by kendra Smith
‘We both understand,’ Suzie cut in quickly. To hell with Rex and the Libor thing, she wanted to get started. This was her only chance.
‘Both? I don’t think you can speak for Charlie,’ she said looking over at her.
‘Sorry, yes, sorry, Charlie.’ Keep it together.
‘Right,’ added Liz. ‘Suzie, I understand that you are going to be a single parent. It is important that I check you are both happy with the process.’ She put an accent on that, just as Charlie jerked her head up.
‘Yes, yes, that’s right.’ Suzie smiled. Keep smiling. She’d forgotten to mention that to Charlie in the car. Suzie could feel the heat in her cheeks. She sniffed. Rex was not going to stop her. She’d just get on with it behind his back at the moment; she’d find a way. She’d tell him later.
Charlie took the leaflets from Liz. Her hands were shaking. What on earth was wrong with that girl? This was her chance to make money, get herself out of a fix.
‘Is there anything wrong, Charlie?’ Liz asked gently. She looked across at Charlie and shuffled some paperwork into a pile, holding it to her chest, as if to take it away. ‘If you both need more time, then I suggest—’
‘No, no it’s OK. We are all fine, aren’t we, Charlie?’ snapped Suzie. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears, and she felt quite dizzy – surely Charlie would go through with this? Remember you’re not meant to know her.
‘No, it’s fine, it’s just bringing—’ Charlie started.
‘What?’ Suzie had to stop herself from stamping her foot.
‘Oh, bringing back memories of being pregnant. Sorry,’ muttered Charlie.
It was time to change the subject. ‘What about getting the embryo?’ Suzie cut in quickly. She wanted to steer the topic into a clinical direction. ‘Can you organise that? What happens?’
‘Yes, we do it all the time. I’ve already been in touch with the lab. You’ll be what’s called a “gestational surrogate”.’ She turned to Charlie. ‘And you’ll go to a clinic that we arrange for the embryo transfer.’
Good. The woman is efficient after all. My precious embryo. My last hope. She really wanted to ask how they transferred it? Armoured black car? Royal Mail? One of those wretched men in white vans, whizzing through red lights? Please, no.
‘How long will the procedure take?’
‘Not long. About two hours.’
‘Two hours?’ That hardly seemed long enough to try to secure her and Rex’s future. But what other chance did she have? She wanted to get on with it quickly while they still had some money left – it was meant for the mortgage and Rex had told her not to touch it.
‘And, Charlie?’
‘Yes.’
‘How does your son feel about all this? I know we touched on it on the phone. Is that why you are hesitating?’
Suzie nearly fainted. Hesitating. Please, God, do not let this girl ruin my plans. Suzie knew Charlie needed the money. They’d been on the phone to each other again last night and Suzie had reminded her of the fee. She had panicked not only because Charlie seemed to be getting cold feet for some reason – but the whole Libor thing was terrifying her, too. They’d sell the house. She’d do something. Take out a loan. Sell more jewellery. She was still working and could get a loan, surely? She’d cut right back on housekeeping; no more dry-cleaning drop-offs, no more take-outs; she’d fired the cleaners and asked Ramone to do it, with mixed results. Last week saw him polish the floor with honey – she’d been furious until he explained that he thought it was ‘beeswax’ as he’d googled what to use for wooden floors. It had been the picture of the bees on the tin of honey that had thrown him.
She knew Rex was going to be livid about the money and about, well, everything. Suzie had explained to Charlie quickly that she would also cover any additional expenses she might need as well. How was she going to do that?
‘Charlie?’
Suzie was brought back to the room. Charlie took a deep breath and pulled her shoulders back. ‘No, yes, I mean it’s all fine with Tyler, he’s glad I’m – er, helping someone out.’
‘Right, good, well that sounds very positive.’ Liz frowned at Charlie but then handed over the leaflets to Suzie.
Charlie had seemed so grateful. She had told Suzie it would pay some debts, allow her to pay a deposit on Tyler’s photography course and sort out the arrears on her rent. What was wrong with her? Suzie was quite sure it was the best thing all round, really.
All she had to do now was convince Rex.
