It’s all too much. The pressure inside erupts in a flurry of tears and sobs. I face the ocean so nobody can see and I let the wind carry the tears towards my ears rather than down my cheeks. The salt stings, and, in a way, it’s a relief to focus on that rather than the aching in my heart.
To distract myself, I check my phone and see an email from Mum and Dad. They’ve finally booked their flights to come and visit. I almost laugh at their impeccable timing. At least I’ll have something to look forward to.
When I arrive back at the apartment complex, Marcus is sitting by the pool in shorts and a hoodie. When he spots me, he leaps up and jogs over.
‘What did he want?’ I can tell the suspense is driving him crazy.
‘It was an offer like you suspected. I need to get you all together to discuss it properly. Can you gather everyone around at the pool in ten minutes?’
‘No problem. Are you okay, Kat?’
I force a smile. ‘Yes, it’s just been a whirlwind few days.’
He accepts that and heads towards Sammy’s apartment. As I reach the top of the steps to my apartment, I almost jump out of my skin.
‘Jay?’ The sight of him sitting on my step sends a jolt through me.
‘We need to talk.’
I shake my head. ‘I’ve got a lot on my mind. Please can we do this another time?’
He stands up and forces eye contact. ‘You’re not being fair. I’ve racked my brains trying to think what I’ve done to hurt you and I honestly don’t know. Whatever it is, let me put it right.’ His eyes are intent, waiting for me to answer. I look away.
‘I miss you, Kat.’ His voice cracks on my name, torquing my stomach.
I didn’t expect seeing him to be quite so painful. A ball forms in my throat, so I swallow hard and step around him to put my key in the lock.
‘I’ve just called a meeting so we’ll have to do this another time. Be by the pool in ten.’ I fumble for my key and twist it in the lock. Though he’s behind me now and I can’t see him, his energy engulfs me as he lingers. I pause. I can’t let the past haunt me. Jay should know exactly what he did wrong. We should clear the air.
‘I wrote to my mum.’
His words pierce my abdomen, sending a wave of emotion through me. I want to turn around and hug him but I can’t forgive him for being with that woman.
‘Maybe we can catch up after the final tomorrow?’ I say. Not waiting for a reply, I go inside.
When the door closes, I throw myself on the bed. What a day. I’ve barely processed my break-up with Jay, if you can call it that, and now I feel bad for ignoring him when he told me he’d written to his mum. Then on top of that, there’s this Las Vegas offer.
As I stare up at the ceiling. I notice it has a yellow-brown stain on it. How have I not seen it before? I suppose Jay has stayed over so often recently that he’s distracted me. When I close my eyes, I can almost sense him next to me. His scent is still on the duvet. I can almost feel the heat from his body and the sensation of the soft hair on his arms tickling me as he wraps them around me. A warm tear trickles down my cheek. I shouldn’t have gotten so carried away with him. I know exactly what the guys are like, and I love them to bits but none of them are settling-down types. I got so wrapped up in my own fantasy that I forgot all about my vow to never be such a fool again after Iain treated me the way he did. Maybe I’m a sap, and the only way to protect myself is to stay single. It’s worked for the past eight years.
I don’t know what to think of this whole Vegas thing either. I hug my pillow tighter. God, everything is such a mess. I’ve had a handle on everything for years and now it seems I’ve dropped my basket of ‘shit togetherness’ and spilt its messy contents everywhere. I need to accept that it’s the end of the road for us in the Canaries. I’ll be okay. I need the sea air and the freedom of walking down the beach in the cool early-morning light. I need Andrea and all the familiar faces at the hotels we work at. I need this life. I need my life but the guys don’t. They need the chance to show the world their talents and make something of themselves.
Even if we won the competition, I’d never be able to re-create an opportunity for the guys like the one Brad is offering. We’d get a trip to Las Vegas and some cash in the bank but nothing long-term.
Chapter 28
As I walk down the steps, I faff around tidying my hair and straightening my shorts. It’s not like me – I don’t normally give two hoots about how I look – but all of a sudden I feel like the spotlight will be shining on me as their leader. The guys will be overexcited and unable to think logically, so I’ll have to be the voice of reason.
