"If I'd meant just Nathaniel, I'd have said just Nathaniel. He can't teach me how to be a good top. To learn to be dominant you've got to talk to a dominant, not a submissive."
"You sound like you've researched it."
"Most of the wereleopards in my pard are into bondage and submission. I can't be a good Nimir-Ra for them if I don't understand them."
He looked at me, considering something. I wasn't sure exactly what he was thinking, but at least it wasn't sad or angry. At this point I'd take almost any emotion that wasn't one of them. "I know that before today you weren't fucking Nathaniel. I was in your mind, and I know. You really did research to try to understand your leopards, not just for your lover."
"You sound surprised," I said.
"Because Raina was our lupa for so long a lot of the werewolves are into BDSM, too, but I learned everything I ever wanted to know about it from Raina and Gabriel, and their accomplices."
I almost didn't say it, but he said he'd come to me for the truth. I'd see if he really wanted truth, or just some of it. "Richard, you say you like fear with your sex. You like the game of fear, and you like your sex rough."
He was looking at me, the look was a warning. Those dark brown eyes were willing me not to finish, but if I didn't tell him, who would?
"You enjoy the scene, too, Richard."
"I don't—"
I held up a hand. "You don't do what Raina and Gabriel and some others did, but you can be a little in without being a sexual sadist. Some people think just enjoying teeth and nails during sex is sadistic."
He was shaking his head over and over. If it hurt the scratches on his face, he didn't show it this time. "Just because I like teeth and nails doesn't mean I'm like that. I'm not like them."
"If you mean Raina and Gabriel, no, you're not. But you didn't run from me just because you thought I was bloodthirsty. You ran because with me you couldn't keep pretending."
"Pretending what? I'm not pretending anything."
"It's not just you that's been pretending, Richard."
"Pretending what?" His anger started to fill the room, hot and close, like a storm that hadn't broken yet.
"I like teeth and nails during sex. Hell, I like biting alone without much sex. I like the feel of flesh between my teeth."
He looked away. "That's my fault, and Jean-Claude's. It's our hungers in you."
"Maybe, but they're still in me, and it's still something I enjoy. I may never be as comfortable around the scene as Nathaniel is, and that worries me, because if he's mine, then I want him to be happy. But I've had to stop pretending that I don't like rough sex. Jason said that I like dominant men, because they sort of take charge, and I don't have a choice. The reason I was able to avoid Nathaniel for so long was he tried to get me to do all the moves. I need a little dominance play, or I don't play. I thought he was crazy, but it's been a busy twenty-four hours, and I'm tired of running."
He looked back at me. "Running, running from what?"
"Same thing you are, myself."
"You're not—"
I stopped him with a hand again. "Yeah, I was. Maybe I still am. There are parts of my life that I don't want to look at. Someone told me that it's okay that I like two men in bed with me. I argued with them, Richard. I argued that, no I didn't." I took two steps closer to him. "But arguing is pretty silly, don't you think?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"I'm dating Jean-Claude and Asher. I was dating you and Jean-Claude."
"Not at the same time in the same date," he said.
I waved it away. "Fine, I'll leave you out of it. But I'm still dating Jean-Claude and Asher. I'm living and sharing a bed with Micah and Nathaniel. Yes, it was sort of accidental. I didn't try to get into either situation on purpose, but I'm there. And now with Damian and Nathaniel, I've got another threesome where I'm the only girl. Not on purpose, but after awhile, Richard, arguing that I don't enjoy two men together with me just sounds silly."
"Do you?" he asked.
I didn't owe him the answer, but maybe I owed myself one. I'd only admitted it to myself seconds ago. "Yes, being in the middle of two men just flat does it for me. Just the feel of them on either side just flat does it for me." I waited for the blush to start, or at least the embarrassment, but it didn't. It was true, and it was okay. I was okay. I had men in my life that thought it was okay.
Richard looked at the floor, as if whatever he saw in my face he didn't want to see. Or maybe there was something in his face he didn't want me to see. "I could never do that."
