He sighed and, laughing, he shook his head. “I’m sorry about that Lilly. I guess I was just freaked out a little bit,” he said.
“You were? What for?”
“I don’t know…I guess it was just the shock of seeing Jared grab you. I literally thought I was going to kill him.”
“You seemed pretty calm to me. Well, you know, up until you punched him in the jaw,” I said, smiling at him.
He chuckled. “Yeah, I know. It just bothered me because I’m not that guy.”
“What guy?”
“The one that gets into fights in bars over a girl,” he said, his voice now taking a more serious tone.
I placed my hand over one of his and said, “No, you are the guy that defends the girl when she’s being manhandled. You’re the white knight,” I said, winking at him.
“I’m hardly that, but thanks for saying it. So, did your arms bruise?” he asked, his jaw squaring.
“Oh, no, they were a little red, but it went away by the next morning. I’m okay,” I said, squeezing the hand I was still holding.
Suddenly, it was very quiet. He looked down at his food, his face as hard as stone. “Lilly, if he had hurt you…”
“Luke…”
All of a sudden, he flipped his hand over and locked his fingers with mine. I felt tingles up my spine. “You don’t understand. Lilly, Jared Moony is dangerous. He’s got a short fuse, and he’s been in all kinds of trouble since high school. He was arrested for assault a few times over the past ten years. He also was arrested after he was accused of rape a few years back, but the charges were dropped because the victim recanted her story. My guess is that he threatened her and she changed her story out of fear,” he said, his face angrier than ever. “And then when I saw him grab you like that I just lost it. If he had touched you again I would have killed him. I’m just sorry I only got one punch in.”
“Luke, I am so grateful that you were there to help me. You saved me. I feel so lucky to have you in my life,” I admitted.
He looked up at me, confliction. “You do?” he said.
Feeling increasingly vulnerable, I said, “Yes, I do.” We held hands for several more moments, and he was the first to let go. Looking into my plate, I began to poke around a leftover mushroom with my fork.
He was the first to speak. “Did I mention that this meal was incredible?”
“Only about a hundred times,” I teased. “Are you ready for dessert or are you full?”
“Well, I would say I was full, but if the dessert is half as good as the main course then I am definitely intrigued.”
I stood up from the table and with a grin I cleared the dinner plates and got ready to serve the final part of our dinner.
Chapter 12
Confessions
“Dinner was delicious, Lil, really. It’s no wonder you are in high demand with the rich and famous,” Luke said as he placed a stack of plates in the sink. I turned the hot and cold knobs at the same time and started to run the dish water.
“Well, thank you very much. I’m glad you liked it. You sure filet minon wasn’t too fancy for just us?”
“Oh, no, no. It was incredible. Everything was great, but I have to admit that the chocolate raspberry mousse was my favorite. Did I taste a bit of orange in there somewhere?”
“Yes, I added a little orange zest. I think it takes the taste to another level,” I replied, shutting off the water. As I washed one dish, I handed it to Luke and he rinsed it.
“Well, all I know is that that meal had to be one of the best I’ve had. You are very talented, Lilly. I mean that,” he said. I glanced at him and then quickly looked away, feeling myself blush. I have had people from literally all over the world try my food and love it, but hearing Luke tell me he loved it too…it meant more to me than any good review I had ever received. We continued washing the dishes together in silence. Once everything was clean, I said, “Thanks for helping me clean up. You didn’t have to.”
“It’s no trouble,” he said, drying his hands on a towel. It was silent, and I noticed he seemed anxious. After a few quiet moments, he looked at his watch. “It’s getting late. I probably should be going.”
“Already?”
“Yeah, I have to work in the morning, and I’m sure you’re getting sick of me,” he said, with a nervous chuckle.
“I’m not getting sick of you at all. I have missed hanging out with you like this. Besides, it’s not that late, maybe we can watch a movie or something.” The night had been going so great, and I didn’t want him to leave.
