Earthling Ambassador

by Liane Moriarty

  The king and queen looked baffled.

  "Obviously we have to take your kidnappers straight off to jail," said the king. "They must be tortured!"

  The Space Brigade moved closer to each other, their faces ashen.

  "But they're my friends!" wailed the princess. "I've never had friends before!"

  The queen said soothingly, "Well, we'll only torture them the teeniest bit, and keep their jail sentences to twenty years! That's more than generous."

  "Generous?" muttered Sean.

  "But I don't want them locked away in jail. I want to keep them in my room!"

  It seemed that the princess still had a bit to learn about friendship.

  "Excuse me," said Greta. "We may be your friends, but we're not your toys."

  "See, they're not even friendly!" pointed out the king. "They must go straight to jail.What sort of example would it be to the rest of the galaxy if we just let anybody kidnap us when they don't like our decisions? Guards, bring out the other prisoners--we'll handcuff them all together for convenience!"

  Other prisoners?

  They all looked toward the spaceship as the guards roughly pulled out two handcuffed people.

  It was Shimlara who recognized them first.

  "MOM and DAD! Hey! Stop pushing my parents around like that, you big bullies!"

  Georgio and Mully shuffled down the walkway, both still wearing their pajamas, their ankles chained and their hands cuffed in front of them.

  "Ahoy there!" cried Georgio cheerfully. "What a superb Earth beach! Have you been swimming in an Earth ocean, Shimlara?! I'm very envious!"

  "Oh dear, all of you are drenched!" said Mully. "You'll catch colds!"

  Mully sounded just like an ordinary mom, but Nicola noticed her eyes sharply darting back and forth, looking for possible escape routes, just like a soldier.

  Mully's voice popped into Nicola's head. Don't worry, Nicola.There's always hope. Even when it seems hopeless. Oh! And my sincere apologies for so rudely talking in your head like this.

  "Right," said the king. "Handcuff them all together, please. Hurry up! We must get them tortured and jailed lickety-split, so the queen and I can get back to our vacation!"

  A huge guard seized Nicola's wrist and cuffed her.

  Meanwhile the princess was having a tantrum. Sand flew as she stomped her feet. "I was having FUN! For the first time ever in my WHOLE life I was having fun and now you have to RUIN it, just because they kidnapped me! Who cares if they kidnapped me?"

  Suddenly Nicola had an idea. "But remember, Princess Petronella, we didn't actually kidnap you, did we?"

  Sean caught on fast. "That's right. I was innocently dropping off a friendly invitation to a pool party when you woke up and asked if you could come to Earth with us! We said, sure, why not?!"

  The princess stopped crying and stomping and looked at them carefully.

  "Ah! A perfectly understandable misunderstanding,Your Most Royal Highnesses!" cried Georgio. "Kids, eh?!"

  The king and queen didn't look impressed.

  "Is that true, Nelly?" he said. "Because if it is, you'll have to be punished quite severely!"

  "Yes, that's right," the queen put her hands on her hips. "You can't go running off with strange Earthlings in the middle of the night whenever it suits you! If this is true, you're in very BIG trouble, young lady! You'll have to ... you'll have to ..."

  The queen seemed to be casting about her mind for a suitable punishment. She finished triumphantly, "You'll have to make your own bed for an entire YEAR!"

  "Make my own bed? Myself? For a whole year?"The princess looked quite faint.

  "So, which is it?" snapped the king. "Did they kidnap you or not? Because if they did, we're taking them off right now for torture."

  Everybody looked at the princess.

  Nicola spun the handcuff--which was sized for a Globagaskarian adult, not an Earthling child--back and forth like a bracelet.Would the princess make such a big sacrifice for her new friends? It was a real test of friendship and Nicola suspected that the princess would fail it.

  Finally the princess spoke up. "I'll tell you the truth."

  CHAPTER 37

  "They didn't kidnap me," said the princess. "As if they could kidnap me! Look at them! They're so tiny, they barely reach my knees! Even Shimlara is short! I was bored and lonely and I felt like going with them on a trip to Earth. Actually, I ran straight into their helicopter."

  Well, that part is true, thought Nicola, even though we were tickling her at the time. In fact, it was easier getting her on to the helicopter than they'd expected. Maybe it really was true?

  There was silence.

  "Uncuff the prisoners," ordered the king.

