by Nalini Singh
Before he could say anything in his defense, she took a jerky breath and hit him with words of such raw emotion, he could hardly believe it was his restrained, elegant Victoria in his arms.
"Then you came back and you wouldn't touch me! You didn't want me at all and I thought she'd given you what I couldn't. What was she doing in your room, Caleb? Why was she answering your phone in the middle of the night?" Her hands pushed against his chest, distancing her body from his.
He'd never seen her this way—pure fury, pure rage. "We swapped rooms," he said, wondering if she'd believe him.
"What?" Her face was a study in confusion. "Why?"
"The hotel made a mistake with the booking. I was given the smoking room and Miranda the non-smoking one." He paused, remembering the events of that week. "Unless they didn't make a mistake… She couldn't have planned it?" After his fight with Vicki, he'd been in one hell of a mood during the flight to Wellington. Miranda hadn't said a word about his temper, had instead been full of concern.
Now that he thought about it, he could see what he'd missed at the time—the woman had been offering much more than sympathy. It must have burned her when he hadn't responded to her overtures. He could well imagine her pursuing him by attempting to wreck his marriage.
Vicki took another shuddering breath. "Didn't the desk staff know? They're the ones who transferred my call."
"We checked in very late at night. Remember, we took the last flight. When we discovered the mistake, we just swapped rooms and Miranda said she'd deal with the desk in the morning." His whole body thrummed with tension.
"Oh, God." Vicki swallowed and shoved her hands in her hair, face pale and drawn. "But you didn't want me. You didn't touch me for a week! And you always touched me before. No matter what, you always touched me!"
"I was hurting." If Vicki was being honest with her pain, he could do no less. "I'd wanted my wife to care enough about me to contact me, to make up for that fight. But as far as I knew, you hadn't bothered."
"She was incredibly convincing. If you'd heard her…" Vicki's voice was a whisper now. "It hurt me so much that you might've been with another woman. It broke my heart."
He stared at her, his certainties long gone. "I've never cheated on you and I never will." Even the fact that he'd once angrily considered such a thing had caused him endless guilt. He could never take that step and live with himself. Never. "Fidelity is the only weapon I had to fight the shame Max convinced me was my heritage. It's something I'm incapable of betraying. Do you believe me?"
The blunt question made her tremble. "Yes. Oh, God, yes." When she raised her head, there was such need in her gaze that he was lost. "I'm so sorry, Caleb. I should've talked to you, not just…"
He was angry at her for her lack of trust but not enough to relish her suffering. And it hadn't been all her doing. "I remember what I was like after I got back. No wonder you didn't want to bring up the subject. And you were right about one thing."
"What?"
"The reason I have a new secretary is because Miranda hit on me heavily a few days after you and I separated." It had enraged him that anyone would dare question his loyalty to his marriage, to his wife. He'd been brutal in his rejection of Miranda. "When she realized I'd rather slit my own throat than take her up on the offer, she resigned, and I brushed it off as a lapse in judgment on her part. If I'd known what she'd done in Wellington…"
Vicki let out a short, choked scream. "I can't believe I almost killed myself worrying about something that wasn't true! Over four months I let that thing fester inside me, telling myself I could get past it, that I could accept it for the sake of our child. And all that time, I knew I'd never be able to forgive and forget."
"I guess that's your punishment. And it's over," he said, meaning it. He wasn't going to let Miranda's lies push him into throwing away this marriage they'd rebuilt with their hearts and their souls. And nothing he could do would equal the torment Vicki had put herself through.
Not only that, but the fact that she'd spoken to him about her worries instead of continuing to let them grow, was in itself a sign of the deepest trust. "Cheating is the one thing you never have to worry about with me, honey. Between you and the firm, when would I have the time?" He wanted to make her laugh, wanted to ease the ache.
Instead, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and crawled into his lap. "We'll save your firm, Caleb. Nobody's going to take it from you. I promise."
