By the time the morning of our senior class trip rolls around at the end of those four days, we couldn’t feel any more close to one another. He tells me more about himself in those four days than he’s ever revealed to me in the two years I’ve known him. It's as if he's finally broken down that last bit of brick wall his soul was hiding behind, and he’s ready to finally let me completely in.
He tells me how his mother died in a car accident and that he believes it to be all his fault. He tells me about his addiction to painkillers after the accident, and how his father can’t even look at him anymore since his expulsion for getting caught dealing drugs on school grounds.
He tells me about taking Colton under his wing the first day he was introduced to him. How Colton’s relationship with Ellie reminds him of our relationship, and that he wants to protect them as much as he wants to protect me. I love that. Parker's turning out to be so much more loving and caring than I ever imagined he could be. It makes me that much more certain that I've made the right choice in being with him.
And lastly, we talk about Tris. He tells me how things have changed with their friendship over the last few years. That ever since their time together at the mansion with Adrienne, things have been tense between them. I suspect I know what it is, and wonder if Parker is at all aware of the fact that Tris has feelings for him.
“He’s been trying to push me over the edge for a while,” he confesses.
“He has feelings for you, doesn’t he?” I decide to ask. I’m not sure how he will react to the question, but he’s being so open right now, I might get a straight answer out of him and I don’t want to miss the opportunity.
“Did he tell you that?” he asks, his eyes narrowing.
“He didn’t have to. I know jealousy when I see it.”
“Is that… fuck, don’t tell me he did this to you because you called him out on that?”
I sigh, and after a moment, nod my head.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”
“Did you know?”
Parker shakes his head. “Not till the day he attacked you,” he tells me. I wait for him to explain further, but when he doesn’t, I let the topic drop. It’s clear that whatever happened between them is still bothering him, and I don’t want to pry. He’ll tell me when he’s ready, he always does.
I'm at a complete loss as to why Parker would choose to spend his time with a horrible person like Tris, though he doesn't make any excuses for it, their friendship was built on a foundation of drugs and debauchery and over the years it has disintegrated piece by piece. Tris has been trying to hurt Parker for a while in any way that he possibly can and, unfortunately, I was an obvious target for that.
He also tells me that Ellie is not the girl who he had almost slept with during the time I was with Bree. I’m glad, but I'm still hurt that he never told me anything about her since we’ve gotten back together. She's obviously a good friend to him and someone he confides in. I'm honest about my feelings with him and confess that I'm a little bit jealous of his connection with her.
“You have nothing to worry about,” he says softly, kissing the center of my forehead. “Ellie’s been rooting for you since the day I told her that I saw the love of my life kissing her best friend at school and it destroyed me.”
“You said that to her?”
He nods. “Yep. Right after I went to talk to you at Bree's house that day and you made it very clear to me that you and Bree were an item and that you wanted nothing more to do with me. I went to see Ellie then.”
Apparently Ellie had an inside scoop on what was going on with Evan and the feelings he had developed for Bree, so she encouraged Parker to make a move to get me back even though he had already decided at that point that he didn't want to compete with a girl for my affection. He was jealous of Bree and completely destroyed that I had moved on with her, but he wasn't about to fight her for me.
So, I guess, the night he came here to explain everything to me about who he is and what he does and how sorry he is for how we turned out, wasn’t a coincidence, he knew Bree and I were going to be having problems soon enough, and he was using that knowledge to his advantage.
At first I’m pissed at him about this because I feel like he should have told me what he knew from the start. But it doesn’t take long for me to remember that he did tell me shortly after that night, and I was desperate not to believe him. Sometimes these things just need to take their own course, and I think Parker knew that.
On the morning of the class trip, I look around my room, feeling overwhelmed. My stuff is scattered all over my bed waiting to be packed for our weeklong trip to Madigan City, but I just can’t bring myself to start. Everyone seems pretty excited about this trip, but I honestly couldn’t care less. The only reason I even wanted to go was because it was a great opportunity for Bree and me to have alone time together. Now that we aren’t together anymore, I’m not even sure why I’m still going. I can only imagine how awkward it will be for the two of us, sharing a room together after everything we’ve been through these last few months.
I walk over to the bathroom to gather my makeup and hair accessories just as Parker returns to the apartment. He’d left to pack up his own bags and promised he’d only be gone twenty minutes. He didn’t lie.
“That was fast,” I say as I’m walking out of the bathroom with all of my toiletries.
He drops his bag on the table and smiles. “I told you I would be fast.”
I wrap my arms around his waist, looking up into his eyes. I love those eyes. I can’t get enough of them. I push myself on my tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the lips. He kisses me back, holding his lips to mine a few seconds longer than I had originally intended. I feel the tingles his kiss gives me run throughout my entire body, and I sigh contently the instant he moves away.
“Almost ready to go?” he asks, slipping off his boots and beginning toward my room. He sees the mess of things all over the bed and turns to look at me questioningly. “Something wrong?” he asks with a hint of concern in his voice.
“Did you bring the condoms?” I ask, attempting to change the subject as I dig around for some hot lingerie. I'm determined to have a sexy weekend with him in spite of the pain I'm in, but he's not as determined, unfortunately.
