“Okay…okay…I’ll help you.” Sera’s usually impatient voice was kind and soothing.
“I can do it myself. I can—” They were her present. The only connection she’d have to Kesuk and his family after she left. Her hand closed over the last tiny shell. She sighed, an inordinate amount of relief singing through her. A tear leaked down her cheek. “I have it now.”
She swiped at her eyes, sniffling as she shimmied out from under the bed, dragging a few stray dust bunnies with her. Standing, she brushed off her clothes and turned to slide the shells into her bag, avoiding eye contact with the other woman.
“It’s better that we’re leaving, Jain. We were supposed to go to Aquatilis in the first place.”
“I know.” She cleared her throat. She’d dealt with difficult situations before. She could handle this. She didn’t have a choice. If Kesuk didn’t want her to stay, then that was it. End of story.
The big bed was empty without Kesuk. Cold. Jain squeezed her eyes shut, willing sleep to come. Wavering dawn sunshine filtered through the small light shafts in her ceiling. He hadn’t come to her. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, standing. If he wouldn’t come to her, then she would go to him. She deserved one more time in his arms, damn it.
She realized she was stark naked and had no idea where his room was. He had always stayed with her. Stumped, she sat back down. Looking around, she tried to remember where she’d put the map he’d given her when she’d first arrived. Maybe his chambers were labeled. On her knees, she rummaged through her pack, trying to find something that felt like parchment.
Her door swung open.
She froze. She didn’t even need to look to know it was him. “Kesuk.”
He didn’t say a word. In two strides he was on her, scooping her into his arms. She clung to his neck, wrapping her legs around his waist. Thank God he was already naked. She could definitely develop a distinct liking for nudity. If only she had more time. She shoved the thought away, focused on enjoying this time with Kesuk. Her last time.
Stroking his hands over her back, he seemed to relish the feel of her skin, burying his face in her neck to breathe deeply. Surprised that he wanted to go slow, she tightened her legs to press closer to him.
“Kesuk, I—”
The time for words has passed, little bear. Be with me tonight.
“Yes.” The answer was simple, plain. She’d take what she could get before she had to leave. One night. One time. One moment. If that was all there was, she’d let go and enjoy it. He’d broken down all her barriers, and she was done pretending he hadn’t. She wanted him.
His mouth covered hers, his tongue twining with hers in a slow, deep kiss. Walking blindly, he lowered her to the bed. The furs felt soft against her back as he settled on top of her. The tip of his dick rubbed against her wet pussy lips. Arching up, she waited for the hard thrust that would bury his cock deep within her. It didn’t come. Instead, he moved backward, spreading soft kisses over her jaw and neck. She gasped when he nipped her earlobe, the sting causing hot moisture to pool between her spread thighs.
“Please.”
Shh.
He pressed his lips to the base of her neck, and his teeth raked over her collarbone. She buried her fingers into his dense, silky hair, loving the texture of it, tugging sharply to speed his progress. Not wanting to wait, she wriggled her hips, pushed the head of his cock into her sex. He sucked her nipple deep into his mouth, drawing hard on the tip.
Frantic, she bucked against him, her heart pounding hard. She couldn’t wait. She needed him now. She clamped her legs tight around his hips, pulling him down as she arched up. He groaned, his cock sinking into her, setting a slow, steady, maddening rhythm. Twisting beneath him, she tried to urge him on.
“Kesuk, please.” She cupped his cheeks between her hands, forced him to look at her. “I want you. No one can make me feel the way you do. Only you. Now, hurry up.”
Surprise flashed across his face and he laughed, a cocky grin playing over his lips. Like this?
Three quick hard strokes filled her to the limit. “Yes.”
Her hands closed over his ass, pulling him closer, deeper. He quickened his pace, taking her hard, just like she liked it. His masculine scent filled her nose as she sobbed for breath. She clung to him as he rode her, locked together, driving toward orgasm. A few more moments and she would go over, but she held it off, fighting to draw the pleasure out.
