by Nate Ball
CHAPTER 01: THE MESS I MADE
CHAPTER 02: FACE-PLANT
CHAPTER 03: MR. LARRY
CHAPTER 04: SPACE AND SWISS CHEESE
CHAPTER 05: END OF THE LINE
CHAPTER 06: SHOWDOWN
CHAPTER 07: PUNCH IT
CHAPTER 08: AND SO IT BEGAN
CHAPTER 09: THE BIG KALOOFA
CHAPTER 10: TALKING TOUGH
CHAPTER 11: PEACE OFFERING
CHAPTER 12: SHOPPING SPREE
CHAPTER 13: BREAKFAST MEETING
CHAPTER 14: HERO’S GOOD-BYE
TRY IT YOURSELF: STOMP ROCKET
BONUS EXPERIMENT FROM ALIEN IN MY POCKET #1: BLAST OFF! DEDICATION AND THANKS
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
CREDITS
COPYRIGHT
ABOUT THE PUBLISHER
The Mess I Made
It’s hard to be a kid these days.
Think about it.
You’ve got chores, tons of homework, and little brothers. Moms and dads are always bossing you around and saying they know best. Coaches make sour faces every time you take batting practice. And teachers think learning is the most exciting thing ever invented.
It can all be a bit much for a fourth grader to handle without going nuts.
Now add to all that the responsibility of ensuring the survival of the human race, and you get a glimpse into my life.
I’ve pretty much gone nutty.
And it’s easy to pinpoint exactly when it all went wrong: the day Amp arrived.
Amp is the avocado-size alien who burst into my life when he flew through my window screen. His football-size spaceship dented my bedroom wall and crash-landed on my bed.
Connecting the dots from that first, shocking night to the possible end of mankind wasn’t easy to do. But that didn’t mean it was any less true. Because that moment so many months ago really had led directly to this night. Earth—and the billions of people living on it—was in serious crisis, even if they didn’t know it yet.
Which was, more or less, what I was thinking about as I flew through the cool night in my underwear. I was clinging to Amp’s spaceship for dear life as an army of soldiers chased me from below and an alien force poised to invade Earth floated above me in the starry sky.
As I said, it was an odd time for a kid whose biggest accomplishment previously had been making the travel baseball team as a catcher with a pretty decent throw to second base and a so-so batting average.
Despite all that, the world was counting on me.
Now if I could only find some pants.
Face-Plant
Amp landed near Olivia and her grandfather.
Or I should say, Amp dumped me off the top of his spaceship from about eight feet in the air, and I face-planted onto some sharp pine needles near Olivia and her grandfather. Then Amp landed safely, all comfy cozy inside his spaceship.
Olivia and her grandfather had been waiting for us to return to make our getaway, which I now realized would be harder than we’d expected. The dark woods around us were filled with the sound of men shouting orders. Beams of light flashed through the trees. An army helicopter with a superbright searchlight roared above us.
The soldiers in the fort from which we had just escaped were coming after us. They were determined not to let us get away easily.
Olivia emerged out of the darkness to help me up. “Why . . . why are you wearing only your unmentionables? Wh-where are your pants?” she stammered. “And your shoes and socks and shirt?”
“Kind of hard to explain,” I said, gasping and plucking off dried pine needles. I stumbled, trying to shake the dizziness. The woods spun around me. I put my hands on my knees and concentrated on not throwing up.
Olivia ran to the truck. Her grandfather was on one knee by Amp’s ship. It steamed visibly and had a slight golden glow to it. It looked more futuristic out here in the woods than it had under the wool blanket in my closet, which was where it had sat, unused, for weeks.
“We’ve got to get out of here,” Olivia said, handing me her grandfather’s vest.
I zipped it up, but it was way too big. I felt like I was wearing a dress.
“Step into these,” Olivia demanded, setting down huge, waterproof hunting boots.
