Her eyebrows almost lifted to her hairline at what Curind had said. The man was joking, wasn’t he? This was a horrible jest. She looked around to see if anyone was smiling, but no one was. She couldn’t keep her tongue still. “Prides. The weretigers have prides, the werebears have clans. And you cannot negotiate with the prides individually.”
“This is men’s business, my lady. Women control the lands, but men go out to serve as emissaries to other matriarchs and ambassadors to other planets. Don’t concern yourself with this matter.” Curind cut her a dismissive glance.
“I’m afraid I cannot remain silent in this. You cannot negotiate with the prides themselves. All treaties are negotiated with Amir Varad only. To do otherwise will insert weredragons into weretiger politics. This can’t be allowed. They are contentious to a degree you cannot even imagine. The only way to solidify yourself as a power among them is to align with the royal family. Let the Amir deal with the infighting of the prides, and worry about outmaneuvering him to get what Harena needs. Nothing else is acceptable—Varad will cut ties with us before he lets any ambassador upset the balance among the prides. Trust me in this, my lord. I have spent my life on Vesperi.” During her explanation, the room had grown deathly still, and every dragon’s gaze turned to her as if she’d gone mad. She glanced at her mates for support—she was in the right here. Varad was far too intelligent a man, too good a king, to let an ambitious ambassador disrupt the always tenuous political structure of the tigers. But Tarkesh’s face was a blank, frozen mask, and a muscle jumped in Nadir’s strong jaw.
She turned to meet Yola’s gaze. The matriarch’s face was mottled with rage, but Katryn didn’t back down, met her stare for stare. Goddess on fire, she was right about this. They just didn’t know how it was on Vesperi. She needed to make them understand that the course of action this new ambassador wanted to take could damage a trade relationship that had been centuries in the making. Her stomach churned in unease as the thick silence stretched out.
Yola’s voice cut like glass across Katryn’s nerves, and she looked at Katryn while she spoke to the ambassador. “Forgive my niece. She is new to her home world and untrained in the ways of dragons. Her youth is showing the extent of her maturity. She lacks some knowledge about what is important to her own people.”
Righteous indignation rushed through Katryn like a tidal wave, and her eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. How dare anyone think she was being disloyal? She dug dragon’s claws into her temper to hold on and keep from spitting out her words like a challenge. She was an ambassador’s daughter, and she knew how to keep a cool head in any situation. “I do have my people’s interest in mind. If I did not, I would have said nothing and allowed him to go blithely on his way to possibly ruin the alliances we’ve built that benefit our people.”
Yola’s fists clenched on the arms of her chair, and the black of her irises spread to the corners of her eyes. Her breath bellowed in and out. Katryn saw Adriana half rise from her seat to intercede, but Katryn wasn’t certain on whose behalf. This was a matter of pride now. Yola had all but accused Katryn of betraying her own kind when she had spent her life on another planet helping her father make every dragon’s life better and more prosperous. The wound cut too deeply. She couldn’t back down now without losing face, and neither could Yola.
Apologize to her. Do it now, and be sufficiently humble. Nadir’s thought cut across her mind. Shock rippled through her, and every muscle in her body went rigid with it. Do it, Katryn. You challenged a matriarch in public. You must make amends. Now.
No! Everything in her rebelled at the mere thought.
Trust me, Nadir demanded.
Tarkesh’s thought broke in. Nadir had been communicating with both of them. Trust us, my love. We can make this right if you let us. Trust us not to fail you.
Did she? Could she? What they asked was too much, more than she could sacrifice. But did she trust them to do as they promised? Her hands trembled, and she clenched her fingers tightly. The room remained still as death, waiting to see what she would do. What Yola would do to her. Did she trust her mates in this? To save her? Yes, she answered herself and them at the same time.
On your knees.
No, it’s too much. I won’t. Katryn’s gaze met Nadir’s, defiance rolling over her. Every muscle in her body went rigid. Issuing a politically necessary apology was hard but acceptable—to debase herself in public was quite another. Bile rose to choke her, and she swallowed hard.
