“I’ll try. I’ll really try. I need to think about it.”
“Harvey, please. Drop it.”
I pulled her hard against my chest. “Jenny, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it. No, that’s a lie. I could. I don’t think I want to help it. I want to hate him.”
She cried then. I took her over to the couch and sat down and held her. I couldn’t understand why I was acting this way. It was so unlike me to be unable to compartmentalize the personal stuff. After a minute, she reached for the tissues.
“When I think about him hurting you, I don’t know if I can ever forgive him,” I said.
“Carrie hurt you, and you let her,” she said in a very small voice.
We sat for a while, not saying anything, until I looked at my watch. “I need to go.”
“You haven’t eaten anything.”
“I can’t.” My hand touched the bookstore bag I’d dropped on the couch when I came in. I pulled the book out. “I brought you this.”
She looked at the cover. “Baby Names. Five thousand of them.”
“Four thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine.”
Her eyebrows puckered. “This isn’t over, is it?”
I kissed her quickly and stood up. She followed me to the door.
“Harvey, please.”
I turned back. She looked at me with those big gray eyes. I hugged her again and said, “Take a nap, gorgeous,” and got in my Explorer and drove back to work feeling lousy.
I snapped at Eddie in front of Nate that afternoon, and he was hurt. I went back later and apologized. Then I apologized to Nate. And I still felt rotten. I buried myself in work. I was scheduled to be in court most of Wednesday, and I was glad. It meant I had a lot of work to do, preparing for hearings, and I wouldn’t be in the office the next day, thinking about what I shouldn’t be thinking about.
When I got home that night, Beth was there and Abby was fixing supper for four while Jennifer set the table. Beth was perusing the baby name book.
“How about Archibald? Call him Archie.”
“No, thanks,” said Jennifer. She came to me and kissed me, then looked searchingly into my eyes.
“I’ll be back.” I went through to the bedroom and set my briefcase down and peeled off my suit and laid my gear on the dresser and my cell phone on the night stand. I still felt awful, and I still hated Neil. The longer it went on, the more I detested him. Wasn’t it right of me to feel protective of my wife? I put on jeans and a T-shirt and went back to the kitchen. Abby was ready to put the food on the table, and we ate.
Beth flicked a glance my way as she cut her pork chop. “So, Harvey, what’s up in the world of crime?”
“Lots of illegal stuff.”
“Ooh, you’re grouchy tonight.”
“And you’re mouthy.” If I’d said it with a smile, Beth would have smiled back and kept on teasing me. We’d had a genially antagonistic relationship for months. But I wasn’t smiling, and neither was she. I felt guiltier.
“I’ll be so glad when tonight’s over,” said Abby. “Two whole days off. I can hardly wait.”
“How’s school going?” Jennifer said to Beth, who taught kindergarten.
“Not bad. My kids are mostly sweethearts.” She eyed me apprehensively. “Harvey, I’m sorry I pushed the wrong button.”
“We’ve got a difficult case now,” I said, as an excuse. Jennifer’s gray eyes had that hurricane’s a-comin’ look.
I couldn’t eat much, although I should have been starving, and I didn’t see Jennifer eat anything.
“Jeff has tomorrow off,” Beth said. “He’s taking me out to dinner.”
“That’s great,” said Jennifer.
I thought back to the days when I would sit on the steps of Jennifer and Beth’s house until Jenny got home from work, willing to take her anywhere just so I could see her. I still wanted to be with her every minute, but I wasn’t sure she wanted to be with me right then.
Beth left soon after the dishes were done, and Abby asked if we wanted to watch TV. Jennifer said she was tired, and I followed her to the bedroom. She was wriggling into a long, sleeveless nightgown. I went over and put my arms around her.
“Mad at me?” I asked softly.
“No.” she adjusted the front of the gown and leaned against me. “Do you want to talk about it now?”
Did I? I still had that knot in my stomach. “I don’t think so.”
“Tell me when you’re ready.”