I did as she said, and my toes searched the inside of the giant boots for warmth. I glanced down at myself and held my arms out. “I look ridiculous!”
She gave a small, nervous laugh. “You look cute.” She punched me on the arm.
“Oh, brother,” I said.
“They’re coming,” Olivia’s grandfather noted, climbing into the cab of his truck through the passenger side. He had Amp’s spaceship under his arm. “Let’s go, you two.”
Seconds later we were driving along the twisting road that ran through the woods. The helicopters were still buzzing around in the sky, so we had to drive with the headlights off. Nobody spoke. My fingers gripped the dashboard so hard, they ached.
“Is he really in there?” Olivia’s grandfather said, stealing a glance down at the spaceship that now sat in Olivia’s lap. “Your friend? Is he really inside that thing?”
“Yes, Grandpa,” Olivia said. “You’ll like him. He’s weird, but he’s totally harmless.”
“He’s normally not so shy,” I said. “Honestly, he never stops jabbering. You want to meet him?”
“Not right now. Let’s keep him in there, okay?” he said quietly.
“Oh, Amp kind of does what he wants when he wants,” Olivia explained. “In fact, he usually does exactly what you don’t want him to do.” She cleared her throat. “Sorry, Grandpa, for keeping Amp a secret. Zack and I decided not to tell anyone.”
“We thought that would be best for everybody,” I put in.
He grunted, his face pushed out over the steering wheel to better concentrate on the road.
Then Olivia’s grandfather braked suddenly and peered at the woods on the right side.
“Did you see something?” I asked with alarm. “What is it?”
“A bear?” Olivia said. “A deer? Army guys? Aliens? Bigfoot?”
He shushed us and slowed the truck even more. He flipped on the parking lights, which lit the road in front of us with a dim yellow glow. I was glad to have even a little bit of light to guide us, but now we were barely moving.
“Are we running out of gas?” Olivia asked. “That would not be good timing.”
“Do you have to go to the bathroom?” I asked, searching his face, which was now lit by the weak light coming from the dashboard. I could see his face was creased with focus.
I kept turning around to look down the road behind us, expecting to see army truck headlights roaring.
“Yeah, a potty break right now would be pretty lame, Grandpa,” Olivia said. She turned to me. “Sometimes people Grandpa’s age can’t help—”
“Shush, you two,” he said. We were now going about only five miles per hour. “They’ll set up roadblocks at the end of this valley.”
We thought about that for a moment.
“That is so intense,” Olivia said quietly.
“There it is,” Olivia’s grandfather said with relief in his voice.
We turned slowly off the smooth main road and onto a bumpy gravel path. The truck squeaked and groaned in protest.
A dim, single lightbulb appeared out of the darkness above a cracked and faded sign that said BENNETT LAKE PARK.
I checked behind us one last time as we left the road; nobody was in hot pursuit. Yet.
“Came to fish here a few times,” Olivia’s grandfather said, and sighed. “Terrible fishing. Trout no bigger than your hand.”
After a minute a locked gate appeared in front of us next to a deserted ranger station hut where people must have
to pay to enter the park during fishing season. The truck turned and rolled slowly into the small dirt parking space next to the hut. We parked with most of the truck pushed into the bushes. I could hear a few twigs snap as the truck moved forward. The branches of a giant tree slapped at the top of the truck’s cab and hung low over its bed. It was a good hiding place.
“Wait, is this a potty break?” Olivia asked.
“Nope,” Olivia’s grandfather said, turning the key and plunging us into silence.
We sat in the dark. The engine clicked and gurgled as it cooled down. I heard an owl hoot nearby.
“We are going to break into that ranger station and use it to figure out a plan.”
“Isn’t that illegal?” I asked.
“Oh, I imagine we’ve already broken a few dozen federal and state laws tonight,” he said with a hint of humor in his voice.
I rubbed my chilled arms. “Do you think we’re on the FBI’s ten most wanted list?” I asked.
