by Kirsty Eagar
‘Yeah, I know what you mean. If there’s just two of you, they never shout first, because they’ve worked out that that way they’ll never come out behind. Dud’s like that.’
‘I hate that guy.’
‘Why bother? He’s harmless.’
‘Not by choice, though.’
‘You know what, Jersey? I’m actually not generous, at all. I’m only generous with you.’ A pause. ‘There it is. There’s the smile.’ Another pause. ‘Your ears are generous.’
‘Oh, fuck off.’
He said: ‘The night of the toga party—I knew you were something even then.’
She said: ‘I knew you were lonely.’
‘Thought I needed your company?’
‘Thought about jumping your bones.’
He said: ‘Tell me how you broke your nose.’
She said: ‘Never.’
•
Mainly, though, what they did was kiss.
They shared kisses in the sun, kisses in the dark, kisses in the car, kisses on the lounge, kisses in the kitchen, kisses on the run. Salty, buttery popcorn kisses, sticky ice-cream kisses, furtive kisses, brazen kisses, sexy kisses, silly face-licking kisses. They held unimaginably long and intense kissing sessions that caused them both sharp discomfort that they were too polite to mention—wind pains caused by not breathing properly. Sometimes Jess would look up to see Mitch watching her like a cat watches a bird, and he’d kiss her like his life depended on it, and then ask if it was the best kiss she’d ever had, and she’d have to tell him not to be so competitive.
They kissed each other senseless. But Jess could not kiss Mitch better. Because there were kisses on the kitchen calendar, too—an old habit of Heather’s—and as those crosses marched towards the return to uni, the crease of worry on Mitch’s forehead returned. And sex came back on the agenda.
•
On Tuesday of the second week, Mitch arrived for their run with a change of clothes in his car. With Heather and Tony both at work, they took a long shower together afterwards, one that used up all of the hot water. He went down on her; she went down on him. That night, he picked her up from work when he’d finished training, and they drove to the top of Mt Cootha—erratically, because he was steering one-handed. They parked at the highest lookout, but if there was a particularly nice view of the city to be seen from up there, they certainly didn’t notice it.
The next afternoon, Mitch was unusually silent as he drove Jess to work. Then he cleared his throat, and announced, in a faux casual manner: ‘Hey, I was just thinking, it’s a shame you’re not on the pill. You know, for when …’
‘Oh my, that’s subtle,’ Jess drawled, arching an eyebrow at him. ‘Why do guys always assume that women want to clean up after them?’ Mitch focused on the road, red splotches blooming on his neck. After she’d enjoyed his discomfort for a while, Jess laughed, and said, ‘I’m just messing with you. I don’t like condoms either.’ And she laughed again at the reproachful look he gave her.
A couple of minutes later, she said, ‘As a matter of fact, I’m on the pill already. But I’d like you to get tested. No offence, but you’ve been around, and I’m super careful. Got tested before and after Brendan.’
‘No, that’s the thing. I’m clean. I got tested when I was at home for the year. And I haven’t been with anyone since.’
Jess felt something go through her so suddenly and strongly it was like the air had been sucked from her lungs. ‘You haven’t had sex with anyone in all that time?’
Mitch shook his head.
‘Oh, come on. You?’
‘It’s the truth.’ Mitch frowned at the road ahead of him. ‘I’ll swear on Julian’s ashes, if that’s what you want.’
‘Don’t say that. That’s horrible. I didn’t like you doing it the first time.’
‘Well, why doubt me?’ he asked, his voice sharp. ‘I wouldn’t lie about that.’
‘I’m not, it’s just …’ Jess pressed her lips together, but couldn’t stop herself. ‘That night at Lucky’s—I was sure you were going to end up with Sylvie.’
She saw his chest rise, fall. ‘She was Julian’s girlfriend, Jess.’
‘So?’
‘We were best mates. We played together.’ Mitch glanced across at her, his voice harsh. ‘Knights don’t fuck their best mate’s girlfriend. Knights don’t fuck their teammate’s girlfriend. Knights don’t do that shit.’
‘I’m sorry, I …’ Jess faltered, feeling helpless. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think I’m just really jealous. But I never used to be. It’s only with you.’