He froze, his eyes going all black, then his hips jerked in fast, plunging strokes as he came inside of her. Groaning into her mouth, he sucked her lower lip between his teeth.
Jain. I…Jain.
His thought echoed in her mind, connecting her to him as she shuddered hard, pussy clenching around his dick, her nails biting into his back, her legs tight around his waist.
“Kesuk,” she whispered.
Dawn broke and lit the small skylights in her room, the beams gilding his pale skin in a golden glow as they held each other tight, not wanting this last moment to pass. He pressed his forehead to hers, his unsteady breath caressing her face.
Then he rolled off her, taking his warmth with him. He rose gracefully from the bed, his large body beautiful in the morning light. “I will leave you to your final preparations.”
She swallowed and crossed her arms over her breasts. “You’re not even going to see me off?”
His long fingers clenched on the wood doorframe. His voice grated out. “No. I…can’t. Imnek will escort you.”
Hot tears flooded her eyes, and she tilted her head back, trying to hold them in. “Okay,” she whispered. What else could she say? It was over. Finished.
“I’m sorry, little bear.”
A soft laugh caught on a sob at his use of her nickname. God, she would miss that.
He finally looked at her, glancing back over his shoulder, a sad smile playing on his lips. “You wanted me to delegate.”
“Just…go.” She made herself watch the door close behind him.
Chapter 9
A thin layer of ice crunched under Jain’s heavy boots. She walked with Sera, Bretton, and Varad toward the weretiger ship. A huge number of Kesuk’s guards accompanied them. He seemed to have emptied out the entire Den for their escort. After her last jaunt outside, she wasn’t complaining, but it seemed overkill to send this many to protect them. Her steps dragged. They’d been walking for hours, but it seemed the shortest journey of her life. Everything inside of her wanted to turn around and run back, but instead she pressed forward.
“I have some theories.”
Jain sucked her cheeks in to stifle a laugh. How many times had she heard that phrase when Sera was working with her brother? Her heart squeezed at the bittersweet memory of her emotionally distant brother. It hurt so much that even the possibility of growing closer had died with him.
Jain gave Sera a sad smile. “Theories about what?”
“About why we never made it to Aquatilis, of course.” Sera rolled her eyes as though she couldn’t believe Jain wasn’t keeping up with her line of thought.
“Tell me.” Jain wasn’t sure she’d understand half of what Sera said, but she’d listen. Anything to help her not think of Kesuk.
“I would like to hear this as well.” Bretton walked a few paces behind them, his hands clasped behind his back.
Sera blushed and swallowed hard. “Um…well, it’s simple really…we, um, we…it’s possible the hyperdrive failed when we were down-jumping, and my postulation is that we came out of lightspeed too quickly and actually ended up in the neighboring solar system, still traveling toward our destination, but slowly. Then we were caught in the orbit of Alysius for centuries, those on board sustained by the life-support systems in our individual cryogenic pods.”
“Why wasn’t the crew alert to the problem?” Varad matched stride with Jain on the right.
“Our ship was strictly a supply berth. Jain and I were the only passengers. On supply ships, it was procedure for the crew to enter cryoge
nic freeze shortly after the jump to lightspeed, and the system would automatically wake them at the end of the standard jump. Ours was not standard, so the crew never woke up. However, it is possible—”
“So, why did we crash? Why didn’t we remain in orbit forever?” Jain interrupted Sera’s academic rambling.
A frown puckered the other woman’s face. “Well…I don’t know exactly.”
“You’re here now. That’s all that matters.” Bretton smiled at Sera.
Jain actually thought the good doctor might swoon. She fought her fifth eye roll of the day. Her gaze met Varad’s, and he coughed into his palm to hide his laugh.
“What’s Aquatilis like?” Sera grinned back at the ambassador.
“It’s wonderful, much better than this. Atlantis is a beacon of lights you can see for miles. We have acres of botanical gardens inside the city proper with dozens of shops to choose from. Saltwater silk would look phenomenal with your lovely hair, Doctor.” Bretton’s nose wrinkled at the thick fur cape Sera wore now. Jain’s cape.