“I brought them, but I’m not sure about us having sex just yet, baby. You’re still in a lot of pain.”
I force a little smile. “You’re always looking out for me.”
Parker’s brow creases with worry. He takes a seat on the messy bed, scooting his back up against the headboard, and motions for me to join him. “Come here,” he says. I sit on the bed between his legs and carefully scoot myself backward so that my back is pushed up tightly to his chest. He instinctively wraps his arms around me, being sure to keep the embrace loose so that he doesn't hurt my still sore body.
“Tell me what’s going on.”
I shrug, not wanting to make it into a big deal. “I’m sharing a room with Bree tonight and for the rest of the week. It doesn’t feel right. You can’t be ok with it. Are you?
“Well,” he begins, taking a deep breath and then exhaling. “Do you still have feelings for Bree?”
“I care about her,” I tell him honestly, and I feel his body tense up slightly at the confession, “but I have no desire to be with her in that way anymore. All I want is you.”
He pushes his forehead to the back of my head and hugs his arms around my neck loosely. “So there you go then,” he says as if my words solve everything.
“But it’s not that easy. Bree and I are out of sorts right now. We aren’t even friends. She hasn’t even called or come to see me since the night Tris attacked me. I don’t think I want us to be forced into being friends again. It should happen naturally once we’re ready, you know?”
“Yeah, I know,” he mumbles, and I can tell by his voice that something I said has made him drift off somewhere in his mind.
“What?” I ask, turning around to face
him. I do it slowly because of the pain it gives me, especially when I make sudden movements. Sex may actually be out of the question for this trip, but I’m not about to tell him that he’s right. Not yet anyway.
“Bree came to see you the night you were attacked. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I don’t know what I was thinking…” his voice trails off.
“Are you serious? Why the hell would you keep that from me?” I feel my anger boil to the surface. All this week I thought she didn't give a damn at all, and now I find out she was here the very first night!
He doesn't reply right away, causing me to study his facial features in order to figure out what his motives could have been. I see an uneasiness in his eyes and it catches me off guard. I've never known him to be intimidated by anyone, so I certainly didn't consider my previous relationship with Bree to be something that might worry him.
“She makes me nervous,” he says finally. “She's still in love with you. You know that, right?”
“Parker,” I say with a sigh. I don't know what else to say. I've known for a while that she's still in love with me. It's probably the biggest reason why I'm so nervous about rooming with her for an entire week in Madigan City.
“I know you know that she is,” he says softly, and I can hear the defensiveness in his voice. “I said I’m sorry I didn't tell you, and I’m telling you now…so let’s not fight about it, ok?”
“Are you telling me now because you know she'll probably tell me tonight?” I ask.
“I’m telling you because keeping her away from you won’t keep you with me.” He brushes his hand across my cheek. “But I don't want to lose you again,” he says, and I hear the pain in his voice when he says those last words. So broken… and I did that to him. I literally feel an ache in my heart the instant the words escape his mouth.
“You won’t lose me,” I whisper into his ear, and the corner of his lip curls up into a tiny smile. Such a tough guy with such a wounded heart, his sensitivity and insecurities catch me off guard every single time he makes them visible.
“But I think you should still room with her for the trip,” he adds, “I know she’s with Evan now, but she still has a lot of strong… feelings…for you. Those feelings might still be there for you too, but you won't know it if you keep avoiding her.”
Oh God…I don't like the sound of that at all. Everything he just said right now is very reminiscent of what I'd originally said to Bree the night Evan kissed her. I told her I wanted her to explore her feelings for him, I told her to be his friend. I did this hoping she'd come back to me after all was said and done. I was stupid.
“It's not about exploring my feelings. It's about making a choice, and I've made mine.”
“But are you sure about that choice? What if you wake up one morning and realize that all I am is a rebound and it's Bree who you really want to be with?”
I shake my head stubbornly, “Bree was the rebound.” I say with certainty. “I didn't know it at the time, but it's the truth. You're all I want, Parker. All. I. Want.” I take his face into both of my hands and plant my lips firmly onto his. I know that he doesn't fully believe me, but I can feel the hope emerge in him as he begins to kiss me back.
When I ran away from him that night on the beach, I left him with so much insecurity. He hides it well, but behind that tough guy exterior is a little boy who just needs someone to love him. I want to be that someone. I need to be that someone… just like he needs to be mine.
“Then I guess there's nothing for either of us to worry about, is there?” he says, breaking free from my lips and kissing my neck with his beautiful mouth. He takes in a deep, and steady breath as he gathers himself for his next words. “You'll room with Bree… and we'll be just fine.”
I squeeze his hand. We'll be just fine.
Bree
“This is crazy,” I say to Spencer who's sitting next to me on one of the tour buses our school rented for the class trip. He has his seat reclined and is lying back comfortably as he scrolls through Facebook on his phone.
“What's crazy?” he mutters, distracted.
I sigh and yank the phone from his hand. “Evan's right over there and he still won't even look in my direction. He says we’re not broken up, but he could have fooled me. What's the point of being with someone if they won't even talk to you?”