  Nicola slid off her handcuff and handed it back to the guard.

  "You were lonely," the queen pressed a hand dramatically to her heart. "Our Nelly was lonely! Oh, dear, that's a tragedy! Darling, you must come with us right now on the rest of our vacations!"

  "She can't have a vacation! She's being punished!" boomed the king.

  "Actually, I'd rather stay here on the beach for the night," said the princess.

  "We'll make sure Nelly makes her bed in the morning," said Sean. "We'll even give her some extra chores if you like. Make her work extra hard."

  "Well, I guess you can stay here for one night, Nelly," said the queen, looking around the beach doubtfully. "Shall we arrange for a few dozen servants to stay with you?"

  "That's okay," said Nicola firmly. "We don't need servants here."

  "Fancy living without servants!"The queen ruffled Nicola's hair playfully.

  "Speaking of which," Georgio rubbed his wrists where the handcuffs had been. "May I respectfully suggest you call off the garbage dumping, due to begin tomorrow morning? Otherwise, your daughter may wake up in a pile of garbage!"

  "Yes, good thinking."The king flicked his hand at the chief guard. "You there, take care of that."

  The guard rushed off.

  "Work, work, work," said the king. "I never get a moment's rest. I think as soon as we get back home, it will be high time we treated ourselves to a nice, restful vacation, don't you agree, dear?"

  "Oh yes," said the queen. "I'm exhausted. Shall we give you people a lift back to Globagaskar?"

  "That would be very kind," said Mully.

  "Unless, of course, you'd like us to stay with the Space Brigade here on the beach?" Georgio looked at Nicola brightly. "I wouldn't mind trying one of those mershmullows. Squid is staying with his grandma, so we've got the night free now we're not going to jail!"

  Nicola thought for a second.There were times when you wanted adults around.There were other times when you just wanted to be alone.

  Then she saw the hopeful look in Georgio's eyes and thought about all he and Mully had done to help save Earth.They'd spent hours collecting signatures for their petitions.They'd risked their lives for Earthlings! She knew there was only one answer.

  "Of course you can," she said, and Georgio immediately launched into a celebratory chicken dance, while Shimlara covered her embarrassed face with both hands.

  CHAPTER 38

  The early morning sun was warm on Nicola's face. A gentle salty breeze lifted her hair from her forehead. Some nice person was already up and frying bacon. It smelled delicious.

  She stretched out luxuriously in her sleeping bag without opening her eyes.There were two things to be happy about today. It was her birthday, and best of all the mission was complete.

  Last night, after the king and queen had left in their giant spaceship, Greta had made another huge, crackling fire, which dried their clothes in a snap.Then they'd drunk mugs of creamy hot chocolate and eaten Tim Tams, while Georgio and Mully had told them about how they'd tricked the palace guards for hours by racing around Globagaskar with Molly Smith's redheaded daughter pretending to be the kidnapped princess in the back of the car.

  "Hmm, I think we might need to employ some smarter guards," the princess had said.

&nbs
p; They had also explained that it was Mully who had been responsible for tracking down the king and queen on the Planet of Doom.

  "All the time the Committee was convincing people to sign petitions, Mully had a covert operation underway to find the king and queen," Georgio had boasted. "She had some of her old army buddies working undercover to make contact with them.We knew they'd put a stop to the princess's ridiculous plans for turning Earth into a garbage can--oh, excuse me, Princess Petronella."

  "It's okay," the princess had said. "It was a pretty ridiculous idea."

  After that, Georgio had tried to tell them ghost stories that weren't scary at all and Mully had told them a story about being in the army that actually was pretty scary.Then they had tucked themselves into their sleeping bags on the sand under the stars.The princess had snored like some sort of wild animal and Shimlara couldn't stop laughing, but Nicola had been so tired, she'd fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep right away.

  Now it was morning. She was a year older. Everything was perfect.

  "OH NO! HERE COMES THE GARBAGE!" shouted someone and at the same moment something cold and greasy landed splat on Nicola's face.

  She opened her eyes in panic. Had the mission failed after all? She wriggled around desperately in her sleeping bag, trying to get to her feet.

  "Happy Birthday, Nic," Sean picked up the sandy piece of bacon he'd just thrown in her face.

  "Thanks a lot," growled Nicola and wiped her cheek. "You nearly gave me a heart attack."

