by Torsten Krol
“Hello?”
“Odell, how are you today?”
“I’m fine, thank you, Chet.”
“I thought I’d wish you and Miss Lowry all the best on this difficult day. How is she holding up?”
“Lorraine’s okay, only mad as hell … heck about what’s on the TV last night.”
“I saw it. That must have been distressing for her.”
“She says she’ll sue because of it.”
“Well, she may change her mind when it blows over. A silly development like that, it’s nothing in the long run, and it may be that Lorraine is inflating it out of proportion given her state of mind over all the other developments.”
“Could be.”
“Are you with her now, Odell?”
“Just waiting at the funeral place.”
“The thoughts and prayers of myself and Bob Jerome will be with you and Lorraine today.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t forget to leave the phone in your truck so it doesn’t ring during the service. I’ve seen that happen and it’s a big embarrassment to all concerned.”
“Okay.”
“Goodbye, Odell.”
“Bye, Chet, and thank you for calling.”
“My pleasure.”
Just then Lorraine’s car come into the parking lot and pulled up next to me. I set the phone down and got out to say hi. Lorraine, her mood was not good, I could see that straight off with her lips all tight like that and a frown also, meaning she has not gotten over the TV news, not yet.
“Was that the best one they had?” she asked me, looking at my suit.
“I don’t know,” I said, because I didn’t.
“Well, it’ll have to do. The tie shouldn’t be the same color as the suit, it should be a color that goes with it. Oh, forget it.”
I felt like some kind of turd when she said that, and only a minute ago I’m thinking I looked pretty sharp with the suit and tie etcetera, but I put it down to her temperament that was all out of whack on a day like today with all of the big problems Lorraine has got. Now she’s looking at my boots. “You said they’d be okay,” she says.
I looked down. “I polished them twice,” I said, which was no lie.
“But they’re all wore out in the toes.”
“I covered that with polish.”
She sighed another one of those big sighs I am getting used to with her, then she starts walking towards the funeral place with her heels going clickclickclick. I forgot to mention she has got this very nice suit on like a businesswoman wears, nice and tight around the waist to show up everything above and below if you know what I mean. I followed along behind her wondering if I’ll ever do or say something to Lorraine that’ll make her see the real me and not this bozo she thinks I am, which I am definitely not that kind.
We went inside the place and the same fat guy she was talking to on Saturday come over with a sad look on his face and said some stuff to her but I’m not listening, I’m somewhere else thinking about how pretty soon things are going to be so different to now that I’ll look back and think to myself, That was a whole other life I was living back then, not like now. Lorraine and the fat guy went away into his office and I sat on a plush chair so soft it felt like I’m sinking into quicksand, but comfy when you got used to it so I started falling asleep, then they come out of the office and Lorraine tells me everything is all set and we can go to the cemetery now.
Back out to the parking lot and she says I’m coming with her, not in the lawnmowing truck, so I went around to the passenger side of her little car and she says, “No, we’re going in the limo. You think I want to be seen today in my shitbox of a car?”
“I guess not.”
“You guess not. Well, you guessed right.”
She is in some kind of a temper, all right. Then this long dark limo comes out from behind the place, only it isn’t ours it’s Bree’s, with long windows so you can see the coffin inside all covered in flowers, so really it’s a hearse and not a limo. Then behind that comes another car the same color, only the regular limo kind with four doors, which we got in the back of and drove away very silent. There was a sheet of glass between us and the two guys sat up front so they can’t overhear us, privacy for the bereaved people, I guess that’s for.
All the way across town Lorraine never said a word she’s so mad about everything, just looked out the window. I reached across to hold her hand for comfort but she didn’t want that and snatched it away. Well, that made me about as mad as her, that was so rude and I’m only trying to be friendly in her hour of need, that’s what friends are for. So she must’ve picked up on that because she says, “There’ll be some mourners when we get there, friends of Bree from church most of them. Just be nice if they talk to you even if it’s about God, okay?”
“Okay.”
“You’re going to be one of the casket bearers. Cole Connors will be there too, so it’s a nice way for the two of you to meet before the interview Friday. Galbally are providing the other four. All Bree’s friends are too old for carrying a casket.”
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry I got mad at you before, I’m on a knife edge today. I’m expecting the media to be there and you know how that goes. Don’t say anything to them, not a single word after the way they’ve treated Dean lately. Just be big and strong, and if I lean on you for support like I’m about to fall down from emotion, you be sure and support me. That’s the picture I want to see tonight on the news.”
She put a pair of sunglasses on that made her look like a movie star wanting not to be recognized. I had gone and left my own sunglasses in the truck and it’s a bright day out there, so that was a mistake but too late now to be fixed, we’re already there. The limos went through some tall gates made from fancy iron and slid along an avenue of trees very quiet to where there’s a bunch of cars all parked. The limos pulled over and stopped.
