“Come on,” she said.
“We can’t just leave him here. He’s hurt.” Not to mention we were the ones who had hurt him.
“We gotta get out of here,” she insisted.
“Ritz, we can’t. He’s out cold.” The poor guy looked so vulnerable. “Anything could happen to him. Coyotes could eat him.”
“Coyotes? In the middle of the city?”
“I’ve seen them at the animal shelter, hanging around. You know there are coyotes in the ravines. Lots of them. It’s been all over the news.”
“You’re getting soft, Del. You know that? Why do you care? What’s this guy to you?”
I thought for a sec. Was I getting soft? He was my assailant. But as assailants go, he was a pretty nice one. After all, he did apologize for grabbing me where he shouldn’t.
“He’s unconscious. Defenseless. I just can’t leave the poor fellow to be eaten.”
“Oh no. Don’t make this dude your latest project, Del.”
That annoyed me. “What do you mean?”
“Your latest lame duck! Wounded bird.” She flung her arms up. “You’re always rescuing something.”
“I’m not rescuing him! I’m just…” What? What was I?
“What was the guy doing here anyway? Lurking around like that. Have you thought about it?” she said.
I hesitated. “Maybe he’s one of us?”
“One of us,” parroted Ritz. “One of us like a vigilante? Or one of us like a bad-guy burglar?”
Hell, I didn’t know.
“Don’t go all sentimental on me, Del. We haven’t got the time.”
“I’m not sentimental!” I protested vigorously. “I’m not.”
Ritz was pacing now. “You’re friggin’ loony. We can’t stand out here debating the issue. What do you propose?”
I looked across the manicured front lawn of this enormous home. Even in the dark, I could see the carefully trimmed shrubbery and cedars. Lots of places for wild animals to hide.
“We need to get him inside somewhere. Where he won’t be eaten.”
Ritz stopped pacing and crossed her arms. “The doors to the house are all locked. I checked while you were climbing in.”
Damn. That would mean I’d have to climb the ivy and go through the window again, sneak down the stairs without anyone hearing, and open a door from the inside. Could we get him inside without the lovebirds hearing?
More important, if they heard us, would they call the cops? I was allergic to cops.
This wasn’t a good plan. But I just couldn’t leave him here.
The water was starting to freeze on me. I shivered.
“Hurry and make up your mind,” said Ritz, stomping her feet in the slick grass. “It’s cold out here.”
There was only one thing to do. And Ritz wasn’t going to like it one bit.
“Help me,” I said. “Help me move him to the front door.”
“What!”
“Here, grab his feet.” Maybe if I just gave her orders, she wouldn’t think about it. It worked sometimes.
“Are you crazy?”
I hesitated. Okay, yes, this was nuts. We were on a job. A totally screwed-up job, admittedly, but still. It didn’t allow for side trips.
Not to mention the poor guy probably wouldn’t appreciate being moved right now.
I struggled for a reasonable answer. “We’ll move him to the front door. Then I’ll ring the doorbell a zillion times to make sure they come down to check it out.”
The cursing started then. Ritz can curse like a Russian seaman.
“Grab his feet,” I said.
“One day, Del, your soft side is going to land us in jail,” she muttered. “You take his feet. I’m stronger. I’ll take his shoulders.”
I discovered something. It’s not so easy to tuck a man’s leg under your arm and then reach down to grab the other leg without falling over. Two hundred pounds of dead weight is heavier than it sounds.
We shuffled our way toward the massive front steps and stopped on the grass to the right of them. With a grunt Ritz dropped her end of the load on the ground. She wasn’t too gentle about it.
“That’s it,” said Ritz. “No way we can get him up those steps without banging his head.”
I considered the situation. She was right about the steps.
Besides, I had an idea. Anyone opening the door would see a dead or sleeping body at the bottom of the steps. They might think he’d hurt himself falling down the stairs. Hey. That made me feel better.
“Okay, just help me move him to the bottom of the stairs then.”
Ritz picked up his shoulders and dragged him to the flagstone walk. I made sure his head landed gently this time.
“Now what?” asked Ritz.
I launched myself up the stairs and rang the doorbell. I did that about ten times and then switched to pounding on the door.
“Move it,” said Ritz behind me. “They just turned on the lights upstairs. Let’s get out of here.”
I fled down the stairs and stopped at the bottom for one last look at our victim. His eyes were shut, but he was making little moaning sounds now.
“Sorry,” I said to the poor guy. He didn’t answer back.
FOUR
We ran as if ravenous zombies were after us. Sounds of moaning and then coughing retreated in the distance.
Ritz managed to keep up with me. This always surprised me, as she doesn’t really have the body for it.
And right now I wanted to kill her, I was so drenched. Lucky for her, there was no time for that. I didn’t stop running until we reached the car.
Kitty was waiting down the road and around the corner in her old Jeep. The passenger door was open. Kitty was a pro.
I slipped into the front seat and pulled the door shut. Ritz tumbled into the back, and Kitty pulled away from the curb.
Now that I had stopped running and rescuing people from coyotes, the cold set in.
“Holy shit, Ritz! I’m freezing!”