‘Hi,’ I say to Marcus as I arrive. So far, everyone is here but Pauw and Jay. There’s a tense silence. They know I won’t say anything until the whole group have arrived, but I know they’re trying to read my expression. I don’t like this new dynamic between us, this me and them. We’re like a family. I’ve always said I felt like a mum but today I’m definitely their manager and it doesn’t feel normal.
‘Hi, everyone.’ Pauw comes jogging over. He looks shattered but I resist the urge to say anything. It’s a trial-size version of letting go.
‘So, we’re just waiting on Jay,’ Marcus says.
Still, nobody speaks. Perhaps the tension in the air seems worse to me because I’m nervous about seeing Jay.
Someone buzzes and Sam pulls his phone out of his pocket.
‘It’s Jay. He can’t make it but said go ahead and I’ll send him the info.’
Can’t make it? I saw him about ten minutes ago. ‘Okay, as you suspected, Brad had a deal.’
There are a few ‘yeses’ and ‘nice ones’. I explain the deal, the contracts, what they’d be expected to do and so on, but I don’t yet tell them I’m not part of the deal. I want them to make this decision for themselves without worrying about me.
‘So the accommodation is paid for?’ Ant asks.
‘For the first six months, then it will be reviewed.’
‘And the two nights off are guaranteed?’ Marcus asks whilst simultaneously tapping away on his phone.
‘Yes, there will be a different performer on at the club on those nights.’
‘Jay has just sent a text. He says, “Vegas baby! I have to double-check a few things so can’t come to the meeting but I’m one hundred per cent in”.’
My heart sinks for two reasons, none of which I understand since I’m still so disappointed with him. One, Jay won’t be here with the moral support I’ve come to value in these tricky situations, and two, Jay is on board with the idea.
‘Okay, let’s discuss the pros and cons,’ I say with as much heart as I can muster. ‘It’s a good opportunity to progress.’
‘Definitely. This could be huge,’ Marcus confirms, ignoring my tone.
‘I need to call Phil.’ Pauw points to his phone. ‘This isn’t something I can decide on my own.’
‘Of course, go ahead. Sammy?’ I ask.
‘Riches and bitches, dude.’ He laughs.
I shake my head disapprovingly. ‘Sammy, if that’s the level of respect you have for women, we’ll be seeking a new dancer.’
‘Sorry, Kat, I got carried away.’
‘Hugo?’
‘It’s not for me, Kat. Being in the Hunks is fun but this is my home and I would never leave.’ He says. Ant pats him on the back reassuringly.
‘Ant? How about you?’ Ant has been harder to read through all of this so I’m interested to see what he thinks.
‘I think that we have to try. With gigs drying up here, it might be our only choice, if we want to stay in the business, that is, and at the moment, I just don’t want a normal job. I love what we do.’
‘Pauw, what are your thoughts?’
Paul draws a breath and shoves his phone in his back pocket. ‘It’s an amazing opportunity and I’m so excited about it, but Phil says it’s too much too soon. I’m sorry, guys. I don’t know if we can up and leave like that. We own a property here and have great f
riends here. We’re settled.’
‘We understand, Pauw. It’s a lot to give up.’ I turn to the rest of the group. ‘Brad said we’d need four of the original Hunks for the deal to go ahead.’
‘Man, if you can’t make it we understand. We don’t need your decision yet,’ Marcus says.
‘So, downsides?’ I say, clapping my hands together. ‘There’s moving away, leaving what we know and all the people here we’re connected to. It will be the end of an era, of what we’ve built. Plus, we won’t have full control of our schedule anymore; we’ll be reliant upon when they need us so our days off, show dates and whether we can go on tour will depend on them.’
‘It’s the price we’ll pay for more money and exposure, I guess,’ Sammy says.
‘That’s one way of looking at it. Ant?’ I prompt.
