With everything going on with Destiny I know it’s hurting Rachel. Her and I have been having a rough time. Sometimes I wonder why she married me. Then other times I see the way she looks at me when she thinks I’m not paying attention and I know. My woman loves me with all her heart. Same as I do her, only I can’t help but feel the wall she’s put up between the two of us, which has separated us in many ways.
When Rachel found out I’d gone to confront Boss without her knowing, she and I ended up in a rip roaring argument where she stormed off, pissed with me and saying she was done with my lies to her. Of course, I went after Rachel. There was no way I was about to let my woman get away from me. Not when she’s pissed, not when she’s upset, and sure as fuck not when she’s conflicted by everything around her.
I’m sure she still thinks I have feelings for Boss but other than the fact she’s a good mom to Destiny that’s it. She’s an ally, someone we can call on when shit goes down.
I get the fact I fucked up when I didn’t tell her I was going to see my kid. That I’d gone on several occasions to see Destiny. Should have been honest with her considering the insecurities she has about herself. Me being dishonest and hiding shit from her, I know is something else that’s fucking with her and she’s shutting down. I could easily put a stop to it but there’s nothing . . . I don’t think there’s really anything I can say or do to show her she has nothing to worry about.
Rachel was just going to have to work that shit out for herself. Same way I was trying to do for myself. Shit. It’s not her that has another kid that she didn’t get to see. Not get to be a part in raising her every fuckin’ day.
Fuck.
Destiny doesn’t even know me as her father. Thanks to the bullshit Boss pulled, my daughter thinks Cowboy is her daddy.
From the time everything happened finding out about Destiny until now, it’s been a struggle, emotionally that is. I’ve fucked everything up. From using my ol’ lady to cover my own struggles within, to keeping my brothers from knowing the full depths of despair I’ve been dealing with. They knew I had a kid with Boss, and I had a hard time coming to terms with this fact. As much as I want to say I didn’t feel an ounce for Tala I’d be lying to myself. A small piece of me did and that part of me will always care for the woman. Love her? Fuck no. Not in the way I do my ol’ lady. No matter how much she fuckin’ pissed me the fuck off.
For instance, when I’d had my son, Horse, meet up with me to take a trip to the Iron Vex MC to confront Boss about Destiny, I probably would have strangled her to death. Instead, I did something far worse, I broke the dove she made with her pops before he was killed. Though I don’t understand the relationship those two had with each other, I get the reason for wanting to keep something so sentimental, it connects you.
I’m known for my temper and my stubbornness. I can also be an emotionless bastard. It’s why they call me Stoney. When it comes to what I want and willing to get, I get it.
Rachel and I haven’t been doing the best lately and when the whole mess with Spark went down and I found out about Boss, I came to a decision that needed to be made not just for Destiny and what was best for her. But what was best for my family as a whole. So, when Rachel suggested to protect Destiny by proving I wasn’t her father and having Cowboy on the birth certificate, I’d been pissed at first but saw reason.
Boss and Cowboy were both grateful for this and agreed I would still be a part of Destiny’s life. I had taken Rachel up with me that time, hoping that it would help heal the breach between the two of us. It did work, but not completely. Rachel at least acknowledges she had nothing to worry about where Boss was concerned or I think she realizes it.
As I try to find a way to heal the breach, I sense her pulling even further away. I noticed this more so since she started going to see a counselor to work out what’s screwing with her head. I didn’t like the guy from the start, something didn’t sit well with me, but I kept my mouth shut at least to a point. Rachel on the other hand started distancing herself more and more recently, or barely coming to the clubhouse.
Our kids at least haven’t been affected by any of this situation. Luca and Corrine, my twins, they might not be mine by blood, but I’d do anything for them. Sebastian is the spitting image of Horse, it’s completely surreal. He and my grandsons look so much alike they could be brothers. It’s a good thing they can go with the flow of things.
