by Lea Coll
His hands were on his hips as he called down to me, “I got this.”
His lips were set into a straight, determined line. Gray wouldn’t let anything best him, even if he fell all the way down the mountain. He awkwardly made his way to me, mimicking what I’d done.
He skidded to a stop in front of me, managing not to fall this time. “How was that?”
I smiled, proud I was able to teach him. “Not bad for a first-timer.”
“Let’s keep going. I want to make it to the bottom before it’s dark.”
I laughed at his joke, happy I’d brought out this side of him. I liked to think only a few people, or maybe only me, got to him this way.
We headed down the mountain, starting and stopping as I directed him, giving praise, or helping him up when he fell. I was disappointed he didn’t pull me down with him again.
When we finally made it to the bottom, I asked, “Are you ready to go again?”
“I think I need some food.”
I couldn’t contain my grin. An overwhelming urge to tease broke through. “Ah.”
“Don’t you dare say I’m a wimp.”
“I wasn’t going to say that. Food sounds great.”
We left our gear in a locker. He held his hand out to me. I took it, a feeling of rightness flowing through me so strongly I had difficulty drawing a deep breath.
“Why don’t you have a seat by the fire? I’ll grab some drinks and food. Do you have any allergies?”
“No. Anything’s fine.”
He let go of my hand. I dropped into the overstuffed leather chair by the roaring fire. My muscles ached already from using ones I hadn’t in a long time. Gray was going to be sore tomorrow too, especially his butt. I closed my eyes, imagining giving him a massage later tonight, maybe joining him in a hot tub. Why had I suggested snowboarding when it was so romantic at the lodge with the fire and opportunities for hand-holding?
Remembering the night in the barbershop, I should have known nothing with Gray was friendly. It always felt like something more. His definition of flying under the radar probably made women think he wasn’t lethal to their libido or their heart when he most definitely was to mine.
The smell of food hit my nose before Gray spoke. “I got a little of everything. I wasn’t sure what you’d like.”
I sat up in the chair, seeing a tray of wrapped sandwiches, chicken fingers, and rench fries.
He handed me hot chocolate. “I put marshmallows in there.”
“You did?”
“I thought you might like something sweet.”
“Thank you.” I opened the lid, blowing on the steaming liquid, feeling warm inside without drinking it yet.
Gray sat next to me, unwrapping his sandwich, taking a large bite.
The way the chairs were situated around the room, it was like we were by ourselves. I took a tentative sip of the coffee, appreciating the taste of the chocolate combined with marshmallows. “This hits the spot.”
I looked up to find his gaze locked on my mouth.
My tongue darted out to lick the chocolate.
Gray cleared his throat, shifting in his chair. “You should eat so you have the energy to go down the mountain.”
“I don’t think I’ll make another run,” I teased.
He handed me a sandwich. “This time you won’t be able to keep up with me.”
I carefully unwrapped the sandwich, enjoying this time with him. Moving here to open the shop was a calculated risk. Being with Gray was like hurtling straight down the mountain, gaining speed, a billion times riskier for his career and mine. He needed to prove to Ed he was here to stay. But I was an outsider, not a local. If anyone found out about my past, it could adversely affect his reputation.
I took a bite of the sandwich, curling my legs under me. I could stay here in this bubble forever, not letting anyone else in.
“How does your family feel about you moving here?”
I startled at his unexpected question. He rarely asked deep questions. I wondered if he was worried I’d ask some of my own. I finished chewing, giving myself a few seconds to consider my answer. “My sister wants me to come home. She feels like—” How could I explain the truth without revealing too much? “There are more opportunities for me in LA.”
“What do your parents think?” He cleaned up his wrappers, throwing them on the tray on the coffee table in front of us.
I felt oddly detached whenever I thought about my parents. They’d been so absent it was like they were a nonentity. “They don’t understand it. At the same time, they don’t have an opinion one way or the other. We’re free to make our own decisions.”
“That’s refreshing.” His expression was genuine.
“It is.” And it wasn’t.
“Why do I think it’s not?”
I was holding so much back from him. I wanted to give him a piece of myself. “They weren’t there for us when we were younger and needed guidance and protection. It’s not a surprise they’re hands-off now. I would have appreciated them stepping in when we were kids.” It would have been nice if they’d stepped in to handle the producers. I was a child dealing with adults.
“Did it make you more independent, though?”
“Unfortunately, it left me susceptible to other people’s devices and opinions. I’m happy to say I’m independent now, but it was a journey to get here.” I fiddled with the wrapper of my sandwich, suddenly not hungry. I’d revealed more to him than I had before. I’d told the truth, just not everything. I felt good about opening up but ashamed I couldn’t be completely transparent with him.
I glanced at him to see his reaction.
His expression was pensive. “All that matters is where you are now.”
My heart tugged then squeezed almost painfully at his words. I wanted his words to be right. I wanted my past not to matter. I knew it was asking too much. I couldn’t help grabbing on to the hope he’d unknowingly floated in front of me. I’d hang onto it, and him, as long as I could. When my past caught up to me, I’d have to let him go no matter how much it would hurt. If I didn’t, I was positive he’d walk away from me.