We got out and I saw there’s quite a gathering there including guys with TV cameras that got aimed at us just as soon as we’re out of the limo. I watched the back of the hearse get opened up and the coffin got slid out easy on these little rollers, then two guys from the hearse and two guys from our limo took hold of the corners and hefted it up onto their shoulders. That’s when Lorraine give me a nudge to go help, so I did, taking hold of the handle halfway along, and another guy stepped up and took the one on the other side, so that must be Cole Connors there but I can’t see him with the coffin between us.
Then we started walking. The two guys up front knew which way to go. I had to concentrate hard keeping the coffin level because I’m bigger than the other five guys so I had to stoop a little, which made walking harder. But I did see out of the corner of my eye all these guys with cameras aimed at us while we carried Bree along between rows of gravestones. The crowd moved right along with us, talking soft among theirselves, dozens and dozens of them and not all of them the media kind, so I’m thinking these must be Bree’s churchy friends come to pay their respects.
Finally we’re at the place, this long narrow hole in the ground with little brass rails all around so nobody falls in and a canvas party awning set up next to it to keep the sun off of folks mourning, blue and white striped with plastic chairs under it in rows. The coffin got walked over to the hole and then set down easy on this canvas cradle thing to hold it up till she’s ready for lowering.
Once it got set down the guy standing opposite me says very soft, “Hey there, Odell, I’m Cole.”
“Hey, Cole.”
He’s not bald and fat the way Lorraine talked about him, just losing a little at the temples and getting a little chunky around the middle there, basically handsomer than I’m expecting so Lorraine is not so good at describing people.
“We have to sit over there, buddy.”
He means on the chairs under the awning, so we did, alongside Lorraine, me on one side and Cole on the other, which made me mad, she didn’t tell me we’d be sat like this with him right next to he
r same as me. It’s clear Lorraine has been withholding information but there’s nothing I can do about it now with cameras aimed at me, like sock Cole Connors on the nose for being younger and better looking than she made him out to be, and is there a reason for this, I’m asking myself? At least he’s not so tall as me, not by a long ways and can never catch up there.
A preacher come out of nowhere and starts talking about how life is sometimes filled with sorrow and so forth, with stuff from the Bible mixed in there to give it the right kind of tone, only I’m not listening, I’m looking at Chief Webb who surprising enough is there too, watching me through his sunglasses and looking very evil. Or he might’ve been watching Lorraine, it’s hard to say.
I snuck a look across Lorraine at Cole Connors but he didn’t look back. He looks better from the side too than I was expecting, so now I’m thinking Cole means more to Lorraine than she is giving out. Man, did I get jealous about that. All through the preacher’s sermon about this and that all I can think about is if she prefers him over me, which she has never really said outright how she feels about me so it’s hard to say, but I’ll ask her soon as all this is over and we’re alone. But I couldn’t act like I’m jealous, that only makes a woman harder to get if they know you feel that way, just to make you squirm and look dumb. That happened to me two times in Kit Carson High, these two girls that I liked, I asked them out but they said they were with some other guy. This is two different times I’m talking about here, not together, maybe a year apart. But it was the same both times with me getting jealous about those other guys that these girls liked better than me, and I let it show how I’m jealous and they got a real good laugh out of that. One of them, she starts calling me Doofus not Deefus to let me know she thinks I’m some kind of idiot. Man, did that make me mad, but what can you do? So this time I would not let the jealousy show like before. That is what they call Learning from Life, from your mistakes so you don’t do it again is what it means.
Finally the preacher quit and the coffin starts going down out of sight, lowered down by this little electric gizmo attached to the sling thing, then the bunches of flowers along the top sunk down below the ground and the whole thing is gone but still heading down because I can hear the motor whirring, then it stopped so Bree has reached the bottom of the hole. Two of the funeral guys stepped up and unhooked the sling and brung it up so it doesn’t get buried along with the coffin, then the preacher comes over and gives Lorraine this little spade. She got up and went to the hole and stooped to dig up a little of the dirt piled beside it and tossed it down onto the coffin. It wasn’t much dirt but I could hear it hit, kind of a spattering sound. That’s all she had to do. It would’ve taken all day to shovel all that dirt into the hole with that little spade, more like a garden trowel.
Then Lorraine is looking at me like she doesn’t know what to do next, and Cole whispers, “Get up, Odell, it’s your turn.” Well, someone should’ve told me ahead of time about this, but I got up and went over and took the spade that she’s holding out to me and I flung some dirt down there into the hole alongside hers, then the preacher took the spade out of my hand. All of a sudden there’s a long line of folks stretched out from under the awning, old people wanting to throw some dirt down onto their churchgoing friend Bree. Some of them were in tears about this and some not, but they all took their turn tossing dirt. One old girl, she almost fell over stooping to dig out a scoop from the pile, so after that the preacher did the stooping and scooping for them and had a little load of dirt all ready for the ones that come next, so accidents were avoided that way. Pretty soon everyone had had their turn, including Cole last of all, which I got steamed about because I bet he didn’t go to Bree’s church but he got to throw dirt on her anyway, probably Lorraine told him he could do this, which she has got the right to do, I guess, but should’ve told me about it ahead of time.
