by C A A Allen
“If you fail in acquiring the item today,” the man continued, “it will not return for another twenty moons. You can take two party members in with you.” He flips the hourglass.
Biff steps into the entryway and points inside. “It’s all in the smell. Bonnacons have a unique fragrance. It will help guide you to the animal. Follow your nose.”
William raises his hand. “I can help you find him.”
“Aaa-Aaa-Aaa-Choo.” Salo drops to a knee. “Aagh.” He clears tears from his eyes, sniffs, and rubs his nose. “So irritating. I won’t be any good at tracking such an animal.”
I turn to the wrinkle-faced man and shake a finger at the hourglass. “What do you mean the entrance will seal?”
Bella lights a torch and steps into the corridor. “Like sands through the hourglass, slackers. Come on. We’ll be back before the sand runs out, if we act fast.”
“Let’s go then.” I lead Bella and William down the hall to a four-way intersection. Each of the three paths lead into complete darkness.
Bella sniffs hard down each corridor. “All four smell like a dank old dungeon.” Her torch illuminates the few feet of ground ahead of us.
I peer down the forward hall. “We’re not at the map point yet. Let’s continue straight down.” I wave the team on and break into a jog. Bella keeps pace with me holding the torch, so we can keep our footing.
We continue until the corridor turns right, then left, then right again to a two-way split. I mutter the turns to myself so that we don’t get lost on our way back.
Bella sniffs to the right, then to the left, gags and coughs. “Something smells like dog crap to the left.”
I sample the air and pinch my nose. “Oh, that’s awful. Left has got to be the way.”
“WTF, Mayne.” William nods with a scrunched nose. “Left is absolutely the one.”
We follow the foul air, passing several fresher smelling outlets. At the end of the hall, we turn right, then left down to another four-way intersection.
Bella takes a step down each of our three options then steps back. “They all smell equally of sour ass.”
“Let me take a whiff.” I take a step down the left hall and my boot slides across a wet clay-like substance. A putrid ammonia-like smell rises from it, hitting my nose with a noxious penetrating burn. “What is this stuff?”
Bella holds the torch down and turns her head. “Oh, my damn.”
My boot is covered in brownish green goo. “I think I stepped in a pile of Bonnacon dookey.” I kick and drag my boot against the wall and floor. Chunks of the gunk scrape off in a smear. I pinch my nose and bend down to get a closer look. “Hey guys, it looks like Bonnacons eat corn. Look.”
But the Bonnacon gets the last laugh. The sole of my boot starts turning red-hot. It pops, bubbles, and puffs white smoke. “Um, ouch, it’s burning now.” I stomp my foot down several times and flip my boot off down the hall. Thankfully, I’m wearing the normal boots I entered the game with, not the Bombardment Boots, which are in my pack for safe-keeping. “I guess Bonnacon’s have acid doo-doo.”
William fans his nose. “I can’t believe you stepped in it.”
“Wow, Riff,” Bella says. “The smell is really coming out.” She steps around me and continues down the hall. “At least we know we’re on the right path.”
I follow behind Bella and William to the end of the hall, leaving my contaminated boot behind and walking with one socked foot. Soon, the corridor makes a sharp right into a basketball court-sized cave lined with lit wall torches. We freeze at the entrance.
A giant bull, with reddish fur shading to black, stares at us down from the middle of the chamber. It blows black smoke from snotty nostrils and lowers its head our direction.
“Hello, Paeonia,” I mumble. This thing is twice as big as any bison I have ever seen. I pull out my dagger. “You two attack him on the right. I will slide by on the left and try to slice off the barrel. Take slow steps forward and go hard on the count of three. One. Two.”
CLANK! A thick wooden panel drops down behind us, blocking the entrance we just came through.
William sprints back to the panel and runs a finger along it edge. “WTF, Mayne. We’re trapped in here with this monster.”
Paeonia grunts, grinds its hooves into the gravel, and shakes its mane.
A rock wall slides open at the other end of the room, revealing a dark hallway.
