Syd walked closer until they were less than five feet from one another. “I don’t want to lose you, Kaz. It’s not worth it and I can deal with your problems but you need to let me in and stop shutting me out because you think I will just fall apart and not be able to take what you can dish out.
“I’m not a child. I entered this relationship with my eyes open and I knew what I would have to face. Please don’t do this to me and don’t try to minimize what we have. I love you and I know you love me too but if you can’t say it then I can deal with that and I won’t ever push you to say anything before you’re ready. Are you feeling me?”
He pulled her into an embrace and held her tightly. “Yeah, I’m feeling you. But…the only thing is…I do love you, Sydney. I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you over words I was too much of a coward to say. Do you forgive me?”
She smiled into his eyes and his heart melted. Everything he’d planned with his head had all been forgotten about because his dick was now firmly in charge.
Kaz knew her game and yet, he still couldn’t bring himself to care. This chick had him utterly and thoroughly pussy-whipped, and if that wasn’t bad enough, she had his heart in a vice and kept squeezing tighter until he felt like the actual organ would burst because he couldn’t imagine being with anyone but Syd. A man like him found that was not only a scary thought but one, which made him contemplate how much control he’d ever had to begin with over his current situation?
Chapter Three
Wembley Stadium: The Concert
IT WAS THE best day of my life and the worst day of my life.
Kaz had finally admitted he was in love with me but I began to suspect more and more Talia was on to something and I didn’t want it to be true.
For the first time, I was well and truly happy. My love life was amazing and I had this great rock star boyfriend who’d finally admitted his true feelings for me. If he’d been the average guy, that would have been a big deal but knowing what I knew about his past, I was blown away.
My mother and grandfather only wished for me to be content with my life and since I actually was productive, had a job and did more than sleep till noon, hang out with my girlfriends and shop, they didn’t mind who I dated.
Either I’d managed to get a hold of a bad batch of pills or I, unfortunately, was part of that unlucky one or two percent that happened to get pregnant despite being on the Pill.
I didn’t have any factual evidence or a test showing a pink line but the PH balance had changed in my mouth. I was ultra-sensitive to the most tongue-in-cheek jokes, my hormones were going haywire and I felt nauseous more often than not.
I kept this all to myself because I didn’t want anyone to know. Not only did I land the first man I’d slept with but he’d made a goal and now we were expecting a baby…or not. I knew it wasn’t the right time and Kaz would probably flip. I refused to risk my relationship over someone who wasn’t here and couldn’t live on their own. I’d already decided to wait until we arrived in France because not only would I know by then but I could have it done quietly and discreetly. No one would be wise to my predicament and if Kaz decided we could really work as a couple after the tour, we would talk about it then whether or not he wanted more children.
My head flipped topsy-turvy and I craved his support now more than ever but it wasn’t available to me.
I did what I had to do during the concert and afterwards, walked back to the dressing room. The members of Winter’s Regret were chilling back there along with Misty and Keren.
“Where’s Damira?” Kris inquired as soon as he saw me.
I felt sick and needed to sit down and get some air along with something to drink, preferably non-alcoholic.
“She’s still filming,” I murmured as Keren’s gaze met my own. She stood and walked over to the refreshment counter and grabbed a plastic cup and a Ginger Ale.
“You’re lookin’ a little worn down, babe. These always soothe my stomach.”
“Thank you,” I replied before I opened the Ginger Ale and drank straight from the can. It quenched my thirst and seemed to settle my upset stomach. I barely noticed the looks she and Misty exchanged.
“Can I talk to you?”
I zoned out for a moment before I looked up and faced Seth. He was high but far from out of it. I stood and followed him into the restroom before he closed the door and locked it behind us.
My heart began to race but not for the reasons he probably thought as I whipped around to face him. “Why did you do that?”
“Cut the bullshit, Syd. Is Talia leaving me? I’m not stupid and I know she never came back to bed last night. She slept on the sofa opposite of you and what was with you staying with us anyway?” he inquired as he clutched a bottle of Jack Daniels and swigged from it.
“Talia doesn’t plan to go anywhere as far as I know. Yes, she likes to talk to Kris and Kaz but I can assure you nothing is going on with either guy. For some reason unknown to me, she still loves you very much. She won’t leave you because she believes she would be abandoning you. You know a lot more about her reason for staying with you than I am privy to. She didn’t tell me about your relationship in detail…I have no idea what happened to you as a kid,” I explained in a neutral voice before I finished my Ginger Ale and wished I had another.
Seth’s gray-green eyes stared me up and down before his eyes lingered on my breasts and finally dragged back up to my face. “You’re not preggers, are you? You had that greenish look to you when you came back from the stadium area but now you look pretty healthy to me.”
