Both men were in fear of what they would see. The report they had received from the patrol had been devastatingly frank. Hearing the crowd noise swell, Carl and Gaereth shared a troubled look behind Zimma’s back. The fact that Jeff had contacted neither of them sat like a lead weight in their minds.
At least Steppord thought he recognized Jeff, Carl thought. Another thought came unbidden: what will be left? Gaereth caught that fragment and slowly nodded, head bowed and rubbing his chin.
As the column forced its way deeper into the courtyard, the crowd threatened to become a mob. They screamed their lungs out and stamped such excitement that the cobblestones trembled. Zimma drew in a quick breath and a hand flew to her mouth when she spotted Jeff. Neither she, Carl or Gaereth mistook his drying tears for other than what they were, or the starved condition of the few horses remaining for other than what they represented in terms of human suffering as well.
The column drew to a halt in front of Imogo. Ears and brain pounded by crowd noise, Jeff handed Cynic’s hackamore to Helwin. Taking the hackamore, Helwin’s free hand fluttered toward his face but withdrew. Walking like a windup toy with a bad spring, he slowly advanced toward Imogo.
The cobblestones were slippery with icy mud and Jeff fell, landing on his knees. The pain was so bad that he cried out. Those who could see what had happened gasped in dismay, but no one moved to help. He tried to get up, slipped again, and collapsed in a sprawl. Zimma was nearly frantic.
“I must go to him! I cannot bear this!”
She was about to rush forward when Carl laid a restraining hand on her shoulder. “No, Zimma. You must let him finish this on his own.”
“But he cannot!”
“Yes, he can.”
Rengeld watched Jeff shake his head and understood his agony. “Come to us, Jeffrey. You are ours.”
The stern, uncompromising tone of Rengeld’s voice was such that Jeff braced himself erect and staggered forward. Her vision blurred with tears, Zimma squeezed Carl’s hand like a vise as Jeff halted in front of Imogo.
“Your Majesty, we return. It is done.”
Imogo was the son of a mercenary and had grown up with endless war stories. He had directed a war but never personally experienced the field of battle. The reality standing in front of him was horrifying. Caked with mud and filth, Jeff wavered back and forth. While not given to introspection, Imogo felt he was looking on something worse than death. He had prepared a long speech but quickly pared it down.
“Your services and those of your warriors will never be forgotten by us or this city. That its successful defense is due in major part to your efforts is known by us all, and will be heralded for generations to come regardless of what else shall transpire. Be it known to all present that you are named knight of the kingdom and duke of the realm, with all honors and lands ascribed to such position. We are aware that your journey has been most perilous and rest your immediate due. At a later date when all is repaired we will gather in festival.”
Imogo embraced Jeff. As he stepped back, the crowd broke out in a roar of delight. They surged through the line of guardsmen to swarm around the troop.
Zimma sobbed with frustration as she tried to fight through to Jeff, only to be thrown back time and again. Gaereth and Carl tried to force a way through with no success. Rengeld noticed their plight and led a wedge of soldiers to open a path. Running toward Jeff, Zimma was startled by the sight of Helwin and Balko struggling to protect him from the crowd, both with bared teeth.
In a heartbeat, Helwin knew who the approaching woman was. She took Jeff by the shoulders and turned him to face Zimma. As she did so, a feeling of loss hit Helwin that was so deep it was terrifying. She wanted to clutch Jeff to her, not give him up; not give up what they had shared. Instead she whispered, “And so good-by, my Jeffrey.” Helwin gave him a shove in the right direction as Zimma ran up to pull him into her arms.
Helwin watched Zimma embrace Jeff and wrap an arm around his shoulders to lead him away behind an escort. Suddenly, Jeff stopped and turned to look at her. Helwin caught her breath in hope and poured her heart into what was much more than a shared glance. After a period, Jeff broke his eyes away from Helwin and spoke at some length with a blond-haired man. Then he was gone into the crowd. Helwin could not tear her eyes away from where she had last seen him.