  She realized her countdown watch was beeping and flashing like crazy. It said:

  ALERT! ALERT!

  NO TIME REMAINING! NO TIME REMAINING!

  IS MISSION COMPLETE? IS MISSION COMPLETE?

  ALERT! ALERT!

  NO TIME REMAINING! NO TIME REMAINING!

  IS MISSION COMPLETE? IS MISSION COMPLETE?

  (By the way, Happy Birthday Earthling Ambassador!)

  Is MISSION COMPLETE?

  (By the way, Happy Birthday Earthling Ambassador!)

  Nicola unstrapped the watch. From now on, it would be nice just to see the time when she looked at her wrist.

  "Here's your special birthday breakfast." Katie handed Nicola a plate of fried eggs, bacon, mushrooms, and toast. "Hey, take a look over there." She pointed at a group of small children playing Frisbee near the water's edge--except it wasn't a Frisbee, it was the princess's silver tiara sparkling in the sun as they threw it back and forth.

  "Where is the princess?" asked Nicola with her mouth full.

  "She and Dad are boogie boarding," said Shimlara. "She didn't even bother to ask the kids for her tiara back."

  Nicola looked out at the ocean and saw the princess and Georgio whooping as they both caught the same wave. The boogie board was too short for Georgio and his long legs flipped over his head as he went flying.

  Mully shook her head. "My husband is quite insane."

  Georgio's head popped up from under the water and he caught sight of Nicola. "It's the birthday girl!" he shouted and came running in from the water so fast his boogie board flew behind him like a kite.The princess followed. "Is it time for presents?" she asked enthusiastically, dropping onto the sand on her wet knees.

  "Oh, I don't think anybody has a present for me," said Nicola.

  But she was wrong--everyone had a present for her.

  The princess, who had heard from the others that it was Nicola's birthday, gave her a bracelet from her own wrist. It was a fine gold chain with red stones that glinted magically in the morning sun. It was too big for Nicola to wear as a bracelet, but it made a perfect necklace.

  "Those are just a few very rare rubies," said the princess casually.

  "Oh, lovely, thank you!" said Nicola, thinking, FRIZZLE! I'd better not lose it!

  "It was Katie who reminded us that we'd probably be away for your birthday," said Tyler.

  Katie,Tyler, and Sean had brought presents with them when Georgio had picked them up from Earth. Katie gave Nicola a gorgeous red top that went perfectly with her new ruby necklace,Tyler gave her a book by her favorite author, and Sean gave her the latest CD by his favorite band. "I'm just trying to improve your taste in music," he explained. "It's my duty as your brother."

  Even Greta had gone down to the Buddy Beach chemist and bought Nicola a straw sun hat. "I thought you probably wouldn't want to get any more freckles," she said when Nicola opened it.

  Georgio, Mully, and Shimlara were last.

  It was something very large and flat, nearly as tall as Nicola, and wrapped up in brightly colored paper.

  "We had bought it for you already on Globagaskar," said Mully. "I grabbed it when the guards came to capture us. I'm so glad we're not giving it to you in prison!"

  Nicola tore off the paper. She had no idea what it could be.

  It was a large round silver circle--like a gigantic coin--with two handles on either side.

  "Oh, umm, thanks!" said Nicola confusedly.

  "It's a cloud-surfboard!" explained Shimlara. "For when you go cloud-swimming. It's sort of like boogie boarding, but you skim across the clouds."

  "Wow," said Sean jealously.

  "And guess what? Later today we're having a Cloud Party for you, so you can try it out!" Georgio was so excited you would have thought it was his own birthday.

  "But first," said Mully, "I expect your planet wants to say thank you." She pointed to a group of tiny dots in the sky and they heard the chop-chop sound of helicopters getting closer.

  They all covered their heads as the helicopters landed in noisy mini-cyclones of sand. Nicola looked up and saw a group of people ducking under the helicopters' rotors and running across the sand.

  It was her mom, her dad, and what looked like a whole pack of prime ministers, presidents, kings, and queens all heading toward her!

  "Congratulations, Nicola and the whole Space Brigade," the prime minister of Australia bowed deeply. "You saved the world!"

  "We are forever in your debt." The Queen of England actually curtsied!

  Nicola looked around her and recognized famous faces from the television. All the leaders of the world were in one place! It seemed that the possibility of losing your planet really brought people together.