Now I’m facing a very pregnant Raven who is staring at me with tears in her eyes, her ol’ man, my brother and one of my best friends, Blaze standing behind her.
“Stoney, you know I don’t like to butt into anyone’s business; however, this time around I won’t sit on the side lines and watch as two halves of a whole grow further apart than they already are. It’s been long enough and it’s time you finally healed the cracks completely before they shatter all together. You don’t do this soon it will be all over. Not just for you but for Rachel as well,” she says, tears spilling down her cheeks. Raven’s known around here for having a gift same as her mother. I would call her bluff, only I doubt she’d have it in her.
“Can you explain that to me?” I ask, quirking a brow as I sit back in my chair behind my desk.
“What I mean is there’s something coming. Something that will pull you and Rachel apart completely, take her from your life all together if you don’t heal the rift between the two of you,” Raven says, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Stupid hormones, I can’t wait to not be pregnant no more. Maybe then, this shit won’t be so bad.”
“Little bird, you’re almost at the finish line. Soon we’ll have him out of you and in your arms,” Blaze remarks with a chuckle.
“Whatever,” Raven mutters, glancing up to Blaze, turning her attention back to me. “Take Rachel away, spend a weekend in a cabin, Christmas is almost here and you two need this. Vicky has already agreed to keep the kiddos and all the ol’ ladies are gonna help her with them so you two can have this.”
“I don’t need to go away with my ol’ lady to do anything. Can do all that shit here,” I grumble.
“Stoney you don’t get it. She’s pulling away and if something doesn’t change, you’ll lose her completely. Rachel loves you, you can see it; however, that love is being clouded by fear. You need to show her she means something to you.” My body stiffens at the mere thought of my woman scared of me.
“Fine,” I mutter. “I’ll take her to one of the cabins in Fayetteville, spend the weekend and be back Christmas Eve.”
“Good,” Raven nods. “You’ll thank me later when you have your ol’ lady back,” she states with a slight smile.
Yeah, we’ll see. Either way, I’m not losing my ol’ lady, Rachel’s mine. My ol’ lady, my property, mine, and that’s the way it’s going to stay.
Chapter Two
Rachel
Sitting across from Dr. Lanston, I wonder at this void that seems to be growing even bigger as I tell him about the issues bothering me without giving away anything I shouldn’t. Not that I know much of anything. The fact that Stoney and I have grown apart so much, I wonder as to why we’re together.
Stoney doesn’t come home like he normally would, and now he doesn’t bother calling to talk to me. Not lately. Doesn’t help the main issue between the two of us is a woman I know I hold no candle to and the fact she also had his child. At this point, I feel as if the only reason he wanted to marry me is because I’d been pregnant with Sebastian.
“Rachel, let me get this straight, you’re concerned about Stoney maybe leaving you for this other woman who has his child. Same as you having his son. Do you think he is in love with her?” Dr. Lanston asks, his one knee bent over the other with a notepad in his lap, a pen touching his bottom lip, his eyes on me as if he could see into my soul.
If it weren’t for the fact, I loved Stoney or am married, I’d let myself think of how hot this man is with the way he carries himself with confidence. Maybe it’s the way he’s so sure of himself that attracts me to him. I don’t
know but I’d definitely go there with him.
“I don’t know,” I say, casting my eyes to the floor ashamed of where my thoughts have gone.
My marriage is on its way to ruin, Stoney doesn’t seem to care, his mind consumed elsewhere and I’m left hanging in the wind.
“Alright, Rachel, I want you to take the next few days to think about some things. Ask yourself, what makes you happy, where you see yourself in ten years, who you see when you look in the mirror,” Dr. Lanston says. “Our time’s up for today but I’m going to say this not as your doctor but as your friend, you Rachel are beautiful, you don’t need to bring yourself down. It’s Christmas and you need to focus this time on your kids. Show them you are happy, and I promise you one day you will be.”
Nodding I stand up giving the man a small smile. “Thank you, Dr. Lanston.”