“No”—Olivia’s grandfather sighed—“but the night is still young.”
“You can meet Amp when we get inside,” Olivia said excitedly. “He’s never really met an adult before. He is so funny.”
“We also might want to discuss preventing the destruction of Earth and everyone who lives on it,” I mumbled.
“That might be good,” Olivia’s grandfather said, opening his door.
“Yes, we can do that after some introductions,” Olivia said.
“The next hour or so may determine the fate of human race,” I said quietly.
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Wacky Zacky,” Olivia said, smacking me on my bare knee. “You’ll scare Grandpa.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” he said. “I’m scared enough already.”
“That makes two of us,” I said.
Mr. Larry
“You look like an elf!” Amp exclaimed when he finally poked his head out of his still-glowing ship. Apparently, he found my outfit humorous. He laughed and slapped one of his three-fingered hands on the side of his spaceship. “Zack, you’ve just got to take a selfie. That is too good not to share.”
“Oh, shut up,” I said, looking down at my bony legs, which felt like two pieces of uncooked spaghetti.
“Amp, this is my grandfather,” Olivia said. “His name is Larry.”
“Larry?” I whispered. “I never knew that.”
Olivia’s grandfather nodded silently, his eyes big circles of disbelief. His mouth hung open a bit in shock. He was backed into the dark corner of the tiny guard hut.
We had discovered the hut had no electricity, so now a small flashlight from the truck lit up the inside of the squeezed-in space. Strange shadows bounced off the walls. There wasn’t even room to sit down.
“He looks like he’s seen a ghost,” Amp said cheerfully in his high-pitched voice.
“Oh, you’re a lot creepier than a ghost,” I said. “Trust me.”
“He’s never met an alien before?” Amp asked Olivia quietly.
“You’re everybody’s first alien,” I said.
“Ampy, you forget how weird-looking you are,” Olivia said, patting her grandfather’s arm. “He takes about three months to get used to, Grandpa.”
“I’m still not used to him,” I mumbled.
Amp jumped down onto the bare wooden board that served as a sort of shelf-and-table combo. “I am Amp, Scout First Class from the planet Erde. At your service. Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Larry.” Amp bowed dramatically and made a little circular wave with his hand.
Mr. Larry just nodded, still staring. He covered his open mouth with his hand. It would take some time.
“Where are we?” Amp asked. “It smells like bear farts in here. Is anyone standing on a dead raccoon?” He grabbed his neck and stumbled about. “Can we at least crack open the door and let some fresh air in here?”
“Please don’t act like this,” I hissed. “You’re freaking out Mr. Larry.”
“The door is locked from the outside with a big fat chain and lock,” Olivia explained.
“We all had to climb through there,” I said, pointing at the window where a park ranger probably took people’s money.
“Grandpa popped it open with a screwdriver,” Olivia said.
“It is kind of cozy,” Amp said, looking around. “Except for the smell of whale puke in here.” He laughed and looked at each of us. He was the only one laughing.
“This is serious,” Olivia said tightly.
“Yeah, your Erdian friends are already here,” I said.
Olivia pointed up. “They’re floating in the sky. Right now. Waiting.”
“Oh, right,” Amp said. “We better . . .”
He didn’t finish. The humor faded from his face.
“They’re about to attack at any minute, aren’t they?” I asked.
“Oh dear,” he said, as if the seriousness of the situation were occurring to him for the first time.
Space and Swiss Cheese
“Something’s not right,” Amp said, stroking his tiny chin.
“Something?” I croaked. “You mean everything! We just kidnapped the world’s first alien after breaking into a government facility. There’s an army of soldiers who’ve blocked the roads and sent up a half dozen helicopters to find us. And there’s an Erdian army floating in the sky about to attack Earth. That’s no ‘something’—that’s everything.”
Amp stared at me for a second. “Point taken.”
“We are in way over our heads here, guys,” I said.