  "If only you did your jobs around the house as well as you did this one, eh!" Nicola and Sean's dad ruffled their hair. Dads always made the most embarrassing jokes.They had a talent for it.

  "Children, have you cleaned your teeth?" hissed Nicola's Mom. "You're talking to royalty!"

  Yep. Moms were just as embarrassing.

  "I am curious, Nicola, what was the secret to your success?" asked a handsome young emperor. "Was it, perhaps, keen strategic thinking?"

  Nicola thought for a moment.

  Was there a secret? Was it just good luck?

  Then it came to her.

  "Friendship," she answered. "The secret was friendship."

  "Ah."The emperor nodded and looked confused.

  "It was friendship between planets. It was friendship between old friends and new friends." For a minute, Nicola felt herself swell with great wisdom. "It was friendship with older annoying brothers. It was even friendship with enemies!"

  The World Leaders all burst out into condescending laughter.

  "Ha ha! Friendship! Good one!"

  "If only it were that simple!"

  "As if we could all just be friends like schoolchildren! Ha!"

  Oh well.

  "Now, we've organized a street parade to honor the Space Brigade and the Save the Little Earthlings Committee," explained the prime minister. "I believe that tall, lanky chap over there started the Committee?" He nodded at Georgio who was currently walking on his hands along the beach much to the delight of a crowd of awed children.

  "Yes, that's Georgio," said Nicola.

  "I'd better go home before the parade." Princess Petronella came up quietly beside Nicola.

  "And who is this young lady? Are you another of the kindly Globagaskarians who lobbied to save us from that
evil princess?" asked the prime minister.

  "Well, actually this is Princess Petronella," said Nicola.

  The world leaders gave a collective gasp.

  "It's okay," said the princess. "Nicola and the Space Brigade convinced me not to turn your planet into a garbage can, although I might declare war on you if Sean doesn't stop teasing me."

  A rather fragile prime minister put a hand to her forehead and fainted right into the Queen of England's arms, while a red-faced president puffed his chest out and said, "Bring it on, girlie!"

  "For heaven's sakes, she's only joking!" said Nicola hastily. "And of course, you must join us for the parade, Princess Petronella! We insist!"

  A short time later, Nicola, the princess, and the rest of the Space Brigade stood together on an open-topped car, driving through the streets of the city, listening to the grateful roar of the crowd, and waving to people as if they were celebrities--which they were, actually.

  Georgio had organized for the Wardrobewhizonics to pay a quick visit and they'd organized cloud-swimming outfits for everyone to wear to Nicola's birthday party that afternoon.The girls' dresses shone richly in the sunlight, while the boys wore long black coats like Georgio had worn when he took Nicola cloud-swimming, along with wraparound dark glasses. Nicola couldn't wait to introduce them all to their first belly flop on a cloud.

  In the back of the car, Georgio, Mully, and Nicola's mom and dad were getting along famously.

  "You must come along to our place for a barbecue," said Nicola's mom.

  "Delighted!" said Georgio. "What's a barbecue?"

  Behind them was another car packed with all the other members of the Save the Little Earthlings Committee. Nicola could see Mr. Puck with the parrot on his shoulder squawking "Hooray! Hooray!" and freckly Molly Smith together with her redheaded daughter who had pretended to be the princess.There was Pamela George, the color expert who loved purple, wearing a celebratory new purple ball gown, and Ileria the astrologer giving the crowd a mystical wave. Rory Racrory, the letterologist who liked the letter r was smiling broadly, while policeman Sergeant Tom Atkins looked grimly happy with his arms folded across his enormous chest. And of course, there was the very ordinary-looking psychic Ella Bell who had correctly predicted that something significant would happen on a beach beginning with the letter B.

  As Nicola waved to the crowd, she realized it was only three days ago that she'd sat in Mrs. Zucchini's class trying to learn how to master mental telepathy in the hopes of making her birthday more memorable. It seemed like a million years ago. Since then, she'd traveled in space, kidnapped a princess, battled hungry alien creatures, and made new friends. She looked up at the sky. Instead of seeing garbage falling, she could see thousands of brightly colored streamers raining down and, above that, swirly gold and white clouds she'd be surfing on later. Nicola grinned. There was no doubt about it.This had turned out to be her most memorable birthday yet.