Although hemmed in by jostling town folk, she stood alone in spirit. Helwin felt so lonely she thought she must die from the pain. It was several moments before Helwin realized someone was gently shaking her. Turning her head, she saw a man nearly as tall as she gazing at her with a concerned expression. It was the same man Jeff had spoken with.
One glance and Carl winced inside. Helwin’s soul was naked to his eyes and intuition. He viciously thought, Damn this war. This shit has got to stop for a while. No one should have to bear such pain. How did either one of them survive?
“Please excuse my rudeness, Helwin. I am Carl, Jeff’s friend. He expressed great concern for you and asked that I be of assistance. Lord Gaereth is seeing to your troopers. You must be at the end of your strength, and it’s no easy thing being in an unfamiliar city even when you’re rested.”
Helwin was so tired and full of pain she couldn’t think or speak, and looked like she was drowning. Carl took her elbow.
“Stabling has been arranged for the horses and your troopers are being seen to. Let’s find some food for you.”
An inn he frequented was nearby. On the way, Carl learned how she fit into the troop. Food still remained on her platter when Helwin nodded off in the middle of a bite and toppled backward.
It was a small table and Carl lunged across the top to grab her. Dropping a few coins on the table, he got a shoulder under her arm and they staggered out the door. It suddenly occurred to him that he had no idea where Helwin was supposed to be quartered. Screw it, he thought, Ethbar has more rooms than he knows what to do with.
Ethbar took one look and sent servants flying to prepare a room. Carl was about to turn Helwin over to the servants when he heard her mumble something. He leaned an ear close to her mouth.
“I’m sorry, Helwin, I didn’t hear what you said.”
Her expression was desperate, and Helwin gripped his hand so hard it hurt. She whispered, “Nothing; it was nothing.”
Nothing but your heart breaking, Carl thought. “Let’s check your room out and get you in bed. I’ll stick around until you’re all set.”
Helwin never let go his hand as they followed the servants. This is all entirely new to her, Carl thought. May as well have been married to Jeff after seven months together, then wham! He’s gone with another woman.
Easing Helwin into a chair, Carl began unlacing her boots. By the time he was done she was sleeping so hard Carl took her pulse to make sure she was all right. They finished undressing Helwin as a team and gave her a sponge bath. Carl muttered oaths at how thin she was, and the female servant was reduced to tears. Through it all, Helwin never moved or fluttered an eyelid. Carl tucked her in and pulled a comfortable chair near the bed.
Long before they arrived at Jeff’s quarters in Ethbar’s home, Zimma had discarded all plans for celebration. While helping him wash up she had to fight back tears of horror and grief at the sight of his protruding ribs, thin arms and sunken belly. When Jeff was safely in bed she pulled a chair close and held his hand until he fell asleep. Balko would not be denied and took up his usual position at the foot of the bed.
Helwin awoke disoriented. The room was not only unfamiliar but also totally alien. Relief flooded in when she spied Carl snoozing in a chair and she remembered. She watched him sleep for a while before noticing fresh clothing laid out for her. While dressing she wondered if Carl had helped bathe her. It felt so good to be clean. She paused to examine him again then resumed dressing. Carl awoke when she thumped a boot on the floor, and yawned widely.
Stretching mightily and yawning again, he said, “Good morning, Helwin. Would you like to eat?”
“Yes!�
�
“I thought so,” Carl said with a sympathetic chuckle. “Food first then we’ll look in on your troops.”
“Jeffrey and Zimma live here?”
“They do.”
Checking the hall to make sure it was empty, Helwin pulled Carl from the house.
Seeing to the needs of the troop they wandered business areas with Carl showing her the ropes. One day toward the end of the week he noticed the wistful looks Helwin gave passing women, especially the well dressed ones. He gripped Helwin’s arm and wheeled into a clothing shop. She balked inside the doorway.
“Carl, I cannot. I am a simple warrior, not a woman bred of the city.”
“You are a beautiful, elegant woman,” Carl sternly replied, looking at her from under his eyebrows, “and you are going to purchase clothing that proclaims it to the world. Now, I will hear no more objections. Is that quite clear?”