“I will.” I released her, and she went into the bathroom. I could hear her brushing her teeth. I turned the quilt down for her.
When she came out, she went straight to the bed. I stood there, watching her climb in. She looked up. “I’m sorry, Harvey. I’m really tired.”
“It’s okay.” I was tired, too, but it was too early for me to get into bed. My brain was going a mile a minute. I sat down on the edge of the mattress to kiss her. “Are you really feeling okay?” I asked. “You didn’t eat much.”
“I just need to rest. But tell me if you want to talk.”
“Okay.”
“I mean it. Wake me up, even.” Her eyes pleaded. I kissed her forehead and went out, turning off the light.
Abby was watching the national news. I slumped down in an armchair and looked at the TV, too, but I wasn’t thinking about it. After a while I got up and walked into the study and flipped the light on. There was a whole bookcase full of Jennifer’s books—her old college textbooks, computer texts, philosophy books, and reference books. My hand went out to her college yearbooks and rested on the binding. Four tall, brightly colored volumes of the Prism in a row. I took my hand away and sat down at my computer.
I hadn’t checked my stocks for days. I looked at the closing quotes. We were gaining steadily. I checked the Maine weather site for the next day’s forecast. Sunny and warm for the season. My mind kept coming back to the man Jennifer had dated her senior year of college. Neil Somebody.
I stood and went back to the bookcase and took down the last yearbook. The binding felt cool in my hand. It should have burned me.
We’d never looked at her yearbooks. Why not? They were just there, like my Harvard yearbooks that I’d stuck in a box in one of the spare rooms upstairs. Veritas ... Truth. Not what I wanted to think about.
I sat down with Jennifer’s final yearbook and found her photo among the seniors easily. Gorgeous, as always, but about three years younger. If anything, she was more beautiful now.
Wainthrop was near the end, and from there I went to the last page and searched backward, slowly. Surely I had a right to see what he looked like.
Her class at the university had more than 500 members. I thought fleetingly that I might find him faster on the computer. It would be no trick for me to access the school’s records. I kept turning pages backward and got to the T’s. Neal Truax. Neal with an A? He had glasses and was a little wimpy looking. Math major. Debate society. Math honor society. Couldn’t be him. He didn’t look strong enough to pin a salamander, let alone a healthy young woman.
I kept looking. S, R, Q, P, O, N. I was being foolish. I was being deceitful. No, I wasn’t, I hadn’t told Jennifer I wouldn’t look for him. But my conscience kept telling me I was.
Had she ever actually said he was in her class? I laid the book on my desk and went into the living room. Abby was watching a cop show and laughing. Buddy cop shows, a trend in television that season.
“Is this the way you guys do it?” she asked. The lieutenant was a kick boxer, and the detective was a former chess champion who spoke fourteen languages.
“Not quite,” I said.
A commercial for cat litter came on, and Abby turned down the sound.
“Jennifer seems a lot better,” she ventured.
“Maybe.”
“She was good this morning, anyway. But it seemed like she didn’t feel very well tonight. She didn’t eat.”
“I thought so, too.”
“She was always so healthy,” Abby said. “It�
�s hard to see her this way.”
I sat down in the armchair. “I’m glad you’re here. You’re a nurse, and if she has a bad spell, you’ll be here.”
“If I don’t sleep through it,” she said ruefully. “We really ought to fix up some way for her to call me when I’m up in my room. A bell, maybe.”
“How about an intercom? I could buy one tomorrow and set it up tomorrow night. From our bedroom to yours.”
“I don’t know,” she said.
“Why not? If she felt sick, she could buzz you. And we can use it later to listen to the baby when he’s napping.”
“If you want.”
“She’s never been sick, has she?” I asked.
“Not that I can remember.”
“Never missed school?”
“I don’t think so.”
“She played softball in high school and college,” I said, remembering the days I’d searched out the tiniest details about her.
“Yes, she did a lot of things.”
“I’ll bet she had boyfriends.”