“That’s none of your business to be honest but since inquiring minds want to know, no, I am not. I think I ate something that didn’t agree with me and I have been sick for the last few days.”
“Yeah, that’s what Talia told me when I inquired why she wasn’t feeling well. Then the next thing I know she’s lookin’ fresh and glowing like a goddamn two hundred watt light bulb. You bitches seem to love to have babies sucked out of you but you never think about us guys and how we might feel. Men sure do get the short end of the stick in society.”
I felt like I had been slapped in the face.
One, Seth was a drug user, and therefore loose-lipped. The last thing I needed was him telling all his band mates what he suspected because eventually Kaz would find out. I couldn’t have that because he would think I didn’t want his baby when all I wanted was to be the mother of his future children. However, it wasn’t the right time and was our relationship strong enough to deal with a kid right now?
I wasn’t willing to risk it and that is why I had already planned to have an abortion. Seth didn’t need to know any of this because it wasn’t his business, plain and simple. If he had an issue with Talia then he needed to address her and perhaps that was one of the reasons why he treated her like dog shit but I didn’t want to know about it.
I turned on the charm full blast and smiled innocently. “I don’t have a clue what you are talking about. First of all, Kaz and I are very careful and second of all, I’m not pregnant so don’t go starting rumors you have no direct knowledge of or I might just have to get you fired from Winter’s Regret.”
Seth moved faster than I anticipated and before I knew it, he had my right upper arm within his left hand. He wore a steel knuckle that was both for protection and decoration. The damn thing dug into my sensitive flesh and I yelped unexpectedly.
“Bitch, if you do that then I promise to fucking ruin you. Let’s just call a truce, yeah? You stay the fuck out of my business and I’ll stay outta yours. Sound good to you?”
Before I could respond, there was a bang on the door. “Seth, is Syd in there with you? I can’t find her.”
Shit, it was Kaz and they’d finished their set. God knows I didn’t want him thinking we’d done anything together, sexually or otherwise.
“I’m in here,” I shouted. “Seth and I were just discussing some personal issues but we’ll be right out.”
“Good, that’
s what I expect to hear,” he whispered in my ear as he let go of my arm. “You threaten me again and I will fuckin’ burn your ass, rich bitch. You think you’re so special cuz Kaz is pluggin’ that shit every night but baby, you’re a dime a dozen. So don’t ever forget where you fit in the food chain. You’re a fucking bed warmer with three holes and that’s all you’ll ever be.”
The tears began to stream down my face before I wiped them savagely away. “I don’t see how Talia can stand you. She must be insane and out of her fuckin’ mind to put up with an animal like you!” I exclaimed in a quiet voice.
Seth smiled but it was pure menace and his eyes were so intense, the green only surrounded his pupils while the rest of his irises were steel gray. “Like your lover boy, I have a big fat cock she likes to take any way I give it to her. She can’t leave me anymore than I could let her go. So if you have any designs of trying to talk her out of our relationship, think again or I will have to go to Kaz with my suspicions.”
I glared at him as he quietly unlocked the door and opened it.
Just past him, Kaz stood. He was covered in sweat but I’d never seen him look sexier. I smiled and strolled to him before I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his sweaty neck. I could still smell Ed Hardy’s Love & Luck.
He kissed my forehead. “Baby, slow down. I missed you too but let me go take a shower. There is going to be a rockin’ after party we have to attend so let me get ready.”
I stared into his expressive aquamarine eyes. “What about me? Shouldn’t I change?”
Kaz looked me up and down. I wore a pair of indigo jeggings and a black long-sleeved, lace tee shirt which showed off a sexy scarlet colored bra.
“Hell no. You look delectable enough as it is. I am not going to let you out of my sight tonight.”
I smiled at his overprotective nature. “Go take a shower, I’ll be waiting here.”
I watched him walk off and loved the way his ass moved under the black leather pants he wore.
Damira walked in and grabbed me by the same arm Seth had manhandled. We strolled into the hallway and though I expected her to stop, she continued to walk while she fished a cigarette out of her handbag and managed to light it with a Zippo lighter while we continued our journey.
The cigarette smoke wafted back in my direction and it was then I noticed the acrid smell of burnt tobacco. I wasn’t myself and though I wanted to keep the little bastard, he or she was changing my body too quickly.
“I’m not stupid and I thought we were friends.” She suddenly stopped walking and turned to swiftly face me. “Listen, I know what’s wrong with you and soon, Kaz is gonna put two and two together. You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
I looked down toward the ground like a spoiled child. “I’m not exactly sure about anything, Damira. I vomited yesterday and my sense of smell has changed but I feel fine.” I sighed out loud. “He can’t find out because he will think I did it to trap him. I have an appointment when we get to France so it will be almost two weeks before it’s adios to the little bastard.”