Struck by the fierceness of the declaration, he crushed her to him. Yet, even as he held her, he knew that there was something he wasn't hearing. And this time, he didn't even know what question to ask to find out the hidden truth.
* * *
Two days and hours of hard work on both their parts later, Caleb found himself presiding over a dinner party involving nine of his biggest clients and their spouses. Kent Jacobs and his fiancée—another woman who'd stuck by her man—were also present.
Midway through the meal, when everyone seemed to be relaxed and at ease, an older client leaned across and said, "Caleb, you've been my first choice for eight years, since before you had your own firm. I won't run scared but neither will I let my company sink with you.
"We simply can't afford to be linked with a firm that has an image of incompetence if you'll forgive my blunt-ness. I know you're the best but I have to answer to shareholders who get their information from the media."
Pensive silence descended on the table, but Caleb was glad for the opportunity to lay things out in the open. He took a deep breath, caught Vicki's eye and began to speak. Here went nothing.
No regrets.
"We have every confidence we can rescue this deal. All we ask is that you don't precipitate a crisis in the firm by withdrawing your files prematurely." It was a bold request but none of these people liked dancing around hard facts. "If the deal crumbles, we'll cooperate fully in transferring files to your new attorneys. Just hold off your decision for two weeks."
The man who'd originally spoken nodded. Like the others around this table, he was used to making quick decisions. "I'm willing to do that. You're the best—I don't want to lose you if there's a chance you can come out on top."
One by one, after a few more probing questions, every one of his clients agreed. They had two weeks' grace.
* * *
In bed that night, Caleb hugged Victoria. "Breathing room."
"I'm with you all the way."
"I know." That knowledge gave him more drive and determination than anything else. "The next two weeks will be tough."
"Tougher than our separation?"
"Nothing could be as tough as that." That quickly, everything was put into perspective. "What's the worst that could happen? The deal falls apart and my firm goes down the toilet along with my reputation."
Vicki's eyes filled with laughter at his mournful tone. "And?"
"And we start over again." The vise around his chest loosened. "We won't be destitute. I've got enough saved in investments to last us a long while."
"I could keep you," she suggested, kissing his neck. "I still have that money from the trust fund that came to me on my twenty-first birthday. Plus, I'll be getting paid soon."
"The life of a kept man," he murmured. "Might have something going for it."
Her teeth scraped his jaw. "You'd go nuts within the first hour." There was a chuckle in her words, affection in the way she touched him.
"Yup. But I can dream." He turned his head to capture her wandering lips with his own.
The kiss held his devotion to her. It was tender and beautiful and this side of ravenous. When they parted, her eyes were slumberous but her lips didn't smile. "Caleb, we're okay, aren't we?"
He immediately knew what she was referring to. "We're stronger than ever. All you did was prove you can act as much a fool as me."
She made a face. "Guilty as charged. I won't ever doubt you again."
"I know." And he did. Because he hadn't lied—their marriage had only become
stronger after she'd trusted him enough to bring up the painful subject. "Good night, baby."
"Good night, Caleb," she whispered, placing her head against his chest, her hand over his heart.
Content, he slept.
* * *
Twelve
« ^ »
For the next ten days, sleep was an elusive commodity. Caleb and his entire team worked like men and women possessed. And through it all, Victoria was there, the anchor in his life that let him forge ahead without destroying himself with worry. No regrets.
During the third day, she turned up with muffins for everyone. It gave his overworked staff a cheerful moment and considerably boosted morale. For the thousandth time, Caleb thanked God for her.
Pulling her into his office, he held her tight. "How was your day?"
"Busy. I think I've lined up a corporate sponsor for the charity concert I'm organizing, but it's tricky at the moment. The good news is that the radio interviews are set to go." Her hand stroked his back. "You?"