"No one's asked you to."
He looked up then, and his anger lashed out, almost like he'd laid a hot whip across my skin. I jumped from the feel of it. "Ow," I said.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, but the hell you say, no one's asked me."
"Alright, to my knowledge no one's asked you."
"Everyone, everyone in the preternatural community, whatever animal, or thing they are, thinks that I was doing Jean-Claude and you. That we were some happy little ménage à trois."
"I've run into that rumor," I said. "You know what you were doing, and who, so what does it matter?"
He let out a shadow of that inarticulate scream he'd done before. "Anita, how do you think I feel when almost every leader in this town that I have to do business with thinks I'm shagging the Master of the City?"
"Are you saying that people thinking you're bisexual hurts your standing as a leader?"
"Yes."
"It doesn't seem to hurt Jean-Claude's," I said.
"That's different."
"I don't think so."
He made fists, and that hurt, and he made that sound again. "You don't understand, Anita. You're a girl, and you don't understand."
"I'm a girl, and I don't understand. What does that mean?"
"It means it's still more socially acceptable for a girl to be bisexual than it is for a man."
"Who says?" I asked.
"Everyone!" His anger flared outward like hot water, and it was about waist high, and rising.
"You're homophobic," I said.
"I am not."
"Yeah, you are. If it didn't bother you so much that people thought you were bisexual, then you wouldn't care what they said. You'd know the truth, and it would be enough." I moved closer to him, pushing through the heat of his power, his anger, his frustration. "Besides, what's wrong with being bisexual, or homosexual, or whatever? What does it matter, Richard, as long as you're happy and no one is getting hurt?"
"You don't understand," he said.
I was standing close enough to touch. Standing so close that his power bit and sizzled almost against my skin, as if the robe wasn't there. God, he was so powerful, more than the last time I'd touched his power. He'd gained from Jean-Claude and me, just like Jean-Claude had, like I had. If we could get our triumvirate to truly work the way it was meant to, no one would touch us, no one would dare.
That one thought wasn't my thought, not exactly. Jean-Claude wasn't awake yet, I'd have felt it, but the thought was more his than mine. I remembered last night at the club, and how we'd been joined tighter, closer, than ever before. I'd done things last night that hadn't been possible before. I'd reached new levels of power both with Jean-Claude and with my own abilities. I'd also had sex with a vampire I'd known less than two weeks, and only Requiem's gentlemanly ways had kept it to one. That wasn't like me, and standing this close to Richard's pain, I was thinking about the power and not the cost to him. That wasn't like me either. But they were both very like Jean-Claude.
"What's wrong?" Richard asked. "You've thought of something."
"Just wondering what other parts of Jean-Claude I'm carrying around inside myself."
"You told me, the ardeur , the blood lust."
I shook my head. "I've never been very practical with relationships, or sex, and lately, like the last twenty-four hours, or so, I have been. At least a lot more practical than I've ever been before."
"Is it true
that you had sex with two of the new British vampires at Guilty Pleasures last night?"
"My, my, the rumor mill does grind fast."
He relaxed, some tension going out of him. "Then it was just a rumor."
I sighed, and was getting tired of doing that, but it seemed like Richard just brought it out in me. "Half true."
"Which half?" he asked.
I didn't like the look on his face. It wasn't angry exactly, which should have been an improvement, but it wasn't neutral either. "One vampire, not two." I shook my head. "But you know what? I don't think I owe you an explanation, Richard. I don't keep track of the swath you're cutting through your own pack, and Verne's pack when you're in Tennessee."
He was looking at me, studying my face, as if he was trying to figure out what I was hiding. "If you weren't ashamed of it, then you'd just tell me."
"Richard, you aren't my dad, or my boyfriend. I don't owe you an explanation about who I do, or don't, sleep with."
"You slept with Nathaniel for four months before you had sex with him. What changed? Why these two vampires, why now? I heard it was a hell of a show last night, what the hell happened?"
