by Noah Harris
“Yeah, we’re all bitches,” her matter of fact tone was ruined completely by the wide grin on her face.
Dean rolled his eyes, “Ugh . . . that was just terrible. But at least you have a sense of humor, so that’s something.”
She lolled her head in his direction, “That aimed at everyone, or Lucille?”
That made him smile, “You’re about as observant as Mikael, but yeah, Lucille.”
“She’s,” she began, trailing off as if to mull over her words and choose them carefully, “different.”
“That’s putting it mildly,” he grumbled, shuffling his feet on the carpet.
“Well, she’s always been a bit like Dad. She believes in the old ways, and she’s going to follow them. But she also sees that sometimes change must happen. She’s the thinker of the three of us, and she has to think over everything very carefully. So, she’s quiet and she thinks without giving much away, but in the end, she would fight tooth and nail for me and Mikael.”
Dean nodded his understanding, “So, if she’s the thinker, what does that make you and Mikael?”
“Me?” she blinked, “That’s easy. I’m the doer. I just do things. It’s easier to just go along with what I’m told to do because at least then I’m doing something, not sitting around thinking too hard or arguing about it. It’s simpler that way. Mikael is . . . well, he’s always been a bit of an oddball, too. He likes to do things his way, or at least that’s what he wants to do. Right now, he’s caught between what he should do and what he wants to do. He’s never been very good at deciding which one to stick with. Heir or not, he’d save himself a lot of grief if he chose to stick with one and went with it.”
“Your dad mentioned him being the heir,” Dean replied, looking up to her face once more, “He really seemed to think that was a big thing.”
Katarina shrugged, “It is if you’re big on the old ways, which my father is, if you didn’t notice. Might be different for other places, but only males can be heirs here. They pass on the bloodline and they’re first in line to be Alpha if the current Alpha dies or gives up the spot for whatever reason. Of course, anyone who thinks they’re tough enough can challenge him if they want, and they have, but he’s still the next big man in charge. He’s just gotta have a couple of kids with some woman and hope for at least one boy.”
“So, he can turn around and do the same thing to his son?” Dean asked, annoyance creeping into his tone, “Seems pretty dark ages to me.”
“Hm, I think that’s where the rules came from actually, or at least around that time,” her tone was casual, completely undisturbed by the topic or his attitude.
“Right. So, I take it the woman he’d have kids with would take your mom’s spot?” he asked, glad to have someone to talk to who was willing to share some information with him. Mikael had always avoided the topic as much as he could, and Dean was just starting to understand why. The less the other man talked about it, the more he could avoid having to think about what awaited him here.
“No,” she said, as she shook her head. “In this case it just worked out that the woman who earned her place as Alpha Bitch also happened to be the Alpha’s mate. Gets a bit weird at times, but it’s possible, and not uncommon, for the Alpha’s to not be mates.”
“Your mom had to fight for the position?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.
“Well, she was his first choice, because that’s how it works. If someone else has an issue with it, they have to challenge her or him, depending on whether the challenger has a dick or not.” She picked at a slight gouge in the chair’s arm, “I hear a couple of bitches did Challenge when Mom took her spot. But seeing as how she’s still Alpha Bitch, I’m going to go out on a limb and say she kicked some ass.”
“Huh, wouldn’t have expected that, she seems so . . .”
“Quiet?” Katarina snorted, “Yeah, she is. That’s where Lucille gets it from. I got a lot of her looks, and Mikael? Well, he got her ability to get under Dad’s skin easily, without knowing what to do about it like she does.”
Dean sighed, “Yeah. That seems about right. He was . . . quieter than I’ve ever seen him when we were in that meeting.”
“I heard that was nice and peaceful,” he didn’t have to strain to hear the sarcasm in her voice, “but that sounds about right. Right on time I guess.”
He frowned, “Meaning?”
