He kissed her hand before standing up and walking to the window. “It feels like ages since I have been home. I think I might go riding to reacquaint myself with the countryside.” He turned to his Uncle Kenneth. “Would you care to join me?”
Lord Lonsdale stretched his legs in front of him. “Perhaps another day. I do not travel as well as I used to. I think I might take a day of leisure, if you do not mind?”
“Of course,” Elias said, with a bow.
“I will leave you to your solitude, Lord Lonsdale,” the Duchess said, as she gathered her samples and stood. “I have a great many things to organize for the ball.”
“That is a fortnight away,” Lord Lonsdale said. “Surely you can spare some time for me.”
“I am afraid that is not possible today,” she said with a smile. “If you will excuse me,” she walked briskly from the room.
Lord Lonsdale folded his hands and rested them behind his head. “Your mother has always been a spitfire. I believe your father has a difficult time keeping up with her.”
“She is a force of nature,” Elias said, smiling. “I do think Father feels safe exploring his other ventures knowing Mother is here to take care of the estate. In fact, she may be more equipped than Father.”
“That I believe,” Lord Lonsdale said. “Still, I had hoped she might spare a little time to meet with me. I did travel a great distance to be here.”
“I believe I’m to blame for the cloud over her today,” Elias admitted. “When she heard that I did not travel alone, she thought Father had returned. Most days she can hide her disappointment well. Today appears not to be one of those days.”
“Ah,” Lord Lonsdale said, resting his feet on the stool in front of his chair. “I see.”
A silence settled over them, and Elias turned his attention to the gardens and the meadows beyond. He was torn between his training in etiquette and his desire to explore. It was his duty to be a good host despite his own longing.
“Do not let me keep you,” Lord Lonsdale said. “If adventure awaits you, go forth, my boy.”
Elias nodded. “Thank you, Uncle. I will.”
Lord Lonsdale smiled as he watched his nephew leave with long strides.
Chapter 3
“Nothing too ostentatious,” Lady Downe said to her daughters. “We are not hosting any balls this season, not after your sister’s wedding, so there is no reason to make a spectacle of yourselves. Make sure this seamstress of yours understands that we want understated elegance, not gaudy baubles.”
Selina stifled a laugh. She knew her mother’s seamstress, Mrs. Hotchkiss, was known to run wild with ribbon if not carefully watched. However, she had no interest in resembling a package left by Father Christmas. She allowed her sister, as the elder of the two, to respond to their mother’s reminders.
Rebecca nodded as they secured their bonnets. “Yes, Mama,” Rebecca said, not bothering to hide her annoyance. “We are not void of taste. You may trust us.”
Mrs. Phillips, their housekeeper, bustled from the house, her bonnet already in place. “Do not worry, My Lady, I will not allow them to be taken in by an overeager dressmaker.”
Selina sighed. Under Mrs. Phillips’ careful watch, she would be lucky if her new frock did not appear to be suitable for mourning.
“It isn’t that I don’t trust you, my darling,” Lady Downe said to her elder daughter.
“It will be fine, Mama,” Selina said, kissing her mother’s cheek. “We’ve listened to you instruct Mrs. Hotchkiss over the years, and we’ve learned from your example. I’m sure we can restrain Miss Miller’s exuberance.”
Her mother took a breath as if ready to refute this claim, but she thought better of it. Instead, Lady Downe stood in the arch of the front door and watched as her daughters set off down the drive toward town.
“I’m very tempted to ask for bows and lace by the yards just to see Mama’s face,” Rebecca said before looking over her shoulder and waving goodbye to their mother.
Selina imagined her mother’s face. Her sister’s downfall would certainly help raise Selina in her mother’s esteem.
“You’re wicked,” Selina laughed, her eyes darting to Mrs. Phillips, who walked behind them. To Selina’s relief, she appeared oblivious to their conversation. “Mama would be confined to her room with the vapors if you did.” She envied her sister’s capriciousness. Rebecca seemed unconcerned with the criticism of Lady Downe. Selina could never be so flippant.
