of the sidewalk.
“Hmm,” he did a little hop, coming back to my side and throwing an arm over my shoulders, “I do love surprises. Whatever will I come up with?”
“Nothing too crazy, please?” I begged. “And don’t drag me to another state. I do have to be home.”
“I think I can come up with something in those parameters,” he chuckled, reaching for my hand.
I skidded out of the way and pretended to be messing with my hair.
Trenton raised a brow in puzzlement. “You don’t want me to hold your hand,” he stated.
I swallowed thickly and nodded. There was no sense in denying it. I found there to be something oddly intimate about holding a person’s hand, you were connected, twined together…and that scared me.
“Why?” He questioned.
“I don’t know,” I lied, starting forward. The parking lot was in sight and I could make my escape from this uncomfortable conversation. “I just don’t.”
“Oookay,” Trent drew out the word, his legs carrying him quickly back to my side, “no hand-holding. I’m still allowed to kiss you though, right?”
“Since when do you ask for permission?” I sighed, stopping beside my car.
“Good point,” he whispered gruffly, stepping so close to me that our bodies lined up. He cupped the nape of my neck in one of his large hands and drew my face towards his. “This is me not asking for permission.”
My eyes closed at the first touch of his soft lips. My body melted against him and I grasped his forearms for support. I had always prided myself on having little to no reaction to the things surrounding me, I was closed off and proud of it, but Trent managed to make me feel. He barreled right through the cinderblock walls I’d built around myself. He’d never get my heart, that was too well guarded, but I knew he’d try.
I forced myself to stop thinking so much and enjoy the feel of being in his arms. He backed me up against the car, towering above me. I wasn’t short, but in Trenton’s arms I felt small and dainty. His strong arms wrappe
d around me, protecting me from the cool wind.
I kissed him back with fervor. If I was doing this, whatever this was, I was certainly going to enjoy myself.
My skin began to feel heated and I forced myself to pull away. He rested his forehead against mine and we both breathed like we’d run a marathon. “I really have to go,” I told him reluctantly. For a moment, while he’d been kissing me, I’d forgotten everything I was. I’d just been a girl—Rowan Sinclair. I didn’t have all these strings tying me down. The moment his lips lifted from mine though, reality came crashing back down. I wasn’t a normal girl. I couldn’t hang out with friends and spend time with my boyfriend—if you could even call Trent my boyfriend. I had children depending on me and a future to think about. I hated it. I wanted nothing more than to stay here in his arms in this warm bubble he’d created, but I couldn’t.
“Not yet,” he breathed. “Please, not yet.”
“I have to,” I stared up at his handsome face.
He nodded and took a step back. “What are your plans for tomorrow?”
“Uh…” I paused, thinking. The kids were home from school and I had to work in the evening, so I had been planning to spend time with them. “I’m busy.”
“What about the next day?”
“That’s Thanksgiving,” I sighed. This thing between us, it was going to be impossible. I could see that, and yet I wasn’t leaving, or telling him that it wouldn’t work out. Clearly, there was something wrong with me. I think maybe I was becoming a masochist.
“Friday, then?”
I bit my lip, thinking it over. I didn’t have anything I had to do, but I’d have to find someone to watch the kids—I wasn’t leaving them alone with my drunk mother.
“Friday should work,” I nodded.
Trent brightened. “I guess I better come up with something to wow you then.”
“I don’t need to be wowed,” I shook my head.
“Yes,” he cupped my cheek, “you do.” He slowly backed away from me, his eyes never wavering from mine. “Friday.” He stated. “Don’t even think of backing out on me. I’ll hunt you down if you do,” he winked, smiling in jest.
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