by Trey Parker
“Well if you’d answer your phone, you would know.”
“I answer my phone for everyone but… oh,” she said.
“Yea, Oh is right. Your mother, has been calling for years from prison and you haven’t answered.”
“Grandma, there’s nothing for us to talk about.”
“There’s plenty of things for you to talk about. She’s your mom. She’s your blood. Sometimes you have to forgive, just like Christ forgave us for our sins.”
“I understand all that Grandma, next time I’ll answer.”
“There won’t be a next time, because she’s getting out of prison tomorrow and I want her to come live with you.”
Latoya was just about to take a sip of water then she spat it right out in shock.
“Grandma, you know that can’t happen. I haven’t talked to my mother in years. And there’s no way that I can look her in her eyes after what happened with Leah.”
“That’s exactly why I think it’s a good idea. Let me tell you a little secret. Do you know why I’ve invested so much time in raising you?”
“Because you love me?”
“Yes, but also because I failed miserably at raising your mother. I let the streets raise your mother why I chased your grandad around town trying to get him to commit to me. I hated your granddad so much for leaving me for another woman. So, I took my frustration out on our child. Your mother, Martha. Just because she was the only thing that reminded me of him. I neglected her and she turned to the streets. And she knew it.”
“Wow, Granny. Everything makes so much sense now. And that’s why you invested so much in me. But what doesn’t make sense is the fact that you want her to stay with me.”
“I want her to stay with you because your mother and I have resolved our tension. She forgave me. Now it’s you and your mother’s turn to resolve this tension. Plus, she specifically asked me to ask you if she could stay with you. She still loves you and she says that she’s proud of you. It would mean the world to me if you gave her a chance. Just a place to stay until she gets on her feet.”
Latoya sighed.
Latoya arranged a driver to go pick her mother up. She waited anxiously for her at home. She wondered how awkward the interaction would be. She paced around the house, knowing the woman that she once hated would soon be in her presence for the first time in over 10 years. Then, the front gate alarm rang. She was there.
Latoya stood on the front steps watching the car drive through the estate and down the swervy, long, narrow roadway approaching the mansion. Her heart pumped, she didn’t know what to expect.
The car stopped. Latoya approached the car. Martha got out of the car with an envelope and tote bag. She reminded Latoya of an older version of herself. But skinnier. Martha was still pretty at the age of 48. She had healthy hair down to her shoulders. And a nice coke bottle shape. She had on shades. She looked at Latoya and smiled.
“Come give your mama a hug, little girl, don’t be like that!” said Martha.
Latoya smiled and approached her.
They hugged each other hard.
“Baby girl, I missed you. And I want to thank you for letting me stay here with you.”
“Mama. I missed you too. You look amazing by the way.”
“Well you know where you get your good looks from?” she said jokingly.
“I sure do. Come on in,” said Latoya.
“Latoya. Baby, this is beautiful! I didn’t know you were living like this!” she said.
“Thanks, Ma. I wish I could claim it and say that it’s all mine. But it’s not. It’s all Taq’s he bought this. I didn’t.”
“So, who is Taq? Where is he?”
“That’s my fiancé. Honestly, he’s where you just came from. He’ll be home soon, though. Hopefully.”
“Is that Taq?” Martha said pointing at a large picture of him on the wall.
“Yep. That’s him.”
Martha was baffled. “Oh my God. That man reminds me so much of your father. No wonder you love him. I mean everything about him screams your father. Tall, handsome, rich. As a matter of fact, all of this is what your father and I dreamed of.”
“What did y’all dream of?”
“Well. I don’t know what Taq does, but your dad was a big time dope dealer. His name was Sherman Robertson but everybody called him “Shake.” He was flashy, charming, and ambitious. I was just the prettiest girl in the neighborhood. Everybody wanted me but I wanted your father. We had plans to get married together. To live in a huge mansion like this. But of course, it didn’t work out that way. The federal government had been following him for the longest and then they eventually did a huge drug bust and took him down for cocaine, homicides, and a whole bunch of other shit they said he had done. He got life in prison. I was never the same.”