‘I was going to say Kat won’t really be in charge anymore if all that is true.’ Ant looks at me. ‘You’re a great boss, Kat, and I for one appreciate everything you’ve done for us, but you’re great on stage too so …’
My stomach pangs but I manage a wan smile. The truth is, I’ve been suffering from imposter syndrome since bookings started to dry up, and the praise doesn’t sit comfortably.
‘Pauw, if you’re not a definite no, we need your input too,’ I say.
‘Moving to another country so far away and making a new life when the one here is so good is a risk.’
‘What about you, Marcus?’ I ask. He’s the only one who hasn’t given any feedback.
He shrugs. ‘I’m all for it. I share everyone’s concerns and it’s a scary prospect, but we’re a great team. I think we can really become something amazing. If we don’t go, I think we’ll regret what we could have been. I want us to go for it.’
He makes a good point, and despite my own selfish need to keep them here, I have to do what’s best for the Hunks – it’s business and we can’t afford to turn down a gig like this. ‘Listen, I love you all and if the majority of you want in, I’m in.’
‘Okay, great.’ Marcus grins. ‘Now we need to hear from Jay but he seems keen. Anyone know what he’s doing?’
‘Probably with the blonde chick I spotted him with before we met Brad.’ Sammy laughs in a way that suggests he’d be patting Jay on the back if he was here. I’m sick to my stomach.
‘I don’t want to vote until Jay is here – it’s not right,’ Marcus says.
‘Jay said he had to look into something before he could commit.’ Ant shrugs.
Of course! He won’t know whether he can even get into America with a criminal conviction, never mind work and live there. Even though I didn’t want anyone to go myself less than an hour ago, the thought that Jay could be the one to scupper the dreams of everyone here makes me burn with rage. I know this is perhaps a tad over the top, but I’m angry with him in general so the starting point was already high; akin to roasting a parboiled potato.
‘What about the competition?’ I ask, steering the conversation away from Jay.
‘I think we should still do it. It’s still exposure and practice. What do you guys think?’ Marcus says.
Everyone nods in agreement.
‘Okay.’ I can’t believe I’m even saying this. ‘Well, once my lawyer has looked over the contracts, I’ll set up a meeting with this manager guy, Brad, and take it from there.’ As the guys go to disperse, I call them back. I was going to tell them at some point that I’d changed my mind and didn’t want to go, but I need to be honest with them.
Ant furrows his brow. ‘What is it, Kat?’
‘Brad and I chatted about the show moving forward. As you’ve gathered, he would be in charge of the management side of things: ticket sales, promotion and so on. But, there’s a but.’ There’s some uncomfortable shuffling and the guys fold their arms or shift their weight slightly from one foot to the other. ‘You’d have a new emcee too – Jenny Grant.’
Their faces are a sea of blank expressions – or a pond rather; there are only four of them.
‘So what would your role be?’ Pauw asks.
I glance at my feet. My bright orange toes could do with a repaint. ‘I’d stay here.’
There are gasps.
‘Wait, you never said you weren’t coming with us, Kat. This is a game-changer,’ Sammy says.
‘No, it isn’t,’ I say calmly. ‘Jenny Grant is famous and everyone loves her. She is the perfect person to make you a global brand.’
‘But you’re brilliant, Kat; the crowd love you here. Why wouldn’t they love you in America?’ Marcus says.
I smile. ‘They might but it’s a risk. There’s my Yorkshire accent for a start – it could be a barrier.’
‘Nonsense,’ Ant mutters.
‘None of us are going without you, Kat,’ Pauw says, looking to the others to rally support. They all nod in agreement.
‘Well, I’m your manager and since we have no gigs booked, I’m giving you your one week’s notice. You’re all fired.’
Chapter 29
Butterflies are going batshit crazy in my stomach. Technically, we no longer need to win this competition. The lads are off to bigger, brighter things. After a full twenty-four hours of freezing me out, they realised I was just doing what was best for them and thawed. On the whole, they seem to have come around to the idea of going to Las Vegas without me and their excitement levels have peaked around the same dizzy heights as the tip of the antenna on the Burj Khalifa. I’ll have the money from the sale of the business to tide me over and do something different, and we don’t need exposure anymore. But I suppose I want us to go out on a high. I’ve always believed we had the best act around and winning would consolidate that notion. It would also give the guys a confidence boost before they head off to America.