“Call me Jared,” he says, shocking me. I didn’t think you were allowed to be on a first name basis with patients. “When we’re not in session, you can call me by my real name.”
“Oh okay, well, um, thank you, Jared,” I mutter, conflicted by this turn of events.
“You’re welcome, Rachel. Now let’s get you out of here and home to your kiddos. I’ll see you soon,” he murmurs.
“Yeah, I’ll see you after Christmas for our next session.” I nod and walk past him, a sense of embodiment filling me.
Leaving Dr. Lanston’s office, I head to my car, climb in, put the key in the ignition. As I put the car in drive, I’m completely numb to all thoughts while pulling out of the parking lot and head for the clubhouse to pick the kids up from Momma B.
Hopefully during this, I won’t run into Stoney. It’s not like he’ll care anyway. He never does. It’s why they call him Stoney, he’s emotionless to those around him when he wants to. Or at least that’s what I think.
Tears well in my eyes at just how far the two of us are from each other. I’m scared most days to walk into the clubhouse, wondering if I’ll find him getting from one of the clubwhores what he doesn’t come to me for. It’s been months since him and I did anything remotely intimate. Sure, he can act like a caveman in front of his brothers and even carried me over his shoulder one day. But the moment we were alone he laid into me that he doesn’t like me going to see Dr. Lanston. He hates it and thinks it’s ludicrous I need to speak with a therapist.
Stoney just doesn’t understand what he’s doing to me. I don’t even feel like his ol’ lady. More like a roommate who he barely sees.
Pulling into the club’s parking lot, my mind wanders to the first several days I was here. Maybe we rushed into everything. I mean he claimed me as property, to keep me all to himself. I should have protested harder, talked to Tracker asked him to intervene. He’s my cousin and with all that I’d been through at the time I’m sure he would have done something.
Sighing, I shake my head and put the car in park. No reason to think of that time.
Or any time. Let’s face it, my marriage is down the drain, and it’s only a matter of time before he finally admits the truth of it all. I’m a replacement for the woman he truly wants.
Looking in the rearview mirror, I make sure I don’t have red eyes from crying and get out of the car in order to run in and grab my kids.
As I enter the clubhouse, my heart sinks even at the sight of Stoney standing at the bar talking to his brothers, and another woman was standing close to him. One I’d never seen before. From the way she’s dressed I can assume she’s come here as a clubwhore.
Casting my eyes away from them, I head for the room Stoney had made for the twins when they were little. Now it’s used for all the kids when they’re at the clubhouse.
Opening the door, I’m surprised to find the room empty.
What the hell? Where are my kids?
Normally if Momma B was going to take them anywhere, she’d call me and tell me. This isn’t cool. I pull my phone out of my back pocket and call her.
“Hey, Rach, we’re at my house,” she says the moment she answers.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to your place? I would have come to get them from you there.” This would have saved me from seeing that woman standing so close to Stoney or seeing him period.
“Well, I was asked to bring them here,” she states slowly.
“By whom?” I ask
“By me.” Whipping around at his voice, I find Stoney standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest as he stares at me.
“That’s my cue to hang up, I’ll talk to you later, Rachel,” Momma B murmurs before hanging up on me.
Lowering my phone from my ear, I put it back in my pocket.
“Why did you tell Momma B to take the kids to her house?” I ask cautiously.
“Because we have shit to talk about and to do that, we’re going away for the weekend,” Stoney says, his eyes not giving anything away.
“We don’t need to go anywhere to talk. Besides, Christmas is coming up, I have some last-minute things to do for the kids before Christmas Eve,” I say, licking my lips nervously.
“Yeah, Doll, we do. We’ll be back in time to do things with the kids.” Stepping my way, Stoney stops directly in front of me and wraps an arm around my waist. “We’re going away for the weekend, you and me. No argument, I’ve already got everything in the truck since we can’t take the bike because of the cold.”