“Wow. I never knew that story, Martha. Thank you for sharing.”
“Of course, baby. There’s a lot of things that I never told you when you was younger. Look, I have had a hard life. For the longest time I hated my mom, Betsy. I was in the streets at a young age, so once I got on drugs, I started treating her like shit. She didn’t want me around at all. And she made it clear. So, I didn’t come around.”
“I know. Grandma Betsy told me. She knows she was in the wrong. But do you forgive Grandma Betsy? That’s the only way that you’ll be free from these mental chains.”
“I forgive her. I know she did her best… that’s all I could really ask for. What about you. I know that you still feel some type of way about me since what happen with Leah. All I can say is that I have felt a pain so deep that it has been eating at my soul ever since that night. I know you are hurting. Imagine your hurt times 100. I ask that you find it in your heart to forgive me for my wrong.”
A tear traveled down Latoya’s face. “I still love you, Mama. I forgave you a long time ago.”
They hugged.
“Now that you’re here. Feel free to make yourself at home. I want the best for you, Mama. As long as you’re looking for jobs and looking to make yourself better, you will always have a place to stay here. We have plenty of space. Let me show you your room.”
1
NAKED HUSTLE
38. Side Peace
LA Fitness
Latoya has to keep her body tight. It’s a part of her brand to keep a nice figure. She was working out at the LA Fitness in Buckhead. All she needs is her headphones and then she gets in her zone. She was on the treadmill. Getting it in. She finished her run. Then she went to the water fountain. Someone taps her on the shoulder. Ugh. She hates to be bothered while she’s working out. She figured it was probably some thirsty guy trying to holler. She turned around.
“Yes?” She said turning around taking one of her headphones out of her ear.
She found herself face-to-face with a 6’2” brown-skinned man, clean cut, well-built. Six pack. Nice chest. Nice arms.
“I’m sorry if I startled you. How are you?”
He had some amazing teeth.
“I’m good. Can I help you?”
“Since you came in the gym, I’d been contemplating on if I should approach you or not. But I finally got the courage to do so. I’m Samuel… Samuel Patrick,” he held his hand out.
She looked down at it for a second. Then shook it.
“Nice to meet you, Samuel. Latoya.”
“Now, I’ll be 100% honest with you. I don’t have any game. And I’m sure you probably think its awkward to try to hook up with someone in the gym. But, I just had to come and at least introduce myself to you and let you know that I think you are the best looking woman that I’ve seen in my human existence.”
He was fine. But corny. “Well, thanks. I look a mess. My hair is a mess, and I’m all sweaty and stinky, so I sure as hell don’t feel like it.”
“Well check this. I’d love to connect with you and maybe take you out sometime. Maybe for coffee or tea? How does that sound?”
“Ummm. That sounds ok, I guess.” She grabbed his ph
one and gave him her number.
“Got it. Well, I’m not going to hold you for any longer. I’ll let you finish your workout. I’m looking forward to connecting with you!”
“Me too.”
Mbar Atlanta
“Wanda, have you ever been in a love so deep that you feel like you’re borderline insane?”
“Of course. Why do you ask?”
“That’s how I feel right now. I’ve been holding Taq down. He’s been locked up for almost a year now. I have no idea when he’s going to get out. And now I’m here waiting and hoping that he gets out soon and we’ll live happily ever after.”
“Have you spoken to him?”
“Yes. We write each other. We talk on the phone. All that.”
“I mean every girl has her tipping point. And every girl needs some occasional dick, if you know what I mean,” said Wanda.
“A part of me wants to hold him down. I mean he really could get out soon, but another part of me wants to believe that I’m stupid for staying.”
“Just go with your gut. I say there’s nothing wrong with dating around to see what is out there. He can’t do shit for you behind bars, I don’t care how much money he has,” says Wanda shrugging.