“A movie?” he asked, as he ran his hand through his hair nervously. “Um, I don’t know, Lil.” I made a pouty face, and after a moment, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “Sure, a movie sounds good. What do you have in mind?”
I smiled wickedly. “Well, since I haven’t been home to Georgia in a while, I thought we could watch an epic movie about our state’s history in the Civil War.”
His eyes widened in realization. “Oh, god, Lilly…you’re not going to make me watch ‘Gone With The Wind’ are you?” he whined. I used to force him to watch this movie with me all the time while Daisy and Jack were in the next room making out.
“Hey, it’s an American classic!”
“It’s not based on any historical fact! It’s supposed to be centered around the Civil War, but they didn’t show any war scenes.”
“The war is implied, Luke. It was for artistic effect.”
“I hate this movie, Lil,” he laughed. “Scarlett O’Hara is the one woman in history I really feel like I want to face punch. Everyone thinks she’s this strong woman, but she just pisses me off. Rhett should have knocked her on her ass.”
“Careful what you say, mister. Scarlett is my hero,” I said.
He eyed me. “Seriously?”
“Come on, what do you say? I won’t make you watch all of it, I promise. Please? For me?” I pouted again, slightly sticking my bottom lip out.
He rolled his eyes, sighed, and smiled. “I swear, if it was for anyone but you…” he said, and I noticed him rub his forehead nervously.
I jumped forward and hugged him quickly. “Yay! Thanks Luke. Let’s go,” I said, holding out my hand. He groaned as I led him into the living room.
It was nearing the end of the first half of the movie, and Luke really hadn’t said much after the movie started, which was strange. I knew he hated this movie, so I was expecting some jokes or heckling, but there was nothing. I could barely engage any conversation out of him. It was a total change from the past few hours. I was sitting next to him, but he was leaning as far away as he could. It was as if the air around the room was chilling. About an hour and a half into the movie, I leaned over to him and whispered, “See this isn’t so bad, now is it?” I teased, trying to break the ice.
“Yeah, I guess,” he said, shortly. He obviously looked bored. Or distracted; I couldn’t tell. He just stared straight at the television.
I placed my hand on his, and he flinched. This evening had been going so well, so why was he acting like this? “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just trying to watch the movie.”
“Luke, you hate this movie.”
“I’m trying to give it another chance, but I can’t do that if I can’t hear it,” he said, slightly snappy.
I grabbed the remote and paused the movie. “Luke, what’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?”
His jaw squared, and he hissed through his teeth, “No you didn’t, Lil, everything’s fine. Let’s just watch the movie.”
“No. I want to know why you are all of a sudden acting like you don’t want to be around me.”
He flew up out of his seat, startling me, and turned toward me, his body blocking the television. “That’s because I don’t want to be around you,” he snapped. “Geez, Lilly, don’t you get it?”
My heart sank. I felt burning heat instantly flow through me down to my very core. It was like a wave of hurt was crashing through me, thr
eatening to pull me under. “W-what?” I croaked, and I could feel warmth in my cheeks. “You don’t? I-I don’t understand. We’ve been having fun tonight. I thought we were at least friends.” I was stunned. It was like he’d flipped the crazy switch. I have never, ever seen Luke react this way. I don’t ever think I had ever seen him this angry in my entire life (with the exception of the fight at Brody’s), and right now he seemed pretty angry with me. I don’t know what I could have done to bring this on. Had I done something wrong? Was he angry at me because I had not only insisted on cooking him dinner, but making him stay and watch a movie with me? When I replayed everything back in my mind, I really did seem like some giddy, flirty, annoying teenage girl. He mentioned that he thought I was sick of him, but it was the other way around. He was the one who was sick of me. Oh God, why did I do this to myself? I felt like a complete fool.
But then, he said something I was not expecting him to say at all. “Yes, Lilly, that’s exactly what we are. Friends,” he spat, “and I can’t stand it anymore! I don’t want to be friends with you.” He looked down, angrily running his hand through his hair. He was pacing slightly in front of the television. When he looked up, his eyes were full of fire and he said, “I want more.”