21
Dawn
Dawn pulled into the supermarket car park and was immediately honked by someone. As she craned her neck to the left to see who it was, a grey-haired woman of about eighty, with a multi-coloured sweatband across her forehead, was waving at her dismissively. Bloody cheek.
Geriatric road rage was a particular hazard in this car park as it was near the Town Hall, which did ‘Crafternoon Teas’. But today was apparently Yoga for the Young at Heart, according to the colourful posters dotted around. Dear Lord, is that where Eric and I are heading? Walking across the car park to the ticket machine, she suddenly spotted a figure she recognised.
It was him. Dan! When had he got back from South America? How long since she’d seen him? He looked well, amazing… and he even had a beard! It certainly suited him! Gosh, he was the double of that sexy actor, whatshisname? Yes, Hugh Jackman. Well, well. The city slicker had gone and in his place was an urban cowboy in a Waitrose car park. She pulled into a parking bay, leapt out, swiping her purple skirt out of the way of the car door and dashed over to him.
‘Dan! Hello there!’
His eyes hadn’t changed, as he swung round to greet her. He still had that sparkle, and kind smile, but now it was accompanied by tanned skin and a rugged appearance. He was wearing a leather jacket, checked red shirt tucked into a pair of light jeans with a black leather belt around his waist; a pair of sunglasses twinkling in the sun on top of his head finished off the look. Well, it was a sunny November day.
‘Dawn, good grief! How are you?’ His six-foot plus frame swooped towards her and he gave her an enormous hug. She was enveloped in a cloud of maleness and musky aftershave. That was one of the things Dawn had always loved about him. Well, she’d immediately liked him as he had been Lucy’s new husband, but he was warm, human. Not some stuck-up stockbroker like some of her friends’ husbands. He treated you as if you’d been long-lost friends whenever you met; pulled you close, like he never wanted to let you go.
‘Hey, you! How are you? You look great.’ She beamed as she stood back from his embrace and looked him over. Well, they were long-lost friends.
They’d kept up a bit after Lucy’s death – a bit of Facebook, long texts in the early days after her death. At first, he’d been so lost after Lucy died. It had been heart-breaking. He’d survived on meals produced by Dawn and some other friends, just left by his door, or – if he’d been in watching daytime TV and didn’t answer the door, during his compassionate leave from work, they’d leave it on the kitchen table, then phone him later to make sure he’d seen it. It had been about six months after she’d died that he decided to move away. Said he wanted to escape the memories.
‘Dawn? How the hell are you?’ He gave her another hug then pulled back.
She stared into those chocolate eyes again and they seemed much brighter. ‘Fine, yes, God it’s been ages. How have you been? When did you get back?’
‘Oh well, about two months now, been busy setting up my own business.’ His eyes clouded over. ‘Dawn, I’m so sorry, I’ve been meaning to call you. It’s been good – and you know, kind of odd, being back – you were so—’ He broke off.
‘It’s fine.’ She shook her head. It was just so lovely seeing him again. She remembered those early days. How she’d found him once, water pooling around his feet, as he sat cross-legged with the freezer door open in the kitchen. She’d been checking in on him again. He’d been so achingly young to go through all that. She’d found him clutching a Tupperware co
ntainer, holding it to his chest. As if clearing Lucy’s things out could erase the memories.
‘What’s wrong, Daniel?’ she’d said.
‘What’s wrong? My wife is dead, Dawn.’ She could never shake those words from her mind, nor the look he’d given her. It had haunted her for weeks later and she felt forever annoyed with herself for asking such a stupid question.
‘Her writing,’ he’d said, sitting on the floor. ‘The whole freezer is full of her writing.’ He had held it up for her to see.
Soup, use by December. Casserole, add spice 4/5; apples from the garden 7/8.
She’d helped him up and got him to sit down on the soft sofa in the lounge and had made him a cup of tea, remembered their conversation.
‘I need to move away, Dawn,’ he’d said. ‘It’s the pity. The way everyone looks at me: the newsagent, the chemist, how they stare at me. I can’t fucking stand it.’ And then he’d sobbed uncontrollably and started to shiver.
