by Banks, R. R.
“You'll be a great dad, Aidan. I know you will be,” he says. “I just – wow – I'm floored, man.”
“Tell me about it,” I say. “Multiply that by a hundred and that’s me.”
“Yeah, I bet,” he says. “I'm going to be an uncle. How cool is that?”
Brayden smiles and looks at me for a long time, an inscrutable expression on his face. I sit there expectantly, waiting for him to say something. He doesn't. He just sits there, but I can see his mind working.
“What?” I finally ask.
“I mean it, Aidan,” he says. “I'm proud of you. This is – awesome.”
“Thanks, B,” I say. “That means a lot. But, I haven't actually done anything other than accidentally get Katie pregnant.”
“The fact that you’re so calm and rational about it, is a good thing, though,” he says. “You sound a lot more like the old you. You know what you want – Katie – and you're making it happen. That's the little brother I've always known, and it's fucking nice to see him make his grand reappearance.”
I give him a small grin. “I appreciate the sentiment, but dial it back a bit, B,” I say.
“What can I do to help?” he asks. “Other than be her Lamaze coach, that is.”
I snort with laughter, shaking my head. “I don't think there's anything you can do, really,” I say. “I've got a lot to figure out – in terms of Victor, Katie, and now the baby – and plenty of plans to make once I do. But, for now, I think I can handle it.”
Brayden looks off into the distance for a few seconds. When he looks back at me, he gives me a grin.
“Actually, I think I know how to help,” he says. “Or rather, who can help. At least, with your Victor problem. That'll knock one big item off your list, right?”
“Thanks, man,” I say. “I got this though.”
“Hey, I know you're used to being the go-it-alone kind of guy up on your mountain and all, but you might be dealing with some serious shit,” he says. “You don't know anything about Victor, and you might end up needing some help. The last thing I want is for you or Katie to get hurt during all this.”
“I'm okay, B,” I say. “I'll be fine.”
“Bullshit,” he says, his voice serious. “You're stubborn as hell, and you never know when to back down. And if you're serious about helping her, you're going to need some help. You're not going to be any good to her in a hospital room. Or worse.”
I want to argue further, but he's right. I have no idea of what Victor is really capable of. Katie said he ran with bad people who did bad things. And while it might be easy to brush off Katie's warnings as hyperbole, doing so might put me at risk. To help Katie, I need to be smart about it.
“I'm going to send someone out to you,” Brayden says. “The guy is a wizard. Really helped pull my ass out of the fire. Liam’s too.”
“Yeah?” I ask and grin. “Are you sending me a fixer?”
Brayden shakes his head, his expression solemn. “He's a good man. Good at what he does,” he says. “I think fixer is too generic for this guy. He's a damn genius at what he does, as far as I'm concerned.”
“Is he discreet?” I ask. “I need to keep this on the down low. Katie can't –”
“Trust me. He's discreet. Until you don't want him to be,” he replies. “But, he'll be invisible if that's what you need. I'm telling you, this guy is incredible.”
I sit back in my chair and let out a long breath. If Katie finds out I'm going against her wishes and dealing with Victor, she's going to be pissed. Really pissed. That woman has got a fiery temper on her. But, she's also stubborn as hell. She's independent and wants to remain that way, no matter the cost. And while I get that, and appreciate the sentiment, I'm not going to allow her to fall in harm's way because of a foolish sense of pride. Because she thinks accepting my help makes her look weak.
I'll be damned if I let her get hurt. I couldn't save Maddy, but if Victor is out there, plotting to hurt Katie, I'll be damned if I'm going to sit on my hands and do nothing to stop it.
“You really care about her, don't you?”
Brayden's voice cuts into my thoughts, and I shake my head to snap myself back to reality.
“Sorry, what?” I ask.
He laughs. “Katie,” he says. “You care about her a lot.”
I run a hand over my face. “I think I do,” I say. “I mean, it's really too early, but there's something special about her.”
