She sat there staring at the box, and Joe wondered if she were going to cry again. I guess it’s just an emotional day. Joe turned his focus wholly back to the road to give her some space to compose herself.
Finally, she spoke. “That was very thoughtful. Thank you.”
Joe didn’t know if his gift would have been received with such emotion on another day, but he couldn’t deny how good it felt to help her, to do things for her. If this is my purpose, then God Almighty, lead me in it.
***
Mari used the long miles to think and pray, and she used her word processor on her laptop to try to unravel her conflicting thoughts and feelings. She had never felt so torn and frazzled. Her daddy lay in intensive care, still a good 550 miles away; Eli, whose kisses and caresses were like a golden ray of sunshine on her skin, was back in the Springs; and here she was on a road trip with Dazzling Joe, who made her heart sing, but was off limits.
She had nearly had a heart attack, herself, when he had taken her hand, and she felt so guilty wishing he’d do it again. She pondered all the thoughtful things he had done for her in just the short time they’d known each other and couldn’t help feeling envious of Beth. Eli decorated my house, but that was almost as much for him as it was for me. Joe’s gifts are always for me, and me alone.
With her fingers poised over the keyboard, she stole a peek at him out from under her lashes. An errant wisp of blond hair had separated from the rest and lay on his forehead, giving him a bad boy look. She started to type:
Falling, falling.
A spell, an incantation takes me under.
Makes me weak. Leaves me aching.
Herald of light, your glory will be my demise.
Mari closed her eyes. What would I do if Joe weren’t engaged? She knew the answer down deep but wouldn’t allow herself to even think it. He considers you a sister. Don’t forget that.
She knew the days were long past when she could think of him as a brother.
***
Joe had listened to Mari’s typing fingers for miles, and though he tried to suppress it, his curiosity was about to burst out of him in a geyser. Finally, he could no longer contain it. “You’re typing so fast you’re going to sprain something.”
She closed her laptop. “I’m sorry, I’m being rude.”
Joe scolded himself for interrupting her. “No, not at all. I was just... well, to be honest, I was curious about what you were writing with such speed and ferocity, but it’s none of my business. Sorry, I’m getting to be as snoopy as my brothers.”
“No, it’s okay. I just write everyday—you know, a journal—and I have a lot of things to get down today.”
Joe nodded. “I’ve started a journal several times but never had the discipline to keep it up. I’ve written about five entries in the last three years. Is that all you write? A journal? Do you write anything else—poetry, stories, essays?”
Mari seemed reluctant to answer. She licked her lips and hooked a curl behind her ear. “Yes.”
Joe glanced her way, trying to read the reason for her reticence to admit that. “Why does that seem to embarrass you?”
She looked out the side window. “Because I’m not all that good, and as soon as people know you do a bit of writing, they want to read something” —she paused only long enough to take a quick breath then sped on— “and I never let anyone read my stuff, and then they get offended, and everything just gets weird.” She looked back to him. “And I don’t want things to get weird between us.”
Joe couldn’t help smiling at this speech. “I’m not quite as snoopy as my brothers yet. I’d never ask to read something.” He made a sweeping gesture with his right hand. “If, however, you wanted to read me something to keep me awake on the road, I wouldn’t say ‘no.’ Regardless, I promise not to let things get weird between us.”
Mari smiled, but Joe could see her stress and worry shining through.
“Does it help?”
“What?”
“Journaling. Getting your thoughts down. Does it help you feel better?”
Mari was thoughtful. “Sometimes. But mostly, it helps me sort things out. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. I started when I was a crazy, confused teenager.” She almost laughed. “Some of those very dramatic entries read like comedy to me now. It’s all about time and perspective.”
Joe nodded, imagining what he might have written as a teen, and snoopy or not, he wanted to know more about Mari and her writing. “So you said you also write stories. What kind? What’s your genre?”
She gave him almost a perturbed look.
“I didn’t ask you to read me anything,” he defended.
Her expression softened. “I guess what I write would be categorized as suspense.”
He was surprised. “Really?”
“You don’t have to look so amazed.”
“I do, because I am. Are they short stories or book-length?”
Mari’s smile was brighter. “Joe Rhodes, I think you are as snoopy as your brothers.”
He smiled back. Only about you, sweetheart. “I guess they’ve rubbed off on me, but you’re one interesting cookie.”
She blushed. “I’ve written a few novellas, but the one I’m working on now will probably end up being long enough to be called a novel.”
Joe adjusted his grip on the wheel. “So if you don’t let anyone read them... isn’t it a little bit sad that no one gets to enjoy them?”
“Now you sound like Rhonda.”
“Who’s Rhonda?”
“My best friend since grade school. She keeps bugging me about publishing, but she’s been trying for years without success, and I think her books are really good.”
“I don’t know who said it, but ‘nothing ventured—’”
She joined him, “‘Nothing gained.’ I know.” She dropped her chin and closed her eyes. “I’ve been a failure at a lot of things. I don’t think I could stand to be a failure at writing. It’s too—”
She broke off, and Joe feared tears again. Berating himself for heading her there, he reached over and put his hand over hers clasped in her lap. “You’re not a failure, Mari. You’ll only be a failure when you give up.” He gave her hands a squeeze before returning his to the wheel. “And you’re not giving up. When do your classes start?”