Jain’s hands balled into fists as she tried to rein in her anger. Bretton had been here only a few weeks. He didn’t know anything about these people. She brushed aside the fact that she’d been on Alysius only a few days longer than he had. It had been, what? Three weeks? That was all? It felt like forever. And yet, it had passed far too quickly.
Sera smiled. “I can’t wait. I hate it here. It’s like something out of a backward caveman holostory.”
“Not everyone here is like the Browns.” Jain bit her tongue. Damn, she should learn to keep her mouth shut.
Their guards grunted in agreement.
“Look at this place.” Bretton waved his elegant hand to indicate their uninhabited surroundings.
“It’s beautiful. Just because it’s not like your planet doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it. You’re awfully rude for someone who’s supposed to be a representative of your people, Ambassador Hahn.” Jain didn’t bother hiding her disdain.
Bretton flushed, whether from anger or embarrassment, Jain didn’t know or care. The snob could go sleep with a predator for all she cared. They’d be the perfect match, and she didn’t give a damn that she was being unfair to the Aquatilian.
“If you like it here so much, why are you leaving?” Varad’s casual question knocked the wind out of her anger.
“Kesuk…doesn’t want me.” Jain’s voice sounded stilted, even to her own ears.
God, it hurt to even say it, let alone feel it. He didn’t want her.
Varad folded his hands behind his back. “Huh…that’s funny.”
“I’m not amused.” She shot him a dirty look. Had she thought Varad was the polite one? Well, chalk that one up to another wrong assessment of a male.
“I meant, Lady Jain, that your Lord Kesuk—”
“He’s not mine.” She clamped her eyes closed, determined not to cry. Not now, not in front of all these people. Striving for her old calm, she opened eyes that were still misty with tears. Damn Kesuk for making her feel and then throwing her away.
“As I was saying, Lord Kesuk did not act like a man who didn’t want you.”
“That is funny because he’s the one making me leave. So what did he act like, hmm?” Her voice was so sweet it was acidic.
“Like a man doing his duty and cutting his heart out in the process. Like a good man with the misfortune to be in love.” Varad’s mouth kicked up in a memory only he could see.
“You speak like someone with experience.” Jain’s mind raced. Could it be true? Kesuk was making her leave as a duty? He loved her?
“I am mated.”
She blinked, paying only half a mind to the conversation. Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest. Kesuk loved her. Stupid man. Stupid, wonderful man with his stupid, ridiculous honor. She smiled at Varad, a huge blinding smile.
Varad blinked, looked away, and muttered again, “I am mated.”
The spaceship came into view, a huge monolithic silver blemish on the pristine forest landscape. Seeing it, Jain made an immediate decision, no thinking, no planning.
“I’m staying.”
“Excuse me?” Bretton looked stunned.
“You can’t be serious,” Sera exclaimed.
Jain took a deep breath, and the heavy weight that had been crushing her chest lifted. “I’m staying. I hope you all have a nice trip.”
Varad threw back his head and laughed, the rich sound bouncing off the surrounding mountains. He caught her hands in his. “Oh, my lady. Remember the look on his face when he first sees you. You must describe it for me in detail when I come back next Turn.”
“Only if you bring your mate with you so I can meet her.”
“Done.” Varad kissed each of her hands.
“My lord would not appreciate your actions,” Imnek growled. Surprised, Jain glanced at the guard who’d stayed within three steps of her the whole journey.
At first she thought Imnek meant encouraging her to stay, but he didn’t even look at her. Instead he stared pointedly at Jain’s hands tucked in Varad’s grip. Varad stepped away from her, bowing to Imnek. “I trust you will see her safely back to Sea Den.”
“Her protection is my duty.” He glared at the weretiger.
Jain didn’t even want to figure out what kind of manly undercurrents were going on here. She was just glad no one was going to make her get on the ship.
“You should come with me. You’ll be living in the Dark Ages here.” Sera frowned at Jain from the bottom of the pallet loaded with all the trade goods. As the men started loading supplies onto the Vesperi ship, Jain crawled on top and pilfered through the bags until she found hers.