“I can tell, brother,” he says. “I can see it all over your face.”
“What now?”
“That happy glow, and sparkle in your eyes. You really light up when you talk about her” he says.
“Bullshit,” I say.
“It's really not,” he says, his expression growing a little more serious. “I honestly didn't know if I'd ever see that spark in you again, Aidan. You changed so much when Maddy died. You drew into yourself and isolated yourself from the world completely. I didn't know if you would lose the capacity for that kind of feeling altogether. I worried you would. But, I see it in you again, brother. And it's damn good to see.”
“I think it's a little early to be talking about having those kinds of feelings again,” I say. “I think I've moved a few feet forward, but I'm a long way from that.”
“I didn't say you feel it now,” he says. “I said it's good to know you still have the capacity for them. That it didn't die too. I don't know what this thing with you and Katie is, or if it'll even work out. But, knowing that you can still care about someone else – and let yourself be cared about – is big, brother. Really big. You might be able to trick yourself, but you're not fooling me. You do care about Katie. I can see it in your face. I can see just how deeply you do. And believe me when I say, it's really good to see, Aidan.”
I feel a smile creasing the corners of my mouth, and I have to look away. Normally, I'm not a self-conscious person, but Brayden's words are making me feel a little put on the spot. I'm not usually the touchy-feely, share your emotions kind of guy. None of my brothers were – at least, until they started getting married. Now, all of the sudden, Liam and Brayden are much more in touch with their emotional side.
Yeah, I feel something for Katie, that much is true. It would be stupid to deny it. What I do feel, however, remains undefined at the moment. It's powerful and stronger than anything since Maddy. I won’t lie about that. I’m drawn to Katie. Compelled by her. My attraction to her is more than just physical – I find Katie utterly intoxicating. I haven't felt this for anyone but Maddy. And it's difficult to wrap my head around it. Adding in the fact that she's pregnant only makes the situation more complex and muddled. I'm confused as hell right now, honestly, and it makes me feel completely out of sorts. Or, as Katie said, it's going to take a minute for my head to catch up with my heart.
Truth be told, I'm also glad to find out I still have the capacity to feel for another person again. I wondered if I ever would, or if that part of me had passed with Maddy. Maybe, once we get through this Victor crisis, we'll be able to explore whatever this thing is between us further. Without fear. I want to, and I know Katie does too.
But, first things first. And that means dealing with Victor.
“Thanks, Brayden,” I say. “It feels good to be rejoining the human race again. Or at least, dipping my toes back into the waters.”
“You'll get there,” he replies. “Until then, just sit tight. We'll get through this crisis – whatever it is. Just hang in there. I'm going to have my guy touch base with you.”
I nod. “I appreciate that, brother,” I say. “Thank you.”
“Don't mention it,” he says. “Just keep your head on straight, and take care of Katie – and my future niece or nephew.”
“Plan on it.”
“Damn,” he says. “I'm really going to be an uncle, huh?”
I laugh and nod. “Yeah. You're really going to be an uncle.”
He chuckles. “I can’t believe it,” he says.
“Goodnight, Uncle B,
” I say and laugh. He's still chuckling with laughter as I disconnect the call and lay back in my seat. I stare at the picture of Maddy once more, and although my heart aches, and I feel a sharp sting of grief, it's not nearly as intense as before. The edges have been slightly dulled.
For the first time since Maddy was taken from me, I'm starting to feel optimistic, and hope that maybe, I can be a decent human being again. That I can function in life again. And that maybe, just maybe, I can find love and happiness again.
And as the dying light of the afternoon filters in through the windows of my office, for the first time, I'm left with a feeling of love rather than the crushing and oppressive weight of despair as I look at her picture again and find myself smiling. I'm filled with a sense of the happiness we shared as cherished memories of her fill my heart and my soul.
Katie
“Shut up, and get in the car,” I say.