“I improvised. Worked, didn’t it?” Ritz was cool, as usual.
“Turn up the heat, will you, Kitty?”
She turned up the heat.
“My heart is beating triple time. I can’t tell if I’m panting from running or shivering to death. Jeesh, that water was cold.”
“Someone was there?” Kitty said.
“Not only that, but someone was waiting for me outside,” I said. “Why the hell didn’t you signal me, Ritz? You were supposed to be on watch.”
“I didn’t see the dude, obviously.”
Kitty cursed and shifted gears. “But you got away okay. I take it Ritz found a hose?”
“Yeah. I flooded the bastard. And then I whomped him good.”
I could hear the grin in her voice. Really, sometimes Ritz scares the crap out of me.
I was still feeling guilty about the dude we had left behind. He didn’t seem like a bad guy. But really. Serves him right. What the heck was he doing lurking outside the house? He was obviously up to something.
We whizzed along Lakeshore, past Bronte Road and Burloak Drive. Kitty was quiet, seemingly deep in thought.
“Sorry, Del. I was sure they were away this weekend.”
“Oh, I expect one of them is in Vegas, all right. Just as I equally suspect the other is not.”
Kitty whistled low. “You think he’s cheating on her?”
“More likely her on him. Our client might get a kick out of that. Maybe that will be some recompense. We still don’t have the necklace.”
Kitty smiled as we drove past Appleby. “That’s okay. I have another plan.”
I groaned.
Great-Aunt Kitty is my grandmother’s much younger sister. Grandma was the
oldest of thirteen, may she rest in peace. Kitty is the youngest, which puts her at seventysomething. She never had kids, so my parents made her my godmother.
Good thing I am fond of Kitty. It’s hard to avoid your godmother in an Italian family. Let me put it this way: the extended family I try to avoid is well known in Steeltown. You might say they run the place. That is, when they aren’t in the slammer doing time.
I make a point of not associating with most of them. I still keep in touch with my cousin Gina, who is closer to the family than I am but similarly allergic. Gina is engaged to Pete, a really great guy who used to play pro football. I haven’t done so well in the marriage department. Sadly, my choices in men have sucked. I am a total loser when it comes to relationships.
Kitty’s house was coming into view now. She pulled into the secluded laneway. My car was there where I’d left it.
“Come on, Ritz,” I said. “I’ll drive you home.” We both got out of the Jeep. I had my keys out. I was almost to my car when Kitty’s voice rang out behind me.
“Hold on a minute, Del. I want to talk to you.” She slammed the Jeep door behind her.
I turned to face her. All five feet of her.
“Look. I know what you’re thinking. I can see it on your face,” she said.
“Aunt Kitty, I’m soaking wet, freezing my butt off. We got a man out cold from a Ritz-attack, and we just a botched a burglary. Give me one reason why I should risk my butt again for a pretty necklace.” I wrapped both arms around my chest to keep warm.
“Listen to me, Del! Take a second to imagine what it must be like.” She waved a hand through the air at me. “You have a husband, a home, kids, a nice lifestyle. You probably gave up a good career to make it all happen. Then all of a sudden, you’re turfed out of your own life. And the husband? He doesn’t lose a thing.”
She was pacing now, throwing her arms around like a true Italian. “It’s like your whole world goes on without you, with some upstart actress playing your role. And you’re left watching helplessly from the sidelines.”
I stared at her, coming out of my trance. Holy crap, this wasn’t about our client. This was much more personal. I’d never known Kitty’s husband, but it was common knowledge that he’d taken off with some younger woman a million years ago. The family still talked about it. He’d left without getting a divorce, which meant Kitty couldn’t remarry.
I got it. This was about getting revenge for all women who had been sucker punched by losers.
Kitty stopped and turned to me. The persuasive voice kicked up a notch. “The thing is, Angela has done nothing wrong. And yet her life is turned upside down, and the life of her cheating husband hardly changes at all. It’s horribly unfair, and we’re all about fighting inequity, aren’t we? I mean, that’s what the B-Team is about. Righting the wrongs that happen to people who don’t deserve such treatment.”
She had me at that, and she knew it. But even so, she had to sweeten the pot.
“You know what it’s like to be let down by men. Just as much as I do.”
She was referring to ex-fiancé number two.
“Okay, you win,” I said, unlocking my car door with a click. “But sometimes I wish Stella hadn’t volunteered me for this team.”
“Do you, Del? Do you really?”
Damn. She had me again. No, I didn’t.
Stella is my mother.
FIVE
For years I have toyed with the idea of writing a book. I even have a title for it—My Mother’s in the Mob.
Stella Scarlotti was born on a cold day in January 1952. The men in the family said that ice had formed in her heart the day she was born. I knew different.
It wasn’t ice. It was steel. This is an industrial city, after all. And so, from the very beginning, Stella has taken no crap. Not from anyone.
Besides having eyes that can cut right through you, Stella has another talent. She is great with numbers. And so she became the family accountant. You want to know where the money is, Stella knows. She can also tell you where the bodies are buried. Which is one of the reasons you don’t want to get on her bad side. People tiptoe around Stella.