“I would never, of course, but it would be a laugh to see her reaction.”
Selina marveled at this. Rebecca was notorious for goading their mother into hysterics, and yet she was favored over Selina. She often felt that she ought to resent her sister, but like the rest of the family, Selina could never stay angry with her. Their roles in life were cast long ago, and she could do nothing right while her sister could do no wrong.
Selina pushed those thoughts from her mind and returned her attention to Rebecca who had continued without realizing that her sister paid her no mind. “Something in blue would suit me, I think. That is what I shall ask Miss Miller to create for me,” Rebecca said.
“With your fair hair, I think that would be lovely,” Selina responded, grateful that she began listening again at the appropriate time. “A pale blue that shimmers in the candlelight. Nothing too dark or it will appear dull as if you are in mourning.”
“That wouldn’t do. I have far too much vitality to be weighed down by anything dowdy,” Rebecca said laughing. “What about you? Are you going to choose white to match your saintly activities?”
Selina flushed at her sister’s reference to her earlier lie. “I never said I was a saint,” she replied. “After Mama’s comments about the hem of my dress, I don’t think white would be a wise choice.” She brushed dust from the front of her dress
“No, I suppose not,” Rebecca said. “What about red? With your black hair and fair skin, you would be the most striking creature at the ball.”
“Red?” Selina gasped at her sister’s bold suggestion. “Could you imagine? Mama would need a crate of smelling salts if I wore anything so garish.”
“I can imagine, and that is why I adore the idea,” Rebecca teased.
Selina swatted her sister’s arm. Her eyes drifted over the landscape they took for granted on these walks to the village. Hills gently rose and fell to her left, and the deep green leaves on the trees that speckled them swayed in the breeze to flutter through various shades of green. To her right, she could hear the stream concealed behind bushes and wildflowers as it flowed through the meadow. She relished her time exploring the countryside, and she felt a part of it.
“If not red,” Rebecca asked, “then what color do you suggest?”
“I think a summer spent in green will suit me,” she answered, opening her arms to let the soft wind wrap around her.
“Yes,” Rebecca agreed with unusual sincerity, “green will compliment the flecks in your eyes and your adventurous spirit. A wise choice, indeed.”
Selina linked her arm through her sister’s, and the two continued along the tree-lined lane that connected their home to the main thoroughfare.
As Selina and her sister giggled together, she felt content, and at peace. The squabbling and teasing that dominated so many of their encounters were their false lives. They were shields used to deflect their father’s terse comments and expressions of disappointment. Arm-in-arm under the warmth of the sun, they were liberated. Rebecca’s sharp wit, when aimed at any other target, caused spasms of laughter to shake Selina to her core, and she felt no need to embellish or stretch the truth. In these rare moments, simply being herself was enough.
They rounded a bend in the road, and Caddington Park disappeared behind them. Rebecca leaned close to Selina and whispered, “Are you sure you suffer no feelings of unrequited love when it comes to Lord Northfolk?”
“Certainly not,” Selina said, more forcefully than was necessary. “Why do you ask?” She feared that her sis
ter knew her too well, and that her feelings were too evident. However, another reason for her sister’s question caused her to panic. Selina held her breath as she asked, “Do you have feelings for him?”
“I have my eyes on a different prize,” Rebecca said smiling.
Relief flowed through Selina’s heart. She could not bear competing with her sister for Elias’ affections, mainly because she doubted her ability to win such a contest. “Then why do you harp on Elias?”
She studied her sister’s face as she carefully formed her reply. “Partly for my own amusement,” Rebecca conceded, “but also because I believe he is the young man approaching on horseback.” Rebecca nodded toward the meadow that separated their estate from Langley Hall.
Although distance obscured his face, Selina recognized the figure on the bay stallion. Heat rose in her cheeks and her heart pounded. She rested her hand on her chest, as if she could physically ease the hammering.