“Oh, so you're giving the orders now?'
“Damn straight.”
“But, I'm driving, so how does that work?”
I stamp my foot on the driveway and let out an exasperated sigh – though, I'm laughing the entire time. He's being difficult and stubborn – which seems to be Aidan's default setting.
I'm six months pregnant now – which means I feel like a bloated manatee most of the time. Which makes me grumpy, and probably think that Aidan is being more stubborn and difficult than he actually is – but maybe just a little bit more. He is difficult and stubborn as hell, honestly.
“Where are we going?” he asks.
“I'll tell you when we get there.”
“What about Oliver?”
“He's watching Animal Planet,” I reply. “I checked his food and water, and he's fine. Now, let's go.”
I push him in the back, forcing him to walk across the driveway toward his SUV. If he really wanted to, he could stop walking, and I wouldn't be able to move him. But, he's just being a stubborn ass for the sake of being a stubborn ass at this point.
The nearly full moon is high in the sky, the air is cool for March, and it's a perfect night for this. The fact that it's the only night for this makes it imperative that we go. I have a nice, fun, evening for us planned, and I’m excited to get it started.
Aidan chuckles, but opens the passenger's side door for me and helps me in. I glide in, belly and all, with a smile, and he closes the door behind me. A moment later, he slides behind the wheel, and starts the engine, then turns to me.
“So, where are we going?” he asks.
“Down the mountain,” I say.
“And once we get down the mountain, where are we going?”
I shrug. “I'll tell you once we get down there,” I say. “How about that?”
“I'm not a big fan of surprises. I probably should have told you that by now,” he says.
I shrug. “Well, you’ll just have to get used to them, big guy.”
He laughs, puts the SUV in gear, and pulls out of his driveway. The drive down the mountain takes about half an hour, and it takes us another twenty minutes to find parking. The conversation though, is free, easy-going, and thankfully, free of any talk about Victor.
There hasn’t been a single peep from Victor in five months. Hopefully, the phone call was nothing but a fluke, and he actually has no idea where I am. Aidan remains unconvinced, but I’m trying to be optimistic. For the sake of the baby – and my own sanity.
Tonight actually feels like a real date. Not that I have a lot to compare it to. I mean, I haven't really been out on a proper date since I was in college, and Victor was trying to woo me. Aidan and I have tried to keep things low-key after Victor’s phone call. Mostly movie dates and staying in with Oliver – not that I mind.
Aidan opens the door for me and helps me climb down. For being so fiercely independent, I have to rely on Aidan – a lot – to help me get around these days. Frankly, it's a little embarrassing, but he's partly responsible for it, so my shame is tempered a bit.
He closes the door, using his remote to lock the SUV, and then surprises me by holding my hand as we walk down the sidewalk together. Even though we’ve been going to doctor’s appointments, having casual dates, and seeing each other for months – I can't lie that my heart is racing and my body is tingling as we make our way along.
“So,” he says. “Are you going to tell me now?”
“I don't think I need to,” I say. “Just listen.”
I pull him to a stop and cock my head, listening to the music on the air. A slow smile stretches across his face when he hears the sound of the carnival in full swing.
“A carnival?” he asks.
I nod. “Ashton Mill's annual Spring festival,” I say.
A shadow crosses his face, and his lips pull down into a frown. He suddenly looks a little tense and equally uncomfortable.
“What is it?” I ask.
He lets out a sigh. “I used to love carnivals,” he says. “Especially on Halloween. We used to go all out for it every year.”
“Used to?”
He nods. “Yeah. Halloween is the night Maddy – died,” he says.
And just like that, the fun, lighthearted mood we'd had comes crashing down around us like a house of cards. There's a tension and heaviness in the air thicker than the fog in San Francisco, and Aidan looks absolutely grief-stricken, like I just made him the most miserable man on the planet.