It’s our last show. After working hard to secure new bookings, I’ve had to cancel the few future shows I had booked because it will be pretty hard to put on an all-male exotic dance show without any exotic male dancers. We head backstage to a small dressing room that we have to share with the other acts. It’s certainly cosy. Because it’s the final, the event is ticketed, so the acts don’t get to sit in the audience this time. Sitting here for our final show makes everything so real, and the lump of lead in my stomach confirms how sad it makes me.
The other reason for the butterflies could be the venue. We’re at the fancy hotel that Jay brought me to for our first (and technically only) date. After our encounter yesterday, I thought about him all night. I found myself forgetting why I called it off in the first place. My head is in a mess – what I need to do is confront him and get some answers; I have to know why he betrayed my trust.
Everyone else seems relaxed. In the minibus on the way here Paul announced that he and Phil would be going to Vegas because ‘YOLO’, and they’re going to rent out their Tenerife property in the meantime so it’s here for when they come back. This, of course, generated a lot of excitement from the guys. I sat in the front next to the driver so I didn’t have to talk about Las Vegas or pretend to be happy that the one Hunk in addition to Hugo that I thought I’d get to keep would also be leaving.
As the first act is called up to the stage, I pull myself together – now isn’t the time to have a wobble.
‘Guys, it’s our last huddle,’ I say, fighting back a tremor in my voice.
‘Ahh, Kat. I’m going to miss you so much.’ Sammy pulls me into a headlock. I assume he thinks he’s cuddling me.
‘Anyway …’ I ignore that. ‘I just want to say that it doesn’t matter what happens tonight. The Heavenly Hunks have a bright future regardless. That much is set in stone, so let the people judge us tonight, but whatever they say will not shape your success. What we built together here in the Canaries has been fantastic and I’m proud of you all.’ I think I’ve swallowed a golf ball. I have so much more I want to say but I’m scared I’ll burst into tears if I try to get any more out.
‘Thanks, Kat,’ Marcus says. ‘It’s always been an honour to work with you, and we can’t thank y
ou enough for the incredible ride we’ve had, can we, lads?’ There are enthusiastic noises of agreement.
‘Okay, let’s give it all we’ve got!’
We linger at the side of the stage awaiting our introduction. My breathing becomes quick and shallow. I can’t believe I’m going to do this for the very last time. I give the sound and lighting guy the nod and he starts the music and the dry ice machine. The familiar beat kicks in and I take my final step on stage.
‘Good evening, Tenerife! I am here to bring you the men of your dreams – to fulfil your fantasies and give you a night to remember. Ladies, I know what you want.’ I throw my hands in the air to pump to the beat one last time. I’m in character now; I can get through this.
As the dancers fill the stage and I slink back into the wings, it dawns on me that this could be the last time I watch them perform too. It really is the end of an era.
‘You look like you could use a friend.’ I turn to see Andrea in a flowing white maxi dress, her blonde curls tumbling down her yoga-toned arms.
I hug her tightly. ‘You’re a sight for sore eyes.’
‘What’s the matter?’
‘God, it’s such a long story.’
She smiles. ‘I’ve got nowhere to be.’
Since this is the short version of the show, I don’t have to go back on stage. There’s still ten minutes of the act left, so I gesture to an open fire escape. ‘Come on.’
We find ourselves in a staff-only section of the hotel. Big metal trolleys filled with fresh linen surround us, and a chambermaid leans against the wall smoking a cigarette. She doesn’t seem to care that we’re here so I tell Andrea all about me and Jay, what I saw, and how the Heavenly Hunks will be going to Las Vegas without me.
Sun, Sea and Sangria: Escape with a feel good romantic comedy in the summer sun! Page 18