"We're doing everything we can but so far, nothing concrete." He adored her for helping him fight for his dream even as she chased her own. "Heart would be crazy to let you go."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Her smile turned a little wicked. "And thanks for setting up this crisis as an excuse to not keep our dinner appointment with Ada."
Her words made him laugh. "I did it all for you."
"I know." A more solemn look came over her face. "Can I lend a hand here in any way?"
He kissed her. "Go home and rest. I need to know that you and the baby are okay."
"We're fine. We're more than fine."
"In that case, you're welcome to keep feeding us. I think Kent was making noises about cinnamon rolls."
Their shared laughter filled the air.
* * *
Vicki left Caleb's office building with a smile. It lasted until she answered her cell phone ten minutes later. The number was unfamiliar but the voice wasn't.
"Hello, Vicki."
"Mother." Vicki moved to stand with her back to a wall. She'd never really expected her mother to fly to New Zealand to see her. Danica wasn't exactly the most reliable of women. "Are you in Auckland?"
"I've just left the airport. Can you spare time for coffee with me tomorrow, say around eleven?"
Vicki's mind was in turmoil, her thoughts skittering. "Sure."
"Why don't you meet me at that nice little coffee shop we went to last year?"
"That sounds fine."
Minutes later, Vicki was still standing on the street. She wanted to run to Caleb, let him hold her and ask him to make it all right. Nobody, not even Ada, could destroy her composure the way Danica could. Like a whirlwind, she'd sweep into Vicki's life once a year or so and leave emotional devastation behind.
Danica wasn't a bad person, but simply so self-involved that she had no time to be a mother, no time to listen to her daughter's needs. During her last visit, Vicki would have done anything to have her mother's advice on how to fix the fissures in her marriage. But Danica had been interested only in talking about her trip to Paris.
"Excuse me, miss."
She turned, startled. The elderly man who'd spoken tipped an imaginary hat toward her and started to read the signboard she'd been blocking. The interruption was precisely what she'd needed to snap her out of her frozen state.
She walked to her car. This was her problem and she'd deal with it. No more hiding, either behind her own walls, or behind Caleb's strength. If she still couldn't handle Danica, then everything she'd said to Caleb about becoming her own woman was a lie. And she didn't want it to be.
* * *
Caleb came home well after midnight. Vicki was asleep so he tried not to wake her as he got ready for bed. In the glow of the single bedside light he'd turned on, she looked so beautiful that he stood watching her for a long moment.
God, he could barely believe she was his. Her skin bloomed with health, so soft and silky that sometimes he was afraid of bruising her with his touch. Dressed in her favorite old pj's, she was curled up on her side, legs drawn to her chest. He wanted nothing more than to hold her through the night. Sliding in beside her, he turned off the light and pulled her into his embrace.
"Caleb?" she murmured, snuggling sleepily into him.
"Go back to sleep, honey." He pressed a kiss to the curve of her neck and then lay down to rest, feeling blessed.
No matter what happened with his business, he would always have Victoria. His wife's commitment to him was so powerful, he knew it would never falter. She might not love him the way he needed to be loved, but she'd never again leave him. When a man had that kind of loyalty behind him, failure wasn't something to be terrified of.
"No regrets," he whispered as the night claimed him.
* * *
Mid-morning the next day, Vicki stared at the screen of her cell phone, fighting the urge to call Caleb. He didn't need to be burdened with her problem. Not now. But despite everything she'd tried to convince herself, she was scared she wouldn't be able to handle Danica. She'd almost said something to Caleb as he'd left for work. What had stopped her then was the same thing that stopped her now—her own need to prove that she was strong enough to face up to the brutal reality of her childhood.
Closing the phone, she returned it to her purse and picked up her coffee to take a sip. As she did so, she realized something important. Though she'd come to meet Danica on her own, she was no longer alone as she'd been for most of her life. Caleb's faith in her was an invisible presence by her side.
