He attempted to say something but failed as he swallowed hard.
I couldn’t stay here; the desperate need to escape was overwhelming. The obvious disgust and revulsion exposed on his pale face.
Turning and fighting tears, I opened the door and stepped through it, calmly closing it behind me.
My head down, I methodically made my way to the elevator and rode to the ground floor before exiting the building in a shocked daze and drove home in stunned bewilderment.
Entering my house, I slowly climbed the stairs, walked into my bedroom and curled up on the bed, exhausted.
CHAPTER 9
I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes the room was dark. I was hot and cramped. Something didn’t feel right. The duvet felt heavy and I was aware of a slight current of air.
Groaning and trying to stretch, a sound came out of the darkness. “Ssshhh baby” a breath whispered in my ear.
Jolting upwards I struggled for breath, scrambling backwards into the headboard, frightened beyond control.
“Hey, Angel. It’s just me, relax” Nate whispered softly, his hand reaching for me.
“What the fuck Nate? What are you doing here?” I stammered “How did you get in?”
He tugged me back down and pulled me into him, my back to his chest and his arms enveloping me in a protective embrace. “Hush Angel” he soothed, stroking his fingers up and down my arm.
“You left your door open. I did knock for quite a while and I thought you were ignoring me, but I was getting worried so I tried the door and let myself in and found you were sound asleep.”
We both lay in complete silence for a while; the only sound was our breathing and the wall clock ticking.
Here goes!
“I met James about a year after you left for Edinburgh,” I started, staring into the darkness “he was loving and attentive at first. He made me laugh and absolutely doted on me. After we’d been together for about a year he asked me to marry him. After you, I didn’t think I’d be able to fall for anybody else and I did care for James, but I had to be honest with him if we were gonna get married, so I told him about you, about our relationship and how much love I had and still held for you.”
I took a deep breath and Nate’s arms tightened around me to urge me to continue. “He said he was okay with it, that he loved me so much that any amount of love I felt for him would be enough.”
Nate’s hand came up to my head and he began to stroke my hair, calming me. “Everything was wonderful for the beginning of our marriage and I fell pregnant with Erin.”
Taking a deep breath I carried on, “He was happy for a while but when Erin was about six months old he started changing. He became moody and unpredictable and I was starting to notice his temper was shorter with me. We grew apart rapidly, each of us tolerating one another but hardly sharing a relationship. I had the feeling he resented the fact that I didn’t have as much love for him as I did you.”
Nate placed a soft kiss on the back of my head and sighed into my hair.
Swallowing I forced myself to carry on, “Anyway, after about three months, it was New Year and there was a party at the office where I worked. I’d asked him to come but he refused, saying he didn’t fancy it. I was going through a self-pitying stage at the time, I felt unloved, unattractive and lonely so I got very, very drunk. There was a guy at work that had been coming on to me for a few months and his attention was flattering so when he came on to me again I gave in. We were having sex in one of the offices when James walked in.”
I felt Nate flinch behind me. “Needless to say he floored the guy and dragged me home. He was so angry and that was the first time he hit me but I knew it was my fault that time, so I let it go.”
Nate sighed “Baby, no woman deserves to be hit, no matter what she did.”
I nodded slightly before I carried on. “From then on his attitude towards me worsened and the slightest thing would send him into a rage; a cobweb on the ceiling, if his cup of tea wasn’t brewed enough, even Erin’s cries seemed to wind him up. His beatings became a regular occurrence and he swore if I left him he’d kill me. He always blamed it on me, saying it was my fault he was like he was. If I hadn’t loved you more than him then we would have been happier.” I stuttered, desperately trying to hold back the tears that were forcing their way up my throat.
Nate stiffened, hugging me closer, his hold so tight I thought he was going to crush me but he remained silent, listening intently to my story.
“One day I came home from work early with a migraine. James’s car was in the garage so I didn’t see it and presumed he was at work. As I came in in the house I went straight upstairs, desperate to climb in bed. I heard sounds as I got to the landing and pushed the bedroom door open to see James was fucking some woman. Do you know? I actually hoped he’d finally found someone else and was gonna leave me for her… no chance.” I scoffed bitterly.
“It didn’t even bother me that he was shagging someone else in our bed. Do you know what he did?” I asked Nate, not waiting for an answer, I carried on “He looked at me and said ‘come and join us Liv’.” I laughed bitterly.
“I just stood there staring at the woman’s tits, thinking how saggy they looked. I left the room and shut the door behind me, went downstairs, made a coffee and sat down at the kitchen table calmly. About ten minutes later the woman walked past me, scowling at me, and left.”
I sighed deeply as I struggled to carry on; it was getting harder to tell this tale, knowing which part I was coming to.
“James came down about five minutes later, picked up a chair and… and smashed it round my head.”
I heard Nate suck some air through his teeth, “Jesus Christ” he hissed, exhaling slowly.