‘Look, you’re young, Daniel,’ she had soothed. ‘See some of the world. Get away for a bit.’ Little did they both know that it would end up being seventeen years. Dawn had gently placed a blanket on his knees in the lounge and had sat with him, holding his hand, as the afternoon sun slipped down beneath the windowsill. She had sat next to him, listened to his breathing and watched as shadows, like inky fingers, crept along the window ledge. She’d squeezed his hand every now and again, but she hadn’t said a word. She hadn’t tried to fix anything. How could she?
Much later, once he’d fallen asleep and she’d covered him up properly with the blanket, she cleared out the kitchen, sorted out all those little Tupperware boxes, removed the labels, washed and dried and placed them on the draining board. She’d gone home that night, crept into bed and hugged Eric very tight.
Suddenly, a horn honked and she was back in the Waitrose car park with him. ‘What kind of business?’ She smiled.
‘Oh, I’ve started company to help people get from A to B; I drive anyone who needs to get around. It’s mainly older clients, but I’ve also trained to be a driving teacher. That’s a bit hair-raising at times. Very different attitude to South America!’
‘What a lovely idea – I’ll mention it to anyone I see. Have you thought about putting it on Facebook? Chesterbrook has a community page.’
‘Good idea, Dawn, I’ll do that. I’m just about to publish my website too, Goingplacesatanyage-dot-com.’
‘So why did you come back? It must have been amazing there,’ she said as they walked together to the ticket machine.
‘Well, it was.’ His eyes roamed into the distance behind her to the church spire, to where he’d been married – and where he’d sat weeping through his wife’s funeral. ‘But something was missing, you know?’ He looked back at her and smiled. ‘Needed to get back home. Also the CEO of the company I worked for made it increasingly hard for me, wanted “local” people. There was a bit of a personality clash. Anyway, I was missing the UK. I sort of feel I’ve been away long enough – I know that sounds crazy—’ he shook his head ‘—but I’ve been thinking about—’ He shook his head.
Dawn took his hand. It seemed the most natural thing to do. ‘Don’t worry, Daniel, I remember it all as well. It was a dreadful time. One minute Lucy was alive and well, laughing at our dinner parties, the next you’d called me with the terrible news. And as for being sorry for not calling, don’t be silly – we’re all busy!’ She squeezed his hand.
‘Thanks, Dawn, I—’
But before he could finish, his mobile started ringing. He took it out of his leather jacket, looked at it and pressed the button. He mouthed ‘sorry’ to her, smiled and took the call.
Dawn glanced at her watch and touched him on the shoulder. ‘Need to go!’ she whispered. She had to get some things for the kids’ supper and Joyce wanted some new hair conditioner and perfume all of a sudden. She looked over at Dan. She quickly scribbled her number on an old receipt and gave him a brief hug. He grinned at her and gestured that he’d call her.
22
Suzie
Suzie weaved her way round the cars on the narrow street and looked for number 40. She felt wonderfully safe in her new Mercedes. She glanced over at Charlie who’d been very quiet on the ride back from the clinic. Charlie had said she’d take a bus, but Suzie insisted on driving her home. She quickly glanced sideways. The girl looked so pale. Her clothes had really seen better days and those chipped fingernails! She must organise some transport for her. Surely they could rent her a cheap car? She didn’t want her unborn baby on public transport. What if they had a girl? Suzie smiled as her mind drifted off…
‘Do you have a car?’ Suzie said, changing gear and looking over at Charlie.
‘Ha! Don’t be stupid! Can’t even drive – and that won’t happen seeing as it’s about thirty quid a lesson. I looked into it for Tyler.’ She turned to stare at Suzie. ‘Here we are.’ Charlie pointed to a little terraced house on the left.
It was made of dirty grey brick with four small windows – two upstairs and two downstairs. Pale pink curtains hung upstairs and behind the downstairs windows hung some dirty net curtains. How could this girl be a cleaner? A few of the flowerpots had fallen and smashed beneath the windowsill, and were lying on their sides, with soil sliding out of the cracked terracotta pots. On one side was a much bigger house, with a van parked in the driveway – ‘Mike’s Plumbing’ – on the other side of Charlie’s house where they shared the off-road car parking was a messy courtyard, weeds bursting through all the cracks in the paving stones, and there was a single mattress on the ground, looking a bit green round the edges. Suzie took a deep breath.