“Aha, there’s our exit,” I say, adjusting my sock foot on the gravel. “Once I secure the barrel, we all run for that hallway. Okay, here we go, on the count of three. One.”
The animal turns around in a wobbly motion, lowers its front legs and lifts its short black tail in our direction.
William peers over his shield and nods. “It is submitting to our superior strength. Go get the barrel, Riff.”
The Bonnacon grunts and sways its rear from side to side.
Bella grips the haft of her flail and drops to a knee. “Are you sure that’s a position of submission?”
“Gaaaroooo.” The animal machine gun fires steaming brown baseball sized dung balls at us.
Bella and William dart to the right and run toward the beast. “You missed me,” Bella jukes, then sprints to the right. “Fire this way.”
William raises his shield just in time for it to get splattered with several acid feces balls. They ignite and explode in a fiery dung spray upon impact. He runs behind Bella. “Over here you whiffy beast.”
“Go, Riff,” Bella says. “We’ll take the fire.”
With Paeonia distracted, I sprint to the animal’s left side. It’s more of a stumble as my boot grips and my sock slips in the gravel, sending rock spikes into my sole. I compensate for the weakness and launch myself toward the Bonnacon with my booted foot. I slash down on the barrel’s leather collar. It comes away, drops to the ground, and breaks into pieces revealing a slick, grained, timber sheath.
That’s it. I reach down and clutch the item just as Paeonia’s rear hooves collide with my chest. I soar backward and tumble end over end to the rear of the room.
Bella and William slide into position at each of my shoulders and lift me up by the arms.
“You got the sheath.” Bella says. “Nice.”
I stuff the sheath in my belt, shake my head, and pat down my chest. “I think I took some damage,” I gasp. “It’s hard to breath.”
Paeonia whips around in circles, lowers its front legs, and once again tilts its rear our direction.
“WTF, Mayne.” William holds his shield forward. “That sheath is no good to us if we don’t get out of here alive. The animal is blocking our only way out with its stinking arse.”
A cloud of black smoke bellows out of the animal’s anus creating a fast approaching wall of fog.
William raises his shield up just below his eyes. “What’s this now?”
I’m the fighter here. I have to take this monster down, broken ribs or not. I run into the fog with a raised sword.
“Stop, Riff!” screams Bella.
I spill to my knees as the smoke burns my lungs and eyes.
William runs in and drags me backward behind the approaching smoke line. “Bad move. I could have told you that smoke was deadly.”
“I think I got something for this,” Bella says, twirling a finger and thrusting it ahead. “Patet in dregs aer.”
A bolt of electricity cracks out of her finger and strikes the black cloud. The smoke flashes a blinding white, then collapses in on itself leaving the room clear of everything but Paeonia and his rear end.
“It worked.” Bella says, sounding satisfied.
“Gaaaroooo.” The Bonnacon looks back, shakes its mane, and again sprays a barrage of hot dookie balls.
“WTF, Mayne, I’m done.” William snatches the Keris’ sheath from my belt, runs to the wooden panel, and begins to lift it up from the bottom edge.
“Hey.” I take a step after him but stop to dodge flying dung. “William stole the sheath,” I tell Bella, just as she ge
ts tagged in the leg with a cantaloupe-sized line drive and spins down to the ground. She lifts her head. “He’s trying to slide under the door!” she yells. “Stop him.”
William strains but only manages to lift the door a few inches.
The Bonnacon bolts past me full speed and rams its bludgeoning head into William’s back.
“Aaahhhh.” William instantly gets flattened against the wall panel like a strawberry-covered pancake.
A PARTY MEMBER HAS BEEN KILLED!
NAME: William Thomas Flukermayne III… DEAD
The beast shakes its head and staggers backward in a zigzag pattern.
“William got smashed.” One look at his body and my stomach lurches.
“Gaa-ar-ooo.” Paeonia dips its head and grunts.
No time to mourn backstabbing party members. I have to kill this beast before it regains its senses and flattens me too. I run as fast as I can, ignoring the pain in my ribs and the bruises forming on my socked foot. I jump and drop the executioner’s notch of my sword down on the beast’s neck, cutting a few inches deep. That won’t do. I raise the sword once more and drop it down with all the force I can muster. It cuts a fourth of the way through and blood gushes everywhere. The beast flops to the ground, then shakily raises its hind legs.