She hesitated, eyeing Dean warily, “Now, I’m going to tell you this stuff because I like you, I really do. You’re weird for a human, but I like that about you. That and I saw the way he looked at you before the meeting with Dad. You make him happier than I’ve seen him . . . ever actually. The fact that you’re here says a lot about you, and I dig that too. If it were up to me, he’d be with you and that would be that. Anyway, you need to keep this between us, I mean it.”
Dean motioned about helplessly, “Who would I tell?”
“My brother,” she informed him.
That brought a raised brow from him, “Oh. Okay, I won’t tell him. Promise.”
That seemed enough for her, and she sighed, “Mikael has always been in a strange spot. He’s the Heir, and he wants to be Alpha, you can tell from the fact that he fights for it. But he doesn’t want to be exactly what Dad expects him to be. Even when he was little, he was a bit of a handful, wanting to do things his own way. He’s never been able to do that though, because he’s also more responsible than he lets on, more . . . dutiful, I guess is the word. So, he’s always stuck between doing what he thinks is right for everyone and doing what’s right for him. The two don’t mix in his mind and he doesn’t know which one to pick.”
“That’s a pretty shitty system,” he replied, now frowning as he thought back to the discussion they’d all had the other day in this room.
She smirked again, “You know, Artemis told me about your little talk with them the other day. Gotta say, I’m kind of sad that I missed it. I’m sure Lucille was about ready to have kittens, and Mikael was so tense you could break a rock over his head. Not that you couldn’t do that anyway, the stubborn ass.”
Dean laughed softly at that, “Yeah, nobody but Artemis was all that happy about the conversation. I’m sure your dad would have been really happy to hear it too.”
“No doubt,” she grinned, “it would have made the meeting you were in even more interesting than it already was. Dad isn’t exactly what you would call big on change.”
“Your dad is . . .” he trailed over, running his mind over that meeting.
“My dad is a lot of things,” she admitted freely, giving a shrug. “He isn’t the most agreeable guy, I’ll admit. But he gets the job done and the pack hasn’t suffered under his leadership. He might be a hard ass, but there it is.”
“Pack huh?” Dean wondered, “That’s the correct term?”
“Yeah,” she replied amiably enough, turning her head slightly, “and speak of the devil, here they are now.”
Dean followed the direction she’d turned her ear, “What?”
“It seems they’re back. Boys have gotta run after all,” she replied with a grin, “among other things.”
Dean stared, deadpan, at the woman, “Please don’t remind me.”
She raised a brow, “I’m guessing you haven’t uh . . .”
He wanted to be amused at her sudden lack of tact, but instead only sighed, shaking his head, “No. He’s been . . . distant.”
She said nothing, only watching him without saying anything before finally rising, “He’s probably on his way back here. He seems to check on you every time he’s finished doing something. Sorry to leave you on that note but . . .”
Dean waved her off, “I appreciate you coming to visit me Katarina, seriously. I really have been bored silly.”
Katarina smiled at him, her expression soft, “No worries, Dean. I know it might not seem like it, but some of us do like you.”
“You and your cousins,” he sighed, trying not to feel sorry for himself. But that wasn’t really going to hel
p him, and it wasn’t going to solve his problems with Mikael, either.
“Mm, I think Lucille actually does too,” she paused, “and I’m sure Mother does. It’s just hard to tell with either one of them. I hear even Dante has developed a begrudging respect for you.”
Dean blinked, “The one who attacked me?”
“Yeah, he’s an idiot, but you held your own against him for a little while, so you have that going for you.”
“Oh joy,” Dean replied dryly.
“Chin up, Dean,” she told him as she made for the door, “it can’t last forever, right? And talk to my brother, that’s got to be better than staying cooped up here, sulking and miserable.”
chapter
Ten
The silence hung around him as he once again found himself sprawled on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. It had been, once again, another day of mind numbing boredom and coldness from Mikael. It wasn’t that the man was actively dismissing him, but he hadn’t bothered to go out of his way to be near Dean either. Hell, he didn’t even seem to notice Dean’s attempts to be around him either.