My breath caught in my throat. What? Well, I definitely wasn’t expecting him to say that. “You do?” I asked, my voice sounding like gravel. I slowly stood to meet his eyes.
“Yes, of course I want more. I’m always going to want more when it comes to you, Lilly. I thought I could keep my feelings inside, I thought I could stay away from you, but I can’t…it is killing me. That fact is…” he said, pausing, “is that I love you Lilly. I still love you. I never stopped.”
My face felt hot and the tears were now stinging my eyes. I felt like my heart was going to explode. “Luke…” I almost wanted him to repeat it because I was afraid that my mind was playing tricks on me. I had fallen hard for him and by some miracle, even after the way I ran away from him and had been acting like a complete idiot since I came back, he still loved me. Before I could really process this, he continued.
“Ever since the first day of seventh grade. I remember…” he trailed off for a moment, and continued. “I remember we had the same home room together first period. I had already gotten to class and was waiting for the bell to ring, just talking to my friends about what we did over the summer. And then you walked in. You were wearing a pink sundress, and you had a white flower clip in your hair,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. By this time, a hot tear shot down my cheek. “At that moment, my heart was yours. I knew right then and there that I was never going to love anyone again as much as I loved you, and I haven’t. I never will. I tried to get over you, but I just couldn’t. And now, being here with you like this, knowing you are leaving next week…it’s just too hard,” he said, the tone of his voice changing.
“W-what are you saying?” I asked, suddenly scared.
With devastation in his eyes, he said, “I’m saying that I can’t do this anymore. And I’ll see you at the wedding. Goodbye, Lilly, it’s been nice seeing you again.” He turned around and grabbed his coat off the rack before he walked out the door. I was stunned. All I could do was stand there, rooted to the spot. I couldn’t move. I felt a huge lump forming in my throat…how did the hell did the evening turn out like this? I was hoping that maybe he might feel the same about me as I was feeling about him, but love? I suddenly felt like I was going to fall over but my legs didn’t seem to be doing anything at the moment.
About ten minutes later, Mama and Daddy came through the front door. “Lilly, we’re home!” she called out. “Was that Luke I saw leaving?” she asked, hanging her coat on the rack by the door. Daddy muttered hello, and when he looked at me his eyes widened. As soon as Mama turned and she saw me, she froze. The tears that had brimmed in my eyes were threatening to fall again. “Darlin, what’s wrong?” she asked, and then came toward me.
“It’s nothing,” I lied. I quickly turned my face away from her and dabbed at my eyes with the back of my hand. I used the remote still in the other hand and shut off the television.
“It doesn’t look like nothing,” Daddy said, following Mama.
Mama gave my father a look and said, “Cal, would you mind giving us just a minute alone?” He nodded, and told me if I needed anything to just come get him. She placed her hand on the small of my back and led me over to the couch. She took the remote from my hand, and sat me down. “Lilly, you are my daughter, and I will always know when something is wrong. Besides, you looked like you were on the verge of a crying jag when I walked in here. Tell me about it,” she said, gently stroking my hair.
At that moment, the levee broke, and the tears poured down my cheeks. Between soft sobs, I mumbled, “Its Luke. He just told me he can’t be around me anymore.”
“Oh, honey, I don’t think he means that for a second,” she said, wiping my cheeks with her thumbs.
“He means it Mama. He just said he didn’t want to see me because…well, because he loves me. How stupid is that? He loves me so that means he can’t be around me!”
“Of course he loves you. You are such a lovely woman, how could he not? Besides, I knew back when you two were kids that he loved you.”
“You did? Back then, even I didn’t know. Well, until the night before I left for college,” I sniffed.
“You mean the night when you didn’t come home and then gave us a lame excuse about sleeping over at Brooke’s house,” she said with a smirk.