“Not too many.”
“Oh, come on,” I said, trying to sound jovial, “she must have had a few.”
“There was this kid in high school who had a crush on her for ages. Brian Wentworth. She couldn’t stand him.”
“Didn’t she go out?”
“A few times, I guess. Craig Weir. He was okay. Then there was Andy House.”
“How about in college?”
“Mm, she was pretty serious about her studies then.”
“No guys, huh?”
“Why, are you the jealous type?”
“Who, me?” She was too close to the truth.
“We went to different schools,” Abby said. “There was one guy she brought home at Christmas once. Her senior year, I guess.”
“Yeah? Computer major like Jennifer?”
“I don’t think so. He was good looking. I thought she was sold on him. But when I came home in the spring, it was all off.”
“Did she tell you about it?”
“No, just said they broke up. She got out a couple of weeks before I did, and I guess it had been over for a while.”
“You didn’t go to her graduation, did you?”
“No, Mom and Dad went.”
“So, that was your sophomore year?”
“Yeah. That was a tough year. Anatomy and physiology, and microbiology.”
Her cop show came back on, and she turned the sound up. I thought about what she’d told me. Jennifer said she hadn’t seen Neil again after the night he attacked her. But hadn’t he graduated that year, too? I guessed the graduating class was so large she might have avoided him during the ceremonies. Or had her anonymous champion beat him so badly he’d missed graduation? Maybe he wasn’t in her class after all.
“What was the guy’s name? The one she went with in college?”
“Daniel or something like that.”
“Daniel?”
“I forget.” She was trying to listen to what the kick boxer was saying.
I went to the bedroom doorway. Jennifer lay quiet, and I didn’t go in. Would a guy named Daniel go by Neil as a nickname? I didn’t think so.
Back at my desk, I opened the book to the seniors again and turned to the D’s. Neil Daniels. It had to be him. Art history major. Longish blond hair, serious eyes, mouth in a set line. Looked like a rapist to me. I closed my private mug book and replaced it on the shelf.
Chapter 6
Wednesday, Sept. 29
The next morning I went to Eddie’s to run with him and Jeff. During our usual prayer time, I felt hypocritical and said a short, generic prayer. When I got back home, Jennifer was up and had coffee ready. I took a shower and sat down at the table with her. I coaxed her to eat a banana. She took three bites. I finished it and ate raisin bran and drank a cup of coffee.
When I went into the bedroom for my gear and my briefcase, she followed me.
“Harvey,” she said as I was putting on my holster, “we haven’t talked about Neil.”
I froze. How could she just say it like that?
“What’s to talk about?” I adjusted the strap and pinned on my badge, then reached for my suit coat. The small stuff went into my pockets: notebook, pen, handkerchief, plastic bag, tape measure, key ring, cell phone.
She watched me silently. I picked up my briefcase and turned to face her.
“I’ll call you.” I leaned down to kiss her, and she lifted her face to me, but the tears swarmed in her eyes. The kiss was perfunctory. I started to leave, and she threw her arms up around my neck and kissed me again.
“You know I love you.” She sounded a little desperate.
“Yes, I know, Jenny.” I was hurting her, and I hated that. I tried mentally to justify my actions because of my love for her and my loathing of what he had done to her when she was innocent, when she had trusted him. If I did nothing, now that I knew who he was, wouldn’t I be letting her down? I couldn’t let it go now. I held her against my shoulder for a minute, then gently pulled myself away. “I’ll call you.”
Abby was coming in from work as I left the house.
“Hello, goodbye,” she said.
“Sleep tight.”
I got in the Explorer and drove to the station, arriving ten minutes early. When the men came in, I went over everything with them. Eddie was still working on the art theft in Rosemont. Arnie and Clyde had fallout from the triple homicide to handle—preparing their testimony for a probable cause hearing. I asked Eddie if he needed Nate, and he said he didn’t. I told Nate I had a different assignment for him, and gave him instructions for a background check on Neil Daniels.