“Since then, I just – I haven’t celebrated Halloween or gone to any carnivals or festivals since,” he says. “All of the good associations I had with them are just gone. I guess we were too preoccupied with Victor’s little phone call to talk about this back in October.”
I want to kick myself and rip my hair out. Maybe both. I had no idea his fiancée died on Halloween, or that he associated carnivals with her death. I know there's no way I could have but knowing that this is causing him so much grief and pain is like an ice pick in the heart and makes me feel like absolute garbage.
“I'm sorry. I thought we'd have some fun,” I say. “I didn't –”
He slides his fingers beneath my chin and raises my head so I'm looking him in the eye. There's an intensity in those blue-gray eyes of his that holds me fast and grips my heart. We stand there, gazes locked, our bodies rigid for several long moments, and I stop breathing, waiting for him to say or do something.
He surprises me when he suddenly leans forward and presses his lips to mine. Because of my growing belly, he can't really pull me to him and embrace me tightly, so he settles for just leaning in for a kiss. Bless him. The kiss is chaste. Sweet. But, it still imparts a lot of emotion. Slowly, he pulls back, and there's the faint, ghost of a smile upon his lips.
He puts his hand on my belly and caresses it softly, his smile deepening, as does the look of love and awe etched upon his face. When he looks up at me, those eyes of his, and the look of near rapture in them, takes my breath away.
“Maybe it's time to start reclaiming it,” he says. “Maybe, it's time to build some new, good memories and associations. Start a fresh chapter for all of us.”
I feel like I'm on the verge of hyperventilating. There's such pain and determination behind his words. He's not patronizing or placating me. I can tell that he means it. I can see, plain as day, that Aidan is still wounded. He's still hurting. But, I also see that he's ready – or at least, closing in on being ready – to put one chapter of his life behind him, and open a new one.
A chapter with me.
Knowing that he wants that makes me feel lightheaded. I can't deny how happy it makes me.
“I think that's a good idea,” I reply softly.
“Me too,” he says, and plants a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose. “So, let's go do that.”
* * *
When the man in the hockey mask jumps out of the darkness, revving his chainsaw, not three feet from us, I leap straight out of my skin, and let out a blood-curdling scream. Aidan doubles over with laughter, slapping his knees like it's the funniest thing he's ever seen. I s
lap him in the shoulder, and give him a scowl, though I'm laughing along with him.
“That wasn't funny,” I say.
“You should have seen your face!” he crows.
We're making our way through the haunted house that has been set up. Given that Ashton Mill is such a small town, the Spring festival is pretty tiny, overall. There’s one haunted house, a carousel, and an assortment of half broken-down carnival rides that you couldn’t pay me to ride, pregnant or not. The midway of the carnival is small, but lively, with all kinds of games, but most of the festival remains packed up. The carnival company only makes the one-night stop here as a favor to the Mayor.
We finish out the maze, and Aidan takes my hand, leading me toward the midway. He stops and we pick up some cotton candy, and something to drink on the way. Walking along, we laugh as the kids run around, screaming and laughing.
Aidan stops me at one of the games and gives me a smile. “I'm going to win you a teddy bear.”
“You don't have to win me a teddy bear.”
He tips me a wink. “Oh, I'm definitely going to win you a teddy bear.”
He gives the guy some cash and takes three softballs. Cocking his arm back, he lets the first one fly – and misses the milk bottle formation entirely. The ball thuds harmlessly into the backstop, earning a fierce scowl from Aidan.
“Well done,” I tease. “You certainly taught that tarp a lesson.”
He turns his scowl on me, then sticks his tongue out, giving me a crazy-eyed glare, making me laugh. Aidan turns back to the game, cocking his arm back, and fires another ball. This one hits the target, and the milk bottles – at least the one on top – takes flight. The other two fall over, rolling around on the stand a bit, but don't fall off.
“Damn it,” he growls.
“You don't have to prove to me how manly you are by beating up some milk bottles,” I say and laugh.