My mouth fell open. “Oh God, you knew about that?” I asked, my face turning crimson. Twenty-nine years old, and my mother could still make me feel embarrassed when it came to talking about sex.
“Of course I knew. A good mother knows. I just wish you could have talked to me about it,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Well, there really wasn’t time.” Silent tears continued to stream down my face. “Oh, Mama, I don’t know what to do,” I cried, burying my face in my hands.
Pulling my hands down from my face, she handed me a tissue, and said, “I know what you’re gonna do. You are gonna pull your head outta your ass and go tell him how you feel.”
My head snapped up, and I blinked in surprise. “Excuse me…what?” I didn’t think I had ever heard my mother utter a dirty word in my life.
“I didn’t stutter. Go fight for your man, Lilly,” she said, winking.
I wiped my nose with the tissue. “Mama, he made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to see me,” I said. The truth was, I didn’t want to humiliate myself any further, and the only thing I wanted to do at the moment was crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep.
“Lilly, you owe it to each other to at least try. How do you feel about him?”
I really thought about my mother’s question. I had been making a fool of myself when it came to Luke since I came back home, I had been dreaming about him almost every night since I got home, and I thought about him almost all day long. Right then the truth hit me like a ton of bricks. Taking a deep breath, I looked up at her and said, “I think I love him, Mama.” I began to sob again. “This is just so hard.”
“You two love each other. It doesn’t have to be hard. Why don’t you sleep on it, and I’m sure it’ll all come to you,” she said, and she hugged me tightly. We sat on the couch together for a few more minutes before we broke apart. “Well, I think I’m going to head on up to bed. Starting tomorrow we’re going to be busy, busy, busy,” she said.
Sniffing, I said, “Yeah, you’re right. Good night, Mama,” I said, and she leaned in and kissed my cheek.
“Good night, darlin’. You try and get some rest, okay? Things will look better in the morning, I’m sure of it.” She stood up and with one last warm look at me she climbed the stairs to her bedroom. I looked around the living room, and suddenly felt totally alone. I looked at the clock on the wall, and it was ten minutes to midnight. I know that I just talked to Mama and I felt a little bit better, but this was
one of the times that I really needed my sister…I wish Daisy was here. The fact that she wasn’t home though hopefully meant that she was working things out with Jack.
The silence was beginning to crush me, so I decided to go upstairs and try to sleep. I turned the lights off in the living room. I climbed the stairs, and went into my room, turning on the lights. I went and got a pair of pajamas out of my suitcase and as I was walking into my bathroom I stopped in front of my vanity mirror. Looking at myself, dressed all cute for Luke…I suddenly felt embarrassed. Heat flushed in my cheeks and for the second time that evening, I broke down in tears. I dropped my pajamas to the floor and placed my hands over my eyes. I just didn’t understand…if we both loved each other, how could it be right for us to be apart? It just didn’t make any sense; I couldn’t fathom it. I wanted him, wanted us. Jack was right…if I was even having the slightest doubt that I couldn’t go back to California meant that I didn’t want to. My knees began to buckle and before I knew it, I was on the floor. My bedroom door swung open and I could hear Daisy’s voice as she rushed to my side.
“Lilly, oh God, what’s wrong?” she said, panic in her voice. She maneuvered my head into her lap as I told her what had happened. She sat there with me on the floor as I cried, just stroking my hair and letting me talk. In the back of my mind, somewhere it registered that if Tara were here she’d be mocking my crying and telling me how stupid I was acting. The fact that Daisy saw me here crying and ran to be at my side, sister or not, made me love her so much more. If it were even possible, in that moment I felt even more terrible. Eleven years ago I had not only turned my back on Luke but on my family as well. Sure, we’d stayed in touch and they had visited me from time to time, but it was always them that came to me. Never once in over a decade had I taken time out of my life to fly back home and see them. I was a terrible person…and I was going to make it right.
Chapter 13
Say Yes Page 11