Mitch looked at her, then back to the road, to her, to the road, as though torn. ‘Don’t you get it? I would never, ever do something like that to you.’
Jess saw the muscles working in his jaw. She touched his cheek. ‘Let’s not talk about it anymore.’
•
That night, when Mitch picked her up from work, he announced, a little stiffly, ‘Adrian has invited you over for dinner on Friday night.’
‘The alien?’ Jess said, looking like she’d smelled something bad. And then: ‘Sorry.’
‘No, you’re not.’
‘Do I have to?’
‘He’s my brother. And last time wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t prepared.’
‘He doesn’t like me.’
‘That’s just Adrian. He doesn’t like anybody.’
‘But that’ll be our second last night together, before we have to go back.’
‘And I’ve been spending all this time with you, and Adrian would like to meet you properly.’
‘I’ve got to work,’ Jess said sullenly. ‘I won’t be finished until nine-thirty.’
‘He always works late. That’s perfect.’
‘Yeah, but what about for you? Haven’t you got a game Saturday?’
‘Not this one. We’ve got a bye.’ Mitch turned the corner into Birdwood Terrace. ‘I thought you might want to stay over, too. It’d save me having to drive you home.’
Jess’s mouth formed a perfect circle. ‘Oh,’ she said, nodding slowly.
CHAPTER 36
ORDINARY
As Mitch retrieved her overnight bag from the boot of the car, Jess stared up at the rectangle of light she was pretty sure was the kitchen window in Adrian’s flat and exhaled heavily, her breath making a cloud in the cold night air.
‘Trust me, it’ll be fine,’ Mitch said, slamming the boot closed. ‘He wants to get to know you. He wouldn’t have invited you otherwise.’
But the person who needed to be reminded of that was Adrian, Jess thought, when he answered the door seeming flustered and incredibly irritated. There’d obviously been no time to change: he was still wearing his tie, although he’d rolled up his shirtsleeves.
‘Jess.’ Shaking her hand in his quick, chalky way. ‘Good to see you again. How are you?’ Without waiting for a response, he snapped at Mitch, ‘Did you get the wine?’
At least he’d got her name right, Jess thought, feeling bleak.
‘Jess brought some.’ Mitch dropped his keys onto the sideboard, and Jess lifted the bottle of red she was holding.
Adrian frowned. ‘What about the parmesan, the eggplant, tomato—’
‘Oh, come on, does it really matter?’
‘Well, kind of. Just a little bit. Given we’re having veal fucking parmigiana.’
‘All right, all right. Don’t have a breakdown,’ Mitch muttered, picking up his keys again. Adrian disappeared without a response—unless you counted the violent banging that issued from the kitchen a moment later. Mitch rolled his eyes at Jess. ‘You coming?’
‘No, it’s okay, I’ll see if I can help. Do you mind getting more wine, though?’ Jess made a face. ‘Like a lot of wine.’
‘I’ll see what I can do,’ Mitch said, giving her a warm look that made her feel heroic. Then he kissed her and left.
Jess entered the kitchen, putting the bottle of wine down on the bench. It started jumping immediately because
Adrian had a meat mallet and was banging the crap out of several pieces of veal, his tie flung over his shoulder. He didn’t show any signs of having noticed her, so she retreated to the lounge room and rummaged around in her bag.
‘Here!’ she shouted, nudging his shoulder when she returned. Adrian stopped, looking down at what she was offering him: her work apron. ‘So your shirt doesn’t get stained.’
‘Thanks,’ he said stiffly, letting the mallet clatter onto the bench. He tied the apron strings with quick, jerky movements, reminding Jess of an enraged stick figure. ‘I thought you’d gone with Mitch.’
‘I figured you might need some help. And before I forget—this is for you. I know people usually bring flowers when they come to dinner, but I didn’t think you’d be into that, so …’ Jess held up the LP she’d purchased from Rocking Horse Records on her break earlier that day. ‘The Preatures. I love their stuff. Isabella Manfredi is the only woman I’d turn for. Seriously. Anyway, I noticed you didn’t have them.’ She gave a nervous laugh. ‘That makes it sound like I was going through your stuff, but really I only went through your collection. Um, I mean …’ Adrian didn’t seem to be listening so much as waiting for her to finish. ‘I’m talking too much, aren’t I?’