Jain hefted her pack, stepping down into the slushy Thaw snow. The men were growing impatient, watching them work it out. “I love him.”
“You could love someone on Aquatilis. That’s where we were supposed to go in the first place. And even Varad says it’s not as backward as here.”
She arched a brow. “That doesn’t sound like Varad.”
“Not in so many words, but that’s basically what he said.” Sera folded her arms and jutted her jaw.
Jain sighed. “Things have changed.”
“No kidding.”
“I meant things have changed with me. Maybe you can walk away from love and find something else that will make you happy. Maybe all you need is your work and your machines, but I need Kesuk and I’m staying.”
Sera’s eyebrows rose until they almost met her hairline. “You are different.”
“I just said that.”
“Yes, but you would never have said anything like that before. Or told off Bretton. It was always yes, Dad, yes, Brother, yes, Husband.”
“Yes, Sera.”
Sera snorted, then sobered. “You’re sure you’ll be okay?”
“As sure as I can be.”
“Good luck.” Sera leaned in and offered a tentative hug, awkward with affection.
Jain squeezed her tight, popping a kiss on her cheek. “You, too.”
“We’ll see each other again,” Sera whispered in her ear. Then she bolted up the ramp and into the ship.
Waving until the door sealed closed, Jain turned to Imnek, grinning. “Ready?”
“Lord Kesuk is going to kill me.”
She looped her hand through his arm. “Well, he wanted you to make more executive decisions. Congratulations, you’ve succeeded.”
Imnek just groaned in response.
It was for the best. It was for her own good. Kesuk stalked to her room, flung the door open, and stomped inside. His gaze swept the room. He could still smell her. Smell the lingering scent of their sex. He dragged in a deep breath, knowing he’d need to remember every detail in the future, when the pain had subsided. It had been that way with Maruska. Someday, he would cherish his time with Jain. Someday the pain would fade. Now he felt as though a dull blade had ripped his heart out.
He’d been so careful. Not to need her. Not to get attached to
her. Not to love her. He wasn’t strong enough to lose two women he loved in one lifetime. Nothing had ever hit him as hard as Jain had. Feelings had developed gradually with his mate. But with Jain? His world had tilted on its axis when she crashed into it. Going back to the cold man he had been before her wasn’t appealing. Duty was a poor substitute, he knew that now. He’d had Jain to point it out. Passion he could handle, control. But love? He sighed, laid a hand on the untidy furs, imagining he could still feel the warmth of her body on them. The warmth of her smile, her touch.
“Papa?”
He straightened, turning toward the small voice. Miki and Nukilik stood in the doorway, tears streaking their faces. “Yes?”
He waved them forward and they ran in to hug his legs. “Where did Jain go?”
“She left for Aquatilis. Did she not say farewell?” Surely Jain would never have done such a thing. She adored his cubs, of that he had no doubt.
“She said she had to leave. When will she be back? Next Turn with Amir Varad?” Nukilik’s steady eyes gazed up at him, waiting for him to say the right thing. He wished he knew the answers for them.
“That’s a very long time to wait, Papa. We’ll be so much older then. What if she doesn’t recognize us?”
“She’s not coming back.”
“Not coming back? Why not?” Nukilik’s forehead furrowed.
Miki dug her fingers into the top of Kesuk’s boot. “She’ll miss us very much. She loves us. She said so before she left. She said we weren’t to forget.”
“Then you’re not to forget.” He stroked back Miki’s soft hair. He took a deep breath, sat on the edge of Jain’s bed, and pulled a child onto each leg. “Jain was supposed to go to Aquatilis. She needs to be there.”
“She didn’t like Ambassador Hahn. I could tell. She likes us, so she should have stayed here.” Nukilik nodded at that logic. Simple. Reasonable. Fair. The boy would grow into an excellent clan leader someday.
“She has to come back. We love her and she loves us,” Miki sobbed, her fingers clenching in the laces on his shirt. He hugged her close, knowing nothing but time would ease her grief.
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