Stella wasn’t a bad mom. It’s just that she knew every bad thing I was doing before I even thought of doing it.
About five years ago something happened that tempered her heart. Dad crashed his vintage Alfa Romeo on the Burlington Bay Skyway. He drives a big late-model convertible for the angels now. I imagine them all piling in, singing “Stairway to Heaven” at the top of their lungs.
After Dad died, Mom started getting angry about the injustices in the world. Then a friend of Kitty’s was taken to the cleaners by a so-called suitor. Mom told Kitty to go to me, because Stella knew I couldn’t resist a challenge like this. She was dead right. We’ve been serving the cause of justice ever since. Justice for those who won’t get it any other way.
Dino called at seven the next evening, as planned. I was just getting into my car for the meeting.
“Did you see the billboard?” He sounded all excited.
“I saw the billboard,” I said, with a smile in my voice. “I even took a photo of it—that’s how good a sister I am. Check your email.”
“Thanks, Del. Tony says it’s going up in LA next week.” Tony was Dino’s modeling agent.
It was nice to hear Dino so happy. So I wasn’t prepared for the next line.
“Thing is, Del, I have to stay in New York until next week.”
“What!”
“The advertising brass from Kilty Boys Underwear. They’re coming into town and want to meet me.”
“Dammit, Dino! We need you.”
Pause. “I’m sorry, Del. But if you knew how important this is…I just can’t miss it. It could mean Europe. Mom’s flying here to deal with the negotiations.”
He went on, but I was only half listening. This was Dino, through and through. Really sweet, and with a face as cute as an Italian cherub. Kind to cats and dogs and old people. But unreliable. Something always came up with Dino, even when we were kids. Worse, it was “never his fault.”
And truly, it wasn’t. You know how some people are bad luck, and you can’t explain it? It’s like that, only Dino is bad luck for other people. Usually me.
“Can’t you postpone the job until I get back?” he said.
I grumbled some more. “I’ll talk to the others.”
I clicked off feeling frustrated.
Yeah, we could postpone. But when would we ever have an opportunity like this again?
It took me ten minutes to drive from my place to Kitty’s. I was already in a foul mood. So I let my mind go back to Kitty’s comment about ex-fiancé number two.
Yes, one man shouldn’t color your whole opinion of mankind in general. And there was no question I had been stalling on the lover front. It had been over a year since I’d whacked the dirtbag in my life across the face with my swanky Kate Spade handbag. (Handbag was toast, but it was totally worth it.)
Kitty was right. Damned if I was going to let one disloyal jerk affect the rest of my life. I was a big girl. I controlled my own future. Starting right now, I was going to get out there and try to find loser number three.
I was still ruminating on where to meet him when I pulled up in front of Kitty’s little place in the woods. Ritz was already there, I could see. Her motorcycle was parked close to the garage. I let myself into the foyer and threw my purse down on the tufted hall bench.
“We’re in the kitchen,” yelled Kitty from down the hall.
I made my way to the bright, white kitchen. Ritz was already sitting on a black-and-chrome bar stool. I nodded to her and then turned my head to Kitty. As usual, one look and I had to smile. Kitty may look like a small, fluffy senior, but she’s razor sharp, and she knows how to dress.
“Dino can’t m
ake it back in time,” I reported.
Kitty had a wineglass in one hand and a bottle in the other. She stopped mid-pour.
“Shit,” she said. She finished pouring and handed me a glass. “You’ll need this.”
“Don’t need Dino,” said Ritz.
“I don’t know who else we could get,” Kitty said. “Everyone else will be at the event.”
“You deaf?” Ritz had a voice full of gravel. “I don’t need anyone else.”
I swung my gaze to her. “No lookout, Ritz. You okay with that?”
“Piece of cake.” Ritz looked at us with crazy eyes.
I didn’t know whether to groan now or wait until she spilled the words.
“Those rich peeps are going to the Black Cat gig on Thursday, right?”
I nodded.
“So I break in while they’re there. Like we planned.”
Now I groaned. “Ritz, we can’t help you. I’m running the event. Kitty and I have to be there.”
She shrugged. “So? Like I haven’t done jobs on my own before!”
What? What jobs? “Wait a minute. I didn’t know you’d—”
“Nothing to worry about,” Kitty said quickly. “All in the past.”
“But—”
“Can it,” said Ritz. “You don’t want to know.”
My eyes shifted between them. Ritz had turned away from me. Kitty was studying the wine in her glass. Did I want to know? Okay, maybe not. Still, it was hard not to be pissed off. What else didn’t I know?
“So what are you thinking, Ritz?” Kitty asked. She took a swig from the crystal glass.
Ritz shrugged. “Same MO as last time. I can climb as good as Del here. Know the right window. Easy.”
I frowned. That particular MO hadn’t worked very well. “Except what if that same guy is still casing the joint?”
Ritz looked at me with disgust. “Not stupid. I’ll do the ground surveillance. Now that we know. We didn’t know before.”
“She has a point, Del,” said Kitty. “But who will be your getaway driver?”
“I’ll use the bike.”
The Case of the Angry First Wife Page 2