You already said yes. Will you go back on your word, Katryn? His midnight eyes narrowed to dangerous slits, demanding obedience and rejecting her position in this. Do it!
A sob bubbled up in her throat. No matter what she did, she would lose in this. Her pride, her respect. Agony tore at her. She held his gaze, unflinching. I will never forgive you for this.
Nadir winced, but his eyes were hard and unyielding. Tarkesh was pale, his skin stretched taut over his sharp cheekbones. He wouldn’t meet her gaze.
“I see,” she whispered aloud. “I think I finally see.” Cold realization rolled through her. She would never fit here. Weredragons were more foreign to her than weretigers could ever be, their unbending social structure not allowing Katryn to help in the one area she could be of use. The injustice of it cut her to the core.
Rising, she moved to kneel at Yola’s feet. Disgust ripped at her deep inside that she had to do this, that she would even consider it. She despised everything about this woman who shared her blood. Lifting her hand, Katryn placed it over her heart. Her voice rang clear, and she was proud to note there wasn’t even the slightest waver to it. “Matriarch Yola. My humblest apologies for speaking out of turn. Please understand I wished only to be of use to my fellow weredragons. I meant no offense.”
She saw Adriana twitch out of the corner of her eye and imagined telepathic words flew hot and fast between her cousin and aunt. Finally, after an eternity that made her keenly aware of how hard the marble floor was beneath her knees, Yola nodded her acceptance of the apology. Her dark eyes reformed to solid human irises, and a nasty, triumphant smile curled her lips. “I do know that you want the best for Harena, but you have much to learn before you can truly be a dragon.”
Wrong. She wanted to scream at them all, wanted for the first time in her life to let loose in public. She was a dragon. It was her birthright. Culture didn’t make her a dragon. Her physiology did that for her. She wasn’t a Harenan, perhaps, but no one could take her dragonness away from her. It was fact. She rose from the floor stiffly, nodded to Adriana, the only person on this cursed planet she didn’t wish trampled by an angry Gila beast, and walked to the doors.
She turned back to her mates before she slipped out, a part of her shattering forever. Her heart. Her eyes were dry and gritty—she was too broken to cry. I was right, wasn’t I? It’s always going to be the two of you on one side and me on the other. I am such a fool.
Chapter 9
“Where is she?” Nadir watched Tarkesh pace in a tight circle around the room.
Nadir breathed deep, trying to scent her. Nothing. She wasn’t there. She hadn’t been there in many hours, not since that morning. His and Tarkesh’s scents overlaid hers, so she hadn’t come back after the confrontation at the council meeting. His gut twisted. Where would she have gone? She had no close friends he knew of. Adriana had remained with them, argued in their favor, helped them secure the ambassadorial position.
“Where might she have gone?” Tarkesh echoed his thoughts. “I don’t think she was in the state of mind to make rational decisions when she left. She was upset. We upset her.”
“It was necessary for her to apologize in order to get what we wanted.”
“Do you ever stop to think that perhaps the ends don’t justify the means? You make decisions and sacrifice whatever it takes to make them happen. Perhaps some things should not be sacrificed.”
“You agreed that we should—”
“I know what I agreed to. I did not agree to her humilia
ting herself before the matriarchal council.” Tarkesh’s jaw flexed.
Nadir’s shoulders drew into a rigid line at the implication that he had forced Tarkesh. “We would not have gotten the ambassadorship without it, not even if she had gone back and apologized later. It had to be done then, and she was in no mood to listen to our scheme to get her away from her family—especially Yola.”
“We took that choice away from her by not telling her.”
“You are simply still upset that she was angry the last time you kept something from her. This is not the same thing. You had days to tell her that she was mating to both of us, but we had no time to tell her anything before she started an argument with Curind.”
“She wouldn’t see it that way.”
Nadir drew a deep breath through his nose, trying to calm his temper. How had this conversation gotten so out of his control? “It. Is. Not. The. Same. Tarkesh.”