"Are you asking from some macho possessiveness?"
"No, as the third of your triumvirate. Or should I say, one of your triumvirates?"
As the third of our triumvirate he had a right to know how close we'd come to losing control of Primo and some other choice bits. He had helped me last night, even if it had gone wrong, he'd tried. He'd really tried.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, and he sat on the floor with his knees drawn up to his chest, while I gave him a thumbnail sketch of the near disaster and an edited version of what I'd done to help Jean-Claude feed. I didn't leave much out, I just didn't elaborate.
"I can't believe you fucked Byron. I didn't even think he liked girls."
"He took one for the team," I said, and tried to keep the irony in my voice to a minimum.
He actually blushed. "I didn't mean it that way. I meant, if I was shopping for men for you among the new vampires, he wouldn't have been high on my list."
"Truthfully, he's not high on mine. I mean he's a nice enough guy, but as a friend, not as more."
"Then, why?"
"He was the person that was there, Richard. If I accidentally sucked someone's soul out through their mouth, Jean-Claude thought I'd be less cut up if it was Byron and not Nathaniel."
"Is Primo like some kind of Trojan horse?" he asked, and him asking that made me think better of him, lots better. It was a very good question.
"You mean did the Dragon let Jean-Claude have Primo so she could try and take over here?"
"Or just cause enough destruction that Jean-Claude got up on charges. Or his business was ruined, something. From what Jean-Claude's been hearing from Europe, the council isn't too happy with him."
It must have shown on my face, because Richard said, out loud, "I have been paying attention Anita."
"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I didn't think you had."
"I admit I wasn't before, maybe like a month before, but I am now. I told you, I've decided to live and not die by inches. That means I've got to pay attention to business, and I may not like it. I may hate it, but being part of this triumvirate is business."
"I don't know about Primo. He might be, as you so aptly put it, a Trojan horse. I left one of the wererats on guard outside his coffin. I gave orders that if Primo breaks out, he's to be killed. No third chances, because he's already on his second."
"Why would Jean-Claude bring in something that dangerous?"
"I saw Primo fight, and I saw him heal more damage than any vampire I've ever seen heal. It was impressive. We've got a lot of powerful vamps, but most of them are Belle's line, and that runs high to beauty, seduction, which is great for the clubs. I mean we have some really choice people to strip and to dance with the tourists at Danse Macabre, but if we had a war, a real war, then we have almost no soldiers."
"You have the wolves," he said, "and through two treaties, the wererats."
"Yeah, but it's unusual to have such close ties with other groups. Vamps scouting us for takeover won't count beyond the wolves. It won't occur to most of them that a treaty with an animal that isn't the master's to call will come through when the going gets tough."
"So you approve of Primo being here?"
"No, definitely not, not after last night. I think we should shoot his ass, but I understand why Jean-Claude took the chance. We need some vamps that can fight, not just look pretty." As if on cue, the door opened, and it was my favorite pretty vampire.
56
We both turned to look at the door, though my turn was less turny than Richard's. Jean-Claude was in the doorway wearing the black robe I was so fond of. The one that was edged with real black fur at the lapels, and framed his pale chest so nicely. His long black curls had been combed out, so that he looked fresh and lovely. I still needed a shower. Oh, well.
"I didn't feel you wake. I always feel you wake."
"You are both shielding very, very hard," he said, as he strode into the room. His bare feet were very pale against the dark carpet. "I heard your last comment, ma petite, should I take it as an insult?"
"Sorry, but we need soldiers not seducers. We've got plenty of those."
He gave that wonderful Gallic shrug that meant everything and nothing. It was a graceful movement. Sometimes I wondered if shrug was the right word. If what Americans do is a shrug, whatever Jean-Claude did wasn't the same.