Helwin saw the steel in Carl’s eyes and lowered hers. “Yes, Carl.”
They spent the day wandering from store to store shopping for clothes. Carl got her started with color combinations then had to put the brakes on when she got carried away. That night they had their own fashion show. Cheeks rosy with excitement, Helwin jumped from outfit to outfit and she even laughed.
The morning she did not take his hand, Carl felt like the one who was lost. One day Helwin informed him that she would be leading the troop to the Alemanni camp.
“Will you be back soon?”
“In one week. I have learned there will be a Telling that I must attend.”
“I will miss you very much.”
Helwin studied Carl for several moments. “And I, you. I do not know how I would have survived without your caring.”
During Helwin’s absence, Carl wandered the streets of Rugen. Hands thrust deep into pockets, chin nearly resting on his chest, he could not escape the image of Helwin in his mind. The feeling of her hand in his. While pacing his room late one evening, Carl admitted to himself that he was falling in love with Helwin.
“Oh, damn it,” he muttered fiercely. “Oh, goddamit to hell. Why her? She’s in love with Jeff, not me. I don’t have a chance.”
Helwin finished her business at the Alemanni camp and returned to Rugen as ordered. Carl knew she was in town but felt such aching pain that he moved a cot into an unused room at the hospital so he wouldn’t have to see her.
Having finished rounds one afternoon, he sat on the cot staring at the floor. Worried staff paused at the doorway every so often to glance inside. He took no notice. The evening shift came on duty and the hospital settled into its darkened, quiet mood.
Carl heard boots on the floor planking, but only in a distant fashion. He came back from wherever his mind had wandered, wondering who was gently shaking him. He looked up into blue eyes and felt his soul naked to their steady gaze. Taking his hand, Helwin pulled Carl upright. She held his hand with the same firm grip, looked into his heart and confirmed her own. The pain of loss eased, and the world seemed brighter.
“Will you share this evening with me?”
She didn’t wait for an answer, just handed him his coat. When he hesitated she threw it around his shoulders and pulled him from the room. They walked through quiet ice-caked streets and pools of lantern light, neither speaking. Helwin guided Carl to the inn he had first taken her to. She accepted a hot cup of coffee from the waitress. Taking a sip, she dropped her eyes to the tabletop.
“While absent, my heart knew profound confusion. Only while nearing Rugen again did I begin to understand, for perplexion turned to excitement at the prospect of being in your company. When I could not find you at Lord Ethbar’s home, I feared that something vital to my spirit had again been lost. I believe I may have resigned from hope at that pass were not the Lady Zimma a most perceptive woman.
“She accepted me whether I would have her or not and was not long in winning me over. Through her heart, and gaining a better understanding of my own, I began to win release from Jeffrey. With her encouragement I came to understand my full peril and sought you out.” Helwin looked up, tears shimmering in her eyes. “Much like Jeffrey’s, my spirit has been deeply wounded by this past winter. Will you company such a one? May I seek your friendship, hoping to establish the love I anticipate?”
On the way to the inn Carl had hardly dared hope. Now his heart was singing. He took Helwin’s hands.
“Whatever the outcome, whatever the cost, I would not lose your presence. A large part of what I am is in your keeping whether I would have it so or not. Let us begin with friendship and accept love or not as the gods ordain. I would company you.”
Blue eyes and blond heads dancing courtship, they ate without seeming to notice that they did. Carl tossed a few coins on the table and they walked out with their arms around one another.
Jeff slept the clock around without moving. Zimma had food waiting when he got up, and was astounded at how much he shoveled down. When the table was empty she offered to get more.
“Thanks, love, but I have to check on the troop.”
“Are you well enough? You are so thin!”
He gave her a resounding kiss. “I can’t tell you how much better I feel. Just being with you has made the difference.” While still tired and depressed, he could at least hold his own against the guilt. Jeff hurried to the barracks where the Alemanni were quartered.
Most were sleeping and he found those who were awake gathered at a table eating. Jeff indicated they were not to rise but Elke stood up at once, as did Wulfern. Both had been a constant source of strength to the troop. They had shared a burrow during the blizzard and since that time had been inseparable.