The man had been gone since sunrise, and with the sun having long since set, this was the longest time he had spent away. Dean had spent the day—and now the evening—becoming more and more miserable. No one had visited throughout the day, unless you counted the dirty looks he’d received from the few people that passed him when he’d ventured outside. He had been left alone and was now wishing that he’d taken Katarina’s advice and tried talking to Mikael, instead of simply letting the sullen man go about his business without comment.
At this point, his anger had all but drained from him, leaving him with a sick, empty feeling that gnawed at him from the inside. How long was this going to go on? Mikael really wasn’t doing better, and the tiny hope that the man only needed some time was dying a slow and painful death. Whether Dean tried to coax him gently, or gave him his space, nothing seemed to help. Mikael was lost in his own little world and hardly seemed to notice that Dean was even there, except when he was forced to.
When the sound of the door opening finally came, he barely stirred from his spot on the couch. It didn’t seem to matter much if he greeted Mikael or not, so why not try something new?
There was a pause, with only the moonlight spilling into the room from the open door, until Mikael’s soft voice cut through the silence, “Dean?”
“Here,” he replied dully, still not bothering to pick himself up from his place on the couch.
“Oh,” Mikael responded, closing the door behind him and finding his way to the artificial, battery powered lights he kept. Dean had been a little surprised by them when he’d first seen them days ago, but he supposed it made sense. Not everyone was going to be content with firelight for illumination, and Mikael was relatively modern by werewolf standards. It made him wonder how Mikael had managed to even watch the movies they’d talked about in the past since the Grove didn’t actually have electricity.
“Oh?” Dean asked, finally sitting up and wincing at the sudden cut of light, “really?”
Mikael turned, blinking at him, “I . . . didn’t know if you were here or not.”
“Try to sound less disappointed next time,” he huffed, flopping back gracelessly onto the couch.
“I didn’t sound disappointed,” Mikael replied, his tone almost sulking.
“Close enough, did you have fun outside all day?” He knew he sounded petulant and grumpy, and he was.
He could actually hear the frown in Mikael’s voice, “Have you not been outside today?”
Dean sat up again, turning a wondering expression on Mikael, “And why would I do that? I can’t go anywhere around here without being glared at. Artemis and Apollo are hardly ever around, and Katarina is rarely here either. It’s nice of them to drop by when they can and show their support though. Since they seem to be the only ones who like me and want me around.”
Mikael stared at Dean, “The only ones?”
“Well, last time I checked, they at least made an effort to be around me,” Dean glared at Mikael, trying to summon up the anger he had felt for the last few days.
“I’m around you,” Mikael motioned, waving his arm around them.
The snort was ugly as it came from Dean, “Really? This hardly counts. You’re barely around me anymore, I’m left by myself and the oh-so-warm company of The Grove. Which, I gotta say, the hospitality here? Not great.”
“You’re an outsider,” Mikael told him, as if that explained it all, “and I’ve been busy. I can’t stand around with you all day and keep you company, Dean. You knew that when we came out here.”
Dean narrowed his eyes at the insinuation, “I didn’t say I wanted you to hold my hand and make sure I didn’t ever get bored, Mikael. What would be nice though would be you making eye contact with me and not just by accident. Or if you even ever freaking touched me. You’ve barely touched me for days, and then only when I’ve initiated it. This isn’t about you not being around physically, you haven’t been around in any sense of the word Mikael, and we both know it.”
The pinched look on Mikael’s face deepened, “It’s a little complicated, Dean.”
“Why, because of your dad? Stressed by the pack?” he asked, feeling his frustration growing.
“How am I supposed to be the heir when I keep throwing my duties aside?” Mikael asked, and Dean wasn’t sure if the question was directed at himself or at Dean.
Dean blinked in surprise, “Are you . . . are you questioning us . . . again? After all you said when you stayed with me the last time? After all that, really?”