“No you don’t.” Bella steps up, swings the spiked ball of her flail around in a circle and smashes it down on the top of Paeonia’s head. The animal flattens out with a thud. “Gaaahh.” She leverages a boot on the beast’s head, yanks the spiked ball out, spins around, swings, and crashes the ball down again in the same spot.
Woah, Bella isn’t playing.
“And that would be a kill shot,” I say. “We got him, girl. His stank ass is dead now.” Just like our thief.
I pry the Keris sheath from William’s bloody hand, trying to ignore the splatter of guts on the wall. “RIP, Mayne.”
The wood panel that closed on our entrance earlier slowly cranks upward.
The Bonnacon Paeonia has been killed! For killing the monster each survivor earned 1500 experience points.
YOU MADE THE NEXT LEVEL! Max hit points increased to 45. Strength +2, Intelligence +1, Wisdom +1, and Luck +1 increased! Total Abilities now 60.
You were hit for 5 damage. Status: 17/45
“I just made level four.” I focus on the message for confirmation. “Paeonia was packing hella hit points. Did you level, too?”
Bella yanks William’s staff and sword away from his body and slides them into her belt. “No, but I must be close now.” She straps William’s shield to her back, pulls a small sack from his pocket and sits on the ground with a raised knee. “I took some damage. It burns.” A three-inch scrape runs across her calf.
I run water from my drinking skin over the wound, then tie a torn strip of my tunic around it as a bandage. “How many hit points did this set you back?”
“I’m good.” She stands with a slight wince. I offer her a hand for support, but she shoves it away. “We have less than five minutes until the sands run out.”
Several sharp snaps and a booming crash ring out from the opening across the room.
“Something’s coming.” I take Bella’s hand and we hurry to leave the way we came. I look back one last time to see a flood of steaming chunky brown sludge flowing into the room from the rock entrance across the way. “Just what we were hoping for—a wave of weird hot lava.” That must be the clarifying flush.
Bella covers her nose. “That’s not hot lava.” She snatches a torch from the wall and tugs on my tunic. “The flow is not slowing. Let’s move. And watch your step.” She jogs down the corridor.
I follow Bella’s lead. She takes each turn with precision remembering our route out with ease. We hit the final turn and see light at the end of the tunnel. Salo, Biff, Hans, and the old man are yelling and waving for us to hurry.
Just as we exit the tunnel, a stone wall drops down behind us.
I turn to Bella and try to catch my breath. “We made it.”
The old man holds up the hourglass and watches the last few grains of sand run out. He then presses an ear up to the stone wall. “Let’s see.” He jerks his head away. “From the sound of the splash, you might have had a few seconds to spare.”
I slow my breathing and hold my chest to ease the tightness. “That smoke and hoof kick got my chest all messed up.”
Bella stairs at me with wide eyes. “How many hit points did you get set you back? Do you need a heal?”
I take a few deep breaths and rub my eyes. “I only got hit for five. I’m sure I will be all right.”
Hans points to my feet. “You forgot a shoe. And where’s our other party member? I hope you didn’t leave him in that giant flushing toilet.”
“William was a flat-out disappointment in the battle with Paeonia.” I hold out the sheath. “We did manage to bring back the prize, though.”
Salo lowers his head. “So, WTF didn’t make it?”
“Doesn’t surprise me,” Biff says. “The Bonnacons have remarkable flatulent defenses. They can launch their excrement for distances up to two or three furlongs, some say.”
Bella stands in front of me and looks over the sheath. “Don’t be too sad, Salo. Your friend snatched the sheath and tried to run out on us.”
I pull out the Keris. “Let’s see some magic here.” I insert it into the sheath. A shock winds through my body, and I’m knocked off my feet to the ground. “Whoa!”
TASK COMPLETE: Complete the Keris of Knaud III
For completing the task, you earned 500 experience points!