She wiped at the corners of her eyes. “Next week.”
“Here’s to a new start. May the good Lord bless your new venture.”
Mari smiled at him with shimmering eyes, and Joe felt a zing without even touching her.
And right then and there, he knew he was lost.
***
Joe looked over at Mari sleeping with her pillow leaning against the window and smiled.
They had stopped briefly for gas and lunch about an hour ago, and Joe had found her some eye drops while she used the restroom. She couldn’t seem to get the drops in herself, however. After her third failed attempt that left her cheeks wet, but her eyes dry, Joe took over and got the job done.
He nearly kissed her then—wanted to so badly it hurt—but pulled himself away. They needed to talk first, and he didn’t want to burden her further with other things until she saw her father. And anyway, he was having a hard time deciding how to tell her he was no longer engaged. Do I just spring it on her? Oh, by the way, I broke up with Beth. And there was still the matter of Eli. What does she really feel for him? He hoped that before this trip was over, they’d have time to get it all out into the open.
It had nearly killed him watching her receive comfort in Eli’s arms when he longed to be the one to wipe away all her tears, and he had to fight a tidal wave of guilt at the joy he felt at Eli’s obligations that kept him homebound. He glanced her way. Poor kid. She’s too young to lose her daddy. He was overjoyed to be spending this time alone with her but sincerely wished it was for a different reason.
Turning his heart heavenward, he prayed for her father to be healed and for Mari to be comforted; for his own heart to follow the
right path and for the right words to tell Mari what he’s feeling. He thought of the Psalmist’s admonition: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
He knew this was a plan that never failed, and yet he couldn’t help but be anxious waiting to find out if a curly-headed brunette would be walking this path with him.
When she woke, she was quiet and looked worried, clutching her pillow to her chest. He knew she was frightened about her dad, so he tried to turn her thoughts in other directions, and he had almost a fatherly desire to squelch the notion that she had failed somehow by going to school for so long. “What would you say is the most important thing you’ve learned since you started taking college classes?”
“Don’t start taking college classes until you’re sure of a direction.”
Joe smiled. “Okay, but I’m sure you’ve learned some valuable information. What stands out?”
“Well, Freud said, ‘Time spent with cats is never wasted,’ but I already knew that before I took a single psychology course.” She smiled then grew more serious. “Weirdly, I think I go back to my very first area of study most often—to literature. It’s sort of my first love, I guess. There’s something wonderful about a well-turned story.” She released her tight hold on the pillow and dropped it to her lap. “I just could never figure out how to make money loving books—apart from teaching.” She made a face. “Or becoming a librarian.”
Joe laughed. “I think the librarian stereotype has long since been abolished. I’ve seen some down-right pretty librarians who don’t wear glasses, a high collar, and have their hair in a bun.”
“Maybe, but putting books on a shelf isn’t the same as enjoying them.”
“Maybe you’re in the middle of the next Pulitzer Prize-winning novel.”
She gave a small sigh as she set the pillow on the seat between them. “Are we going there again? I knew I shouldn’t have told you that I write.”
Joe ignored her. “Way back—I think when I was a sophomore in high school—I felt inspired by something we read in English class, and I started to write a book.” He caught her look of surprise. “What? You don’t think a builder can write?”
Her eyes sparkled. “ I don’t know. Can this one?”
He shrugged. “A little. I thought it was great at the time, but I’m sure if I read it now, I would not be impressed.”
She continued to study him, and Joe shifted in his seat. “I’m not just a hammer and nails, you know.”
“Oh, I know that first-hand.” She gave him a teasing smile. “You’re also handy with a drill and crowbar.”
He shook his head in mock disappointment. “Mari, Mari, Mari, I didn’t think you were one to promote stereotypes.”
She laughed, and Joe knew he’d accomplished what he set out to do.
Chapter 21
Eli pushed away from his desk and stretched with his hands locked behind his head. With Mari’s early announcement, he had gotten a head start on the day and was proud of how much he’d accomplished. He rose and looked out the window just in time to see Ben letting himself into Mari’s house. Taking care of the cat, I assume.
Their goodbye that morning had been hurried; Mari had seemed to be embarrassed to have a show of affection in front of his brothers. A long hug and a quick kiss was all he got. I wonder how long she’ll be gone.
He turned and was heading out of his office when his phone beeped about an incoming text. Sheri’s name appeared on the screen, and he groaned. He opened the file and read, “racket ball?”
Eli typed back, “not 2day. busy.”
She replied, “what’s up?”
“nap.”
“sounds like fun. can i join u?”
Eli stared at the screen. Is she actually propositioning me? He slowly shook his head as he typed, “sorry, i sleep alone.”
There was a long pause, and Eli figured they were finished with the conversation. Sliding it into his pocket, he continued to his bedroom. He had just sat down on the bed when it beeped again. He sighed, worked it out of his pocket, and tapped the screen.
“that’s not what i heard.”