She dragged from her cigarette. “It really isn’t your decision to make without telling Kaz. If he doesn’t know in a couple of weeks then I will tell him myself.”
“You can’t do that!” I exclaimed irrationally. “I’m serious, Damira, this is my decision and I choose not to have a baby I am not ready for. Kaz and I are in a relationship and I know he would love this child but that doesn’t mean he’d still want me. I abhor having to resort to this but it’s not the right time—”
“—when is it ever the right time to have a baby? When I found out I was pregnant with Xander, we weren’t even sure it was Kasper’s because I had been participating in a lot of threesomes with him and Jaden. He didn’t care. If Xander had been Jaden’s, he would have loved him just as much as he loves him now. Stop being such a fucking coward and admit you don’t want to mess up your perfect figure and you don’t want anything that could permanently tie you to Kaz!” she exclaimed with intense and unexpected anger.
“That’s right, I don’t, but not for the reasons you think. I don’t want to be a single parent like my mother was and I don’t want to know I let the one great love of my life slip away because I was too stupid to think about the future.”
Damira’s amber eyes were cruel pinpoints in a face frozen in pure rage. “If you abort that kid, I will make sure you two don’t have a future together. Tell him…Sydney, or I will.”
She turned on me and stalked quickly away. I leaned against the wall and tried to will the tears away but they came anyway and I began to cry gut-wrenching sobs.
I was acting different and Kaz would figure it out, sooner rather than later. However, if we ended our togetherness, it would be from my actions and not from anyone else’s. If Damira or Seth thought they could threaten me to do what they wanted me to do against my will, I could play dirty too. They had absolutely no idea who the fuck they were messing with because I’d spent most of my life being a hard-core, heartless bitch. I would make both of them pay if they dared to interfere in a relationship that had nothing to do with them.
THE AFTER PARTY was just as wild as I’d imagined it would be and then some.
Brits could really put the alcohol away and before two in the morning, almost everyone was extremely drunk or high or both.
I sat on Kaz’s lap and though every now and then, a bold groupie would approach him, he made it clear he wasn’t interested though he would sign anything or any body part they wanted him to. His grip tightened on me shortly after the most recent groupie had asked him to sign her breasts.
“Baby, are you okay? What was up with the way both Seth and Damira were so openly hostile with you tonight? Why are they so pissed off with you? You haven’t done anything to either one of them so why are they attacking you in public?” Kaz wondered as the calloused fingers on his left hand traced the side of my left breast.
I shook my head at him before I downed the rest of my Macallan 30. “I don’t want to talk about the druggie or your ex—this is about us and you telling me you love me. I am completely over the moon and floating on a cloud of happiness and euphoria. You really love me, honey? Tell me again.”
“Sorry, babe, I can’t do that. All I keep doing is imagining you naked and underneath my body with my cock buried deep inside of you. I haven’t had you in two days and that is two days too long,” he murmured into my ear before he bit the lobe gently.
I smiled to myself. “I know. Last night was so stupid and completely my fault. I want you too…maybe too much. Let’s go. I want you to fuck me where ever you want or desire in our hotel suite.”
We both stood and Kaz wrapped a possessive arm around my waist as we began to walk out. Damira stopped us before we could get to the door.
“Where are the two of you love birds going?” she greeted with a smile though it never reached those cold, light brown irises of hers.
“We are leaving because I want to take Syd back to the hotel room and fuck her senselessly. Do you have a problem with that? Perhaps you do since your fiancé is so far up Talia’s ass at the moment, you and him fucking is hardly going to happen within the next half an hour.”
I inwardly flinched because I knew Damira would take a comment like that to heart.
“Well, while you are fucking your girlfriend, ask her about what she’s up to and what’s she’s got planned once we get to Paris.” She raised one of her perfect eyebrows my way before she strolled off in an elegant, unhurried walk.
“What was she talking about?”
I smiled and kissed his lips sensually as soon as we left the after party. “Just shopping…I didn’t realize she cared so much about my retail therapy habits.”
Kaz and I stepped into a black cab and he immediately told the cabbie our destination before he leaned over and nibbled on my neck. “Mmm, what does that mean? Are you two not getting along? I tried to warn you but you were so determined to make nice with everyone. Some people just
don’t want to be your friend and there is nothing wrong with that.”
He paused long enough to devour my lips in a kiss so deep and intense, our tongues practically glued themselves to each other. I wrapped an arm around his neck as he caressed my right breast and pinched the nipple through the thin material.
“Fuck, you drive me wild. Every time I am around you, I just want to devour your beautiful body.”
It was always like this between us. He would murmur something incredibly sexy in my ear and I would melt with desire to have him take me, claim me and make me his. I belonged to him and although I should have been somewhat ashamed at my subservient behavior when it came to him, I wasn’t.
Falling Into Love Page 3