‘Thank you for that,’ Adrian said, without even looking at the LP. ‘Perhaps you could put it on—seeing as you already know where everything is. I haven’t had time to do anything about music yet. I’m a little behind, as you can see. Had to rush here straight from work.’
Adrian said this with such hostility that Jess blinked, taken aback. ‘Maybe we should have done this another time.’
He used his forearm to wipe his dark floppy fringe back from his face—his hands were covered in splatters of veal. ‘Well, this is the only night that suited you, apparently, so you’ll just have to put up with me playing catch up.’
Jess stared at him in horror, finally realising what was going on. ‘Oh God, I’m so sorry. Mitch told me … You know what? Don’t worry about dinner. When he comes back, I’ll just go. I feel awful.’
Adrian shrugged. ‘Up to you. You’re here now.’
‘Actually, no. You are making me feel awful,’ Jess said, jabbing a finger at Adrian, whose mouth snapped shut in the face of the sudden transition. ‘And for something that’s not even my fault. Mitch said you’d invited me over. He insisted I come. But he must have told you that I’d invited myself.’ Jess shook her head. ‘I’m going to kill him. Do you really think I’d volunteer? When you were so welcoming the last time we met?’
Adrian hadn’t moved, the freckles on his pale skin standing out in the kitchen’s LED lighting. He gave a nervous whinny of a laugh, his nostrils flaring.
Jess held out her hand. ‘I want my apron back. I need it for work. You can keep the wine, though. Shove it up your arse, for all I care. I’ll wait downstairs.’
‘You’re not going. Don’t be silly. Look, I wouldn’t normally have been so rude, but it’s been a shit of a week at work, and …’ Adrian shook her outstretched hand. ‘Great to see you, Jess. Glad you could come.’
She snatched her hand back. ‘I don’t want to touch that! You’ve got dead calf all over it. You’re supposed to cover the meat with plastic wrap before you pound it.’
‘See?’ Adrian said, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, just for that moment reminding her of Mitch. ‘If you hadn’t come, I wouldn’t have learned that.’
‘It’s not funny. I feel like crying—’
‘Please don’t. Mitch will kill me.’
‘—I was so nervous about coming here, and it’s been even worse than I expected. Why would he do that to me?’
‘I repeat—please don’t cry. Look, I know my brother better than you do, and—’
‘What? We’re competing now?’ Jess asked, incredulous. ‘God, you really are brothers.’
‘My point is,’ Adrian said, speaking clearly and calmly—like a lawyer, in fact, ‘Mitch has got everything he’s wanted his whole life. So he does whatever he wants, when he wants, because he’ll probably get away with it. He wants us to get on? Great, he’ll just throw us together and hope for the best. He’s incredibly immature, in a lot of ways.’
‘That’s something, coming from you, Mr Courtesy,’ Jess snapped. ‘I think he’s lovely.’
Adrian glanced down at the floor for a second while he stifled a smile. ‘Well. Let me kick things off by apologising for last time we met.’
‘We weren’t having sex, by the way. Just for the record. We were cuddling.’
‘Ah … fine. Good. Great!’ Adrian cleared his throat. ‘The thing is, you’re the first girl Mitch has ever brought here, so it was unexpected, that’s all. I’ve never met any of the girls he’s been with—and there have been a few. You’re unique.’
‘If that oxymoron is meant to be a compliment then it’s backhanded,’ Jess said, distinctly unimpressed. Adrian was impressed, though: his eyebrows twitched. ‘All right then, I’ll stay,’ she told him, grim-faced. She grabbed the bottle of wine and twisted the cap sharply, like an action hero breaking someone’s neck. Adrian flinched. ‘But I’m going to require a very big glass of wine. I bought it, so I’m allowed to have some. I don’t care what you say.’
‘What if I said I’d like a very big glass of wine, too?’ Adrian asked.
Jess looked him up and down, and then sniffed. ‘I’d say you need it.’
•
Later, when they were midway through their second round of very-big-glasses of wine, and Adrian was crumbing the veal, and Jess was rinsing lettuce for the salad, and The Preatures were playing, Jess said, ‘Adrian, you should do something with this place. I mean, you’re a single guy and you’ve got this great pad. You should make it more … cool.’