I covered my sandwich, throwing our trash out. “Are you ready to go again?”
He stood, smirking down at me as he flung a friendly arm around my shoulder. “Are you ready for this? I’m not holding back this time.”
I placed a hand on his sweater-covered stomach, smiling up at him. “I should hope not.”
We teased each other all the way to our lockers, pulling our gear on. Snowboarding was the best idea.
These experiences of normalcy, a life without cameras, were everything. He had no idea. I liked the person I was. I liked who I was with him.
For the rest of the day, flashes of my old life came back at me like reels of a movie film. I wished I could ignore my past while living in this world of pretending.
No self-respecting man who cared about his career would entertain the idea of having me on his arm. I was forever the villain, the bitch, the woman who cheated to get what she wanted. Was it too much to hope that when it came out, he’d remember the woman he’d come to know?
Chapter 13
Gray
* * *
The day was unexpected. It had everything to do with Elle and her gentle instructions, guidance, and teasing. When she held her hand out to help me after that first fall, I couldn’t help tugging her down on top of me. I’d felt freer than I had in years.
There were shadows in her eyes that popped up when I asked about her family. She’d revealed more to me than she had before. Enough to make my heart ache for the lonely girl she was. I was also so damn proud of her for striking out on her own and opening her business. She was badass whether she believed it or not.
Riding the gondola back to town, the lights of the town were just as mesmerizing as the view of the mountains on the way up. I wasn’t ready for the night to be over. I wanted her to ask me up to her apartment. I wanted to lose myself in her. I knew
it was wrong to get involved with someone like Elle. She was relationship—hell—she was marriage material. I couldn’t get that close to someone, not with the past I carried around like a dark looming cloud threatening to drench everything with its strength and power.
Driving through town, I said, “Thanks for suggesting this. I had fun.”
Her eyes snapped to mine as if she were surprised at my words. “I had fun too.”
I parked in front of her building. The streets were quiet, the night clear. I didn’t feel the familiar panic like I had the night I took her to the Rigbys’.
She paused, her hand on the doorknob. “Do you want to come up? Piper took Crew out a couple of times today, but I should take him for a walk.”
“Of course.” A thrill shot through me as I climbed out, jogging around the hood to help her. She was letting me in. The question was, what was I going to do about it?
I wasn’t sure what to expect as I waited for her to unlock the shop door. Leading me through the shop, down the hallway, then up the narrow set of steps to her apartment, she unlocked the door, and let Crew out of his crate. She attached the leash to Crew’s collar while he jumped around her legs.
I quickly texted Henry, telling him I wouldn’t be at his parents’ for dinner, then shoved my phone in my pocket, taking the opportunity to scan her apartment. I could see a small kitchen, living room, and a hallway presumably leading to a bedroom and the bathroom. “There’s no outside access to your apartment?”
“No. I thought it might be safer this way. I have a rope ladder in case of fire.”
I nodded, wondering if I should offer to take Crew outside for her so she didn’t have to walk him at night.
“I’ll be just a minute if you want to wait.”
“I’ll come with you.” I wanted to spend every minute with her I could.
“Okay.” She smiled.
I took Crew’s leash from her while she locked up again, leading the way outside.
“Are you sure you aren’t too sore for a walk?” she teased.
“Oh, I’m sore. I could use a hot shower.” An image of us in the shower, warm water sliding over our skin, her nipples hard pebbles begging to be sucked while my fingers parted her folds, easing inside, hit me. I could feel the heat of her body, the slickness, the taste of the water, and her skin, on my tongue. I subtly adjusted myself as we walked side by side, waiting periodically for Crew to sniff the grass, or a tree, before doing his business.
The simple act of walking a dog with her in this town we both called home was a balm to my soul. Today, we existed in this bubble I never wanted to pop.
When we returned to her shop, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of not wanting to leave. Her apartment was so inviting and cozy. The thought of returning to mine was unappealing when I could spend the evening with her.
She unlocked the shop door. “Did you want to order dinner, maybe watch a movie?”
The tension eased from my shoulders because she hadn’t changed her mind. She wanted me to stay. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
She smiled at me before closing the door to the shop behind us.
“If I haven’t told you already, your shop is amazing. You should be proud of it.”
Her smile was almost sad. “Thank you.”
I wanted to know why praise made her sad. Was it what I said, or did it make her think of what she’d left behind? I followed her up the steps and into her apartment.
Elle paused in the middle of the room, spinning to ask, “What do you feel like? I can order pizza.”
Crew tracked her every movement, waving his tail. He was probably hungry.
“That sounds perfect.” I didn’t want to leave to pick up anything. I wanted to stay in this apartment, never going back to the real world.
She turned her attention to her phone, presumably pulling up a menu. “Do you care what’s on it?”
“I’m okay with anything.”
“Grab a drink from the fridge. I’ll be done in a second.”