NEW PRIMARY WEAPON: The Keris of Knaud + (5) Charge. Distinguished Hack.
Damage: 10-50.
Range: N/A.
Frequency: Err.
Quality: Grand-Master
Melee Weapon Attack: Piercing damage
Distinguished Hack: Strike with a verbal “Hack” to cast one or more of its ‘Distinguished Hack’ charges.
Soulbound to ‘Jareth Goblinmasher’ - Item cannot be traded or sold.
Equip with this blade to administer damage to the most robust of monsters.
“Hey, this thing packs a wallop.” I stand and pull the Keris out of its sheath. The blade is now covered in shimmering gold leaf. “And has an excellent new look. Stats say the damage range of this thing is ten to fifty, and there is a bonus. It is packing a magic ability called Distinguished Hack.” I should have known there was going to be magic involved with this weapon. I hold the dagger up and look it over from tip to butt. A green glow at the bottom of the blade catches my eye. I look closer and see four glowing green numbers–1264. Lotto numbers, finally.
Bella gives me a satisfied high-five. “The gold leaf is what I needed to see. It’s completed. We’re going to kill Setan.”
I whip the blade from left to right. “This is all right.” A pulse runs down my arm. “I feel I can do some quick damage with this weapon. It’s like it was custom made for me.”
Bella kneels and drops William’s sack to the ground. “Let’s see what our backstabbing ex-thief has for the cause.” She sifts through the contents. “Hmm, some thief’s tools, and this.” She holds an open palm my way. “Five gold coins.”
“So, we get a refund on that bad hire.” I scoop the coins from Bella’s hand and drop them in my bag. “I’m going to invest in a few healing potions when we get back to the city.” I realize, for a moment, that I’m talking as if we’ll be in the game forever. I’m talking as though I’ve forgotten about returning to real life. But we have less than half a day to find Setan and defeat him.
ADD: 5 gold coins to Jareth Goblinmasher. New gold coin balance: 12
Biff looks in the sack. “These tools are of decent quality. Should fetch seven or eight gold coins at the Cittadella.”
Bella hands Salo our dead party member’s sword and shield. “These should be worth something too.” She spins William’s staff around like a baton and sheaths it on her belt. “I will keep the staff of immortuos for myself.” She
gazes at her status sheet. “Only six charges in this thing. But still, it works for me.”
“Ouch.” I pull a thorn out of my dirty-socked foot. “I can’t be questing with only one shoe.”
“You might as well break in the Bombardment Boots,” Bella says.
“Don’t do that.” Biff pulls a pristine brown leather shoe from his pack. “I would hate for you to accidentally set off the charge. You can have this. It is the other from my pair. It does not fit my peg, so I don’t need it.”
I stuff my foot in the shoe and take a few steps. The fit is tight, and its heel is lower than my other. I walk in a circle up and down like a carousel. “Awkward, but it will do. Thanks, Biff.”
Bella looks at my new footwear and shakes her head. “Mismatch. That’s not a good look.”
I run in place and dip from side to side. “Not a good look? I’m ’bout to bring this style back.”
Bella passes by me and looks over her shoulder. “You’re not bringing nothing back if we don’t keep it moving. Eleven hours, twenty minutes until shut down.”
CHAPTER 15
10:20:22 hours until DCQ server shut down.
After an hour’s walk, we pass under the arch back into Cittadella, and a group of a dozen young boys and girls run our way.
Hans holds both hands up. “The great cleric of Chittor returns from his quest.”
The kids run past him, hardly glancing his way. Instead, they surround me. A little brunette girl sporting a double top knot slips through the group, stopping in front of me. She digs in her pocket and pulls out a wrinkled piece of parchment and a sharpened piece of charcoal. “Are you Captain Jareth Goblinmasher?”
Hans shoves his way through the crowd of kids and snatches the parchment from her fingers. The piece of charcoal tumbles to the ground. “What’s this?” he asks.
Biff grabs the paper from Hans and runs his finger down it. “This is a list of betting opportunities.” He hands the paper back to the girl, who retrieves her charcoal and shoots Hans a glare.