“Steady on,” Rebecca whispered. “If you really have no feelings for him, this will be a meeting of a family friend, simply a brief exchange.”
Selina nodded, but she and her sister both knew that it was much more than that for her. Her eyes pleaded with Rebecca to do the talking. She did not trust her voice to keep her secret.
Rebecca smiled, and Selina was grateful for the support of her sister.
As Lord Northfolk neared the trio, he slowed his steed, and tipped his hat.
“Good afternoon, Miss Terrell, Miss Selina,” he said, before offering a bow to Mrs. Phillips who lingered behind them. His eyes glinted in the sun as he smiled, and Selina felt trembling in her legs. She had hoped that time had tricked her into remembering Elias as being more handsome than he was, however, he had become even more attractive since leaving Berkshire.
“Welcome home,” Rebecca said, nodding in reply. “We look forward to the ball to formally mark your return.”
Selina envied her sister’s easy manner. She wished she could speak with him half so readily.
“Be it my return, or that of summer, my mother can always find a reason for reverie,” he said to Rebecca before turning his gaze toward Selina. “I have been home less than a day, and I am fortunate enough to see an old friend.” He dismounted from his horse to more conveniently converse. “I trust you have been well.”
“Yes,” Selina said, “thank you.” She heard the cracking of her voice as she spoke, and she prayed he had not noticed.
“And your parents, they are well?” he asked.
“They are,” she said after clearing her voice, trying to mimic Rebecca’s confident tone. “It is kind of you to ask.”
“Not at all. Your family always welcomed me as a child. I may have spent more time at Caddington Park than at Langley Hall. Your cook made the best biscuits and allowed me to steal as many as my hands could carry. Then, of course, there was you. I have many fond memories of our innocent escapades,” he said, holding Selina in his gaze.
Her breath caught at the compliment, and her voice became paralyzed.
Thankfully, her sister kept the conversation moving forward. “We were just talking about that this morning, were we not, Selina?” Rebecca said.
Selina’s eyes widened. Would her sister truly reveal her secrets to Elias? She was not certain.
“We received your mother’s invitation,” Rebecca continued quickly to cover Selina’s nervousness, “and we reminisced about our time together as children.”
“Oh, yes,” Selina said, a bit too enthusiastically, relieved that she was not mistaken to take Rebecca into her confidence. “We did have fun, all of us.”
“Yes,” he said.
An awkward silence developed. He waited for Selina or Rebecca to say anything to give him reason to linger, but to no avail. He sighed. “I seem to be keeping you from a purposeful adventure, and that will never do.” He easily returned to the saddle. “I hope to see you again soon.” He smiled, and his dark eyes crinkled as he gazed toward Selina. He cleared his throat before adding, “Both of you, of course,” nodding to Rebecca.
“Yes,” Rebecca said, “our parents would love to see you again. You are always welcome at Caddington Park.”
A dimple accompanied his tilted smile as he again bowed his head before urging his horse onward.
Rebecca hugged her sister’s arm as she led her along their path. “If anyone was under the impression that you carried warm regards for Lord Northfolk, you certainly disproved that. I have never seen such a neutral opinion of anyone as I have in your behavior toward our dear childhood friend,” she said, unable to suppress a smile.
“I am not sure what you are trying to say. I was not rude to him. I was friendly,” Selina said, afraid she had yet again let down her mother and her lessons on etiquette. “His estate is next to ours, and it is important to be, well…”
“Neighborly?” Rebecca asked.
Selina sighed. “Was I really that bad?” Her stomach twisted. In her attempt to hide her devotion, did she make him believe she no longer counted him a friend? The thought brought her to the brink of tears.
“I would not say you were unkind to him. You were just a little--” she paused, hoping to find a gentle term. “You seemed indifferent.”
Selina choked back a sob. Indifferent? How far from the truth! Her voice shook as she turned to Rebecca, “That is terrible. That is not what I wanted at all, but I am not skilled in conversation as you are. I can never think of what to say at the appropriate time.” She grabbed Rebecca’s hands for support. “I must appear slow-witted.”