“You’re right. It will be impossible to replace Taq though. Let’s be honest.”
“Don’t look to replace him. Just look to find someone that will be right for you. Maybe you don’t need a drug dealer. Maybe you need someone totally legit. Just for peace of mind,” said Wanda.
“Well, there is this guy that I met recently. He’s an attorney. He’s been hitting me up like crazy to go out with him. I met him at LA Fitness.
“See I knew it! There’s your answer. Maybe it’s time for a change, Toy. This might be God trying to tell you something. How does he look? He’s fine ain’t he?” asked Wanda.
“Oh, he’s fine,” said Latoya.
“If he’s fine, then stop wasting time. Because I’ll find him and make him mine,” said Wanda.
They laughed.
Piedmont Park Picnic
Samuel had been trying to take Latoya out for the longest, so she finally decided to give him a chance. She knew this was going to be something different. He invited her to Piedmont Park to have a picnic. He brought all types of food. Sandwiches, mac and cheese, BBQ chicken. It was as if it was a picnic for five people.
“You brought a lot of food!” Latoya said.
“I wanted to make sure we had options, go ahead and eat up,” said Samuel. “Soo what type of work do you do? I never asked you this before.”
“Ummmm. I’m into real estate.”
“Oh, a real estate investor, or are you an agent?”
“I’m in real estate. Let’s just keep it at that.”
“Discreet about your business. I respect that.”
“Yep. I didn’t ask you what type of attorney you were did I?”
“I guess not. And I won’t disclose if I don’t have to.”
“Good. Do you like it?”
“Yep. I enjoy it. It pays the bills. No complaints on my end. So, tell me about your last relationship.”
“Oh wow. Past relationship? Um. It was fine.”
“Fine? If it was fine why aren’t y’all together.”
“Long distance. He was just. Far. And I needed that physical intimacy in my life.”
“Yea. Long distance is tough. But judging by the ring on your finger, he must’ve really loved you. Long distance or not.”
Latoya looked at the ring, “Oh yea. He was a little gaudy when it comes to taste. How about you? What does your past relationship look like.”
“Ummmm. Well my ex fiancée and I broke up because she just didn’t appreciate me. She said I worked too much and that I didn’t give her enough attention.”
“Really?!”
“Yes really. See the problem with her was that she didn’t want to work. Which was fine with me because I made enough money for the both of us. But all she would do is spend all my money, then complain about me not being around. This was when I was fresh in my career field, so I worked long hours. So, she left me.”
“I bet she regrets it now.”
“Regret? Oh, she hates her decision. To this day she still tries to get back with me. At the time I was devastated. I thought I couldn’t live with myself. But that was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I dodged a bullet.”
“I see.”
“And now I’m just waiting for someone that I can build something great with. Something everlasting that isn’t fake. Someone that understands me. Someone that understands what sacrifice is.”
“And you’re looking for that in me? Already?”
“Not necessarily looking. Just waiting for God to show me. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s not. Only time will tell.”
“Ok. Yea I definitely think we should take everything slow. I’m not trying to rush into anything yet.”
“I respect that,” said Samuel.
Samuel’s Family Get-Together
Although Latoya said she wanted to take things slow, a couple weeks had passed and Samuel and Latoya started hanging out. A lot. To the point where he wanted to introduce her to his family at a small get-together. She’s socially awkward when it comes to gatherings like this. Samuel introduced her to his mother.
“Mom, this is my friend Latoya. Latoya, this is my mom, Evelyn.”
“Oh, Latoya! You are so beautiful! How did you end up with my son?!” she said jokingly.
“I know. She’s a super lucky girl, isn’t she?” says Samuel.
“No, but seriously. My son is a great man! You all are a perfect couple. I’m patiently waiting for him to find a good heavenly girl like yourself to settle down with.”
“Well she’s not my girlfriend officially, yet. I’m working on it.”
“Well, you’re not working hard enough,” she mentioned.