“She was not in a rational frame of mind, and I doubt she is now. You’re thinking rationally, and that’s not likely to convince her of anything.”
“What would you suggest?”
Tarkesh crossed his arms in front of him, anguish mixed with anger on his face. “I would suggest that you consider the sacrifices you expect of us—the people you love the most—before you make decisions for us. Katryn is not one to sacrifice her pride and honor without a moment’s thought.”
“I didn’t force her.” The blood rushed out of Nadir’s face, and his hands fisted at his sides.
“You pushed her into it.” Tarkesh jabbed a finger at him.
He stared at his mate for a long moment before he spoke. “How long have you felt this way? This isn’t solely about Katryn, is it? It’s about you and me. Is this what you meant when you were afraid things would change—that she would come between us?”
The silver dragon’s eyes widened. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?”
“I love you.”
“But do you like me right now?”
A long moment of silence stretched between them. “No. Not very much, anyway.”
“I thought not. Before you become too angry about this and blame me for what happened, remember no matter what, that she would have had to apologize anyway. If it had waited, she would have been humiliated with no reward. And you knew my nature before you mated with me. Remember that when you claim to be displeased with what your decisions have left you.” Nadir whipped around, stalking toward the door. His fingers clenched and unclenched, and his shoulders drew into a taut line.
“Where are you going?” A thread of panic wound through Tarkesh’s tone.
“Away. I need to go away.”
“Wh—when will you return? What about Katryn? We still don’t know where she is.”
“You claim to know her needs better than I do. I am certain you will have no difficulty finding her by yourself.”
“Nadir—”
“Leave it be, Tark. Just…leave me be.” Nadir turned back for a moment before he walked out the door. “Do you honestly think you’re the only one who loves her, Tark? I would never do anything I thought would hurt her. The worst part about all this is you don’t trust me with her. Or with yourself, obviously.”
Anger pumped through Nadir’s system as he thrust through the door that led out to the street. Hadn’t he given his mates everything they needed? Wasn’t he willing to give up everything he had ever known to ensure their happiness? What more could he do? What more could he offer? And yet neither was pleased right now. Perhaps he had gone over the line this time, but it was never with the intent to hurt them. Pain sliced through him at even the thought that he had injured his mates. Goddess. Were they right about him? Did his very nature make his mates unhappy? Doubts rolled through him. Everything had become so confused in a matter of hours. Hadn’t they lain sated together just that morning? Hadn’t he and Tarkesh agreed that taking Katryn away was the right thing to do?
He stopped and looked around, becoming aware of his surroundings. How long had he been walking the streets of the city? He stood in the capital square, the Goddess’s temple before him. Sighing, he scrubbed a tired hand down his face. Reaching for the massive double doors, he pulled one open and slipped inside. Opposite him were the matching doors that led to the temple courtyard. Had it been only two weeks since he had walked through them to bond with both his mates? It felt like Turns.
Inside, the temple was cool and damp, a direct contrast to the outside world of Harena. He shuddered in the cold. The temple hummed with an otherworldly reverence. Stepping forward to the halfway point between the doors, he turned up the long aisle that led to the Goddess’s fountain. Pools of fire danced around the edge of the sacred water. Mist so thick it looked like smoke curled over the ground and up the aisle. Dragon’s breath, it was called. He dragged in a deep lungful of moist air, struggling to calm the thoughts that plagued him.
A familiar scent filled his nostrils. Katryn. Narrowing his eyes to scan through the smoke, he caught sight of her slim figure kneeling in silence before the fountain. Her head was bowed. He sighed, steeling himself for her disappointment, her anger. He knew the reasons for what he had done, and he regretted that she had suffered for it, but it had been for her. Would she understand? Uncertainty fisted in his gut.
He approached the front of the temple on silent feet to kneel beside her. “Blossom.”
“Nadir.” She didn’t stir, didn’t look at him.