There was cameras shooting all of this so it’s a good thing nobody took a dive into the dirt or fell in the hole or anything, then last of all Lorraine got given a bunch of flowers by the preacher and she flung that down onto Bree too, kind of a farewell posy, after which the preacher said some more and then the show is over, with the crowd breaking up slow and starting to drift back towards where all the cars are parked. Lorraine started jawing with the preacher so I went over to the hole and looked down at Bree’s coffin one last time. I guess you are supposed to be thinking thoughts about the dear departed and what it all means about dying after being alive so long, but all I could think about was how that nice shiny coffin that cost thousands of dollars was going to get covered in dirt and left to rot under the soil after only getting admired and used for just one morning, which is kind of a waste if you think about it, which is the kind of thinking I’m doing there as I said. Then there’s someone stood next to me and it’s Cole, putting sunglasses on and he’s saying, “Don’t do it, Odell, you’re too young.”
“Huh?”
“You look like you’re about to throw yourself down there with her.”
“No.”
“Well, good, we’re needing new men out at the correctional facility. Lorraine tell you it’s Friday?”
“Uhuh.”
“Make it around ten-thirty.” He looks me up and down. “Might have to get a uniform made special for a big dude like you. Ever been in charge of recalcitrants before?”
Now I didn’t know what he meant by that so I just stared at him, and he gets this grin on his face and says, “Okay, you’re right, this is not the time and place for the interview, but hey, you do a mean stare real good, Odell, that’ll come in handy more than you might think.” I kept looking at him, not knowing what to say, wanting to pick him up and throw him down in the hole with Bree, and he says, “Okay then, see you Friday.”
“Okay.”
He went away and Lorraine had a few words with him as she’s coming over to me only I couldn’t hear what it is they’re saying. Then she’s next to me and takes my arm, kind of leaning into me like she needs support. “Walk me back,” she says, “and go slow so we look sad.”
“They haven’t filled in the hole yet.”
“That happens after everyone’s gone.”
“Oh.”
“Start walking.”
So we walked slow and steady back to the limo and hearse with cameras aimed at us along the way but I didn’t look at them because this makes you look like a fool when that happens. Lorraine leaned on me all the way like she’s about to collapse in a heap from sadness which I know she isn’t feeling, but it’s for the TV news so it has to look good. Back at the cars I saw Chief Webb getting in his cruiser and driving away, then we got in our limo and soon we’re going out through the fancy gates and on our way back to the funeral place, with Lorraine in a much better mood.
“I think that went fine,” she says.
“Uhuh.”
“Did you see Andy Webb there? That’s intimidation. He’s got himself a big shock coming, that guy.”
“He does?”
“When we sue his ass. We talked about this.”
“Right.”
“Sometimes I think you’re off in a world of your own, Odell.”
“Could be.”
“Well, come back to this one and concentrate. I saw you talking with Cole, how’d that go?”
“Okay.”
“He’s one of the good guys, Cole. You two’ll get along okay so long as you don’t go zoning out around him like you do around me.”
“You’re better looking is why.”
It’s not often I come up with something funny on the spur of the moment like that, so Lorraine was not ready for it. She looks at me then says, “Oh, I get it.” Then she punched me on the shoulder and says, “You dog, you,” and laughed, but not very much. The punch felt good, though.
We didn’t talk for awhile, then she says, “Poor Bree . . .” and started crying, then followed up with, “Poor Dean . . .” I scooted across and put my arm around her shoulder and she leaned against me, s
niffling and so on, and let me keep my arm there all the way back to the funeral place, then she sat up straight again like she’s back to her old self and no more comforting is required, thank you.
Out of the limo Lorraine said to wait while she went inside and had a few words with the fat guy, so I waited in the parking lot, but something was wrong there. I looked over at her car and there’s something wrong that I couldn’t put my finger on at first, but then I did – the truck was gone! It was right next to her car when we got in the limo to go to the funeral and now it isn’t there anymore! Now, how could that happen when this isn’t even a public street with No Parking signs and it isn’t a Tow-away Zone either, so how come the truck isn’t there? The lawnmowers were in back of it so how can I mow to schedule with the truck and mowers gone? I went over and stood there where the truck used to be with my head whirling. I just can’t believe it. Someone has stole my truck and my customers are gonna be plenty mad when I don’t come to mow their lawn like they’re expecting. Of course I knew straight off who did this.
Lorraine come outside and walked over to me. “What’s wrong?” she says.
“The truck’s gone . . .”
She looked where the truck was before and says, “Shit.”
“I know who did it.”
“Yeah? Who?”
“Chief Webb.”
“He couldn’t have, he was at the funeral.”
“Well, he had one of his cops do it.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Because we’re gonna sue his ass.”
“He doesn’t know about that yet. And stealing your truck would be dumb, and Andy’s not dumb even if he is an asshole sometimes.”
“Then who took it?”