‘But I am not cool, Jess. That’s Mitch’s department. I’m ordinary.’
‘Oh, yes,’ Jess said, taking a large sip of wine. ‘Mitch is Mr Cool, isn’t he?’ And they both snickered. Then they snickered again because there was something funny about being in cahoots. Neither of them had eaten for hours, so the wine was doing its job quickly.
‘You’re not ordinary, at all,’ Jess told him, and he made a face at her. ‘Compliment! But I also can’t believe you two are brothers.’
‘Thanks,’ Adrian said—not in response to what she’d said, but because she was holding up his wine glass. His hands were covered in egg wash, flour and crumbs. ‘I take after our mother: no sporting ability, no strut, and I crisp if left in the sun for five minutes.’
‘What’s your mum do?’
‘She used to be in marketing, but she hated it. Too much marketing. When she met Dad she was working for a pharmaceuticals company. Now, she’s happy managing—all of us.’
‘So Mitch is like your dad?’
Adrian sipped, seeming to think it over. ‘Yes and no. He’s gone a lot further with rugby than Dad ever did. And Mitch not getting into med was probably a good thing—Dad would agree. Rocked little bro’s world, though. First time he ever failed at anything.’
‘I thought your dad might have leaned on him,’ Jess said.
Adrian shook his head. ‘You don’t know our father.’
‘What’s he like?’
‘Dad? Dad’s just … decent. He’s a good man. Much nicer than his sons. You’d like him.’
Jess rewarded him with a smile. ‘So where did it all go wrong?’
‘Our mother,’ Adrian said, nodding. ‘Spoils us rotten. Loved having Bub back with her for a year, I can tell you.’
Jess’s eyes widened. ‘She does not call him Bub.’
Adrian winked. ‘You didn’t hear it from me.’
‘If I told my parents I was taking a year off they’d go ballistic.’
Adrian frowned at her. ‘No, Mum and Dad made him take it. They wanted to keep an eye on him. We were worried he’d do something stupid. Final. You know, after Julian.’
‘Oh, my God.’ Jess pressed a fist to her chest. ‘Adrian.’
Adria
n looked as if he was sorry—not only for shocking her, but for saying too much. ‘Anyway, that’s all a while ago now.’ He turned away, washing his hands more thoroughly than necessary. ‘Mitch had a lot of time to think in that year, and he hasn’t been the same since. I mean that in a good way. Look, it’s a terrible thing to say, but Julian’s death might have been the best thing that could have happened to Mitch. If he ever strikes you as being an arrogant little shit now, you should have seen him back then.’
Jess, though, wasn’t diverted. ‘Adrian? Can you tell me what happened?’
‘You’d know most of it, wouldn’t you?’ Adrian asked briskly, drying his hands with paper towel. ‘What’s Mitch told you?’
Seconds dripped away. ‘Why? How many versions are there?’ Jess asked, and Adrian paused for a moment, but wouldn’t look at her. ‘I mean, was Mitch even at the party that night? I thought he must have been, but then, what would I know? The only reason I know anything at all is because I looked it up online. I’m scared to bring it up with him, because I know he’ll get upset, and I always seem to say the wrong thing, so I always end up feeling like I should just—’
‘Back off,’ Adrian finished for her, but he was warning her, too, even though there was sympathy in his brown eyes. ‘I can understand it must be frustrating, Jess, but it’s up to Mitch to fill you in—if he wants to. Not me.’
Jess scowled. ‘Do you even know?’
‘When something like that happens you’re there for each other. I am his brother. Anyway, I was home on holidays, too. Didn’t go to the party, though. Too old.’
‘So Mitch was at that party.’
‘Yes, he was there.’
‘And does he feel he should have stopped Julian from driving? Is that it?’
‘He feels very responsible for what happened.’
Jess stared at him. ‘Are you a lawyer or a politician? Can you please answer my question?’
Adrian just cut her off with, ‘Jess.’ Said kindly, but also firmly.
They fell silent. Jess poured the rest of the wine into their glasses. Adrian began to fry the veal in batches. Jess turned her attention to chopping cucumber and capsicum for the salad. She took a sip of wine, glanced sideways at Adrian. ‘What was Julian like then? Can you tell me that?’