“Is Helwin here?”
“She was only moments ago, Captain,” Wulfern said, looking around with a puzzled frown. “I am sure she intended…” Elke discreetly poked Wulfern in the ribs.
“Perhaps she left to look in on the horses.”
After conversing with the troops for a period, Jeff visited the stable. Helwin had not put in an appearance. Thinking he would catch her later, Jeff returned to Ethbar’s residence. There was something of vital importance he needed to tell Zimma. On the way back he reflected that it was also something he was no longer worried about telling her.
Sitting close together near the fireplace that evening sharing a glass of wine, Balko asleep by the bed, Jeff took Zimma’s hand.
“I learned from Helwin that Magda has quickened. There is little doubt she carries my child.”
Zimma squeezed Jeff’s hand and thoughtfully swirled the wine in her glass. “I have contemplated Magda; what you have told me of your time together. Now my conclusions are confirmed. I believe it was her full intent to quicken from your seed. I do not condemn Magda, for I would have done the same in her position.”
Looking up from her glass, Zimma searched Jeff’s face with brilliant green eyes. Deep within, phosphorescent sparks slowly whirled. Once the effect had been disturbing, now it was very satisfying. Lost in miniature galaxies, he wondered in passing why he had never seen the effect in Magda or Helwin. Jeff kissed Zimma on the cheek, then the nose. She smiled and held her lips up for the real thing.
“This child is yours, and it is Magda’s. But it is also mine. What you have given her has also been given to me, and will bear fruit in due season. You have said that Magda plans to journey south. I pray this is so. If she does not we must seek her out. She is ours, we are hers. Now we are four.”
“And I am the luckiest man in the world. I do not know how I could have been so fortunate.”
A mischievous smile played with Zimma’s lips. “Two women in your bed will pose a challenge, do you not agree?”
Jeff blushed at the prospect, and it deepened at Zimma’s bubbling laughter. “Oh, Jeffrey, my delightful earthling, you are such a joy.” Putting her wineglass down, Zimma stood up and held her hands out to him. “Come. This evening I feel it time to put your renewed strength to the test.”
The creaking, surging mattress briefly awak
ened Balko. Dropping head between paws, he closed his eyes smiling a wolf smile.
That night marked a turning point in his recovery. Jeff awoke feeling energized and ready to get on with life. They roamed the city from end to end in company with Balko. Long lunches and shopping, shared laughter over Balko’s exploits, slow evening meals and cuddling in front of the fire—it was the first quiet period they had ever had together.
Day by day, Jeff felt himself falling in love with Zimma in a new, deeper fashion. The only frustration in his life was trying to hook up with Helwin. He might as well have been searching for a ghost. Jeff thought he knew the reason.
Ethbar took note of Jeff’s return to health and suggested it was time to have a Telling. Zimma and Jeff quickly agreed. They set a date and Jeff sought out Elke and Wulfern.
“I believe it were wise that I not accompany you to our camp. Do you understand why I say this?”
“Yes, Captain,” Elke replied. “It has been a painful time for the lieutenant.”
“Please give her my greetings and let her know that we will have a Telling one week from this day.”
“She might not wish to return, Captain.”
“And I appreciate her feelings, yet her presence is required.”
“Yes, sir.”
On the appointed day, extra chairs were being moved into Ethbar’s sitting room when Belstan and Rogelf drifted in. They were early, but by design. Ethbar bustled into the room, pulled them to a table set with coffee cups and picked up a fresh carafe of brew steaming on a charcoal brazier.
The steward was mortified that Ethbar would do such a thing. He hurried over, snatched the carafe from Ethbar’s hands, and gracefully poured a round. Ethbar winked at the steward before concentrating his attention on Belstan and Rogelf.
“Now then, my friends, I will admit to being intrigued by the trade prospects you anticipate with the West and East. Would you be so kind?…” The trio wandered toward the fireplace deep in conversation.
Exile to the Stars (The Alarai Chronicles) Page 55