“Certainly not,” Rebecca cried. “And even if you did, rest assured, my beautiful little sister, I believe you could say just about anything to our young Lord Northfolk, and he would be fully enamored with everything you said.”
Selina looked back toward Mrs. Phillips, who had still lingered forty paces behind them. She wiped a tear from her eye and dropped her voice. “What are you talking about?” She suspected her sister was taking the opportunity to make sport of her painful situation. However, when she studied Rebecca’s face, she was met with uncharacteristic sincerity.
“Did you not see the way he looked at you?” her sister asked.
Selina flushed. “I spent a great deal of that exchange looking at the horse. It seemed easier than looking into his face.” She did not trust herself to maintain her composure if she allowed herself to directly face him.
“That may be how you felt, but he had no difficulty looking at yours. I might even suggest that he could not see anything or anyone aside from you. I will try not to take it personally, but it started to feel as though I was not even there. His attentions were full engaged on you,” Rebecca said, using her handkerchief to dry Selina’s cheek.
“They were?” Selina asked. “Really?” It seemed toο much to hope for. Could he still hold her in such high regard?
“Of course. Have I ever lied to you to make you feel better?”
At that, Selina laughed. “Never, so I must believe it is true.” As much as she knew her sister loved her, their relationship was not based upon false flattery. Harsh truths were the foundation of their lives together. Selina’s skin tingled as she thought about her sister’s words.
“After what I just witnessed, I believe it is a shame that you do not have any warm regards for him, outside the neighborly kind. I believe they would be very well received.”
Selina blushed. “You could be mistaken. Perhaps what you saw was nothing more than kindness.”
“No,” Rebecca said plainly. “Every woman wants to be seen the way Lord Northfolk sees you. I am speaking with all sincerity. I honestly believe that all his fond memories of his childhood are wrapped up with his fond memories of you.”
She studied Rebecca’s face. Her blue eyes were clear and soft. The malicious glint they took on when she was playing tricks was startlingly absent.
“Why do you care?” Selina asked. Rebecca typically limited her concern to matters that directly impacted herself. Selina could not see
how this might benefit her sister.
“We all deserve to be happy, even my baby sister,” Rebecca said. “Truly, that is all.”
Selina remained silent throughout the rest of their walk to town. Her mind was too busy sorting through the details of her encounter with Elias to contribute to a conversation with her sister. She listened as Rebecca rambled on about her favorite features of the gowns she saw at Marianne’s wedding and her musings about their sister’s time in Italy. Selina murmured her agreement at the appropriate times, but her mind was preoccupied. Could Rebecca’s insinuations about Elias and his feelings for her be true? Did she want them to be?
It was true that they had spent most of their childhood together. Her sisters, though loving and inclusive, did not share the same interests. She and Elias shared a love of exploring and of the lands that made up their estates. Memories of Elias were woven into her childhood; she could no easier remove him from her stories than she could herself.
If Selina were honest with herself, she could not remember a time when she did not love Elias. She fell in love with his protectiveness as he held her hand to keep her from falling when they crossed the stones in the stream and as he lifted her into the apple tree to harvest their own snacks. She loved his kindness and his strength that was beyond what most children were capable of, but she believed that had been a childish infatuation on her part. Ten years was a long time, and she had no way of knowing if the boy she knew bore any resemblance to the man who returned to Langley Hall. It was naive to think that he remained the same after all that time. Her brain told her to be cautious because her feelings for Elias could not be trusted. Her heart was too eager.
She was in love with the memory of who he had been, but she was not a child any longer. She must build her future on more than memories.
Chapter 4
Elias leaned back in his chair and watched his father and uncle circle the billiards table. In the three days since his father returned to Langley Hall, this was the first evening of leisure he had taken. Elias understood the importance of taking care of business affairs, especially since his grooming to one day take over had begun early in his youth, but the lack of balance in his father’s life troubled him.
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