“Did you try talking to him?”
“Of course I did. I’ve been messaging him on Facebook all week since he can’t text with his broken phone. He never replied to me, even though all the messages are marked as seen,” I say bitterly.
“So maybe he needs space,” Spencer says, grabbing his phone back from my hand.
“It's been a week!”
I glance behind me at the back of the bus where Skylar and Parker are sitting cuddled up next to one another, completely oblivious to the fact that everyone on this bus is talking about her very visible injuries and how Parker is the one who gave them to her.
Idiots.
And then I keep seeing people looking at me as if to say, 'Why are you letting her be with him?' Like they know anything about it anyway.
“I know he didn't hurt her,” a female voice says, breaking into my thoughts as though she'd been reading my mind. I face forward in my seat and see Adrienne Ambrose standing before me. What the hell does she want? I've never spoken a word to this girl my entire life and now she's coming over to me and striking up a conversation like we're friends?
“This seat taken?” she asks, motioning to the seat closest to the aisle. I turn to Spencer to see what he thinks and he just shrugs. When I turn back to give her my answer, she's already sitting comfortably next to me, her chair reclined, and her feet pushed against the seat in front of her. She smiles a huge, happy grin. The smile seems sincere at least.
“Hey Spencer,” she says, looking beyond me and waving to him. I wonder if Spencer's had many conversations with her over the years since Mark has passed away.
“Adrienne,” he says with a smirk. “How ya been?”
She shrugs, stealing a glance behind us at Parker and Skylar. “Same old story, different day.”
“You know who didn't hurt who?” I decide to ask, because it's pretty obvious that she won't be leaving my side for at least six hours depending on how many stops we make along the way. I might as well strike up a conversation. God knows my boyfriend won't bother talking to me, might as well talk to his ex.
“I know Parker didn't hurt Skylar,” she replies, matter-of-factly. “Parker won’t hurt a girl… not even when he's being kinky.”
Eww! Way too much information!
Spencer bursts out laughing, throwing his head back. “And you would know,” he says once his laughter subsides.
She winks at him mischievously, “I certainly would.”
“Well, I definitely didn't need to know any of that,” I say, wanting nothing more than to remove myself from this conversation immediately. I don't want to picture what Parker does in bed! If I do that, then the next thing I'll be imagining is what he's doing with Skylar in bed and, oh my God, I really don't want that image in my head at all.
She giggles. “Sorry, it's just that I know what everyone is saying can't be true. There’s no way he'd ever hurt her. He's a Lindor chocolate.”
This time I actually do crack a smile. In spite of her outward bluntness, she's kind of funny, I'll give her that. “A Lindor chocolate, huh?”
“Yeah, you know, appealingly decadent on the outside, with an irresistibly smooth center, guaranteed to melt your heart.”
Spencer grins from ear to ear. “Parker, appealingly decadent on the outside. Yeah, I like that.”
I roll my eyes. “I wouldn't exactly go that far,” I mumble, and they both burst out laughing yet again.
Once Spencer catches his breath, he continues on with the serious aspect of the conversation. “Yeah, well, we already knew he didn’t do it.”
“Oh yeah?”
For a moment, I actually begin telling her the truth
but I stop myself abruptly. There's something about this girl that makes me comfortable and willing to share. I have to be careful with her. It’s strange, I've never had a conversation with her before in my life, but she's an open book, her smile is contagious, and I like that.
“Who did it?” she asks, noticing my hesitation.
“Why don't you ask them?” I say instead, gesturing toward Skylar and Parker. I see Parker's eyebrows rise as he notices us looking in their direction.
“Nah,” she says, turning around again. “I was just curious. It really doesn't matter. So you and Evan, huh?”
Holy jump of topic! She doesn't skip a beat, does she? But I can't help but be mesmerized by her inviting smile. It's hard not to be drawn to her. She's nosy, but for some reason I don't mind it. “Yeah… so?” I challenge.
“I thought you were gay.”
And all her charisma disappears instantly.
“Did you think Skylar was gay?”
She shakes her head. “No, I knew Skylar was bi. But you, I thought you were gay. Like Spencer here,” she says, reaching over and patting him on the hand.
Spencer laughs. “Thanks for pointing out my sexual orientation, Adrienne. For a minute there, I wasn't sure.” He shoots her an amused grin.
It’s obvious to me that he has, in fact, spoken to her since Mark’s death, and I think they might even have become close. It’s easy to see’s that he’s comfortable with her.
“I don't know, Adrienne.” I narrow my eyes, attempting to make it clear to her that her comment irritates me. “I'm just a girl who was with a girl and now I'm with a guy. Why does it have to be anything more than that? Why does there always have to be a label for it?”
“I guess there doesn't. Sorry if I offended you,” she says, dropping her voice and glancing at me apologetically. My anger dissipates quickly. She affects my emotions in a way that I can't quite understand. I look into her eyes, they are the most beautiful shade of grey, and they fit perfectly with her natural copper colored hair. I'm suddenly very aware of how absolutely stunning she is. “Thank you,” I reply, almost breathlessly.
Keep From Falling (Markson Grove Series Book 1) Page 37