“My mother found me curled up on the kitchen floor, bleeding all over the new tiles we’d had fitted. I remember thinking to myself ‘How the hell am I gonna get the blood off the floor? He’ll kill me if it stains’. My mum picked me up and took me to the hospital. The police encouraged me to prosecute, my mother demanded that I prosecute; she’d had her suspicions that James was beating me, but he always hit me where I could hide the bruises. I wasn’t sure what to do, I was frightened of his death threats but the police insisted that they could put him away for this so I did.”
I was silent for a few moments. “But he got fucking bail!” I scoffed.
Nate sighed heavily and rested his forehead on the back of my head; his hands now back around me, holding me tightly. “Jesus baby” he said, “Where is he now?”
I turned around to face him, the contours of his face silhouetted in the darkness. Lightly tracing his chin with my fingers I sighed “I haven’t finished yet.”
I inhaled severely and slowly let the air out of my lungs, digging deep for courage to tell him the next part.
“Really?! There’s more?!” he said expressing his dismay that there was definitely more to be told. “Oh yeah, there’s more” I scoffed, bitterly.
“About a week after his bail I was leaving work and he grabbed me and covered my mouth with a cloth laced with chloroform.”
I heard Nate’s growl but braced myself and carried on “The next thing I knew I woke up in a garage somewhere.”
Now chewing on my fingernails, Nate took hold of my hand and interlaced his fingers in mine, resting our joined hands against his chest. I could feel his heart pounding through his shirt and he was sweating slightly.
I paused for a long time, breathing hard as a violent nausea threatened to surface. “He held me in that garage for three days. He raped me over and over again, burnt me with cigarette stubs and repeatedly cut into me with a blade.”
I didn’t realise I had begun to cry until I felt Nate wipe a tear away and place it on his lips, like he always did when he wanted to share my grief.
“The last thing I remember, he was in a violent frenzy and he was punching me ruthlessly, shouting at me for reporting him to the police. He just went mad and started kicking me in the
head.”
I was whimpering deeply as Nate embraced me and started rocking me to and fro gently.
“I woke up in hospital seven weeks later. I’d endured a ruptured spleen, bleeding on the brain, four cracked ribs, several broken bones including a dislocated jaw, and internal bleeding AND I was pregnant with Matt! I’ve been told both Matt and I are lucky to be alive. Luckily the police had somehow worked out where I was and had stormed the place just as he kicked me unconscious. He got 18 years for GBH, ABH and attempted murder.”
I sobbed between each word, trying to control my voice so he could understand me.
“I’m so sorry Liv,” he anguished “I’m so sorry.” He was now rocking me rigorously, his hand on the back of my head holding me tight against him and placing gentle kisses on my forehead.
We lay there for long minutes, it could have even been hours I wasn’t sure, him comforting me as he tried to take my heartache away.
I awoke a while later, my bladder bursting at the seams. I was still enveloped in Nate’s arms and his breathing was steady, proof that he was also sleeping.
I squeezed myself out from his embrace and made my way to the bathroom. After relieving myself I splashed my face with cool water, freshening up.
I was still in my work clothes, my blouse and skirt wrinkled to its limits and I was in much need of a shower, but for the moment alcohol was more important.
Making my way down to the kitchen, I grabbed a half open bottle of wine from the fridge and poured myself a large glass and took it through to the lounge.
Matt and Erin were at my mother’s for the weekend so the house was peacefully still. Drawing the curtains and switching on the lamps I settled on the sofa contemplating the events that had unfolded today.
I thought when I had screamed my confessions at Nate in his office, that he had looked at me repulsed but now that he had arrived at my home, listened and supported me, and then held me as I sobbed, I realised it had been shock showing on his face.
I was still deep in thought when I felt a press of lips to the top of my head. “Hey baby” Nate said gently.
I raised my hand behind me, stroking the side of his face “Hey.”
His arms slid around my neck and he grasped my chin, tilting my head backwards against the sofa. He leaned down and kissed me, our mouths reversed on each other.
His kiss was gentle and loving, expressing his reassurance that what I had divulged to him hadn’t altered his feelings for me but at the same time comforting me.
“Drink?” I asked him, after he released me. “I’ll get one, you stay there” he smiled and disappeared into the kitchen.
I heard him rooting through cupboards looking for a glass as I plugged my iPod into its base and selected some music.
He was seated on the sofa by the time I had turned back and I sat down next to him. “Are you hungry? You want me to make you something?” I asked him.
“We could go out if you want” Nate invited.
“Uhh, I don’t think anywhere would be open at this time, Nate” I laughed when he looked at his watch. “Jesus. It’s 11:20. Where the hell did the night go?” he asked with disbelief.
“Probably filled by a lot of a blubbering woman and a little bit of sleep” I joked.
Pulling me over to him and placing my head on his chest he snuggled me into him, both of us in our own thoughts. “Where’s the kids tonight?” he asked after a while.
“My mums,” I returned “they go every weekend.”
“How is your mum?” he asked.
Nate and my mum had got on really well when I was in a relationship with him. She had been grateful to him for looking after her ‘baby’ while I was away from home and she had seen how much we were in love and trusted him not to hurt me.