I entered the name in my flagging program, checked the updates and e-mail. It was all I had time to do before I had to go to the courthouse.
At lunch, I called home and told Jennifer I would be eating at a restaurant near the courthouse. She sounded bleak.
“Are you eating?” I asked.
“A little.”
“Eat more. For me.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“If you won’t eat for me, do it for the baby. Please.”
“Harvey—”
“What?”
“Harvey, I love you.”
“Even when I’m being mean to you?”
“You’re not mean.”
“What then?”
“I don’t know. I wish you could forget about him.”
I pulled in a breath. “I’ll see you later.”
I hung up and hated myself. How could I do this to her? I loved her more than anything. I’d sworn I would never hurt her.
I went into the restaurant and ordered coffee. An assistant D.A. I’d worked with came over and sat down and started talking. I was attentive enough to keep the conversation up. His lunch came and he ate, still talking between bites. I looked at my watch and excused myself, walking back to the courthouse alone. I pulled my wits together before I had to testify. As soon as they excused me, I went back to the office.
Nate came over to my desk. “I haven’t found much yet, Harvey. I checked with the university, like you said. He’s in their alumni directory. His new address is in Lexington, Mass. He was a good student and graduated cum laude. He has a Massachusetts driver’s license and a clean driving record. That’s it so far.”
“Check for a criminal record, please. Also, I’d like to know where he works. And Nate, this is just between you and me.”
Eddie brought me his reports a few minutes later. “Nate working on a new case?”
“Yeah. Background check on something of mine.”
He looked at me. I always told Eddie about my cases.
“Is Jennifer feeling okay?” he asked.
“She’s better than she was.”
He stood there for a moment. “Harv, are you mad at me?”
How many times had Eddie asked me that in five years? Quite a few, but not lately. More guilt to add to the load. I looked up at him.
“No
, Eddie, I’m not mad. I’m sorry if I made you think that. Come for supper.”
*****
Abby was cheerful that evening. She’d reached her equivalent of the weekend and had slept all day. Now she was ready for some action. When I told her Eddie was coming, she flew around the kitchen. I dragged into the bedroom and set down my briefcase. Jennifer came out of the bathroom. She had just had a shower, and her hair was rolled in a towel. I stood there wondering what she would do. She was so gorgeous. She had said she would always love me. My heart said it was true. My head said she wouldn’t, especially if she knew what I had Nate doing at work.
She walked slowly toward me in her white robe, and on the last step put her arms out toward me. I hugged her, then kissed her violently. The towel slipped from her hair and hit the floor. She gasped a little when I let her go, and her hands clutched the lapels of my jacket. I looked deep into her eyes, and they were true and steady.
“You really do love me, don’t you?” My voice came out hoarse and harsh.
“Always,” she said.
I was furious with myself. I turned around and started slapping my gear down on the dresser. Badge, notebook, pen, phone, key ring, plastic bag, handkerchief, tape measure, extra ammo clips. I peeled off my jacket and threw it at the bed. It fell short, and Jenny picked it up and stood holding it, watching me. I took the holster off and put it with the rest and pulled at my necktie.
“Please don’t be angry,” she said timidly.
“It’s not you I’m mad at.” I headed for the bathroom, pulling the necktie off.
When I came out to the kitchen in clean clothes, Eddie, Abby, and Jennifer were obviously waiting for me. Supper was on the table.
“Mystery casserole out of the freezer,” said Abby. It was one someone had brought over the week before. Kielbasa and cheese mostly. Eddie thought it was great. Jenny couldn’t eat it. I felt like I never wanted to eat again, but I took a few bites so she wouldn’t fuss at me. She ate fruit salad and half a roll. Abby and Eddie ate and talked like normal people. When we were done, Eddie said he would do the dishes with Abby again.
“You two go watch the news,” he said. “We’re getting pretty good at loading the dishwasher.”
Found Art (Maine Justice Book 3) Page 7