‘Not much, but it’s home.’ Charlie turned to Suzie and looked her defiantly in the eye. ‘All I can afford to rent with a bit of housing benefit.’
‘It’s very sweet.’ Suzie’s palms were sweaty. ‘Will my car be all right here?’
Charlie was mid-way through opening the door and turned to her. ‘Well, if you’re quick, you shouldn’t get your wheels nicked.’ And she slammed the door shut behind her.
Oh, that was a joke. Right. Suzie glanced around to see if there were any other cars like hers. No.
As she got out of the car, she spotted a tall, lanky boy standing in the doorway. He had thick, dark hair – a good-looking boy, with well-defined cheekbones; but he looked – Suzie searched for the word – yes, unkempt, that’s what it was. He was wearing a checked shirt with jeans that were sitting so low on his hips you could easily see his underwear. His face was covered in scars from what looked like bad acne in the past, and there was a scar on his left cheek and – she tried not to stare – a nose stud. Oh crikey. Will my baby turn out like that?
‘This is Tyler,’ Charlie said nodding to the frowning teenager as she walked past.
‘Hello.’ Suzie closed her car door and walked towards him, held out her hand.
‘Hiya.’ He glanced briefly at Suzie, then turned to Charlie. ‘Is this the posh bird, then?’ He kept his hands firmly in his pockets. As he walked away Suzie was overwhelmed with the stench of cheap aftershave. Charlie gestured that they should go in.
Suzie stepped over the threshold gingerly into the hall. She took in the enormous TV in the lounge with a crack in the screen. There was a pile of unopened bills on the hall table, many of them had ‘urgent’ written in red on them and ‘this is not a circular’. She shivered. Damn, it was cold in here. She looked through to the back window to see that Charlie’s neighbours to the back had already strung up some fairy lights and had put a blow-up Santa on their roof. What dreadful taste.
‘Are you going to come through?’ Charlie said from the kitchen door. As Suzie walked along the corridor, something screeched past her and made her jump. Blasted cat! The creature scuttled into the lounge and jumped up on the sofa, yawned so Suzie could see all its sharp little white teeth, snapped its mouth shut again and seemed to be smiling at her. How unhygienic. Suzie scrunched up her nose. She’d read about cats and pregnan
cy – she suddenly remembered all the things she’d downloaded about toxoplasmosis, about how Charlie must wash her hands, mustn’t deal with the cat litter. She wanted to talk to Charlie urgently about this, but sensed this wasn’t the right time.
‘How d’you like your tea?’ Charlie was standing by the kettle, brushing sugar from the work surface back into the sugar bowl. ‘Tyler’s so messy!’ Charlie quickly tidied up the plates and spilt tomato ketchup on the table, wiping it with a cloth that looked like a total health hazard.
‘Black,’ she said quickly, eager to limit the contaminants.
‘So…’ said Charlie slowly, pulling a stray cat hair out of her sleeve, ‘how should we do this?’
‘Well,’ said Suzie carefully. ‘I thought maybe we’d go through a few basic rules about what I’d expect and how things will work and then I will write up a contract – between us only. Pay you cash instalments like we said. What do you think? I’ll deal with most of the paperwork from the clinic – but I know the client manager will be in touch with you about a few things.’
‘Fine.’
Suzie scanned the kitchen as Charlie was busy finding milk and putting some custard creams on a faded blue plate. She placed them in front of Suzie, who smiled. ‘Sorry, not hungry.’ Charlie looked disappointed.
‘Suit yourself.’ Charlie sat down and grabbed one, yanked the top off the biscuit, then scraped, quite deliberately, the yellow fondant from it with her front teeth. She licked her lips, before putting the second biscuit into her mouth, whole. The girl smiled at her with a mouth full and nodded her head at the plate. ‘They’re nice, you should have one,’ she mumbled.
Suzie looked at the Budget Biscuits wrapper and shook her head just as Tyler walked through the door.
‘Where’d you two meet?’ He was standing with his arms folded, the doorway framing him, as he stared intently at her.
‘I’m a friend of your mum’s. We met through the surrogacy clinic,’ Suzie explained.