In the end it was me that had hurt him.
“She’s good” I told him “she’s been a rock to me after everything. I don’t know how I’d have got through without her, Beth and Lex.”
Regarding me, he cocked his head “Is James the reason you see your psychologist?”
I nodded “Yeah. I went to a really dark place about six months after it happened. I refused to leave the house, frightened of my own shadow and scared to death that James was going to get out of prison and come for me.”
I shuddered and he pulled me closer, rubbing his hands up and down my arms. “I hated myself and everybody around me. I still go there sometimes but not as bad as my first episodes. My mum had to take the kids in for six months until I straightened my head out but anyway, she insisted I starting seeing a ‘head doctor’ and nearly twelve years later I still have to have appointments with him, though it’s only once a month now.”
Nate’s fingers trailed up my arms and starting tracing my ear “I don’t think anybody could get over something like that Liv… ever! To be honest, I had no idea. I thought you were still in love with him, that’s why you kept pushing me away. And after the comment I made to you Saturday night after the gala dance I should be shot” he stated bluntly, referring to his comment about being a better lover than James.
I chuckled gently at his declaration “It was a bit ‘way off the mark’ but to answer your question, you were extremely better in bed than James.”
Feeling relaxed with him now I had disclosed nearly all my secrets to him, I bit the bullet and pressed on. “There was only ever you that could make me come, Nate. James never once…” I spoke into his chest.
He pulled in a breath and tipped my head towards him. His mouth came down on mine and he nibbled my bottom lip, gently nipping it with his teeth. I pushed my hands into his hair and tugged him closer, deepening the kiss and demonstrating the need I had in me.
He drew back and took my glass from me and placed both his and mine on the coffee table then he came back in for a kiss to surpass all others. The passion in the kiss was overwhelming; the intensity was consuming and the force, strong and frenzied.
Straddling him, I kissed across the edge of his jaw, tiny soft kisses down his lightly stubbled throat, my tongue sneaking out; circling and lapping at his adams apple.
A strangled groan rumbled deep in his throat as I carried on planting kisses down past the base of his throat and on to the patch of skin peeking out of his opened collar.
My fingers found his shirt buttons and I undid each one painstakingly slow, taking unhurried precious moments to unfasten each one. Kissing my way down, I savoured the delicious taste of him, until all the buttons were undone.
When I reached the last one I straightened and pushed open his shirt. I gasped forcefully.
My eyes widened in shock.
Holy fuck, he was glorious.
His pecs were solid; his smooth skin pulled taut across the muscles, his dark nipples a shocking contrast against his tanned skin. His rippled abdominal muscles were dense and hard but it wasn’t his physique that stunned me. It was the tattoo on his left pectoral muscle that took my breath, the writing scrolling across his heart.
I traced the script with my finger, whispering the words as I tracked it “The other half of me, The Angel of my Soul”
My eyes shot to his, searching in the pure blue depths. I was fighting to breathe, my chest heaving. His eyes reflected my passion; as he took my hand and placed it over the tattoo “I love You Liv. I always have and I always will. You’re the other half of me, the Angel of my soul” he confessed breathlessly.
“Oh, Nate. I’m so sorry,” I admitted “all this mess is my fault. If I hadn’t been so bloody stupid and so chuffing foolish.”
He took my cheek in the palm of his hand. “Baby, No. None of this could ever be your fault” he sighed, “I should have stayed in London instead of moving to the other end of the country. It’s my fault James hurt you, if I’d never have left, you would never have met him. I would’ve taken care of you, protected you from the evil things in life and made damn sure you were happy” he shook his head, angry at himself.
“Nate that’s stupid. If you hadn’t moved to Edin
burgh, you wouldn’t have NSC, here and in America. They’re your accomplishments, your reward for all the blood and guts you spilled trying to achieve your ambitions. You are one of the wealthiest and admired businessmen in Britain. You would never have been happy working a nine to five, it would have killed you.”
He stared at me, shaking his head again “But they were nothing without you Liv. They ARE NOTHING to me if I can’t have you with them. All I ever wanted is sitting in my lap now, her beautiful face holds so much pain and it’s tearing me apart. I would trade everything I have, even my fucking soul, to go back twenty years and change the worst fucking decision I ever made.”
His finger trailed down my throat and traced the open neck of my shirt. My breath hitched and I got to my feet, standing in front of him. “But you shouldn’t want me Nate, I’m broken.”
“Baby, please! Let me in. Let me fix you?” he pleaded, running his hands through his hair.
I put my hand up to silence him. “Nate, I’m a mess. My heads a mixture of chaos and horror, and my body’s a…it’s a…a hideous, repulsive clutter of scars! You won’t want me” I stuttered, finally revealing the real me.
“What the hell are you on about Liv? You have an amazing body” he argued.
Taking a step back I raised my fingers to the buttons on my shirt, undoing each one with determination and resolve, needing to show him, finally wanting to bare myself to him.
Angel (NSC Industries) Page 10