Unable to speak I simply nod my head. I mean what else could I have said. There was no telling this man ‘no’.
Great, a weekend alone with the man who holds my heart yet doesn’t feel the same as me.
Merry Christmas to me.
Chapter Three
Stoney
I saw her the moment she came in through the doors and didn’t miss the way she diverted her gaze from my direction.
Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going through her head. Not then at least, considering how close one of the new clubwhores, Jezebel, was standing to me, as I spoke with Shadow and Tracker at the bar. I hadn’t been paying attention to the bitch but know my woman and the shit her mind comes up with.
Raven had been right, and I can see it now, the way Rachel veers away from me as far as possible.
Finishing up the conversation with Shadow and Tracker, I go to follow my woman but Jezebel steps in front of me. “Do you want me to do anything for you, Stoney?”
Her fuckin’ voice grates on my nerves.
“Nope, don’t need shit from you,” I state going to move around her.
“But you haven’t taken me for a spin yet,” she pouts. Turning to face her, I quirk a brow then glance behind to see my brothers glowering at the bitch.
“I don’t fuck clubwhores. I want pussy, I’ll get it from my fuckin’ ol’ lady and as for you approaching me, don’t do it again or your ass is out that door faster than you can suck a dick,” I snap, irritated the bitch had the nerve to offer herself to me. The clubwhores know I don’t fuck them and they know when a new bitch comes in, they’re to state this fact.
Rachel and I might be on the outs right now; however, I’m not a cheat and won’t sink my cock into anyone else but her.
Storming down the hall to the room I’d set up as a playroom for Luca and Corinne when they first came here, I find Rachel on the phone with Momma B. I can nearly taste the panic coming from her at the kids not being here.
I know Tracker’s ol’ lady offered to watch mine and Rachel’s kids but I knew my brother had plans for his woman, so I’d gone to Momma B earlier, explained what I was doing and asked if she’d take them for the weekend. She didn’t have a problem since Rage was coming up with Cleo, Rosaline, and Devin, the newest addition. Besides, she told me it was about time I fought to fix what I have with Rachel, rather than watch it slip through my fingers.
When I spoke up letting Rachel know I was behind her, I saw the way she was nervous at me being close. Fuck. I’ve really screwed shit up with my woman, big time and I hadn’t even noticed.
Shit.
&
nbsp; How could I not see what’s in front of my eyes?
Rachel looked as if she was barely sleeping and had lost weight. Too much fuckin’ weight. In addition to that she’d started wearing clothes not her style.
Fuck. I’m an asshole for all this shit.
I’ve put her through the wringer with all this shit without really thinking of her in any regard.
“You need anything before we leave? Your stuff for your diabetes?” I ask, still holding her to me feeling even shittier for not taking care of her like I should have been.
“Uh, I have some stuff in the mini fridge in your room, I think,” she whispers, lowering her gaze from mine.
My room?
She thinks?
Fuck me.
I guess it really has been that long since she’s stayed here with me.
“Let’s go see, if it’s not here we’ll go by the house and pick it up there.” Pulling her into my side, I guide my woman out of the kids’ playroom and toward our room, then I was going to get us out of here and out to the cabin.
“And in other news our area is expected to get four to eight inches over the next twenty-four hours,” the weatherman says through the TV hanging on the wall of the cabin. “The roads will be iced over and we’re advising everyone to stay off the roads until they’ve been cleared.”
It took us about two hours to get here and in that time, Rachel and I barely spoke. I’m not sure what’s going through her head right now, but as I turn from the TV to the kitchen, I paid the owners of the cabin to stock the kitchen with enough for the next several days as well as make sure to have a fire going for us in the fireplace when we got here, I find Rachel bent over the counter doing something.
My cock stiffens at the sight of her ass facing my direction.
Shit, it’s time to get this weekend started.
On silent feet, I slowly make my way toward my woman. As I get closer, I notice the medicine bottle she was holding in her hands.
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