I followed her direction recognizing the kitchen from our video call the other night except everything had been cleaned up. My hand glided over the counter, the same one I’d imagined propping her on to kiss her.
My body flooded with warmth as I grabbed the waters before moving to the couch. I grabbed the remote to flip through her streaming channels. I paused on a popular movie from a couple of years ago. “Is this okay?”
She put down her phone on the counter, filling Crew’s bowl with food before coming to sit next to me. Her couch was so small, her leg touched mine, the warmth seeping through my jeans, easing the something in my chest. “Sure.”
She pulled off her boots, propping them on the table in front of us. “My feet ache.”
“Did you want me to massage them?” I wasn’t sure why I’d asked. It wasn’t something I’d ever done for anyone else. It was so far out of bounds, I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to be close to her.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that.” She smiled softly.
I’d do anything to keep that look on her face.
“I don’t mind.” I maneuvered her leg so that it rested on my thigh, her back against the arm of the couch. I pressed a thumb into the arch of her foot, and she moaned.
“That feels so good.” She relaxed further into the cushions, turning her head to watch TV.
I focused on relieving the tightness in her muscles, attuned to each soft sigh, content to be touching her. When the phone buzzed indicating the pizza was downstairs, I held up a hand, reluctant to leave but not wanting her to go downstairs to get it. “I’ll get it.”
She moved her feet off my lap so I could get up.
I headed down the steps, through the shop, and opened the door to pay the delivery man, then headed back upstairs. When I opened the door, she was pulling dishes out of the cupboard, placing them on the counter.
I couldn’t remember the last time I spent time with a woman in her home, eating and watching TV. I usually spent my time in the bedroom, leaving as soon as it was socially acceptable. Assimilating into her life was risky. It broke all my carefully constructed rules. Letting people in meant them asking questions, wondering about the life I had before.
“Is everything okay?” Elle asked when I placed the box on the counter but didn’t move to open it.
“Yeah, sorry.” I grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge in case she preferred beer to water with pizza.
She plated a couple of slices. We sat back down on the couch to resume the movie.
We ate in silence. When the credits rolled, Elle got up to clear our dishes.
As much as I wanted to stay, I didn’t want to pressure her or assume she was ready for that. “I should get going. I have to work early tomorrow morning.”
Elle offered me a small smile as she stacked the dishes in the dishwasher.
I stood awkwardly in the kitchen, my hands stuffed in my pockets. I wasn’t sure how to end the night. It wasn’t a date, no matter how date-like it felt. The desire to touch her was acute.
Elle came to stand in front of me, her hands resting on my chest. “Thanks for coming today. I know it wasn’t something you were comfortable doing.”
Tenderness spread through my limbs at the uncertainty I saw in her eyes and the warmth from her hands. I wanted to erase her doubts. I moved her hair back from her face, my thumb brushing her temple. “I had fun. I’m glad you asked me.”
She sucked in a sharp breath. “Is this—what are we—”
I focused on her lips, the room falling away, her words evaporating in the air. Blood pounded in my ears. I placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth, stopping whatever it was she was going to say.
She tipped her head back, her lips parted as I nipped her lower lip. She tasted like beer and the best decision I ever made. I stepped closer, forcing her head to tilt back further. I lifted her to sit on the counter, stepping between her legs, kissing her more firmly. Her tongue tangled with mi
ne as her fingers gripped my shirt. My cock throbbed. This was better than my imagination.
Her fingers twisted in my shirt, pulling me closer. The pleasure of her thighs bracketing my hips, her lips on mine, and her fingers touching my chin shot endorphins through my head.
I didn’t want to carefully consider each move, weighing whether this was a good idea. I wanted to lose myself in her, in this moment, not waking until I didn’t know where I ended and she began.
“Bedroom?” I pulled back, noting the flush in her cheeks, the swelling of her lips.
She tilted her head toward the hallway. I took that as a yes. My hands went to her ass, lifting her so her legs naturally wrapped around my waist. She nipped my earlobe as we walked.
I growled as the sensation sent a tingle down my neck, pushing open the door to her room. It was small, with a bed in the middle and a dresser. The bed was rumpled. I dropped her on the bed so she would bounce. I didn’t want tender. I needed to separate those feelings in the kitchen from sex to protect myself from falling into her completely.
I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t sure I ever would be.
I toed off my boots before pulling my shirt over my head, sending it sailing behind me. She sat up on her elbows, watching me. She licked her lips, crooking her finger at me. My cock jerked inside my pants.
I undid my buckle, shoving my pants down, leaving me in black boxer briefs. Her gaze dropped slowly down my chest to where my cock was clearly outlined under the cotton material. It hardened at the desire I saw in her eyes.
I placed a knee on the bed, bracing myself over her, meeting her lips. I’d never enjoyed kissing a woman like this before. I was getting to know her, her thoughts, her feelings, and her soul.
With Elle, I didn’t want to break that connection. I wanted to shut my brain off, sinking into every new sensation―the softness of her skin, the silky feel of her hair, her fingers caressing my chest down the line between my abs to the spot above the waistband of my briefs.