“Ok, Mom. Let me go introduce her to Everett.”
“Ok. Yes, Everett, he is a surgeon at Northside Hospital. We have a super successful family as you can see. Nothing but the best.”
He took her over to meet his cousin, Everett. He stood in the corner with glasses. He looked very distinguished.
“Everett, this is my friend, Latoya. Latoya, this is Everett.”
“Nice to meet you, Latoya. Wait, you look very familiar. Where have I seen your face?”
“Ummm. Not sure. I know a lot of people, and I’m out and about.”
“No, I’ve definitely seen your face before. What line of business are you in?”
“I’m just in real estate.”
“Oh. Ok. Maybe I’ve just seen you out and about somewhere.”
“Maybe so,” said Latoya.
During the awkward silence. Someone’s phone began to ring. Everyone checked their phones. It appeared to be Latoya’s. She looked at her phone and saw that it was a call from Pat. She ignored it.
They continued small talk and Latoya checked her phone again and saw a text from Pat.
“Good News! Taq is coming home! Call me ASAP!”
Immediately Latoya turned to Samuel. “I have to go.”
“But, honey, we just got here.”
“I have to leave right now!” she said in a stern voice.
“Ok. Well, I’ll walk you to your car, hold on,” Samuel said.
“Nice to meet you,” Latoya said while walking away and towards her car. Samuel followed.
“What’s the problem?! Is everything ok? Talk to me Latoya!”
Latoya got to her car and opened the door. “Nothing’s wrong, Samuel. You’re an amazing guy and all, but I can’t be with you. I need some space.”
“Is there someone else that’s in the picture that you want to tell me about?” asked Samuel.
“Yes. My ex. So, I suggest you don’t contact me anymore. At all. You have a beautiful family, by the way. Goodbye, Samuel.”
Latoya closed her car door and drove off.
1
NAKED HUSTLE
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1
NAKED HUSTLE
39. Too Legit to Quit
Taq had one of the most successful attorneys in Atlanta. His attorney managed to find a discrepancy in Taq’s criminal case, which allowed Taq to be released early. He would be home in a month.
The anticipation for Taq’s release was unbearable. Atlanta rappers shouted him out and spoke about his return in songs. Promoters had welcome-home parties in his honor, even though he wasn’t even out yet.
Although the city was excited, the stress had been mounting for Latoya. It was days before Taq was coming home from prison and she, Patrick, and Poison where planning a coming home party for him. From the guestlist, to the decorations, to the food, to the liquor, to the valet; everything was stressing her out. It was Pat who came up with the idea, and she loved it, thinking that her, Pat, and Poison would put it on together. Until she found out that she was going to be planning the whole thing, by herself. She wasn’t going to do anything subpar, and she knew that Taq wouldn’t want anything below standards that had his name on it. And that’s where Latoya’s frustration came from.
She tried to delegate but that failed miserably. All Pat did was came up with a list of people who he said MUST BE INVITED. A list that kept growing and growing as the date got closer because Pat would forget to add certain names. Latoya tried to get Poison to help but that was an epic fail. Poison’s lack of accountability made Latoya so mad that she cursed him out and told him that he was only good for killing people. Although he didn’t take it personal, she apologized afterwards.
She was also worried about Martha. She didn’t know what Taq would think about Martha living in their home. She hadn’t necessarily told Taq that Martha was going to be living there. She told him that she was getting out of prison and that was it. She just moved Martha in since the estate was so big. What if he doesn’t like her? What if Martha doesn’t like him? What if Taq kicks both of them out. Her mind wondered. Plus, Martha was still jobless, it had been two months.
Taq’s Estate
Tonight was the night. The house was full of people. Not just any people, wealthy people: celebrities, politicians, doctors, executives, athletes. Of course, there were drug dealers there, but they didn’t dress like it, they were suit and tie sharp. They blended in well. People even flew in from out of town. Bentleys, McLarens, Rolls Royce, any high-end car you can think of filled the lot.