“Honestly, none of this makes sense,” Amp said, chewing on his lip. “Why haven’t they attacked? Why are they holding formation? That’s not how Erdians do things. What are they doing up there?”
“Maybe they changed their minds,” Olivia said with shrug.
“You don’t risk traveling with a million Erdians through space and time, then change your mind once you get here,” Amp said, waving his arms in frustration.
“I’m sure they don’t want to hurt you, Ampy,” Olivia put in hopefully. “They know you’re down here and don’t want to zap you by accident or blow you up or vaporize you . . . or whatever.”
“That wouldn’t worry them.” Amp sighed, shaking his head.
“Vaporize?” I croaked. “That sounds painful.”
“Oh, it shouldn’t be painful,” Amp said. “It’s actually over very quick.” He snapped his blue fingers.
Olivia and I looked at each other.
Olivia’s grandfather shuffled his feet. His arms were folded tight, his eyes scrunched up as he studied Amp like he was a simple card trick that could be figured out if you watched it carefully enough.
We had heard a few helicopters buzz over in the last few minutes, looking for us, but they obviously hadn’t seen the truck because it was parked so far under the big tree outside.
“Hey!” I said, suddenly pounding my fist on the shelf Amp stood on. I had only meant to get his attention, but my thump on the flimsy wood buckled it and sent Amp pinwheeling into the air. The flashlight flickered and fell over with a thwack and rolled away. Amp somersaulted in the air and landed on his butt.
Olivia grabbed the flashlight before it could roll off the shelf. She stood the flashlight back up so its light beam lit the little hut again.
I sucked air in between my clenched teeth. “Oh my gosh, sorry about that!”
“You scared the brimbles out of me!” Amp yelled.
“Brimbles?” Olivia giggled. “That’s a new one.”
“I was just trying to make a point,” I exclaimed. “I didn’t mean to knock the pimples off you.”
“Use your words, not your fists!” Amp shouted. “And it’s brimbles, not pimples. Erdians don’t get skin blemishes.”
I took a deep breath. “Whatever. I said sorry. My point was that there’s a lot you don’t understand, Amp. It was only a few hours ago that you thought your planet had exploded and you were the last Erdian left in the universe. Let’s be honest: Half the time you don’t know what�
��s going on. That’s not news.”
“Harsh,” Olivia said. “But kinda true, little man.”
“Don’t call me little man!” Amp said, jumping back to his feet. He started pacing around in circles, the way he always did when he was thinking hard.
“You haven’t even explained how you can travel through space and time,” Olivia said.
Amp stopped and held up a single finger. His eyes got big.
I slapped my forehead. “Please, Olivia, not another teachable moment.”
Amp straightened his back and got into his teaching pose. “Oh, time travel is actually quite simple, children, yet incredibly complicated at the same time.”
“Oh, thanks for clearing that up for us, Professor No Pants,” I said, rolling my eyes.
Amp flicked his antennas, enjoying the chance to show off. “Let me simplify it for you: Think of time as a giant slice of Swiss cheese, a slice so wide that you can never reach the edge of it.”
“Now you’re just making me hungry,” I mumbled.
“Time sounds delicious,” Olivia said.
Amp tried to shush us with his hands. “Now, we are located at a fixed point on that slice of Swiss cheese, meaning stuck at a certain point in time. Get it?”
“Like a nut in the cheese,” I said.
“Swiss cheese doesn’t have nuts,” Olivia corrected.
“I know, I was just—”
“Would you two just listen?” Amp exploded. “I’m trying to teach you something.”
“Lessons at the end of the world.” I sighed.
“We are fixed at a point on that slice of Swiss cheese,” he repeated, “as we are fixed at a certain point in time. Is that clear?”
“It’s pretty clear I could go for a ham-and-cheese sandwich right now,” I said.
Amp growled at me. “But that slice of Swiss cheese is really a block of Swiss cheese, a block of cheese as thick as the universe.”