Eli ’s brows lifted before his eyes narrowed. His thumbs flew. “old news.” Then he turned the phone off and tossed it onto his bedside table. He lay down, his teeth grinding. He was irritated at her coming on to him when she knew he had a girlfriend. He was irritated that she had obviously heard something somewhere about him—something that could follow him for years. And he was especially irritated that as soon as she made the offer, he could picture it. And he could picture himself liking it.
A lot.
He closed his eyes tight against the image of tattooed vines wrapping around her naked body. He looked over at his phone. He knew he shouldn’t leave it off in case Mari called. He stared at it until his eyelids grew heavy, and he drifted off.
***
“No answer?”
Mari shook her head and stuck her phone back in her purse. “No. Probably dead again. I don’t know if cell phones make our lives easier or more frustrating.”
They were still a couple of hours from Oklahoma City. Joe yawned. “I hear ya. I’m forever leaving mine somewhere.”
“You look tired. Do you need a coffee?”
“Maybe. Let me know if you spot a McDonalds or something.”
Mari leaned on the door’s arm rest and turned toward Joe with her head on her fist. “Up late?”
He nodded, keeping his eyes on the road.
She lifted her eyebrows. “Doing some painting, perhaps?”
He flashed her a smile and nodded again.
Mari seemed mystified. “What got into you, Joe? Just saying you were sorry would have been enough. Did you have some sudden need to decorate my yard like Eli did my house?”
Joe wasn’t expecting his motivations to be in question. “No, I just wanted to do something nice for you. You mentioned wanting a bird feeder...”
She laughed, sitting up. “A bird feeder, Joe, not a dozen.”
He shifted his grip on the steering wheel, feeling suddenly foolish. “I can take some down if you like.”
She slid a hand toward him on the seat. “No, I didn’t mean to suggest I don’t love each and every one of them. I’m just trying to understand why you would go so far beyond hanging one plain, ordinary feeder in my tree.”
She slowly pulled her hand back, and Joe was tempted to grab it before it got back to her. Instead he shrugged, gripping the wheel. “I was a first rate idiot Sunday night. A first rate apology was required.” That and the fact that I’m crazy in love with you.
She grew solemn. “I was a first rate idiot, too. What can I do for you?”
Joe licked his lips and kept his eyes glued to the road. Marry me. “Your company,” he squeezed out past the lump in his throat, “is more than enough compensation.”
Mari was silent, although Joe could sense her eyes on him. Finally she spoke. “Beth is very lucky. I hope she realizes that.”
Joe took a deep breath. “Mari...”
He was interrupted by Beethoven’s Fifth coming from her purse. She pulled it out and answered. “Eli! I tried to call you a bit ago, but I just got voice mail... Oh, I took a little nap myself after lunch. I talked to my mom, and dad seems to be stable. They expect a full recovery... Yeah, I’m very grateful... Is Ben remembering to feed Tawny?... Good...” She turned her body toward the door a bit and lowered her voice. “I miss you, too... I’ll call you when we get there... okay, bye.”
She ended the call and turned back as she put her phone away. “Okay, where were we? I think you were interrupted.”
Joe squeezed his lips into a thin line. Just tell her. He wasn’t sure why the information about Beth was sticking in his throat, but he had to wonder how their relationship would change. Will she be suddenly uncomfortable with me? Maybe that barrier is why we are at ease with each other. If she wants to continue dating
Eli even after I tell her of my feelings, will everything just get... weird between us?
“Joe, what were you going to say?”
He looked at her in the fading light. “Nothing, Mari. There’s a gas station. Hopefully I can get some coffee.”
***
Eli was cleaning up after eating a sandwich when the doorbell rang. Tossing the dishcloth in the sink, he made his way to the door, running a hand through his hair on the way. He was surprised to open it to an apprehensive Sheri. Oh, God, please, no. He kept his face neutral. “Sheri.”
“Eli, I just needed to tell you I’m sorry. That flippant remark was uncalled for. I hope we can still be friends.”
He softened and opened the door wider for her to come in out of the cold. She stepped in and lowered the fur-lined hood on her short baby blue parka. “I tried calling to apologize but just got voice mail. I’m just so sorry. That was a horrible thing to say.”
Eli took a breath and let it out slowly. “No, it was the truth. I’m just trying to change that.” He wasn’t sure if he should show her to the living room or just stand in the entry and hope she leaves soon. Thank God Ben’s in a bowling tournament this week. He’d have a heyday with this. He opted to stand.
He decided he needed to make things very clear to Sheri once and for all. “Sheri, I’m in a relationship that I don’t want to screw up. You are very attractive, and frankly, I don’t need the temptation.”
She nodded without a hint of guile or flirtation. “I understand, really. She must be very special.”
Eli was surprised by her response. “She is.” She stood there nodding, her big green eyes sparkling with empathy. “So—”
“Tell me about her,” she interrupted. At Eli’s hesitation, she went on. “I’m just curious about the kind of woman that could make a playboy reform.”
A playboy. Geez. Is that how people see me? “Well, she’s beautiful, but in a really natural way, and she’s smart and funny, and I don’t know, I just like being with her.”
Rocky Mountain Angels Page 22