"I told your Nathaniel to go and feed his new and surprising form. He will be even more popular when the ladies see this new shape of his." He was being very pleasant, very casual. His face held a smile, and his movements were graceful and a little flamboyant. He was hiding something. I'd learned long ago that this wasn't the real Jean-Claude. This was one of his many faces that he used when reality would be too harsh, or too shocking, or too something.
"What's up, Jean-Claude?"
"Whatever do you mean, ma petite? " he asked, and came to sit down on part of the bed near me. Part that I'd removed the sheets from, so we were sitting on the relatively clean mattress. The bed bobbed unevenly as he settled on it. He looked at Richard, as the bed moved oddly. "I think you are going to owe my pomme de sang a bed frame, Richard."
Richard actually had the grace to look embarrassed. "I lost my temper, I am sorry for that. I'll replace the frame."
"Good," he crossed his legs, one a little higher than it needed to be, so he could lace his hands around the knee, and expose a line of pale leg. Was he flirting. No, that wasn't it.
It wasn't me who said the next part, but it was like my thoughts came out Richard's mouth—scary. "Cut the act, Jean-Claude, just tell us what's happened now?"
The face he gave us was way too innocent. "Whatever do you mean, mon ami? "
Richard and I exchanged glances that said worlds. Richard spoke for us. "No games, Jean-Claude, remember."
"You are beginning to sound painfully like ma petite. "
"Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment."
That earned him a smile and a nod from me.
Richard smiled at me, and it was the first real smile I'd seen on him since he stepped into the room. It was good to see it, and I found that I had one of my own to give back. There, we were all being friendly.
"You're doing your flamboyant, happy, casual act," I said. "Cut the act, and tell us what's up."
"You do realize, ma petite, that Richard has become almost as blunt at times as you are."
"And I'm starting to have moments when I sound like you, Jean-Claude. Let me guess, the closer binding last night has had some interesting side effects."
"Not just us being closer, ma petite, but your binding of a new triumvirate to you. That has upped the side effects, I believe." His face was still lovely, but the nearly pretentious movements were fading, changing to a seriousness that I didn't like seeing. He wasn't happy about something. I didn't know what it was, but it
had to be something that he either thought both, or at least one of us, really wouldn't like.
He started by confessing that my being willing to do Byron and feed Requiem was probably his less-finicky tastes coming out through me. I stopped him before he got through it. "If I hadn't fed on Byron and Requiem, you wouldn't have had enough energy to control Primo. He would have slaughtered the audience. My virtue versus the lives of dozens of people, hmm, let me think." I shrugged. "It's okay, though I'd rather not make a habit of it."
"You surprise me, ma petite. " But he relaxed against the bed. His posture was still perfect, a lot of the old vamps had good posture, but it was more relaxed all the same.
"I've learned that a little sex isn't a fate worse than death, Jean-Claude."
"Is that all?" Richard said. "Or is there more that you'd rather we don't know, but feel that we need to know?"
"See, see, he is like you now. Two of you, I do not know if I can—"
"Just tell us," I said.
He gave me a small frown. "You seem to have figured out that we are mixing and mingling our abilities in more than just a metaphysical way. I do not know all we will gain, or lose, depending on how one looks at it, only that it is happening."
"I think that Nathaniel and I traded a little dominance and submission." I saw the look on Richard's face, and added, "I mean that ever since we became a triumvirate, Nathaniel seems a little more dominant, and I seem to enjoy being a little more submissive. Admittedly, Nathaniel was trying to be more dominant before, but he really seems to be taking to it." Saying it made me want to squirm with discomfort, but I fought it off. I'd be damned if I'd apologize even by a gesture. I'm nothing if not defiant, especially if I'm uncomfortable.
"Then, apparently, we can expect a mingling of our basic personalities, as well," Jean-Claude said, and he tried for casual and failed.
"This could get really strange," I said, and it was my turn to draw my knees up to my chest, though for Richard, I think it had been comfortable, for me it was comforting myself.
"Is that all the bad news?" Richard asked, and looked directly at him.
"I do not see it as bad news, mon ami, but the two of you might."
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