He drew a breath. “I have my reasons for what I did today.”
“I know. Adriana found me. She and Baleel went to find you and Tarkesh.”
“Why?”
“I did not ask.”
“I never meant to hurt you, Katryn.”
He heard her soft sigh, and he tensed, waiting for her reply. Her reaction now would dictate much of how their harim bond would be in the future.
“You push too hard sometimes, Nadir.”
“Only with your best interests in mind. If I hadn’t pushed you to apologize today—”
“We wouldn’t be the new ambassadors to Vesperi. Yes, I know. I understand that painful choices have to be made for politics, for duty. No one would understand that better than I.”
“But?”
She shifted and met his eyes. “Sometimes you push so hard you risk pushing us away. Let us make the choices that are best for us. Talk to us before you push us to the breaking point. It’s only because we love you that we let you push us at all.”
“I know.” A small, tight smile curved his lips. “Tark says you think I am ruthless.”
“You are. That will serve you well when dealing with tigers. Consult with us before you unleash that ruthless core on the politics of other planets. Adriana said you used my experience with the tigers as an argument to get this new position. Will you ask my opinion before you make decisions on trade matters?”
“Yes.”
“Truly?”
“I can change, blossom. For you and Tarkesh. But if you’re looking for a man who consults you about everything, then we may have a larger problem than politics. I’m not that man, and I never will be. I can change, but I cannot become someone else. I wouldn’t ask that of you, which is why Tark and I decided to leave Harena in the first place.”
Her small hand slipped into his. “I love you as you are, Nadir. As does Tarkesh. Never doubt that, no matter how much we may want to kick you for being a Gila beast’s fouler cousin.”
He chuckled and raised her fingers to his lips. “I love you.”
“I know.”
“Do you? What you said…before you left…”
“I do know. I was angry and hurt, Nadir. I said things I wish I hadn’t. You aren’t the only one with regrets, my love.”
He closed his eyes, relief rushing through him. Something essential loosened within his chest. “So, then, you can forgive me someday?”
“No.”
“Katryn—”
“I forgive you now. I know you wouldn’t hurt me o
n purpose. I know you and Tarkesh won’t join forces against me. We are a harim. Together. Always. I know that.”
“Good. No one could replace you, Katryn. We need you. You belong to us. I think…we were incomplete without you, and neither of us knew it. You balance us.”
Tears welled in her wide, dark eyes. “Nadir—”
“What? What did I say now?” How had he failed her? Panic gripped his gut. He cupped both of his hands around her smaller one. “Katryn? Tell me, and I will fix it, I swear.”
A watery laugh rippled from her. She sniffled and wiped a single tear from her cheek. “You already did.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Do you know how long I’ve needed that? To belong? My whole life, I’ve been looking for that. I knew it was a fundamental part of me that was missing. I just didn’t know how to get it. And with my family here…I’ve been so miserable. I’ll never belong here.”
“Your home is with us. You belong to us. It matters not what planet we are on.”
A brilliant smile crossed her face, and her beautiful eyes shone bright with unshed tears. “I know. Isn’t it wonderful?”
“Yes, my desert blossom.” He lifted his fingers to stroke along the skin of her silken jaw. “You are exactly what we needed. We will do anything to make sure you’re happy. Anything.”
“I love you.”
“Both of us?” Nadir turned to see Tarkesh approaching from the entrance. His mate’s dark eyes were stormy and troubled. His gaze flicked between Nadir and Katryn.
They stood and turned to face him. He curved his arm around Katryn’s waist, pulling her soft curves against his side. She laid her cheek on his chest, and they waited for Tarkesh to reach them.
Tarkesh stopped just before them and met his gaze. “Nadir. I was wrong to—”
Nadir snapped a hand out to catch the back of his neck and haul his mate forward. Dipping down, he settled his mouth over the other man’s and thrust his tongue between his lips. Tarkesh’s arm banded around his waist. Do not apologize, my mate. I was just as much in the wrong. We will do better in the future.
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