A flash of red at the door of the café caught her attention. Putting down her cup, she watched the beautiful blonde walk over. Though she was well into her fifties, there was nothing old about Danica Wentworth nee Striker. Her hair was a gold-streaked mane that tumbled around her shoulders, her body curved and toned and her makeup flawless. In a simple wraparound dress that bared her arms and showed off her cleavage, she was sexy enough to make heads turn.
Danica stopped by Vicki's table. "Victoria, darling." The scent of her perfume was painfully familiar, awakening memories Vicki didn't want to remember.
She stood and dutifully pecked Danica on the cheek. "Hello, Mother." As she sat back down, Danica folded herself into the chair opposite, her every move confident and sensual. Vicki felt dull by comparison, a swallow next to a bird of paradise.
"That blue looks good on you, darling." Danica waved at the sky-blue cardigan Vicki had teamed with her favorite jeans. She liked the softness of the cashmere against her skin but most of all, she liked how Caleb was tempted into stroking her whenever she wore this fabric.
"Aren't you cold?" she asked Danica.
Her mother laughed. "I'm hot-blooded. Did you order me a coffee?"
"Flat white, no sugar."
"Perfect."
Danica's coffee arrived moments later and she paused to send a blinding smile the waiter's way before taking a sip. "Um, wonderful, though I must admit I miss the coffee I get back home."
"How is Italy?" That was where Danica had gone after meeting Carlo Belladucci and it was a place to which Vicki had never been invited.
Danica's smiling face suddenly sombered. Putting down her cup, she reached across the table and placed her hand over Vicki's. Vicki was so surprised that she didn't react. "I came to say I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For everything—for leaving you to Ada, for deciding to chase my love for Carlo instead of looking after my daughter, for never being there for you." Danica's blue eyes, so like Vicki's own, filled with a plea for understanding. "Forgive me."
Vicki knew it meant nothing. It hadn't meant anything the last few times Danica had been overcome by guilt. And it didn't mean anything today. It never would. Danica was a fickle, beautiful butterfly. That she'd stuck with Carlo this long was a testament to her love for the man. Danica had managed to turn into a faithful lover but she'd never be maternal.
The amazing thing was, that lack in Danica no
longer cut Vicki's heart to pieces. It was a startling insight but more than welcome. "There's nothing to forgive," she said gently, aware of the life growing inside of her. Without her conscious knowledge, Caleb and her baby had given her the emotional strength to withstand Danica's butterfly persona, dramatically shifting her priorities from the shadowed past to a sparkling future.
"My therapist says I can't get closure until I let you release your anger at me."
Putting her hand over her mother's and clasping that slender hand in her own, she smiled. "Tell him or her that I'm not angry at you." Not anymore. "I'm happy that you're happy, Mother. You are, aren't you?"
"Oh yes." Danica pulled her hand away. "What about you, darling? How's your gorgeous husband?"
"I'm wonderful and so is Caleb." She smiled, able to share the news with Danica now without any bitterness. "We're going to have a baby."
Danica gave an excited shriek that made the whole café look at them but her mother had never cared about the world's opinion. "Oh, darling. How exciting! Good God, that means I'll be a grandmother!"
"You'll be the crazily beautiful grandmother who comes in and sweeps my child off her feet." Vicki knew that to be the absolute truth. Free with gifts and laughter, Danica would fill a child's life with infectious joy. Just so long as no commitment beyond periodic visits was required. "You'll be adored."
Danica seemed to like that idea. As she happily burbled away about everything from the designer baby clothes she was going to buy to her adventures in Europe, Vicki felt another understanding dawn in her mind. Danica, she realized, didn't want to be married or tied down in any way. What Ada had held as a threat over Vicki's head was for Danica a perfect life. Her mother was no one's mistress but her own.
Something in Vicki healed completely at that thought and she saw Ada for the pitiful woman she was. Her grandmother had based her life on a thousand lies, big and small. She was no one to be scared of. Vicki knew with absolute certainty that never again would Ada have the power to force her back into her shell.