Mikael sat down wearily, his face cast in the shadows that the light made, “It’s not . . . it’s not like that. I just don’t know what to think anymore, Dean. My dad is right, and so are you. I can’t keep denying my responsibilities, Dean.”
Dean stiffened at that, eyeing the other man warily, “So apparently it is like that. You’re questioning if you should have even come back in the first place, let alone stayed with me.”
As Mikael’s gaze came up to his it gave him the answer he sought, “Dean . . .”
It was one thing to suspect it, but another completely to know for certain. It was an entirely different matter to have the facts staring you right in the face. The fear and guilt on the man’s face tightened Dean’s chest and made his throat construct. His stomach churned unhappily, his hand instinctively going to clutch at it before catching himself.
“Should I even be here?” The question was meant to be angry, accusatory even, but it came out as a faint, almost whisper, instead.
“I don’t want you to go, Dean,” Mikael told him, squirming in his seat. “But I can’t say that it’s good for you to be here, either. This is what I was worried about. You’re unhappy here, and everyone else is unhappy you’re here, too.”
“I’m unhappy because—” Dean looked at the ground, shaking his head, “Wait—everyone huh? Yeah, I suppose I would be getting in the way, wouldn’t I?”
Mikael looked startled at the suddenly rigid and overly controlled sound of Dean’s voice, “Dean. I’m just trying to do the right thing here.”
When Dean looked up, his dark brown eyes were dull and devoid of any real emotion. His expression was impassive and his body slowly moved, squaring itself off against Mikael in a rigid, protective stance. Dean could feel the swirl of his self-control wrap itself around his emotions, locking them down tight. Pain ached in his chest and he chose to ignore it, letting it do its thing without giving it more attention than it truly deserved.
“Then just tell me,” Dean told him, voice unnervingly still even to his own ears, “tell me what I need to do.”
The utterly lost expression on Mikael’s face was replaced by a flicker of annoyance, and then something else. The werewolf turned his head away, so that whatever had been there was lost in the shadows, “It’s best for everyone if you aren’t here.”
Dean stood straighter, “Will you take me back to the
farm then, or . . . ?”
Mikael still didn’t look at Dean, his jaw tight, “You can take my truck. I’ll come back for it when I’m able to leave here. I don’t know how to make this work for us Dean, but this isn’t goodbye, not for me. We can figure something out when I’m able to spend time out of here again.”
“I won’t be your mistress, Mikael,” Dean told him calmly, though the cold edge to his words couldn’t be missed, “and I won’t be your plaything. Come and get your truck when you want, but make sure you’ve made up your mind by then about what you really want.”
“That isn’t fair,” Mikael told him as Dean turned away, his voice both hurt and angry.
“No,” Dean agreed, “it isn’t, but here we are. Or at least, here I go.”
He plucked the keys from their spot next to the door, unable to stop himself from taking one look back before he left. Mikael sat in the eerie mix of light and shadow, rigid in the chair at an angle that did not allow Dean to make out the look on his face. The ache in his chest caused both by the sight of the man and the fact that he didn’t even glance up, spread and deepened. Emotion was stinging his eyes, but he shoved the sensation away.
Whether the pain Dean felt was for himself or for Mikael, his heart ached, threatening to crack and break right there. The man was impossibly lonely looking, sitting in the shadows of the home he had built himself. Yet, even lonely, he still was turning away the one person who would have stuck with him through just about anything. That Mikael was knowingly putting Dean through one of the things he wouldn’t abide by, both hurt and angered him. Both emotions were dull and muted as he shoved them away once more, knowing that Mikael was lost to him.
He closed the door gently behind him as he turned and walked to the truck, unable to bear looking at the hunched shape of Mikael any longer. There was nothing that he could do to stop this from happening, and to stay would only make things harder on them both. That Mikael had finally voiced the thought that he needed Dean gone was a bitter relief. He no longer had to wonder and wait for it. The worst had happened, and now he was free from the worry.
